October 2014
My eyes automatically wander looking for that particular person that I've been watching silently for a year now. Isang matamis na ngiti ang awtomatikong sumilay sa mga labi ko ng makita ko syang mataman lang na nakatanaw sa paroo't paritong mga estudyante ng ADA. Ngunit nawala ang ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi ko nang mapansin ko ang lungkot na nakalarawan sa mukha nya. Napapaligiran sya ng kasiyahan ngunit kapansin-pansin ang kalungkutan na bumabalot sa kanya ngayong gabi. Napakakulay ng mundo ngunit sa mga oras na ito ay tila nasa isang madilim na lugar sya na walang sino man ang makakapag-alis sa kanya.
I feel bothered seeing her letting out a sigh while in daze. I feel guilty when I realized why she's in that dark place. It's because I took her light. Kinuha ko ang mga taong nagbibigay liwanag sa mundo nya. Without thinking twice, I found myself walking towards her. At huli na para umatras dahil kusang umalpas ang mga salitang nais kong itanong sa kanya na kahit hindi nya sagutin ay alam ko ang totoong sagot.
"For someone who's going to entertain the crowd later, you look a little sad." She looked surprise on my presence.
I know it's surprising. Hindi na kasi kami nagkaroon pa ulit ng pagkakataon na mag-usap matapos ang pangyayaring iyon isang taon na ang nakararaan. Wala akong lakas ng loob na kausapin sya na walang kahit na anong dahilan kaya naman nasanay na akong titigan lang sya sa malayo. Kung may mga pagkakataon man na nagkakaroon ako ng pagkakataong tignan sya ng malapitan ay tuwing sinasama ako ni Zeus sa tuwing kakausapin nya ang kakambal na sya namang kabanda ng dalaga. At ang isa pang pagkakataon ko na masilayan sya ay ang pagdaan nya sa kwarto ko na unang madadaan nya sa tuwing pabalik na sya sa kwarto nya. We're living on the same floor and our rooms are at both end of the corridor.
Umupo ako sa tabi nya na tila mas lalo nyang ipinagtaka ngunit nanatili lang tahimik at tila hindi malaman ang sasabihin sa ginawa kong paglapit sa kanya. Napansin ko ang tingin na ibinabato ng mga tao sa aming dalawa na halata ang paninibago sa nakikita.
I know seeing us together is unusual because since I was appointed as the King's successor, I never approached any girls in school and I always avoid them. It's not that I'm a snob but it's because I feel uncomfortable around people that I'm not close with and I don't want rumors to circulate if I get too close with any girls in the academy. But unlike the usual uncomfortable feelings I have whenever people watched my every move, I somehow feel okay being seen with Marcielle Anne.
Marcielle Anne Arciega is quiet famous in ADA. She's known as the Goddess of Elites despite the fact that she's not the front man of the said band. She's good with different kinds of instruments like Shiro Yuga, her band mate and the current King's brother, and yet she still preferred to play the drums. And even though they have a very good vocalist, when she sings which rarely happens, people get into trance because of her lullaby-like voice. She's loved by everyone. But somehow, that loved can't get pass through her invisible wall surrounding her world.
"Are you okay?" Tanong ko na matiim ang pagkakatitig sa mga mata nya. I don't have the power to read minds but right now, I see the loneliness in those pair of eyes before she avoids my gaze.
"Why? Nandito ka ba para pasayahin ako? Why don't you date me? Cause you see, every single person here seems have their respective partner and I currently, I'm not dating anyone. You're here with me so maybe you're available and you seemed famous around here base on our audiences' reactions." Biro nya na pilit sinalubong ang tingin na ibinibigay ko sa kanya.
"I'm not as famous as you though and for sure there's someone here who would want to date you the most. I'm just a mere fan for sure I'm way out of your league." I said with a smile.
"How can you be sure about that? I mean, that you are way out of my league?" Kunot ang noong tanong nya na hindi man lang nagpabawas sa ganda nya.
Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa stage na nasa harapan namin at tila muli akong ibinalik sa araw na unang beses ko syang napanood sa taas ng entablado. "You're like a goddess and a muse." Wala sa loob na wika ko na ikinatawa nya.
I scowled when she giggled but it's just me trying to hide the embarrassment of my cringey comment. "I mean it. You really are a goddess and a muse." I insisted.
"Would you mind telling me more about it? How?"
Ngumiti ako ng matamis at tumingin sa kawalan na tila ba naroon ang sagot sa tanong nya. "You're like Iris, the goddess of color combined with Euterpe, the muse of music. Gamit ang musika, binibigyang kulay mo ang mundo ng mga taong kasalukuyang nawawala sa kadiliman. That's why I know, you are way out of my league. Masyado kang mataas para maabot ko." It's not that I feel inferior towards her. Sadyang mataas lang ang pedestal na pinaglagyan ko sa kanya.
Malakas na tawa ang naging sagot nya sa sinabi ko kaya muli akong sumimangot. "You're rude. Don't laugh when someone's complimenting you."
"I'm sorry bad habit. Tumatawa talaga ako ng malakas kapag kinikilig." Nakangiti nyang sabi habang naka peace sign. Nakaramdam din ako ng hiya nan mapagtanto ko ang sinabi kanina lang. I sounded like someone who has a huge crush on her.
"I appreciate the compliment but, I believe you're not in your right mind." Wika nya na muling nagpakunot ng noo ko.
"Why?"
"Hmm…well, you're not on your right mind if you will refuse to date your so called, Goddess and muse." She said with a mischievous smile on her lips. Pakiramdam ko ay nag-init ang buong mukha ko sa tinatakbo ng usapan namin dalawa. I just wanted to cheer her up but the flow of our conversation is going somewhere else.
"It's not that I'm not on my right mind-"
"So is it a yes then? You'll be my date for tonight's event. And please, don't say that you're not famous, you're quite liked by a lot of girls. Isa pa, fan kita sabi mo? Ayaw mo bang maka-date ng isang gabi ang idol mo?" Putol nya sa sinasabi ko bago kumindat na nagpasikdo ng dibdib ko.
I can't help myself but to gaze at her fondly. Madalas ko lang makita ang kakulitan nya tuwing kasama nya ang mga kaibigan at kapag nasa taas sya ng entablado. Because with other people, she has this aloof aura on her.
Does seeing her like this means that she's warming up to me?
"Hmm… but I didn't say that I like you. I just say that I'm your fan." I said with my eyes filled with amusement.
"You didn't say that you dislike me too and besides you being my fan only means you like me." She said with confidence.
"I was tricked." I tried hiding my overwhelming happiness with a chuckle.
"Wag kang mag-alala. Hindi ka naman lugi dahil dyosa ng Elites ang kaharap mo." Malakas na tawa ang pinakawalan ko ng mag-beautiful eyes sya. I avoid her eyes because of embarrassment. This conversation is killing me with so much happiness that I'm starting to question myself, why I feel like this only with her?
"So? Wanna be my date?" Biro nyang bahagyang nagpabalik sa akin sa reyalidad.
"Don't push your luck Marcielle Anne. I'm just worried that's why I approached you." Nakangiti ngunit may kaseryosohan sa tinig na sabi ko sa kanya.
Saglit syang natigilan na marahil ay dahil sa pagbanggit ko sa pangalan nya. Tumayo na ako para tapusin na ang pag-uusap namin dalawa at baka kung saan pa mapunta ang usapan namin dalawa. I don't know why I also feel sad when I saw a bit of sadness passed her eyes while looking up at me so I hold her hand and pulled her up.
"Let's go."
"Are we gonna go on a date now?" Birong tanong nya.
This time, I didn't draw the line like what I've been doing earlier. I answered her truthfully.
"It depends."
"Depends on what?"
I gaze at her and she did the same. I smiled and handed her the bottled water that I've been meaning to give her when I approach her.
"Depends if you could make this crazy." Seryoso kong sabi habang nakaturo sa kaliwang dibdib ko na kanina pa tila nababaliw sa sobrang bilis ng tibok nito. Hindi ko na sya hinintay pa na sumagot at agad ko na syang iniwan para bumalik sa mga kasamahan ko. When I looked back at her, she waved at me as if it's her way of telling me to look forward to her performance tonight.
---
"Never break a sweat for the other guys…When you come around, I get paralyzed. And every time I try to be myself, It comes out wrong like a cry for help…" Her lullaby like voice lingers in my ear as she starts singing the acoustic version of Demi Lovato's song, Heart attack. It's their last song tonight and it's her time to be the band's singer. Tanging sila na lamang ni Shiro ang natira sa stage para sa final act.
She's been giving me glances all throughout their performance but this time, she's only looking at me. And I do the same, I only look at her because I don't want to miss a single expression of hers while on stage. Laking pasalamat ko na lang na nasa gitnang bahagi kami ng ground kaya hindi masyadong halata sa ibang tao kung saan talaga nakatingin ang dalaga. Although I knew that my best friend, Zeus knew that Marcielle Anne and I are gazing fondly at each other base on how he keeps on glancing at me with his mischievous smile. He also knew about my habit of watching Marcielle Anne whenever I see her from a distance.
"Daaaaaamn man! Mag-smooth sailing na yata ang ship ko." Parinig ni Zeus sa tabi ko na halatang natutuwa sa nakikita. "I heard you finally talked to her when I was gone, did something good happened?" Usisa nya na sinagot ko lang ng kibit-balikat ngunit sa mga labi ko ay nakapaskil ang isang malapad na ngiti.
"Puttin' my defenses up! Cause I don't wanna fall in love… If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack…" The crowd sang with her and she seems to like it. Naglabasan kasi ang magkabilang biloy nya sa pisngi nang ngumiti sya.
Heart attack. It feels like that whenever I look at her. Palpitations. A little bit of hyperventilation whenever she smiles. My heart starts thumping so loud and fast as the song progresses.
She winked that made the crowd cheered loudly. Lalo na ng mga estudyanteng lalaki na hindi itinago ang paghanga sa kanya. She's really different when she's on stage. Kakaiba ang kislap ng mga mata nya na ngunit kita sa mga matang iyon ang lungkot. It seems like when she's on stage, she's on her most vulnerable moment. Maybe because of the songs she sings, or maybe because only with the music, she could be honest.
"The feelings got lost in my lungs…They're burning, I'd rather be numb…And there's no one else to blame…"
I sighed upon realizing these feelings I have for her. The reason why I'm feeling irritated when I'm hearing this bunch of boys cheering for her is because of the jealousy building up inside me. It's as if I don't want her smiling at other guys aside from me. As if I don't want other people to see that vulnerable part of her.
"I'll buy us something to drink." I said to Zeus and excused myself before I make my way to the back of the crowd.
When our eyes met once again, I smile but my eyes are filled with sadness that she wouldn't see. I don't have the rights to feel jealous to those people since I'm the cause why she's having those sad eyes that even her mask couldn't hide. When she finished the song, I gave her two thumbs up, - one for her performance, and two for her choice of song.
Yes. Put your defense up and don't fall in love with me. I whispered in my mind while watching her leave the stage with a sweet smile on her face.
Remembering that night... I guess it was the beginning....
Of something inevitable.
That I tried to avoid.
But ended up getting entranced...
To that crazy Cupid's schemes...