May 2016
Matamis na ngiti ang sumilay sa labi ko ng makita si Mommy na naghahanda ng almusal. It's my vacation and she went home to spend time with me after staying in states for years because of her work as a fashion designer.
"Good morning 'Nak. Coffee or tea?" Mom asked before giving me a plate of sunny-side up eggs and hotdogs.
"Coffee please. Black no sugar." Naiiling na tumingin muna sya sakin bago inalapag sa harap ko ang tasa ng mainit na kape.
"Your taste in coffee changed. Before you liked it sweet. Mukhang tumatanda na talaga ang baby ko ha." Biro ni mom na ipinagkibit-balikat ko lang dahil may katotohanan naman ang sinabi nya.
Back then, I love it sweet but as time goes by and as I grow older, my taste changes. Mas naging bitter.
"How long are you going to stay here mom?" Tanong ko habang nilalantakan ang breakfast na hinanda nya.
Mom sat across me and pouted like a kid. "Pinapaalis mo na ba ako agad? I just came back a week ago. At talagang sinakto ko ang uwi sa bakasyon mo. But it seems that I'm not wanted here." Maktol nya na ikinatawa ko ng malakas.
"Cringe!" Napapailing na wika ko na tuluyan na naming ikinatawang dalawa.
"I'll stay until the end of the month. Namiss kaya kita. I just want us to spend more time. Your dad scolded me last time when I told him that I still can't come back to celebrate Christmas with you." Nakasimangot na sabi ni Mom na bahagya kong ikinagulat.
Alam ko na patuloy pa din ang komunikasyon nilang dalawa pero hindi ko akalain na gaya pa din sila ng dati. I remembered how they used to fight whenever mom gets so busy when I'm still a little kid who loves getting attention from them. Well I used to whine to dad about it. Hindi naman nagtatagal ang away nila. Madalas lang talagang mapagalitan ni Dad si mom kapag hindi ako nabibigyan ng atensyon ni Mom dahil sa trabaho nya noon. She was working home-based before.
Malalim na buntong-hininga ang kumawala sa mga labi ko nang saglit akong mag balik-tanaw sa nakaraan. I wondered somehow, if they didn't break up, and I get to know Vaughn, will our relationship work like how I want it to be?
"Marcielle Anne?"
"Yes mom?" Binaling ko ang tingin kay mom mula sa platong nasa harap ko at kita sa mukha nya ang pagtataka at pag-aalala.
"Malungkot ka pa din ba sa nangyari samin ng daddy mo? I know you're not mad since Timothy told me that you already gave him your blessing. So, are you sad that it ends up like this?" May pag-aalalang tanong nya na ikinatawa ko ng pagak.
Umiling ako bago seryosong tumingin sa kanya. "I'm just wondering mom. If I weren't me, I guess we could be."
Kunot ang noong tumingin lang sya sakin na tila ba naghihintay ng matinong paliwanag sa akin.
I wonder. If I should tell her the truth. Or just keep it to myself like before.
Masuyong ginanap nya ang mga kamay ko habang patuloy kong pinagiisipan kung dapat bang sabihin ko sa kanya ang sikreto ko o hindi. But with the way mom looked at me and hold my hand, I ended up telling her my feelings.
"I'm in love."
She gasped in surprise and smiled happily after. Makes me think that, that smile will fade once she heard who am I in love with.
"That's a first! Who is it? Kilala ko ba? Is that the King guy? Yung half japanese na kapatid ni Shiro? I bet it's him since you two are too close." Natatawang umiling ako sa ginagawa nyang panghuhula. Meaning that dad hasn't told her that I'm dating.
"It's someone else mom."
Tikwas ang kilay na tumingin sya sakin. "Show him to me." Demand nya na nagpawala sa ngiting nakasilay sa mga labi ko.
I'm still deliberating with myself if I should show her Vaughn's picture. I'm still not sure what will be her reaction. Hindi pa din ako handang bumitaw kay Vaughn. To be honest I'm still trying to save us. Kahit pa halos dalawang linggo na syang hindi nagrereply sa mga text at tawag ko mula nang matapos ang semester.
"What's wrong baby?" Nag-aalalang tanong ni Mom sa pananahimik ko na nagpabalik sakin sa kamalayan. "Don't tell me it's not mutual? Kaya ang lungkot mo?"
Umiling lang ako bago muling humugot ng malalim na hininga at nagpasyang aminin na ang totoo.
"It is mutual, in fact we're exclusive but lately, I don't know, mom. Maybe if I weren't me, he will keep on loving me just how I stayed in love with him." Pag-amin ko na mas lalo lang nagpalalim sa kunot ng noo nya.
"I don't understand? Are you too fighting?" Tanong nya na hindi ko na sinagot. Sa halip ay kinuha ko ang phone at ipinakita sa kanya ang larawan namin ni Vaughn.
Her jaw dropped when she recognized him. Kitang-kita sa mukha nya ang katotohanan na pilit ko pa din itinatanggi. I sighed and continued eating the breakfast she made.
"K-kelan pa to nagsimula? I mean your relationship with him?" Hindi ko alam kung galit sya o hindi base sa ekspresyong nakabalatay sa mukha nya. Pero nangingibabaw dun ang pagkabahala.
"Last year." Tipid kong sagot.
Nanghihinang inilapag nya ang cellphone ko at nanginginig na ininom ang tsaa nya. I remained quiet. Hindi ko din alam ang sasabihin o kung pano ipapaliwanag ang lahat. I just wait 'til she asked me what she wanted to know.
Mom took a deep breath and looked at me with a worried look on her face. "Alam na ba ng dad mo to?" Mahinahon nyang tanong.
Saglit akong uminom ng kape na tila mas pumait sa panlasa ko ngayon. "He knew I'm dating someone but I never did tell him who. I never had the chance to be exact."
Mom's brows raised. "Why? You broke up already?"
Umiling ako. "Nalaman ko ang totoo. Nalaman kong anak sya ni Tita Guen. So basically, we're both lying on each other's back now. Vaughn doesn't know that I already knew the truth about him. No one knew except us."
Saglit na bumalot sa aming dalawa ang katahimikan. My heart races with anxiety but I know that deep in my heart, whatever they said. I will still choose to fight for him.
"You should break up with him Marcielle Anne. It's for the better." Walang awtoridad ngunit nangingibabaw ang lungkot sa tinig na wika ni Mom.
I looked at her and she looked like I've did a big mistake for falling in love with my dad's stepson.
"No mom. I won't. I love Vaughn."
"You shouldn't. You're not allowed to. You can't! I won't tell your dad but break up with him." Nakaramdam ako ng galit sa mga binitawan nyang salita.
Why? Why am I not allowed to love him? Hindi naman sya anak ni dad. We're not blood related. Why I shouldn't love him or keep fighting for us?
"Why mom? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't love him. He's not dad's son. We're not blood related. So why are you against it?" May lakip na galit sa tinig na tanong ko kay mom.
I feel bad for taking out this anger and frustrations to her but the way she told me those words, para na din nyang sinabi na hindi ako karapat-dapat para kay Vaughn kaya wala akong karapatan ng mahalin sya. As if my existence in Vaughn's life is really a big mistake.
"You're wrong!" Mom blurted out and starts crying that made me astounded.
"W-what do you mean? Don't tell me w-we... We're blood related?"
Nagsimula ng manikip ang dibdib ko sa antisipasyon habang hinihintay ang mga susunod nyang sasabihin.
Mom looked at me with tears in her eyes before telling me the secrets she's been hiding from me for twenty years.
"You're not blood related but..." She looked at me and took my hand as if giving me strength to accept whatever her next sentences would be.
"He is your dad's son and you are the person who took his dad way from him."