Kamari Ese Avena
The blasting of KIOF's bad news seems like the perfect song for me as I make my way to class. I have dark glasses perched on my nose because my eyes are red from lack of sleep. How could I sleep, when I had spent the whole night thinking of what Jenna had told me about Elle and her friends?
I repeat that the ghost of Elle Avena haunts me.
"Why are you in shades?" My books almost fall off my hands at Mika suddenly sneaking up on me.
I gulp, pressing my fingers over the shades. "Uhm, it's part of my style," I answer, clearing my throat as if that would rid my lie.
"Really?" She rolls her eyes. "If this is a part of your style, I would not be surprised if you come to school in spaghetti straps on a winter day."
"Oh please." I scoff, forcing a smile.
"Come," She beckons. "Let's go to class."
I follow Mika in, wondering if I should tell her about the discussion I had with Jenna, but with another look at her, I decide not to. Nuru already showed me yesterday how much they disliked Elle, and now I wonder if they all know something about Ellen's death.
I have never been one to pride myself in matters concerning Elle but yet here I am spinning my mind over something that might just be baseless rumours, but why do I feel that it is not?
"Are you even listening to me?" Mika taps me frantically.
I blink at her. "Sorry, what were you saying?"
She frowns, pulling at her braids. "First you come to class in shades, now you are dozing on me," She accuses.
"I was not dozing, my mind just was not here."
"Same thing."
"What were you saying?"
"I was making a complaint, Nuru's brother's birthday is this Friday and we are all invited to the party, I was fussing about what to wear."
At the mention of Nuru, I lean back suddenly uninterested. "Nice," I simply comment, bringing out my notes.
"What? Just nice? You are supposed to give me ideas," Mika protests.
I say nothing yet again, flipping through my notes like I am reading it when in reality I am just trying to avoid any discussion that has to do with Nuru or any of Mika's friends for now.
"What is it?"
"What is what?"
"Why are you suddenly being," she pauses. "I don't know, kind of distant?"
It is on the tip of my tongue to tell her what I heard at the cafeteria yesterday but then I swallow, keeping it to myself. At this moment, I cannot be so sure of who my friend or foe is, especially in their weird friend circle.
"And what's your definition of distant?" I ask instead, my tone colder than usual while I hold her gaze as if daring her to speak of what she knows, but then again Mika is Nuru's friend before she is mine, so she would never speak of her friend in an ill-mannered way, just like Seven won't.
"Never mind," Mika answers and goes back to her phone.
I should feel relieved that she is not talking to me, but what I feel is a heaviness in my heart as though I have offended the one girl who had been the first to give me a smile when I arrived at RAAS.
[]
There is one thing Elle always told me, she would say; 'sometimes I deem you stupid because you are too kind, other times I appreciate your good nature, but I must warn you Kamari, that the wolves out there would tear you into pieces before you can blink because of how easy it is for you to give your arm out to people as a sign of goodwill.' When she would say those words, I would argue that she was just a bitter person, but now that I have met her friends, I wonder if she was like that because of them.
The sun is so bright, almost like it would burn off my skin as I make my way to the library. I am seriously lagging in school work because I do know not at least seventy per cent of what is being taught, and because of my pride, I would not ask Seven Yusei for his help—never.
The library is quiet as it should be, so I find a secluded space to sit, right behind a shelf stacked with history books is where I bury myself.
Have I mentioned that aside from the idea of freezing time, I love the smell of books, the scent of pages that throws you into a whirlwind of sceneries, that drags you out of reality and deposits you in your fantasy even just for a while?
I am progressing slowly, every page is strange but I push through and although I hate this course, I find myself getting each step as I study. Perhaps mechanics won't be that hard if I put my mind to it.
It is his footsteps I hear first, a testament to him approaching. How I have come to know the pattern of his walking steps is a mystery to me, but I hear Seven Yusei before I see him.
"You do not need my help again, it seems."
I do not look up to reply to him, perhaps because I know if I do, my resolve to stay annoyed would melt into a puddle. "I have never for once needed your help."
He chuckles and I feel his warmth just as he sinks to the space beside me. I hold my breath, willing my racing heart to a halt. "Why are you sitting beside me," I grit out.
"I can sit anywhere I want to sit, the library is a school property, not anyone's personal space," he answers and I almost cuss at him in my head for being so smart—almost.
"Sometimes I think you are bipolar." The words stumble out of my mouth before I can even think twice, but there is no stopping now. "How is it that you can be mean to me one moment and then you are friendly the next, and then you are back to being mean again, and before I blink you wanna fraternise yet again."
I take the risk and turn to gaze at him, each breath I take more like a curse as I dreadfully await his reply. I blame this all on RAAS because normally, I am never this straightforward.
"You speak," Is what he says first, an amused smile tethered to his lips. "You observe, you see what she never saw."
He must notice my face change at the subtle hinting towards Elle, so he raises his hands in mock surrender. "I do not mean it in a bad way. I am just saying that no matter what anyone tries to say about you both, you are way different than Elle."
"Can you at least speak to me, without mentioning her name?" The words bounce off my lips more like a plea than a plain question. I have grown tired of hearing her name in every conversation that has to do with me.
"What do you mean?" Seven inquires, eyeing me warily. "You speak like you never liked your sister either."
"I only just requested that we not speak about her, is that too much to ask, Rai Yusei?"
My use of his native name makes him jerk back and I see his pupil almost dilate in anger but then he blinks and it is all gone. "Do you wanna have dinner with me?" He asks instead.
"You are not trying to buy my apology, are you?"
He shrugs. "Can I?"
I find myself silently agreeing, even though I know it is all a wrong idea.