October 2013
"I love you too."
Napatigil ako sa akmang paglabas ko sa comfort room malapit sa pasilyong patungo sa school ground na pagdarusan ng event ngayong gabi. Tonight, is a quite good to hear this kind of confession. A smile pasted on my lips when I remembered that day when I first met her, my dad's daughter. Ganito din ang sitwasyon ko, sya na lang ang kulang at makukumpleto na ang naging senaryo noon.
"Stupid."
Gulat na tumingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses. It's none other than Marcielle Anne Arciega. Nakasandal sya sa pader na tila gaya ko ay galing lang sa comfort room at pabalik na marahil sa school ground ngunit hindi magawang dumaan para putulin sandali ang pag-uusap ng dalawang nilalang na nasa kabilang bahagi lang ng pasilyong kinaroroonan namin. She has this unfathomable expression on her face with her arms crossed making her someone unapproachable. Saglit lang syang tumingin sa gawi ko ngunit agad din iyong binawi na tila ba hindi mahalaga sa kanya ang presensya ko kahit pa nga nang tumabi ako sa kanya sa pagkakasandal sa pader para hintayin matapos ang dalawa.
Although she doesn't seem to remember me since I changed a lot after meeting her for the first time, I still feel nervous just being beside her. Muli ko na naman naramdaman ang kakatuwang pagsikdo ng dibdib ko habang nasa malapit sya na hindi ko magawang bigyan ng pangalan. Hindi naman ako pasmado pero pakiramdam ko ay sobrang pinagpapawisan ang mga palad kong magkasalikop. She looked at me but I avoid her eyes, scared that she might saw the old me. The me, that she first met. The nerdy looking guy who gave her a bouquet of forget-me-not.
"Go now. Magsisimula na ang session. Let your love be felt by that jerk." Bahagya akong napailing at malalim na bumuntong-hininga ng marinig ko ang sunod na sinabi ni Akihiro Yuga sa babaeng kausap na tingin ko ay ang best friend nyang kailan lang ay na-diagnose ng Leukemia.
Isa nga syang malaking tanga sa pagsagot ng mga salitang iyon, ngunit hindi nya nagawang panindigan ang tunay na kahulugan nito. He is so damn stupid for not making this his last chance to prove his love for her.
"Will you do the same?" Out of the blue, Marcielle Anne asked without looking at me. She's still wearing her fathomless expression.
I sighed. "I will...before telling her my feelings. At least I send her off without feeling guilty to myself for not confessing." To my surprise she giggled on my answer, and like the first time, it gives a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest.
"Did you know that only twenty five percent of people ends up marrying their first love?" She looked at me with amusement in her eyes.
"But still, there's this thing called fate. Even though I'm someone who should believe the statistics of a study made, I still do believe in fate. And If I may add, their faith too." Sagot ko naman na bahagya nyang ikinatawa.
"Fate and faith, huh." She smiled as if she recalled something worth remembering. "Would you mind telling me more about it?" She looked at me with amusement in her eyes that made me looked away.
"Well, how should I explain it in the simplest terms I know." Seryosong wika ko bago ibinaling ang tingin sa kanya at matiim syang tinitigan. This time, it's her turn to look away from my gaze.
"Just make it simple. How do you define people's fate in love?"
"Well for me, I believe that a person's fate in love is determined by his or her faith." I said, remembering what my mom told me long ago that she has a faith in her and dad's love when she chose to help a friend.
And that's when I realized that, it's not only about our fate, it is also about our faith. God may be the one setting one's fate, but it is also a person's faith that will lead them to their rightful destiny.
"This feels nostalgic." Marcielle Anne said that made me come back to my senses and looked at me for a second. "With just a different person though." Wika nya bago muling iniwas ang tingin sakin na tila ba binabalikan ang araw na iyon.
Nakaramdam ako ng saya sa naisip na naaalala nya din ang tagpong iyon bagaman nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang kalungkutan na hindi nya makita ang dating ako sa imahe ko ngayon. I changed a lot, physically. I let my bangs cut off, wear contacts and changed my style. Sa dumaan din na mga buwan ay nadagdagan pang lalo ang height ko at nagsimula na din akong mag-workout. That's why from a lanky, nerdy boy with no self-confidence, I became one of the hottest boys of this academy. And to be honest, I would like to have my old self back cause I really don't like being surrounded by the crowd.
"By the way Akihiro, to be honest, you used to be my first love. I realized that I love you when you started attending college. But I'm glad I didn't tell you. Dahil baka wala ka na sa tabi ko ngayon kung inamin ko yun noon. I don't want this to burden you but since It's you, I know you'll get over with it." We heard Elijah, - the woman that Akihiro is talking with, said to him.
"He really is stupid." Naiiling na wika ni Marcielle na ikinatawa ko ng bahagya.
"It was his last chance yet he let it pass. If it's me, it doesn't matter whether I get turned down. Ang importante naman kasi eh yung mabigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang puso kong magmahal ng iba na higit pa sa taong una kong minahal na walang bahid ng panghihinayang. Cause I know, if I didn't let this out, I won't love my next more than or even equally like I did to my first." Napapailing ko na lang na komento bago tumingin sa dalagang katabi.
She looked at me with a glint of admiration. Muli akong tila pinana sa ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi nya habang nakatingin sa akin. I really love this kind of smile of hers. It's not the usual smile she used to give to other people. It's not a practiced smile but a genuine one.
"Let's color his world then." She said and the next thing I knew is that she already let her presence known to the man who was left alone by his first love to go to her last love.
"Ikaw ba? Hindi ka ba magsisisi sa pinili mong desisyon?" Tanong nya sa naturingang hari ng ADA. "You should have told her. It's your last chance but you let it slip away. That's not how love should be. Ikaw mismo ang hindi sumunod sa payo mo na, love should be felt and heard." She said and reveal herself to Akihiro, I choose to stay and listen to whatever she will say to him.
"Maraming paraan kung paano mo ipapakita ang pagmamahal mo. As for me, kahit alam kong hindi nya iyon maririnig, alam kong maipapadama ko iyon sa kanya. By letting her go to the man she loves now. And besides, whatever path I take, we can never be if she too, chose differently. Siguro mali lang talaga na minahal ko sya ng higit pa sa dapat." Marcielle Anne laughed wryly on what he said.
Kahit kailan hindi mali ang magmahal. Wika ko sa sarili na tila naman narinig ng dalaga dahil iyon mismo ang mga katagang binigkas nya sa binata.
"So saan ako nagkamali? Sa taong pinili kong mahalin?" Tanong ni Akihiro na may bahid na inis sa tinig ngunit halatang pinipigilan ang sariling makaramdam ng galit sa sarili nyang katangahan.
I waited for Marcielle's reply and I am not disappointed on her response.
"Ang pagkakamali mo lang, nagmahal ka lang pero hindi mo pinanindigan." Her words made Akihiro speechless so she continued.
"You had a lot of chances but you chose to keep silent. Oo nga na ang puso ang nagtatakda kung sino ang dapat mong mahalin. At ang isip ang nagdidikta ng dapat mong gawin. Pero palagi naman ninyong pinaglalaban ang puso't isip nyo sa tuwing nagmamahal kayo. Bakit hindi nyo sila subukan pag-isahin? Once your heart and mind act as one, that's what real love is. Pinapanindigan ng isip ang ibinubulong ng puso." She said that really made me proud.
Why does she sound like an expert? Bulong ko sa isip ngunit agad ko din itinakwil ang imahe nyang may kasamang iba na maaaring pinaghugutan nya ng mga payong iyon. I don't know why, but just thinking of her with someone else infuriates me.
"So next time when cupid hit you again with his cruel arrow, do everything just to make that person see your existence, your heart, and even your soul if possible. It's okay to be selfish once in a while don't you think? After all, hindi mo naman ipipilit yung nararamdaman mo eh, sasabihin at ipaparamdam mo lang sa tamang paraan." Pagtatapos nya sa pagkulay sa madilim na gabi ng hari ng ADA bago ito iniwanan ng isang marahang tapik sa balikat.
I smiled like crazy while watching her back as she walked to where her friends are. Hindi para sakin ang mga katagang iniwan nya ngunit pakiwari ko'y maging ang mundo ko ay kinulayan nya din. It made me remember my dad's description of her when I once asked him about Marcielle. At hindi nga sya nagkamali…
She's someone who will truly give color to your dark world and will build your shattering heart in fast paced manner.