I leave Ukita-san's place shortly after ten, at the same time as Asahina-san. She also offers to give me a ride, which I of course turn down. In fact, I take my time walking home slowly putting one foot in front of the other, as I walk along footpaths, sitting on a park bench soaking in the sun for a good ten minutes. Anything to delay my return. I just am not interested in going home right now. My parents will be even worse than usual. I mean, I'll still probably get off rather lightly. After all, I'm just a failure, a disappointment who isn't going to be going anywhere anyway. They don't waste their time disciplining me. They just leave me to play my games, and ignore me. They won't even look me in the eye.
Sometimes I wish my dad would hit me. Or my mum would yell at me. Or they would just listen to me. I just wish I could get some reaction out of them, anything would do. I'm not sure what I would do afterwards though. Talking to them wouldn't solve anything at this point, right? Not that they would listen. Even if they were to react to me, nothing I say would get through to them. It would just be drowned out in their choir of criticism.
Maybe if my dad did hit me, or my mum yelled at me… maybe even if one of them just looks sideways at me again, that might just put me over the edge. I know, maybe I'm being melodramatic, but after how tired I am, I don't think I could handle it if they did try to talk to me. After all, what business do they have in my life? They haven't been a part of it for years. They have no right to discipline me.
I start crying as I sit there on the park bench. Yes, I know I'm being contradictory, but… no I don't really have an excuse. I just feel like either way, I'm over it. If they don't talk to me, I'll probably yell at them, maybe I'll throw things. No, that's a lie. I wouldn't do that. I would just solemnly slink back to the relative safety of my room.
But if they did talk to me, I would yell back. I would get angry. I would get mad. I would put everything on my mind out there. They won't hear it though. If it is then meaningless to do so, should I? Maybe it is. Sei-chan would probably say so. He'd say something like, 'it's pointless to talk to people who refuse to be enlightened. They're not worth wasting time on, and they'll regret it later.'
Even though that came out of my own head, I don't entirely get it. But I get the general message: if they won't listen to reason, there is no point in talking.
I walk into the house at about noon. Noon on Sunday. There'll probably be someone in the lounge, which I have to walk through to get to my room. Hopefully they don't talk to me. I've kind of managed to work myself up into a bad mood. Actually, it wasn't that hard to achieve. I'm tired, and walking in the direction of my house never inspires great memories for me. Plus, there was all the thinking I went through whilst I was sitting on the bench in that park. I really don't know how I'll react any more. I guess if anyone is in the lounge, I'll bite my tongue, and hold it in.
There's someone in the lounge. It's my mother. I try to sneak past without making a sound.
"I texted you, y'know?"
Really? I wouldn't have thought so. But more importantly, I've been caught. I click my tongue, and start walking without any regard for how much noise I'm making now. If I can just get out of the room without her saying another word, it'll all be fine. But she starts speaking again.
"Look at me when I speak to you."
That tone. That tone is something I remember from not quite so long ago. The tone my mother used with me immediately after I left my friends. After I quit the basketball team. When there was still a chance I would turn my life around. When I wasn't a disappointment. Before they realised their time was wasted on me.
That tone. That tone scares me. I hated that time in my life.
All I wanted then, was to be left alone. To be given up on. To give up on my own life.
I turn to face her, my mother. Can you even call her that anymore? I mean, it has been such a long time since she was really my mother. I slowly look up at her. Her face is full of anger. I recognise the emotion, but I don't recognise the features, or anything that is actually hers. To be honest, if she wasn't in this house, I wouldn't know for sure if she was indeed my mother.
"Me and your father have put up with your behaviour as much as possible, but this was just a step to far, for the both of us. Taking money from my wallet? Not coming home from school until noon the next day? I don't know what you were doing, and I'm not sure I want to. But this is just going too far. I need you to talk to us, and get per-"
"Why? Why should I need your permission? Your less parents and more strangers to me."
My mother stares at me stunned. I think I'm probably looking just as shocked. I didn't want to snap like that. But I'm not in a good mood, and I don't know how to talk to my parents anymore. And I feel like what I'm saying is true. My parents haven't cared for me, or at least they haven't shown any concern for me, for many years now. What right do they have to tell me what I can and can't do?
"Now listen here. From now on, your going to do whatever we say, or you'll wish you never screwed up in the first place."
"What did I screw up? My life, or what you wanted your child's life to be?"
She looks taken aback. I can't tell if she's shocked by what I said, or that I'm talking at all. I'm angry. I feel restless. I'm about to keep going when my mother starts talking again.
"Like I said, you're going to do as I-"
"Stop it!"
I throw something. I think it was a lamp. It's headed in her direction. My eyes widen, I didn't want to do this. If that hits her…
But then the lamp seemingly halts in mid-air and swings down. It was plugged into the wall. The cord, caught on the legs of the table the lamp had been sitting on, held firm and was now pulling the lamp down to the floor. The lamp crumples, and then smashes when the glass hits the tiles. Although I felt relieved it hadn't hit my mother, I didn't feel guilty. I didn't feel any remorse over what I had just done. If anything I felt like I was doing the right thing. I felt like I was taking control of my life, for the first time.
Throwing the lamp had finally stopped my mother from talking it seemed. She looked absolutely dumbfounded. That stupid look on her face annoyed me. Why is she acting like this? How could she not have seen this coming? All my anger, hatred, and adrenaline come flowing back to me.
"Stop. You never listened to me. You never cared what I thought, you never considered my opinion, maybe you even thought I didn't have an opinion of my own."
I can feel tears rolling down my face. I haven't felt this much emotion, this much pain, for a long time. Maybe in my life. This is worse, much worse than the time I thought Sei-chan was going to abandon me.
"It was hard for me too you know? There were so many times, so many times I wanted to talk to you about… anything. Everything. But all you did was talk, talk, talk. You never let me speak my mind. And then after that, you started ignoring me. You didn't even talk, but you wouldn't listen either. You just abandoned me. If I'm ever a parent, that's the one thing I'll never do. Do you know how crushing that was?"
I breathe in, gulping as my face contorted from my crying.
"I didn't have any friends, I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to. Your parents are supposed to be the two people you can always rely on. Did you know, I considered killing myself? I thought about it… so many times. One time, I came down here, to the kitchen at night. For hours I sat, just over there with a knife to my throat. I never went through with it. But maybe I would have if it wasn't for… for someone I met. But for few months, I had nothing. Nothing to hold onto, and no one to talk to. But he listened to me… he… he saved me. From you, from myself, from the end."
My mother sits down. She doesn't look like she's even listening to me. Maybe she's still in shock from the lamp.
"And even now you still won't listen to me? I don't understand. Talk to me."
She just sits there.
"Please."
I speak at barely more than a whisper. She just sits there.
What do I do now?
Within twenty minutes I had left the house, my school bag under one shoulder. In my pocket was my phone, and some cash I had taken from my mother's wallet. When I had gone back to the lounge, she was gone. I thought I had heard her walk past my room while I was packing my bag. And yes, I have packed a bag. In it I have about four changes of clothes, mostly school uniform, laptop, laptop charger, phone charger, mouse, … other essentials. You know what I mean right? It's just awkward to say. So I'm not going to. I wonder if other people find it awkward. Maybe it's just me, because I've never really had anyone to talk to about stuff like that. I mean, I already wasn't on the best of terms with my parents, and there is no way I could talk to Sei-chan about that.
Anyway, moving on. You're probably wondering where I'm going. Actually, you probably think I'm moving aimlessly. Wrong. I've had a plan for… many years in case something like this occurs. In case… I can no longer handle living in this house. The plan involves me going to the house of an aunt I haven't talked to for two years. I don't even know her name anymore. So yes, maybe this plan has some flaws in it, but I do at least know how to get to the house she lives in. I don't know the exact address, but I do know how to get there, and what the house looks like.
So right now, I'm on a bus. Headed to the house of a woman whose name I don't remember. But I have a lot of time to think. About what I said to my mother. That story about the knife… that's something I haven't thought about much recently. I hid it away as much as possible, and recently, well, I've been busy doing things for once. I wasn't thinking about it, and I didn't think that was a bad thing. It was a good thing to forget. It was something I wanted to leave behind in the past, and never talk about again. I mean, I told Sei-chan about it last year, but other than that I haven't told anyone. His advice was the same as what I just. I still remember his words, or at least what they more or less were, 'do not dwell on the past, it isn't as important as the present or the future'. And that's exactly what I did. I did my best to forget about it, move on, and begin living my life. My life of near solitude in the empty science classroom, but still I felt like I had at least something to live for with Sei-chan coming to talk to me once or twice a week. Maybe I was little more than entertainment to him, but he definitely meant more, still means more, than that to me. Of that I'm certain now. In the past, I always avoided thinking about that. I never stopped to think, what Sei-chan was to me. I didn't want to. It felt like that would ruin what little I had with him. And Sei-chan was everything to me then. He was my one link to the world. But then, after I thought I had lost him for good, he gave me a chance to make it up to him, something I'm still working towards. After that, he agreed to be friends with me. That satisfied me. I knew where I stood with him, and I pretended that I was happy with it. When I talked, well maybe not talked, with my mother before I let everything out. And something I said, stuck with me:
'He listened to me. He saved me. From you. From myself. From the end.'
I don't think I've ever said truer words. That's how I feel about Sei-chan. He is my saviour. My shining light in the dark, the one thing that kept me from an endless darkness. Yes, that sounds incredibly sickening, and cheesy, but it's true. At least to me. I feel like I owe everything to him. And despite every failure he has as a human being, and how twisted, maybe even demented, his mind is, I love him for it. I love how he talks in such strange ways, I love how he thinks everything through till there's nothing left to analyse. I love how he treats me different from everyone else, because I'm the only one he can trust. I love how he's shorter than me, I love the strange colouring of his eyes.
That's how I feel… but I could never tell him that. I'm not sure if Sei-chan even has feelings like that for other human beings. No, I'd say it's more likely he doesn't than he does. So I won't ever tell him how I feel. No matter how much that leads to me hurting myself. Because the amount of pain that will bring, will definitely be better than the complete collapse I would have when he inevitably would reject me. If he rejected me, I feel likely that would be my end. Even if I was still friends with Ueno-chan, and Asahina-san, Ukita-san, and Yamagami-san, I don't think I could ever replace Sei-chan. So I guess I'll be holding onto these feelings all on my lonesome for as long as I know him.
When my aunt opens the door she is shocked, and rightfully so. She recognises me, I can see that, but there is no way she would have ever expected me to come here, especially like this. I consider how I look. I'm pretty sure I have bloodshot eyes. I was crying on the bus before. I couldn't tell you what I was crying for though. My impossible love, or the uneasy peace I had broken in my family. Probably both. I think I would still be crying, but there is only so many tears.
"Sora! What are you doing here?"
My aunt's voice brings me back to the land of the living. She's a tall woman, taller than both me and my mum. I believe she is in her forties, but if you didn't know she could probably fool you into thinking she's thirty.
"I'm so…"
My voice rasps in my dry throat. I clear it. It hurts.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but… could I stay the night?"
I feel terrible. I hadn't noticed until just now, but I am utterly exhausted. Maybe I'll fall asleep on the spot, and then my aunt will have no choice but to take me in. My aunt looks absolutely dumbfounded, and I suppose she has every right to be. I've shown up on her doorstep out of nowhere, look terrible, and ask to stay the night? Yeah, I would have a face just like hers.
"Of course you can, come in, come in."
My aunt ushers me inside, "you look dreadful, do you want coffee? Tea?"
"Sleep," I reply.
I remember now. I always liked that about this woman. Always direct to the point, sometimes painfully so, but also kind and caring of others. I remember now, that she was always my favourite relative.
After hearing my reply, she leads me to a spare room. I don't even look around. Or if I did, I don't remember what I saw. I think I simply dropped my bag, and then fell onto the bed.
Where am I?
When I wake up, I don't recognise this place. It feels wrong, waking up and not knowing where you are. But it brings it home to me. That I don't have a place, no matter how much I might've hated it, to call home anymore. I suppose I could still go back home, but it just feels irreparable. We stopped talking precisely so this wouldn't happen, but it happened anyway. Even if they do accept me back, it will be even worse than before. There is going to be no return from this. I have nothing left there. I don't think I will be going back.
I look around the room. It isn't a very homey room. The walls a white, the ceiling is white, there is only one small window, and there isn't a single painting or any real decoration. Okay, I'll give it the bedside drawers, but other than that… there is nothing. I guess it isn't really surprising. This room probably doesn't get used much.
I see my bag is sitting, closed down on the floor near me. When I realise I have to squint to see that much, I finally realise that the curtains are closed. Must be night, my first thought is. Of course I have no way to tell for sure without getting up, as there is no clock in the room. I'm thinking about trying to go back to sleep, when I realise that I can hear people talking. My aunt must have a friend over. I get out of the bed, pulling the sheets off me. My aunt must have tucked me in after I collapsed. I'm about to walk out of the room, when I realise my clothes are stuck to me. Now that I think about it, I'm still wearing the uniform I wore to school on Saturday. I mean, I never had any chance to change into anything else on Saturday, and I was kind of in a rush during the brief time I was home today. Or maybe it was yesterday? I have no clue what the time is. It is extremely disorientating.
I struggle, squinting at the wall to find the equally white light switch. After some flailing, I manage to hit it. The bright light forces me to squint once again. Whilst I'm opening my bag, I hear a knock on my door.
"Are you awake, Sora?"
It's my aunt, of course.
"Yes, I'm just getting changed."
I don't really want to talk to her right now about why I'm here.
"I got takeout for dinner. There's ramen for you in the fridge if you're hungry."
"Thank you. Do you mind if I have a shower first?"
"Not at all."
I feel very refreshed, and somewhat rejuvenated after the shower. I walk down the hall in the direction of the voices after I'd changed, assuming that this would be where the kitchen is. I came out of the hall and into an open space. In the corner of my eye, I can see a kitchen to my right, but that isn't what immediately draws my attention. Immediately in front of me, is an open space, a pseudo lounge, living, and dining area, all in one. I guess it isn't too different from my house. The only difference is our lounge and kitchen are separate. Sorry, my old house I meant. My aunt is sitting on a couch, facing away from me. There's a guy sitting beside her, he has his arm around her.
Ah.
Maybe I said that out loud. Evidently I made some noise, because they both turned around to look at me.
"Hey Sora, the fridge is just over there if you're hungry."
She points somewhat absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen.
My eyes flit over to the guy, he's staring at me in a kind of disgusting way. That's when I remember I'm wearing nothing but a nightgown. Creepy, but more importantly I'm now extremely embarrassed. My aunt follows my gaze, but doesn't pick up on my embarrassment, or the guy's stares.
"Oh, this is Hori Tanabata, my boyfriend."
Yeah, kind of guessed. Huh? Tanabata? As in the festival?
"Hey, I didn't see you when you arrived, I wasn't home from work yet."
Home? Oh, he lives with her.
"I see," I give them a faint smile before I hurry into the kitchen.
After a quick search of the fridge, I find the ramen takeout. More searching leads to the acquiring of a plate, and how to function the microwave. The ramen comes out of the microwave steaming. I can smell pork cutlet now, mixed in with seaweed and soy sauce. My stomach grumbles. I end up finding myself somewhat disappointed. Ramen doesn't taste quite the same when it's been sitting in a fridge, then reheated. The noodles were kind of falling apart, and tasted a bit grainy. I suppose it could just be the shop my aunt got this from was dodgy, but that seems less likely.
I rinse my dish in the sink, and then put it in the dishwasher before heading back to the room I was staying in. Once in the room, I sat down on the bed, as there is nowhere else to sit, and I sighed deeply. Either I still hadn't realised the magnitude of my actions, or I was actually somewhat relieved. Yes, it probably is the latter. That house was suffocating, my family was suffocating me. This is definitely for the better. Or so I'm telling myself. But it definitely feels like the truth, and for at least right now I have no doubts about that. So, to me at least, that is the truth. And therefore it is the only truth that matters. It doesn't matter if my parents think something different, or my aunt, or anyone. My truth is the only truth that matters. Sei-chan definitely has a lot of influence over me, huh? That sounded exactly like something he would say.
'Whatever you yourself believe is true, is the truth to you, and therefore the only truth that matters.'
'Everyone is selfish, so don't worry about others and always do what you think is in your best interests.'
These are both things Sei-chan has said to me, or at least something similar. I can't say I think he's wrong either. Maybe that's only because it is convenient for me to think that way in my current situation, however. I mean, as it is now, believing my opinion is the only one that matters to me, makes it easier for me to decide to run away without caring for my family whatsoever. But then again, I never cared much for their opinions or interests anyway. No, it isn't just because of the convenience to the current situation. I believe Sei-chan's beliefs are correct at some fundamental level. Indeed everyone is selfish. My parents forced onto me all of their expectations, I forced onto Sei-chan all of my worries and troubles, and Sei-chan is nice to everyone only to further his own interests. None of us cared for what those we forced everything onto felt. We just did it because we're selfish creatures by nature. Even Sei-chan's seemingly nice nature is just a façade to keep his own interests hidden to all. Every nicety is a cover for a hidden motive, every act of kindness mere self-justification. How depressing. But it seems correct. So this is how Sei-chan sees the world, huh? No wonder he sees us as hopeless, useless, headless sheep. We deny the most fundamental part of how human society works. Our reasons for doing anything.
Thinking about the world in such a dim light was depressing. But it was better than before when I didn't look at the world at all, I guess. Maybe that's why only now I understand what Sei-chan is talking about when he says stuff like that. Thinking seriously for too long hurts my head, I'm not used to it. So I decide to scavenge my bag for a toothbrush… and then realise I forgot to bring one. What a bother… I guess I'll have to spend some of the money I took on buying a new one.
The door opens behind me with a slight squeak. I look over my shoulder. Unsurprisingly it is my aunt, and I think I know why she is here. I sigh.
"Sora, can we talk?"
"Sure."
I knew this would be coming. She probably has already talked to my parents, thinking about it. They probably already know exactly where I am. I guess my short freedom was even shorter than I had hoped. We sit next to each other on the end of the bed. Everything about this feels awkward. I mean, I don't actually know my aunt that well, and yet I'm about to have this conversation which feels like it should be important with her. The fact that we are going to have this conversation at all doesn't seem right to me. It makes me kind of angry, even. I don't want to talk about this. And above all, the air around is feels thick. Thick with emotion, and importance.
"Your father called me while you were sleeping…"
I figured.
"…and explained to me, what happened between you and my sister, and that you'd run away. He asked if I had seen you, and I told him that I hadn't."
I look over at her. Really? She didn't lynch me? I wasn't sure if I could, but hearing that made me want to trust her. That makes me happy.
"I thought you could use the sleep before you talk to him, so I think you should talk to him now."
And immediately, my slim few seconds of happiness vanish. In fact, I'm depressed now. Talk to my parents? I couldn't do that. The whole reason for doing this is so that I don't have to look at them again, so that we can all end the stagnate state of our lives, and move on from each other. If there was a way to do that with me remaining in the family, I would've been willing to try it a year ago, but it has just gone too far now. My family can't be a family with me in it. That's the conclusion I made. And I'm confident I got it right. After all, I spent years debating this, even from before I became an outcast. I've seen it from every angle, and considered every possibility no matter how unlikely that I've ever thought up, and this is the result I got.
But then again, maybe if I talk to my parents, I can resolve this once and for all. I can get them to understand that no matter what, I'm not coming back. That there is no scenario in which they and my sister can be a family with me there. Although, chances are likely that they will not listen, because they have never listened. But maybe, maybe it is at least worth trying.
"I guess you're right. I'll talk to him."
My aunt smiles at me, happy with her own efforts, "I'll call him now then."
My aunt stands up, and starts on her phone, to call my father. And I hope it is my father that answers. Even through a phone, I don't know if I could talk to my mother right now. She isn't someone I want to talk to at the best of times, and it has to be even worse now. Not that my father, won't be worse than normal either, but I hope he'll at least listen to what I have to say. I hope he understands, that this decision is what is best for everyone. Yes, it is a selfish decision on my part, but I think it is best for the whole family. Without me, surely they will talk more. They will be able to love each other more, and be a real family for the first time in years.
I'd spaced out a bit, thinking about this, reassuring myself that I was doing the right thing, and moving forward with my life. So I jumped a bit when my aunt passed me the phone.
"Here."
I take the phone gingerly, almost as if I'm holding something fragile, that needs to be looked after with care and thought. Slowly, I raise the phone up to my ear. I breathe out, my voice rattling with my nerves.
"Hello."
I say, yet my voice is alien to me. It sounds unnatural and devoid of emotion. I'm instinctively shutting myself off, and creating a wall. I guess it can't be helped.
"Sora?"
My father replies with just my name, quietly as if shocked that I spoke at all, or even remorseful. No, I don't want to think of that voice as remorseful. There is no way that my parents have somehow realised that the blame for all this doesn't rest solely on me. That they played a part in this. They can't have, because they didn't listen to anything I said. Even in that shocked state of hers, I don't think my mother heard me. I doubt she could have told my father what I said, perhaps wouldn't even have wanted to.
"Yes, I'm listening."
Despite myself, I let the emotion back in. I couldn't stop it. After all, no matter how this conversation goes, I know it will be important. And I can't make decisions based completely on logic, reasoning, and chances of personal gain, like Sei-chan.
"I want you to come home tomorrow."
My mind goes blank. This isn't unexpected, it's just… I don't like it. It doesn't feel like this conversation is going the way it is supposed to. Or rather, not in a way that will end with me being satisfied.
"I'll let you stay at your aunt's for the night, but then I'm coming to get you in the morning."
I'm getting annoyed. He isn't listening. The two of them never listen, this conversation was pointless. I don't think there is any reason to keep talking. But then my anger surges over me.
"Did my mother not tell you what I said to her?"
"…ah, well your mother is still in a bit of shock. She hasn't said much since I got home."
I hate how my father talks like that sometimes. It's almost as if he's talking to an old friend, or as if nothing ever went wrong and I'm still just his little girl. Even though I hate it, and I'm angry, I feel like I have a duty to try, at least one more time to talk. Maybe because they're my family, I don't know.
"Will you listen to what I have to say then?"
"Huh? Uh, well…"
"Yes or no?"
If he says no, this will be the last time he talks to me.
"Yes."
Okay, he didn't say no. So I guess I should try to explain what I said to my mother, in a more controlled manner. I sigh loudly, and then begin trying to recount what I said to my mother.
"The two of you never listened to me. I was always told what I should be doing, and who I should be with. You never let me make my own decisions. You treated me less like a child, and more like a plaything. That's why I had to… well, detach myself. I couldn't keep up with the façade that was necessary. To pretend I was happy with how things were, happy doing what you wanted me to do, happy being friends with people I didn't like.
I stopped talking to you two because of this. I left everything that you had pushed me to do, and became depressed. I'm not going to go as far as to say you are to blame, but the two of you certainly didn't help. You never appreciated me for who I was, and instead always drove me to be the perfect version of what you wanted. And now that I've finally found people that make me feel as if I belong, even to an obsolete minority of people, all I get in return is more attempts to control me. I didn't need you to control me, what I needed were parents."
I'm breathing heavily. I guess I did actually work pretty hard there. That was hard to say. My father still hasn't said anything. I wait for him. I'm not going to break this silence, but if he takes too long, I'm not going to hesitate in hanging up.
"I understand, Sora. Why don't you come ho…"
I pull away the phone, and press the 'end call' button. Worthless. I hate that man. As soon as he said 'I understand', I immediately knew that he had no clue what I was going through. I don't know why I bothered. Well, I guess it was because my aunt asked me so nicely. I should've known it would be a pointless conversation. There was no reason for me to get my hopes up so much. I think I might start crying. Seeing this, my aunt makes to say something, but then she either loses her resolve, or thinks better of it. She takes her leave. I'm thankful for that. That she'll let me cry in peace, realising the magnitude of the situation. The importance of this very moment to me.
I lie down on the bed. The ceiling merely looks like a liquid white mess at this point. This is it. There is no way I can come home now. I guess I'll stay here at my aunt's for as long as she'll have me. But then again, my parents didn't seem like they had quite given up yet. Why? Surely by now it is clear to even the most addlebrained person that it is better for everyone involved if I am not at home. So then, it is best for me to stay here with my aunt, right? That will make everything better for everyone. My family can become a proper family, and I can move on with my life, and we can all forget about each other.
But like I said, my parents still haven't realised that this will also be the best way forward for them. And they know where I am staying. If my parents know where I'm staying, then they can easily force me to come back home, right? Right. If I stay here, I will ultimately end up going back home. It might be tomorrow, or it might be a week, but they will bring me home. And I don't think I can trust my aunt to be on my side either. After all, I don't know her. Yes, she has been kind to me, and cared for me so far, but I can already tell that I'm more or less in the way here. I'm a nuisance, a bother. I don't belong here. Although, it would be fine for me to selfishly ignore this, and stay here anyways, if my parents also know I'm here, then that is something that cannot be ignored. No, I was wrong to come here. I cannot move on like I want to, like I need to, if I stay here.
I decided that I can't stay here any longer than tonight. My parents know that I am staying here, so they will most likely try to bring me back home, and I can't let that happen. I can also see that I'm a bother here, and it would be better for everyone if I left before my parents come.
I'll find another place to stay. If you need to contact me, text this number: _________________
Thank you very much for your hospitality and care.
After leaving the handwritten note on the breakfast bar, I hoist my bag over my shoulder once again. It's been a long time since I wrote anything down, and that really shows in my sloppily drawn kanji. Well, I think it's at least legible. And with that, in the early hours of the day under a pink sky, I leave the house that had been my refuge, if only for one night.