May 2016
"Nahihirapan na ko. I'm doubting myself if I'm making the right choice." He said on the other line that made my brow raised. Hininto ko ang ginagawang pagbabasa ng mga papeles at nagpipigil na makaramdam ng inis na hinilot ko ang sintido.
"That's why I keep on telling you to tell her the truth. Hindi mo naman kasalanan na napangasawa ng dad nya yung mom mo eh. Hindi makitid ang utak ni Cielle." Inis kong sabi na saglit nyang ikinatahimik.
Gusto ko syang suntukin sa mga oras na to para lang maliwanagan sya kung nasa Pilipinas lang ako ngayon. When I left after taking a vacation for a month, I thought that they're doing fine. They seemed so happy that it hurts me whenever I see them together. But now, it seems that they're not really doing good. And it's because they're both hiding the truth to each other.
I sighed when I remembered Cielle's crying face when I saw her at the bus station after seeing his dad and Vaughn together. Hindi ko sya nilapitan nun at hindi ko din sinabi kay Vaughn ang nakita. Buhay nila iyon at hindi ako dapat na makialam. But right now, I don't know if I should stay put and let them hurt each other by keeping silent about this matter.
"I wish it's that easy." Wika ni Vaughn pagkaraan ng mahabang sandali ng katahimikan.
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nya.
"Bakit? Dahil ba meron na kayong kapatid? Alcantara hindi kayo magkadugo ni Cielle. Ang point lang naman dito eh kung kaya mo syang ipaglaban." Dahil iyon ang ginagawa ni Cielle ngayon kaya nananatili sya sa tabi mo kahit alam nya na ang totoo. May galit sa tinig na sabi ko sa kanya na sinarili na lamang ang huling pangungusap.
As much as I wanted to tell him what I know, I can't. If Cielle is keeping silent about it, then I should too. She's fighting for the two of them and all I can is to silently support her. I love her too much to the point of being selfless.
Why not make this chance to have her? Tanong ng isang bahagi ng isip ko nang muling mamayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Ilang beses ko na nga bang naisip ang bagay na yun. Na gawing dahilan ang katotohanan na pilit itinatago ni Vaughn para mapasakin si Cielle. But the thing is, I don't want to have her by force. I want her to be with me on her own. Ayokong lokohin namin pareho ang mga sarili namin para lang sa saglit na kaligayahan. And besides, her happiness is my happiness. That's why I'm doing all this bullshit, even helping this bastard.
"Yeah. We're not blood related. And that's the problem." Mas lalo akong naguluhan sa mga sinasabi nya.
How come being not blood related is the problem?
"Akihiro..."
"What? Stop saying my name like that. It's a bad omen." May inis sa tinig na wika ko na ikinatawa nya ng pagak.
"She's my first love." He said after a short while.
"And so?"
"I love her so much even now."
"What's the point if you're being like this?" Inis kong wika pero patuloy lang sya sa pagsasabi ng damdamin nya na tila isang masamang pahiwatig.
"I wanted to be with her so damn much. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her." He said in an almost cracked voice as if he's trying so hard not to cry.
"Bullshit! Then tell it to her not me you dummy!" Inis kong sigaw sa kanya. Maging ako ay naiinis na sa sarili ko kung bakit ba patuloy pa din akong nakikinig sa mga pinagsasasabi nya. Pakiwari ko ay sinasaktan ko lang lalo ang sarili ko.
"I want her to be happy. But that happiness, I can't give it to her. Mas magiging miserable ang buhay nya kapag pinagpatuloy pa namin to." Naikuyom ko ang kamay sa pagpipigil ng galit na nararamdaman.
"If you make her cry, I will kill you myself. Sinabihan na kita nung una pa lang. Kung hindi mo sya kayang hawakan ng mahigpit, itigil mo na lang. And now you're telling me all this bullshit? Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Hindi ko na nagawang itago ang galit sa boses pero nanatili syang kalmado sa kabilang linya na tila ba matagal nya ng pinagisipan ang bagay na to.
"Akala ko din kasi kaya kong panindigan yung magiging desisyon ko. Akala ko napaka-simple lang aminin sa kanya ang totoo. I can fight for us, but the thing is, being not blood related is truly a problem. Please help me. I'm breaking up with her." He whispered on the other line that almost made me gone berserk.
"Tell me. Tell me the real reason so I can fuckin understand you!" Galit kong wika. I wanted to punch him for dragging me on their problem. I don't want to hurt Cielle but I can't give her to this cowardly bastard. No, I should have not given her to him in the first place if he is going to be like this.
"I'm her father's real son." Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa sinabi nya na nagpahupa sa nagbabaga kong galit.
"W-what?"
Tumawa sya ng pagak.
"We're not blood related that's for sure. But if that truth come out while we keep fighting for our love, she will hate her family that she loves so much. Tama na siguro na sakin sya magalit kesa malaman nya ang totoo. I would like her to hate me for knowing that I'm her dad's new wife's son, rather than hating her whole family for not telling her that she's someone else's daughter. I can always love her from afar because I know, since the first time that I laid my eyes on her, I can't love anyone just like how I love her." He said that made me speechless for a moment.
He's right. Their love will only hurt her. Not only that, she will surely be destroyed.
"So, will you help me now?" Tanong nya pagkaraan ng mahabang katahimikan.
"Are you sure this is the only way?" Tanong ko pero nanatili lang syang tahimik.
I sighed in defeat. "Okay. I'll be back. Whatever reason I tell her, don't react. She won't believe your reasons anyway. You suck at lying." I said and ended the call with dreaded feelings.