They used to say that he was sunshine, and I was midnight rain. But the truth was that we were both a mixture of sunshine and midnight rain, and it was that contradiction that ultimately led to our downfall.
When I applied to transfer to Rain Academy, Elle was with me that day. She had been excited about the prospect of me building a better social life at the new school. She had even said that my life would be more meaningful there than it was at Eden. I didn't necessarily agree with her, but I appreciated her enthusiasm.
It's funny because the day that I received my acceptance letter was the same day that Elle allegedly fell to her death at Rain Academy. Now, the responsibility rests solely on my shoulders, and I can't help but feel resentful towards my half-sister for taking her own life.
Elle Avena was my half-sister and the real daughter of Eros Avena, CEO of Avena Tech. I was the love child, born from my father's promiscuous ways before he met his wife, Mia Blythe Avena, who was his personal assistant at the time. I was a constant reminder of his past mistakes, the tainted first child, the classless child of a business entity. My mother even abandoned me a few months after I was born. Simply put, I was never supposed to exist.
Elle was everything that a daughter should be, and everything that I was not. As the recognized heir to Avena Tech, she had been studying Data Science and Engineering at Rain Academy at the young age of eighteen. She was the trophy child.
Two months after Elle's death, I found myself staring at the admission letter in my hands like it was a curse. I had read it probably a million times in the last sixty days, but I was reading it again - and out loud this time.
"Dear Kamari Ese Avena, we are pleased to inform you that your application for transfer from Eden College to the second year of the Engineering Department at Rain Academy has been approved. You may resume classes fully on the twenty-seventh of January, which is the beginning of the new semester.
Sincerely,
Professor Kent,
Dean, Rain Academy of Art and Sciences, Perth. [RAAS]"
Who knew that a simple piece of paper could change the course of someone's life in just a few minutes? I folded the letter neatly and placed it back into my folder of documents, waiting quietly for Father to call me downstairs so that he could drive me to school. My luggage was already packed beside me, and despite my reluctance to attend Rain, I was excited at the prospect of staying in the dorms. After nineteen years of being in this house, some time away felt like the highest order of relief.
I heard two soft knocks on my door, and I knew who it was.
"Come in."
Mia Avena walked in, her eyes as puffy as they had been for the past two months. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and even her eyes had lost their spark. My stepmother was never a villain - in fact, she adored me as if I were her own. I was the one who was never nice to her, the bad person.
"Mari," she exhaled, looking at my luggage. I could only imagine what was going through her mind. Did she hate me? It wouldn't have surprised me, but it would be nice to know. "Your father is waiting for you."
Normally, Mia would have offered to help me with my suitcase, but not today. She whirled around and trudged out of my room without even looking back to make sure that I was following her. I did follow her, though, looking back at the house that had now become a mere shell of itself without Elle's presence.
I have always lived in the shadows, all thanks to Elle. It is no news that I dislike my half-sister even in her death, do not judge me on that.
The gates of Rain come into view, and my legs are protesting from all the shaking I have been doing in the forty-minute drive from home. Father presses a key card to the control board of the car and the gates open instantly.
I gulp.
I have been here before, twice, so the tall walls do not faze me, and neither does the stretch of green grass that leads to the school buildings amaze me. The first time I came here, it was to help Elle set up her dorm room and I had been awed at how mighty Rain stood. The almost medieval yet aesthetically pleasing site of the whole school structure was enough to surprise me, but now it does nothing.
There was the main school building which was also called Building Z, which housed the lecture halls and staff rooms. the building was painted white with gold stretches lining the middle, then behind it were the dorms, the clinic, the library and the gym building I suppose, five buildings namely Buildings A, D, F, G and X respectively. I thought it stupid that the buildings were named with letters, but Rain was very different from every other school here. Elle's dorm was in Building X, I wonder where mine would be.
"You will like it here," Father says. "Elle did."
I want to scoff so badly at his words. What makes him think I would love what Elle loved? She and I were opposites, our preferences so far from each other that it even seemed wrong to call us sisters. Even our looks differed from each other, from my long curls and darker face as a result of my mother's Nigerian gene down to even my height, we were different.
I offer my father a grunt in response as he leads me to a woman who is standing at the entrance to Building Z. She is a short and plump woman dressed in a red jumpsuit, she smiles when we reach her front.
"Kamari Ese Avena?"
"That's me." I force out a smile.
"I am Miss Sierra, and I am your Building matron."
She calls my Father to a side and they talk for a while before Father bids me farewell and walks back to his car. I do not look at him as he drives out, I will see him again in four months when the semester ends, and frankly, I am not looking forward to it.
"Come with me, let me show you to your room, Kamari."
"Mari is fine," I tell her curtly, no one has ever called Kamari, well except for when my name appeared in magazines or newspapers, and I prefer it that way. Mari gives me a new identity that is not just the loser daughter of the Avena family.
"Of course, Mari." Sierra beams at me. I do not return her smile.
Unfortunately, my dorm is in building X, if this was intentional I do not know, that is until Sierra shows me to my room, weaving through the well-lit expanse of the empty hallways and other dorm doors, and it turns out to be Elle's room. "Your Father requested that you have Elle's room, he says it would help you be much closer to her."
Right. It was intentional.
"Thank you," I say politely to Sierra as she hands me my keys.
"Your sister was such a vibrant kid, it is a pity she is gone too soon."
"It is," I say, meaning every word. No matter how much I disliked Elle, I would never argue that she was what was holding the Avena family, and now that she is gone, a shadow of gloom has cast itself over us and it might take forever before it's gone.
"Dinner is at seven, you can join the other Building students at the dining hall or you can have it sent up to you. Your schedule will be sent to your email and you will resume classes tomorrow. I will leave you to rest now, see you at seven."
I do not know what to expect as I step into Room 11, Elle's room, my room. but I did not expect it to still look the same as when I had helped her set it up. Elle hated arranging stuff which was why she had pleaded with me to help her the day she moved into the dorms. The neon lights were still there, hanging on top of the queen-sized bed. Her books were neatly arranged on the baby pink shelf she had spent days searching for online, posters of her favourite celebrities and K-pop stars still sat on her wall, her ring light, sitting on the reading table... Nothing changed except for the fact that she was not here, and I was.
I always wondered why Father never moved Elle's properties from her dorm except her clothes. The day when he had come home with her stuff, he only came with her clothes, nothing else. Now I know why. He wanted me to be here — to be her, love the things she loved, hate the things she hated, dress the way she dressed — it was an endless list — a punishment for a crime I had unknowingly committed, a punishment for living where Elle did not.
Guilt gnaws at my skin because even though no one says it, it is obvious what I am expected to do here. Live the life Elle never got to live and I know I will be damn horrible at it.