Kamari Ese Avena
Sayuri would always tell me to think of myself as a phoenix whenever it felt like things were not going right with me, she would tell me to imagine myself as the firebird soaring high in the sky with its flames as a pacesetter. What Sayuri did not tell me was that you could not imagine yourself as a phoenix when trying to solve a mathematical problem.
"What then would x be, after finding the distance?" Beads of sweat trickle down my face, my head throbs like a thousand bells are ringing in it and my eyes would probably close from exhaustion any moment now.
"Multiply the distance by the time?" I offer, biting my lips at my uncertainty. Mechanics is where we started from, Seven is trying to brush me up on the first-year topics, all the while mumbling something about why they would accept me in the second year when I should have started in the first year. He does not know the power of my Father's persuasion, and that it is what brought me here.
"What do you like to do, Kamari?" Seven's question is out of the blue, and that makes me tilt my head to look at him, he is not looking back at me.
"What?" I ask dumbly.
"Both of us know you heard my question, Kamari." It is the second time he is calling me Kamari, and it does not sound like a curse coming from his lips, instead, it sounds more like he is actually speaking to me, and not just the daughter of Avena.
"Why would you want to know that, we are studying mechanics not getting to know each other," I retort defensively.
"If you think for one second that I have any interest in getting to know you, then you are surely mistaken," he says flatly, slamming the books shut like he is tired of me. I would be if I just spent an hour and a half trying to explain the laws of motion to a science blockhead like me.
My jaw slightly drops. "What?"
"Do you have ear problems or something?"
I blink. "I do not have ear problems. Why are you being mean to me, Yusei? You barely even know me."
"If you think wasting over sixty minutes of my time trying to explain the basic laws of motion is mean, then I really cannot help you." He grabs his books and stands. "When you are ready to learn, Kamari. You can always find me." And just as soon as he says that, he is gone like the wind.
The class feels colder when he leaves, an exasperated sigh escapes my lips as I stare helplessly at my notes. God help me, because it is only my first day and I am already flunking it.
[]
Maybe I should not have agreed with Father when he told me I was going to attend Rain Academy and study the same course as Elle. Elle was still alive then. Maybe I should have stood my ground and told him I wanted to continue Photography at Eden, but I did not, because deep down, I wanted to please my Father for the first time. I wanted him to look at me the same way he looked at Elle whenever she spoke about her classes. I wanted him to be proud of me — for once.
Then we lost Elle, and everything spilt over, Father went into a full manic mode. It started when he would come home with different K-pop albums and give them to me, not because I wanted to listen to them — it was because Elle loved them. Then he would get pink teddies and merch from Elle's favourite artists, he would even get her favourite snacks for me. He did all that for two months before I realised that my father never saw me. I idolised a man who would forever see me as a spare because the only daughter he ever saw — was Elle.
The Cafeteria is crowded when I step inside. Instinctively, find the table I sat at with Mika last night, and as expected they are there, except Seven. Before I can look away, Arlo catches sight of me. "Hey, Avena!" He yells over the noise of the room.
I could pretend I did not hear him and walk away, but my feet betray me and I soon find myself eating at their table — again. "How have your classes been?" Mika asks me cautiously as she sips on her cup of juice.
"Fine. I have had only one class today," I reply to her.
"They say Yusei is tutoring you," Nuru scoffs at me. I wonder what her problem is with me, why she seems to dislike my presence so much — just like Seven.
"Seven is tutoring her?!" Iris exclaims as if she cannot comprehend the fact.
"I was going to ask just the same question. Who the hell got him to do that?" Arlo muses.
"Professor Barnet, you all know how persuasive he usually is," Mika tells them.
Nuru scowls. "Let's see how long you will last with Yusei, Kamari." It is the way she says my name that pisses me off and I find myself snapping at her.
"It is Mari to you, Nuru Kaan."
"Well then, let's see how long you will last, Mari." She spits disdainfully.
"That's enough, Nuru," Iris scolds but does not look at me. She is the only one who has not said anything to me since I arrived. Nuru scoffs one last time at me and then goes back to eating her food, and so do the others.
The rest of the meal is not in total silence, they chatter along like I am not there, silently pushing me out of the setting. I might have been isolated all my life, but it gets hard to get used to being alone, especially among peers. I sigh, focusing on finishing my food and getting out of here.
"Mari, we were just saying how you might be interested in the B2S (back 2 school) party off campus later? It is going to be held at Ray Resort."
Great. Now they remember I exist.
"I don't know, I have a lot of things to catch up with," I reply to Mika. I do have a lot of things to catch up on, like studying so I won't fail woefully this semester, and maybe finding Yusei to persuade him into teaching me again. The thought alone of doing that sends chills down my spine. And then there is the cleaning out Elle's room — my room, so it would feel more like mine and not just a living on of Elle.
"You could just squeeze a little time out, can't you? You should loosen up and have fun, Avena," Arlo says.
"Please?" Mika blinks at me. "You are going to love it, believe me."
It probably is not a bad idea, yeah?
[]
I would like to tell myself that it was Mika's persuasion and Arlo's very convincing argument about having fun that brought me here, but If I am being honest, this is just my pathetic excuse of trying to fit in, wanting to belong to at least one group... And so here I am, in the middle of loud noises, neon lights, and disgusting sweaty bodies. I have only been here for ten minutes, and I am already regretting my decision. I do not understand how people see this as fun.
My grip tightens on the red cup I am holding which is only a mock empty one so I wouldn't be offered more drinks. Mika and the others are playing beer pong in front of me, while I am just here trying not to get squashed by the couple eating each other's face right beside me. Have they never heard of the word modesty?
I roll my eyes in disgust and decide to make my way outside. Even the people who invited me do not notice as I slip in between the crowd and out into the backyard where there is a pool like I had seen when we came in. So much for having fun.
The moonlight stretches across the horizon, casting its borrowed glow over the pool, giving it a striking transparent bluish colour. I settle at the side, sliding my legs into the cold water. It is refreshing.
"It is shocking how I keep seeing the difference between you and Elle."
I do not need to look back to know who it is, but I do nonetheless, regarding Seven Yusei as he stands tall, clad in a black outfit, hands in pocket, staring down at me with that glare I have come to accept is a part of his facial features. I had no idea he was at the party.
"No two people are born the same," I argue defensively. "It is a scientific fact."
"Look who is spitting scientific facts." He mocks, yet there is still no hint of even a smirk on his face, nor is there any humour in his voice. Robotic.
Begrudgingly, I cast my gaze away from him, setting it on the expanse of the pool again, drinking in the calmness of the night and the peaceful atmosphere away from the chaos inside.
"You never answered my question, Kamari."
"What question?" I ask, knowing fully well what he is referring to, even though I am confused as to why he is asking. We have had only two brief encounters with each other that ended in the ultimate conclusion that Seven Yusei dislikes me, so his asking that question is a shock.
"What do you like to do?" He repeats the question he had asked me in the class.
This time though, I reply to him in all honesty. "I love freezing time. Photography precisely," I tell him. "It is like freezing time. That moment where the heartbeat stops, the moment where hearts are never broken and time is forever frozen still." I look up at him again, meeting his scrutinizing stare once more and repeat, "I love freezing time."