I saw her enter the gym. Even though I could only see her out of the corner of my eye, I knew it was Yasuraoka-san. For starters, it seemed unlikely that any other girl would walk into the gym as casual and nonchalantly as she just did, and I have been expecting her after all. I mean, I did not believe she was awake enough this morning to remember the way back to my house, so I had been expecting her to show up sooner rather than later. But the thing is, it is already later. Basketball practice is almost over, which makes me wonder what she has been doing for the last hour and a half since school ended.
Because of all this, I look over at her. She is drenched in rain from head to toe, and she is heaving, her shoulders moving up and down, as if she has been running for a time. My first thought is 'what has she done now?', but my second thought is to rush to her side and comfort her. This thought shocks me. It is not something I believed I would ever catch myself thinking, it is just simply not something I would do. Or rather not something I believe I would ever do. But it is something that I thought myself, and perhaps it is even further proof, as if I even needed more, that what I feel for Yasuraoka-san is more than she is just a friend. Yes, even as I think that I know it to be correct. Yasuraoka-san is someone very special, and very precious to me. And not just because she knows the real me, and not because she understands me in a way no one I have or ever will can, but also because I enjoy being around her. She makes even me laugh at times, and she never stops surprising me, even now that I understand her much better than I used to. Sometimes I feel like I could just give up everything I have dedicated the last six years of my life towards, as long as I could be beside her. When she is with me, it feels like whatever is missing in my head that made me the way I am is fixed. She is the light in the darkness. And from now on, I will trust her to stop me from straying too far off the path. But first, I guess I have to deal with whatever has happened to her now.
We were in the middle of practice, so you might have thought it would be difficult to go and see to Yasuraoka-san, but as the captain and coach, I do not even have to make any excuses to take a break. I simply tell the others that I need to step out for a moment, and that they should continue without me. And they do as I say without question. This might be a bit arrogant of me to say, but my teammates will do whatever I say, no matter what it might be. I have always been right on the court, and the only games we have lost are ones in which our opponents were so superior that even playing beyond our limits would not have won us the game. That is the standard I set for my team, and they have adjusted and reached it accordingly. I am proud of our accomplishments as a team. And because of our success, new players are choosing to come to this school over others to play basketball, securing our school's future in the sport. And without a doubt, a large part of it comes down to me and my abilities as a leader. It is because of this leadership that my players will do as I say, or die trying.
And so, I walk off the court and towards Yasuraoka-san, who is still standing near the doorway. She looks absolutely miserable. Her entire body is shaking all over, and now that I am closer I can see that she has been crying. As I approach she looks up, straight into my eyes. She holds my gaze for quite a while before lowering her head once again.
"Sorry… I couldn't remember the way back."
I smile, "I did not think that you had remembered. You were pretty tired this morning."
I speak softly so that no one but Yasuraoka-san can hear me over the rain and the squeaking of shoes on the court. And even though I smile, I am not happy with this. I do not think that is all there is to this. For all her failures and shortcomings, Yasuraoka-san is not so weak that she would cry over not remembering the way back to my house and getting soaked through with rain. No, there is certainly something more to this that she is not telling me.
I ended practice slightly early. The others either did not notice, or did not say anything. Some of those who had noticed gave me or Yasuraoka-san strange looks, but held their tongue. I grabbed my bag, and then headed back over to Yasuraoka-san. Normally I would change back into my school uniform here before I head home, in fact the school makes it very clear that that is what you are supposed to do, but I can tell that Yasuraoka-san just really needs to go back. She needs to be somewhere that she feels comfortable, I suppose. I'm not sure if that is correct, however. It would not seem quite right if she found my house to be a place that comforts her. I mean, she has only stayed there for four days. It is hardly a place she could call home. Nevertheless, the two of us leave before anyone comes out of the changing room side by side.
The rain is still steadily falling, so we walk together, shoulders touching, under my umbrella. We walk for about five minutes, or maybe it is closer to ten because we are getting close to the bakery where we bought lunch this morning. But I wait until now before I talk to her. I feel like she needed the time, and the silence, to collect herself and work out what she herself is feeling right now.
"So? What happened today?"
I ask her, and when I say it, I realise something. This is the first time I have ever really cared what someone is going to answer in response to one of my questions, in perhaps my whole life. Normally it does not matter what people are going to answer, because I already know what they are going to say one way or another. Of course, there are times when I do not know what people are going to say, but this only occurs for trivial matters of little importance. And maybe this is a trivial matter, but it does not feel like something of little importance. If it is important to Yasuraoka-san, I will make it a priority for myself. That is what I think right now, anyway.
Yasuraoka-san looks over at me in wonder. Perhaps she is surprised that I'm showing her any concern. After all, I don't think I've ever genuinely worried about anyone before. Maybe my voice sounds different. Maybe I have a tell for when I'm worried. But then she looks away, back down towards the ground.
"It's nothing really, if anything I feel silly thinking back on it…"
She trails off towards the end of her sentence.
I sigh heavily, maybe even exaggeratedly.
"Yasuraoka-san."
"Yes?"
She looks over at me, with wide eyes. It is as if she is worried about what I am about to say. I do not know what it is she thinks I am going to say, but she definitely does not need to worry. If anything, she is going to like what I am going to say. Or at least I hope she is.
"I am making the second part of our contract now."
Yasuraoka-san seems to not understand what I am talking about for a moment. Well I suppose we have not talked about it for a while, so that is understandable. You may have forgotten as well, after all it has been a long time. Yasuraoka-san has to accept three demands of mine, and in return I did not leave her after she failed me. And you may remember that her first task was to make friends. I had not been planning on making this task, but it seems like a good idea right now. Normally I would think something like this out, but I am not too worried about what I use the three tasks for now. After all, Yasuraoka-san has already changed so much, and is turning into the person I knew she always was. No, in fact she is even more incredible than I thought she could be. But right now, if I do not do anything, I think Yasuraoka-san will return to her defensive nature. She will hide, retreat into her shell. So I need to do this, to make sure all the work the two of us have put into these last few weeks.
"If you need to, rely on me. No matter what."
"Huh?"
"That is the second task."
Yasuraoka-san looks away from me. I think I can see her face growing red. She cannot walk far enough away from me that I cannot see her face, because she has to stay under the umbrella. But she still refuses to look at me. She is looking so far out to the side, almost looking behind us, that it is not possible for me to see any part of her face, other than a slim view of her cheek.
Even after five minutes, she refuses to look back at me. The cheek and ear that I can see give away that her face is still red. I understand that she is blushing, but I do not understand why. I suppose what I said is personal, but she knows me better than anyone else, and I know her better than anyone else, so I thought it would make sense. But maybe it is still embarrassing enough to blush like that. I suppose I would find it embarrassing to say something like that to anyone else, not that I ever would, but I thought it would not be as embarrassing if it was me.
I hear a noise next to me. I look over at Yasuraoka-san. She is still looking in the opposite direction, keeping her face out of my line of sight. Even so, it could only have been her that made that noise. Shortly afterwards, she clears her throat. After some less than appealing sounds, Yasuraoka-san speaks. It catches me off guard. I still am unable to see her mouth, so it surprised me when she spoke.
"It wasn't really anything that serious, but… I guess it was just more of a shock than anything."
I do not say anything. It is hard enough to hear her over the rain, and the fact that she still refuses to face me, that I do not want to add any more noise on top of that.
"My teacher more or less said that my parents had told the school I had gone missing. I don't know why, but I hadn't really thought out how my parents would react to all this. I mean, I pretty much believed that I would already be back home by now."
I can see why that shakes her. Yasuraoka-san probably thought her parents either cared so little they would not bother trying to find her, or that she would be found sooner rather than later if they did care. For some reason, it feels like it would be the right thing to put a hand on her shoulder, but that is not something I would normally do. And besides, Yasuraoka-san looks like she might just shatter if someone touched her.
"So, I think I'll take you up on your offer."
I feel as if I can see her smile even though I am still unable to see her face. But then what happens next, surprises me more than anything else Yasuraoka-san has ever done. The girl who I could never understand, no matter how hard I tried, still had one more surprise for me. Before I could stop her, Yasuraoka-san spins around and falls into me. Her face is still extremely red, although I can not tell if it is from crying, or embarrassment. It is only for a second that I get to see her face, however. Yasuraoka-san falls, or rather lunges, somewhat ungracefully towards me. And comes to rest on my chest. Her weight forces me to take a step or two backwards, and I grab her shoulders to stop the both of us from tumbling to the ground.
For a moment, I think Yasuraoka-san is having an attack of some sort. Or a migraine. Something that would cause her to feel light-headed or lose her footing. But I soon realise she has full control of what she is doing. She kind of nuzzles in close to me, holding me with her arms around my torso, with her face buried into my shirt. I lose my words for a few moments. It is not that I am unable to comprehend the situation, I do not think that has ever happened to me, but I am not sure how to react in this circumstance. And most of all, I can not help but wonder what this means. Does this reaction mean that Yasuraoka-san feels the same way as me? Or is this just because we are close friends?
Either way, I know I am not going to get an answer just from standing here in the middle of the street, for anyone and everyone to see, holding her. But I am just not sure how I can ask her. I do not think I have enough understanding of this to work it out right now either. So maybe I will just have to be patient and wait. But for now, we can not just stand here forever.
"What is this for?"
I ask in a way that suggests I am not bothered by it, but also that I would rather not be held like this in public. Which is true. But Yasuraoka-san probably thinks that I would be bothered by it, as this is not the kind of thing you might expect someone like me to be okay with. By that, I mean you would not expect me to be fine with hugging people, even if they are as close friends to me as Yasuraoka-san is. So, Yasuraoka-san would probably expect me to be bothered by this, and may even now be wondering why I am saying that I am not. Because I have never pretended in front of her, it must seem strange to her that I am not bothered by her hugging me right now.
"Did you already forget? You said I could rely on you from now on."
"I meant more as in mentally and morally than physically."
"I know you did, but have you ever heard that hugging is a great way to relieve stress? So you could say this is me relying on you for mental support."
I sigh, "now you are just twisting my words."
Yasuraoka-san laughs, "you're right."
And even I smile at that. Not because I found it funny, but because seeing Yasuraoka-san smile gives me a great deal of joy. At least I think this feeling could be described by the emotion joy. When I see her laugh like that, it feels as if nothing else in the world matters. A moment of pure bliss among the chaos that is every day life. And during that moment, it feels like her smile is the entire world, that there is nothing else. I could give up on all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations, if it meant spending my life looking at that face. There could not possibly be anything more important that could change my mind about this.
Me and Yasuraoka-san begin walking again. Once again, side by side, under the umbrella. We do not make it far before Yasuraoka-san picks the conversation back up.
"By the way, Sei-chan, did something happen to you recently? Your kind of acting a bit different from usual."
I look over at her, "Am I? How so?"
She becomes a little bit lost in thought, swinging her head forward, and staring out at the setting sun, almost directly ahead of us. I had not realised that the sun had broken through the cloud. It is quite spectacular. A glowing red, or even pink, ball can be seen through the gap. It gives off a bright and soft hue, illuminating us, and the street around us. Yasuraoka-san seems to have barely noticed how incredible the sky looks right now. I can tell because she is about to start talking again.
"It's hard to say. If anything, it's kind of like you're being too kind for me. More than what I would expect from you at least. You're often mean, and say rude things. Ah, not that it bothers me or anything, but I just don't understand why you're acting the way you are."
Yasuraoka-san mutters, and strings together her words weirdly, and inelegantly. She speaks with uncertainty, clumsy and unsure of whether she wants to say what she really thinks. Her face goes red again. Not as badly as before, but it is clear that she is once again embarrassed. If anything, I think she is the one who has changed a lot.
But on the subject of what she has been saying, I suppose I have been nicer to her recently, especially today, although I am not sure if I want to tell her why that is. So, I guess I will just have to stall for now, until I know what I want to tell her, and how I want to tell her.
"I guess I have changed the way I think a little bit. Maybe that is what your picking up on."
"Really?" she looks at me a little surprised, "I did not think you changed how you thought. Maybe even to a fault."
"No, I am just normally correct, so there is no need for me to change my thinking."
"So, were you wrong about something?"
"Not exactly, I just realised something important that I had not realised even though it was probably right in front of me for… months."
"Is that so?"
We return, back to walking side by side without talking. This time it lasts. I think both of us need some time to process what was just spoken about. Well, it is more Yasuraoka-san than me that needs to process everything that happened. Right now, she is probably still a bit confused about why I said she could rely on me. After all, it is not the kind of thing I would normally say to anyone, even her. Which leads to the other topic she must be thinking about. The fact that I seem to have changed a bit recently, and what I said as to why it is that I have changed. She must be wondering what it is that I've been staring at for months without realising. To be honest, it is probably closer to a year, but that might have been a bit too obvious. I do not want Yasuraoka-san to find out that I am in love with her. At least, not yet. Maybe, once I have all of my thoughts collected and I have everything worked out in my head, then maybe I will be able to tell her. But until then, I cannot say anything that makes it too obvious that I have fallen in love with her.
And so, because I know Yasuraoka-san both wants and needs this time to come to terms with everything she has just been told, I will just walk here in silence beside her. There is still one more topic that I need to discuss with her, how the first part of our contract has gone so far, but it should not take long. Both because I believe I already know the answer, and even if I did not know, I believe that Yasuraoka-san will be able to answer the way I am expecting her to. Because I knew all along she was capable of achieving the task that I set out for her. She just needed a little bit of a poke. And maybe she has not quite made it all the way yet, but I am sure she is well and truly on her way to achieving the goal I set out for her, and any goal I set for her in the future. She is incredibly capable, but she just never had the motivation of desire to do anything.
I used to dislike people like that, because I thought that they were wasting away their talents. I thought maybe I would find someone as talented as me if anyone else put in the same effort that I do. But then as I grew up, I came to learn that not everyone had been as lucky as me when it came to their circumstances, and how that affected their abilities, their drive, and how high their ambitions were. Shortly after I began to truly have a deep understanding of how the mind works, I met Yasuraoka-san. She was the epidemy of everything I would be if I gave it all up. She was a shell, with no real purpose, or reason to be. A shadow of a human.
And yet, the brightness of the intelligence that you can see in her eyes… I knew right then that I had finally found someone who truly was my equal. It took a long time, and much more effort than I had originally ever intended to put in, but I succeeded in pushing her into changing her attitude. Watching how much she has changed in this short time, makes me proud. Proud that I am the one who pushed her into this change, and proud as her… friend.
So that is why I know Yasuraoka-san is capable of achieving the task I set out for her. Because she is probably the most interesting and unique person I will ever meet.
We are coming up to my house now, and the end of our walk home. I have given Yasuraoka-san as long as possible to sort out the thoughts that are obviously flooding her head right now, but I need to ask her about how she is doing in terms of the task I set for her.
"Yasuraoka-san."
"Hmm?" she looks over at me in bewilderment. She always looks so shocked whenever someone starts a conversation with her. It is almost as if she cannot understand why someone would talk to her. Well, considering the last three years of her life, it may actually be the case.
"How well have you done, in terms of the first task of the contract?"
"The first task of the contract…" Yasuraoka-san becomes lost in thought for a second. I find it cute how she does that, even though I know it is just because she is so tired she can barely focus. She tilts her head to the side, and then looks up at the sky. It always looks funny when she does that, especially when you can see her brow furrow, as she tries to comprehend what was just said to her. I do not know how she manages to survive when she is so tired the whole time.
"Oh right. Well, you didn't really set a time limit and you were kind of unspecific on the exact number, so I don't know how well I am doing. But I have made five friends, which I think was more than you said, if you include Asahina-san, Ukita-san, and Yamagami-san."
I recognise the names she says as the group of people that Otsubo Ueno regularly hangs out with, and the same people that Yasuraoka-san went out with in the weekend. I never got to ask her how that went, because of everything that happened following. And I know the last two to make the five is the aforementioned Otsubo-san, and myself.
Five was indeed more than I asked of her, three or four was the original request, so she is correct in that she has exceeded what I asked of her, but one thing about what she said bothers me.
"What exactly do you mean by, 'if you include Asahina-san, Ukita-san, and Yamagami-san'?"
Yasuraoka-san looks somewhat ashamed, "well, I'm not entirely sure what counts as being a friend and what is not. Like I'm not sure if we are friends of a friend, or acquaintances, or something else entirely."
I sigh. While I may not be an expert in this area, I've been around enough different groups to have a good idea of what a friend is.
"How do you feel when you hang out with them?"
"Well, I guess I enjoyed it when we went out together on Saturday, and I like talking to them. They talk about all sorts of things, compared to my friends in junior high. It's much more fun."
I smile, "then they must be your friends."
Yasuraoka-san looks quite pleased with herself. She nods, indicating she understands that they are indeed her friends. I can see her smile. She looks so much happier and alive than she did a month ago. Sometimes I think that maybe what I did was wrong. Forcing someone to change as heavily-handed as I did is unthoughtful, and can do far more damage to the person, than not changing at all does. If I was wrong about Yasuraoka-san's capabilities, she would be a wreck now. But luckily, I was not wrong. Because Yasuraoka-san is indeed capable of all I believed her to be, and now, looking at her smile, I know that I did the right thing.