Chapter 15. Let Me
RACHEL was sleeping because she's so wasted. Paano'y ang dami niyang nainom at nasisiguro siyang mapapagalitan na naman siya dahil sa mga kakalat na litrato o videos kung saan sinasayawan niya si Luis. She also remembered kissing him on the dance floor.
When she came in, she saw her boyfriend fucking another girl— her friend, Norma, she's on all fours, while there's some guy fucking him from behind. Nagulat siya sa nasaksihan at pinilit na igalaw ang katawan pero nakatali ang mga palapulsuhan niya sa magkabilang gilid ng kama. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang makilala ang lalaking gumagawa sa likuran ni Luis, ang ex-boyfriend niyang si Jaime.
"Gising na si Rachel!" natatarantang bulalas ni Luis.
Pero imbes na sagutin ay napuno ng ungol ang silid. Halos mabingi siya na parang mga hayup na umaalulong ang tatlo. Parang nawala na sa mga ito ang paggising niya.
Ilang sandali pa ay lupaypay na naiwan si Norma sa carpeted floor, habang si Luis at Jaime ay lumapit sa kanya 'tsaka dumapa si Luis na parang asong nauulol sa ibabaw niya.
"Luis... Uuwi na ako..." garalgal ang tinig niya. Kampante siyang sumama kay Luis dahil malaki ang tiwala niya sa huli. He never made an intimate move on her that's why she didn't want to believe what she's seeing.
"Magpapahinga lang tayo, at ihahatid kita kapag hindi ka na lasing." Naalala niyang paliwanag nito.
She looked down and she wasn't really dreaming because they were all naked, doing lewd things while she was sleeping. Kitang-kita niya kung paanong dinakma ni Jaime ang pagkalalaki ni Luis habang nasa likuran ng kanyang boyfriend. He removed the condom and stroke it fast. Napahiyaw si Luis nang itulak ni Jaime ang pagkalalaki sa likuran nito at hindi siya mangmang para hindi makuha ang kababuyang ginagawa ng mga ito sa ibabaw niya.
"Luis, uuwi na ako! Kalasin mo ang tali—"
He shut her mouth up when he suddenly kissed her while he was moaning deliriously.
She was so helpless but still, she tried fighting. Lumilis ang suot niyang cropped top hanggang itaas ng kanyang dibdib. Napasigaw siya nang maramdamang may malagkit na bagay ang tumalsik sa kanyang puson. Pabalyang tinulak ni Jaime ang hinihingal na si Luis sa kanyang tabi. Jaime continued stroking his shaft while shooting all of his loads on her stomach and on her breasts.
"I want to fuck you right now, Rachel," tila wala sa sariling bulalas nito. "Pagsasawaan ko ang masarap mong katawan."
Napasigaw siya sa takot at napakislot nang bumangon si Luis at sinuntok si Jaime.
"I fucking told you not to touch her! Pumayag ako sa gusto ninyo!"
"Don't tell me you fell for her?" Jaime mocked. "Ang sinabi lang namin ay paibigin mo siya, bakla."
"Fuck you!" Sinuntok muli nito si Jaime. Mabilis na kinalas ni Luis ang pagkakatali sa kanyang mga kamay habang namimilipit sa sakit si Jaime. "Run, baby... I'm sorry..."
That was the last time she saw Norma and Jaime. Kahit sa eskuwelahan ay hindi na niya nakita ang magpinsan. Ang sabi lamang ay tumira na ang mga ito sa ibang bansa. Luis, on the other hand, went to their mansion to woo her again. Pero pinilit siya ng kanyang Papa na makipag-break dito. Kahit naman hindi siya pilitin ay alam niyang hindi na niya kayang ituloy ang relasyon kay Luis. And the rest was history.
NANG ma-discharge na si Rachel ay tumuloy sila ni Sage sa isang steakhouse. Napansin niyang mahilig ito sa steak. Siguro'y pag-aaralan niyang magluto niyon sa mga susunod na araw para kapag nagkita ulit sila nito ay patitikimin na niya ng sariling luto.
Her talk with the doctor went smoothly. He advised her to continue her therapies so she'd overcome her trauma but she politely declined. She'd rather have consultations in the Philippines, where she could comfortably talk with the therapist using Filipino language— Tagalog. Not that she's having a hard time in speaking English, it's just that, she'd be more comfortable using her mother-tongue language.
"Are you sure you want to go back to the Philippines?" tanong ni Sage nang makabalik na sila ng condo. She went outside the veranda and stared at the dark grey sky.
"Oo sana."
He half-heartedly nodded.
"And we'll be very busy soon. Parehas tayong nasa college pa. Mag-aral muna tayo ng mabuti, Sage. Mga bata pa naman tayo."
"Yes..."
"If you think that I gave you false hope, that's not true. It just came to me that we're still both young. Yes, we're at the legal age but not enough to enter marriage. We need to grow for ourselves first. Malaking responsibilidad ang pagpapakasal."
"I get it, sweetie. And I'm happy that you're becoming responsible now."
Ngumiti siya. "Honestly, you helped me a lot. You made me realized many things. And being rebellious was never the right and enough reason to make my parents notice me... to make them know my agonies. Dapat noon pa lang ay nagsabi na ako ng saloobin sa kanila. Hindi na sana lumayo ang loob ko sa kanila."
"I'm proud of you," malat ang tinig na untag nito.
Pinamulahan siya ng mukha.
"I will grow up for you, for our future."
Umiling siya at agad lumapit sa barandilya ng veranda. Tumalikod siya kay Sage para hindi nito makita ang matinding pamumula ng mukha niya.
"Why?" Nasasaktang tanong nito. Pinihit siya nito at hinuli ang mga mata. Kahit namumula pa ay pinilit niyang mag-seryoso.
"You should grow up for yourself first, Seiji. Not for the others."
He sighed heavily. "I love you."
She was taken aback. Because to be honest, she wasn't sure if she had loved him already. Yes, she liked him... a lot. But it didn't mean that she love him as well.
"Let me grow up for both of us, then... for our future."
Makulimlim na at mukhang uulan kaya nagyaya siyang pumasok na sa kwarto. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin dito at muling tumalikod, kunwa'y tinitingnan ang langit.
"Pumasok na tayo." Pero niyakap lang siya ng mahigpit ni Sage habang nakatalikod siya rito. Hindi nga siya nagkamali nang bumuhos na ang malakas na pagpatak ng ulan.
"Rachel..."
"Sage, pumasok na tayo. Nababasa na tayo," ulit niya.
"I know you still don't feel the same with me."
"Hindi ba masyado pang maaga para masabing mahal mo ako? The first time we met, you were only lusting over me. That you only like me," lakas-loob niyang sambit.
"Alam kong nagdududa ka pa dahil masyado pa tayong bata. Even I, was doubtful until I grasped into the reality... Love knows no age, sweetheart. We fall in love without knowing when. We fall in love without choosing the person to fall in love with. Kusang dumarating ang pag-ibig."
Napakagat-labi siya. She was speechless that she's hearing these words from a guy— No— from a man like him. For Rachel, Sage already grew up way ahead than her. That if she marry him right now, she was very sure that he'd be responsible enough to handle their marriage. Pero hindi siya makapapayag sa ganoon. Kailangang mag-mature din siya. Because in love, both party must carry the relationship. It would never work if only one person would balance everything.
"I'll do everything so you will love me, too. But for now..."
Hinalikan nito ang ulunan niya at sinamyo ang kanyang buhok.
"...let me love you."