"HELLO." Doctor Charles stood at the doorway, wearing his plain white v-neck shirt and maong pants.
"You know, scanning those albums is not a good idea."
He smiled warmingly as our gazes met. I didn't smile back instead I stared blankly at him. After that I looked down and I continued flipping the pages.
I admit Charles is a good-looking guy, definitely a head turner lalo na kapag naka suot ito ng white coat. I've never seen him in one but I can imagine. A proud nose and sunny eyes which I find contradicting and at the same time complementing his manly profile. He has a spotless pure complexion which I bet made everyone ask "Ano ang skincare mo doc?".
It's not our first time meeting, we had a one-on-one talk the other day. We had a getting-to-know-each-other which at first I thought was vividly irrelevant and unnecessary but later on I've realised that, that's how doctors primarily do their jobs since it's significant in building trust.
Professionally, he needed to be welcoming and careful with his patients for them to be comfortable with him generally. And I, is an example, he got through me and made me share what I've seen and experienced the past few days that I never shared with anyone else not even my brother.
He must have everyone charmed with his complete white teeth smile and loving manner. Batid ko ang malambing niyang pakikitungo sa akin, inasikaso niya ako sa hapagkainan at nakikipagkwentuhan sa akin. He's doing things to get my mind and attention out from Alejandro. And to be frank, I could forget him easily if I want to but I can't. I don't want to.
Hindi ko lubusang maunawaan ang nangyari sa akin. Charles honestly and sincerely explained what his thoughts and diagnosis are. He diagnosed me with PTSD and severe depression. The past traumatic incident triggered my hallucinations.
'Hallucinations that scarred my heart.'
I can't accept Alejandro was just a person projected by my brain. He felt real to me. Even the facts that he existed in the past makes me think that I'm perfectly sane and just being haunted. Gayun paman, mas gusto kong isipin na lumipat lang siya sa ibang bansa kaysa naman ang isiping matagal na siyang namatay.
Kinusot ko ang mahahapdi kong mata. No matter how many times I oath not to cry, I always fail. Hindi ko mapigilang maalala ang mga panahon na pinagsamahan namin ni Drew kahit na mga nakaw na sandali man iyon o kathang isip lang.
Ito na ang ikalimang photo album na pinagmasdan ko buong maghapon. While I'm being sucked by my emotions, a part of me was puzzling his life.
Sino ang minahal niya? Nakapag-asawa ba siya? Was he able to fulfill his promised forever with someone else?
Hindi kayang sagutin ni Gabriel ang mga tanong ko dahil kahit siya ay wala pang muwang sa mundo nang lumipas si Alejandro.
"So you're just gonna ignore me?" Nakasimangot niyang tanong. For a bit, akala ko nagpapacute siya sa akin but I ignored the idea. I'm sure this is one of his tactics to divert my attention.
"I'm sorry Doc, I just miss him."
Lumambot ang mukha niya at lumapit sa akin. Umupo siya sa harap ko.
"I know it's not easy. I've encountered so many patients who had the same experience as you. Some even have worse hallucinations and it made them violent to the point that their harming not just their selves but also others. Fortunately, they've coped up."
"Have you also encountered patients who didn't want to be cured? Patients who would prefer to be stuck in their hallucinations because it's better than their reality?" I sincerely looked at him.
"If that's the case, then you'd be the first."
I sensed that he was taken aback by my question. Natahimik kami at Nagkatinginan. His pale brown eyes displayed compassion. Again his lips formed a sympathetic smile.
This time I smiled back.
"But you know, I want to ask how are you? How are you coping?"
"How." Pabuga sa hanging wika ko.
"Paano. Paano mo tinatanggap ang nangyari?" He asked, in his american accent. Wala sa sariling napangiti ako. Unlike Gabriel na pinoy pakinggan kapag nagtatagalog at amerikano kapag nag-eenglish, Charles was stuck in American accent in both languages. He told me his mother was a Filipino while his father was an irish man who lived in US. Even if his mother taught them tagalog, his accent remains the same.
"Para saan ang ngiti na iyan?"
"I'm sorry. Kapag nagtatagalog ka kasi, naaalala ko si Sam Milby sa mga teleserye noon, although yours is worse." Parang napasong tinakpan ko ang mga labi ko.
Tumawa siya. I know he knows he sucked at it. "Please, I wouldn't mind at all. I'm still learning."
I laughed in response. But later on, we were enveloped in silence.
"To answer your question, I… I think I'm fine. And as much as everyone, I'm trying to understand my case."
"I'm glad to hear that." He nodded. "You know, your are important to me not just as a patient but also as Gabriel's sister and Gilberto's daughter. I commend your father for his skills and works, also because he treated me more than an apprentice. Helping you and Gabby is my way of paying him back."
"Thank you Doc. Sana habambuhay tayong maging magkaibigan tulad ninyo ni kuya."
"For us to be friends, stop calling me doc, doctor or whatever. Just Charles."
"No problem…. Charles."
"That's music to my ears." He smiled and gently pinched my chin. He's eyes were fixed on mine.
Nanatili rin akong natitig sa kanya, expecting him to say something.
"May sasabihin ka?"
"Has anyone ever told you your beautiful?" I was waiting for him to burst in laughter but he didn't. He continued staring at me, probing. I blinked twice, I couldn't find a word to say. I suddenly remembered Drew, he told and made me feel I was beautiful in a whole different way I never felt with anyone else. It was more than a praise.
"I… I remember-"
"Charles is leaving." Napabaling ako sa pintuan habang napayuko naman si Charles. Gabriel's tone was harsh; his face was stern.
"I am?" A playful smile curved in Charles' lips na lalong nagpakunot sa noo ni Gabriel.
"Yes." He firmly replied.
"Oh yes! I forgot." He stood up. "I'll be on my way. We'll see each other on Thursday." He planted a soft kiss on my cheeks and passed Gabriel.
Pinanuod ko sila ni Gabriel sa harapan ng mansyon. Kumaway siya sa direksyon ko bago pumasok ng sasakyan at umalis. I went back to the bed and started collecting the photo albums into piles. Nasa ganoong ayos ako nang bumalik si Gabriel. Nakakunot parin ang noo niya.
"Hi." Bati ko sa kanya.
"Ano si Charles para sa iyo Maribel?" Napahinto ako sa ginagawa. His cruel eyes were interrogating and accusing. Bigla kong ipinagtaka kung saan siya humuhugot.
"Isang kaibigan."
"You seem to be enjoying each other's company. You replied to his coquetry and let him kiss you. That's not a way to treat a friend." Humalukipkip siya.
"It was a goodbye kiss." Depensa ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ko kailangang magpaliwanag o depensahan ang sarili ko. The last time, Charles checked me up and he didn't do anything wrong.
"Why can't you see his malicious intention behind that kiss?"
"Malicious? Seriously? What's up? Enlighten me." Nagsukatan kami ng tingin. "He's our friend and just one call away whenever we need help. Bakit mo binibigyan ng malisya ang-"
Una siyang nagbawi. "Drop it."
"Aalis ka? Lagi mo nalang ba tinatapos ang argumento ng ganito? Ikaw ang nag-umpisa nito, tapusin mo! Diretsuhin mo ako!"