Today is Friday.
For the most part, everything has returned to normal. I sat alone in the science class for lunch today and yesterday, the only person who talks to me is Otsubo-san, and I spend the majority of each class staring out the window.
But… there are two differences. At least, these are the ones that I have noticed.
I can't help but at the very least smile or nod when Otsubo-san talks to me. I think I feel sorry for her, because of what I did. It makes me feel guilty whenever she talks to me, like I feel as if I don't deserve it. I want her to yell at me, or even ignore me, because I feel like I've done something unforgiveable.
The other difference is Sei-chan. I haven't seen him since that time on Wednesday, but whenever I think about him, something strange happens. I don't fully understand exactly what emotions I'm feeling, but it seems like I want to be with him. I want to be able to walk beside him, and talk with him the whole time. What does this mean? It used to make me feel calm when I thought of Sei-chan, but now it makes me excited. I don't understand. Maybe it is better if I don't understand.
'Ignorance is bliss, but the ignorant are powerless'.
I hear Sei-chan's voice say something in my head. Yeah, that does sound like something he would say. And things that Sei-chan might say are normally correct. I don't really want to think about it though, it just makes me confused, and I can't focus on anything else.
Anyway, as I said today is Friday. That means Sei-chan's basketball game is today. The one that he said to go to, if he was even going to consider still being my friend. At least that's more or less what I think we agreed to. I don't remember using the word friend, but I think Sei-chan understood. He always understands.
Although Sei-chan said it was just another game, it seems that this match is actually the final match needed to qualify the team for nationals. Of course he would pass it off as just another game. That would mean the team their facing is probably pretty good. I don't know how good our school team is, but it seems weird that Sei-chan was saying it was just another game. That probably means he is confident that he can win. And things Sei-chan is confident in normally occur.
School was a simple affair today, nothing really noteworthy. I suppose I was in a good mood, so I listened in a bit more than normal. I talked to Otsubo-san on occasion, I went to the science classroom for lunch. After lunch, afternoon classes also proceeded similarly to how they usually would. There was nothing that suggested that today would be any different from any other. But it felt like it probably was.
*
Sei-chan's game was taking place in a gymnasium well on the other side of the city. The game was scheduled to start at around 5:30pm. Since school ended at four, I had an hour and a half to get over to the other side of town. Unlike the basketball team, I didn't have the luxury of getting driven there in a school bus, so I would have to find a way to get there myself. Working out a route wasn't difficult, but trying to get there on time through busy traffic was never going to work out, not that I had much choice.
I was able to take a train into the centre city, getting me most of the way by 4:40pm, but after that it got much worse. Partway through my bus trip, the roads got thicker with cars, as busier members of society tried to return home. The 5 o'clock rush hour, huh?
I ran from stop to stop to get onto my second bus, but the traffic had been terrible, and I missed my second bus. To make it worse, this bus was on a half-hour schedule. With winter drawing nearer, the sky was already darkening, and the brilliant red hue to the east fading, by the time I was able to get a ride. By now the game would have already started. It would be well and truly underway by the time I got there, if not already half-time.
By the time I reach the gymnasium, it is already well past half-time. The third-quarter is halfway gone by the time I arrive.
53-34.
A pretty dominating and convincing score line. I guess that it's one of those games where the favourites win all too soon. It would appear Sei-chan was indeed correct in his assumption that he would win this game. At least, that is what my first impression was. After watching a few minutes, it becomes clear that Sei-chan's team is much weaker than their opponents. Their opponents attack again and again, with Sei-chan's team barely holding on.
Watching closely as the opponents struggle to capitalise on their attacks, it becomes clear how Sei-chan's team has created such a huge gaping lead, despite the obvious difference in skill between the two teams. The point guard, no. 7, plays incredibly slowly dictating the pace of the game. This allows Sei-chan's team to maintain the gap they have created. They also most likely created this gap very early on in the game, using their shooting guard, no. 5, to pave the way. The shooting guard has a very efficient and accurate shooting style, which would have easily allowed the team to gain control of the game. I know Sei-chan is also a point guard, so he likely was able to find gaps to play it through to the forwards as well as the shooting guard in the first half, which seems like it would be his playstyle given his personality.
Yes, this team. Their strategy revolves around gaining an early lead, and then holding it with a tight defence. This kind of tactic, the calculated, controlling, passive style, seems exactly like the team I would expect Sei-chan to have created.
The third-quarter ends. 64-47. The gap isn't closing at any real speed. The opposition will likely give up sooner rather than later. A seventeen-point gap isn't easily recoverable against most teams, let alone one that specialises in defence, and is purposefully slowing the pace of the game. That must be frustrating to play against. I know I would be.
"Huh? Yasuraoka-san, that's you isn't it?"
I hear a somewhat familiar voice, but for whatever reason I can't quite put a name to it, until I see the face.
Oh, it's you.
"Otsubo-san? What are you doing here?" I ask the owner of the voice. I wonder if she can hear my begrudging in my tone.
She smiles, and gives off one of those little laughs. Clearly she didn't.
"My little brother plays for the school team," she half shrugged at the court, "my mum said we should go watch him since its' the final or something."
A good reason I suppose. Why did you have to come over and talk to me though?
If you couldn't tell already, I'm irritated. Clearly she can't.
"So, why are you here, Yasuraoka-san?"
Ah, I don't really want to say.
I'm not sure what I can say to blow off her question. I don't really want to answer it. Unlike Sei-chan, I'm not very good at lying, especially when put on the spot. Plus, I mentioned before that I was feeling somewhat guilty, right? It's really hard to try and tell her even a half truth, because of that.
We both sort of stand there awkwardly for a few seconds, me fumbling with a button on my school shirt, and her looking at me somewhat expectantly.
"Oh! Are you here with that friend you were telling me about the other day?"
The other day? Friend? Oh, right. I told her about that. Out of my guilt. I should really stop letting it bother me. Sei-chan wouldn't let it affect him at all.
But then again, how did she guess that? Maybe she's actually smart.
"Yeah, sort of. I guess I followed your advice, and he told me to come watch him play, I suppose."
Otsubo-san looks rather bemused right now. I sort of want to say 'what's with that look?', but that'd just lead to some sort of pointless argument.
"Really? Which one is your friend then? Which number?"
"… I just got here so I'm not too sure, but I think he's the captain, so probably number four."
Otsubo-san's eyes expanded somewhat when I said that.
"Huh? Your friends with Tohsaka-san?"
I find myself almost as shocked as her, and then I recover. Of course she knows who he is. Everyone in our school knows who Tohsaka Seijuro is.
"How do you know Sei-chan?"
"Tohsaka-san is the Student Council President and was a representative last year, along with me."
Oh right, of course. Everyone knows Sei-chan from somewhere. I'd forgotten that Otsubo-san was on the student council. For some reason Otsubo-san has a small smile at the corner of her mouth, and gives off a funny laugh, almost like a hiccup.
"'Sei-chan', huh?"
The fourth quarter started shortly afterwards, saving me from having to continue the conversation. Sei-chan once again didn't feel the need to return to the court.
He must be confident in his teammates, I thought. But that wasn't like Sei-chan. I doubt he trusts anyone but himself. More likely he trusts in his strategy that he has created for the team, and has estimated that the lineup he currently has is more than capable of finishing off the game. Sei-chan is correct, unsurprisingly. The game slowed down to a point where it took almost a minute for either team to score, with both teams being forced to play slow and carefully, running down the clock and taking a hopeful shot. The game ended 75-60, showing a very limited closing of the gap by the opposition team.
*
"How are you going home?"
"Eh? Oh, I'm just going to be taking public transport, that's how I got here in the first place."
Sigh. I can see where this is going. Can't say I really want to have Otsubo-san's mother drive me home. Not really my thing. The last time I was in another person's car was probably the last time I played basketball, now that I think about it. That makes it almost two years.
So after the customary, offer and refusal, followed by an 'are you sure?', and a confirmation of 'yes, I'm fine thanks.', I took a series of buses and trains back to our side of town. The buses are on less regular schedules this late on, so it was past 8pm when I got home.
I let out a sigh as I come in through the door. Someone is watching tv in the lounge. Sounds like a sport of some kind. Probably my dad. I don't remember my mum being into that many sports when I still talked to her. My stomach is growling, but I don't want to go out to the lounge. I'll go get a snack around ten or so. Normally everyone is asleep by then. Other than me.
The next day, I get up for school. My school books remain untouched in a corner of the room. I don't take them to school. There wouldn't be any point, since they would end up staying in my bag the whole time. By the time I'm in the lounge for breakfast, my dad is already gone. I time this on purpose, as he is the most aggressive member of the family, and probably the one I have the hardest time talking to. Of course, I don't talk to my mother either, and it is very rarely that I communicate with my sister…
Did I mention I have a sister? Sorry, I might have forgotten about her.
Anyway, back to the point, I purposely get up after my dad leaves for work so that there is one less possible confrontation.
I think I mentioned this earlier, but breakfast is a solitary meal in my family. No one talks, no one says anything. Personally, I try my best not to make a single noise at all. That's how it has been, with few interruptions, for the past three years. The radio plays in the background most mornings. It probably helps keep us sane during this mind-breaking fifteen minutes of the day.
"What time did you come home last night?"
… the standoff continues to escalate, with Anglo-Russian troops posturing near the Indian border…
It takes me a long time to process just that one sentence. I barely recognised the voice, and then I realised it must be directed at me, which was incredibly shocking.
"Uh… umm, about eight."
…both Anglo-Russian and Westphalian warships have been spotted off Japan's coast…
"Oh, I see."
I waited for her to continue. It felt like she wanted to say something, but she didn't. Maybe because we didn't talk anymore, maybe because I was wrong. I stared expectantly for a few seconds, awkward silence continued. Sighing internally, I return to my breakfast. That was a heavy sigh. I'll have to remember to let out properly, sometime when I'm alone. Probably when I'm walking to school.
With that incidence concluded, I happily returned to my regularly daily routine.
"Don't you think you should at least say where you were? Or let me know what you were doing?"
Ahh. I should've known better.
I suppose that is what I get for not talking to my parents. I don't understand them, and that means I don't know how they are going to react. It also makes me angry though. Who is this presumptuous woman, thinking she deserves knowing what I am doing, where I have been? Who is she to ask those questions? It pisses me off. She is nothing to me, why do I need to answer her questions?
"It's none of your business where I have been or what I am doing. If your so concerned, maybe you could've been a better parent."
My sister makes a shocked gasp from next to my mother. Oh, she's here. Did I mention I have a sister? Maybe.
Not that she has anything to do with me.
"You're a spoilt little brat, you know?"
My mother's tone is harsh and angry. Brittle with her easily inflamed pride. I know I've gone too far know. Like I said, I don't know how to talk to her. This happens anytime my parents try to force change on me in some heavy handed way. We argue, my prideful parents get angry, and I get angry at their inability to understand me.
It's not that I'm lost for words, but more that I know anything that I say will only make it worse. No matter what I can say, it will not please my mother. My words get twisted in my throat, becoming something nasty that my mother finds horrid. Therefore, I say nothing. If I talk, I will only say something that will infuriate my family. So I simply don't.