'If you don't have the strength to acquire something that you want from the depth of your soul, then you should try to acquire the strength to give up on that wish.'
Those were the words of my late grandfather. It's funny that I would remember those last words during the last moments of my life. Death has arrived in the form of a car accident. Time is slowing down. I feel my warm blood rushing out of my body and reaching my outstretched hands. I wonder if that's the only warmth that I am allowed to feel during my last moment. My body is going numb. I can't feel pain. I can't hear the people around me. In my blurry vision, I see a familiar figure running toward me.
"Aisa…"
His voice is a distant dream that started with an everlasting and ended with shattering pain. I had been lying to myself for my whole life. It is miserable how my shattered heart would be revived by his voice alone. My vision is darkening. I wish to see that smile again once more.
___
He is standing right in front of me.
He looks the same. Slender. Tall. Clear skin. Messy dark hair. He is a foot taller than me. His honey brown eyes have a hint of sadness and longing, but there is that almost smile on his lips. This is the moment I fell in love with his almost smile for the first time. It's been nearly 20 years since this moment. I have never forgotten. I remember how much I wanted to make him smile. How much have I wanted to see him again?
"Miss, do you know the way to H high school?"
My dead heart flutters when I see his smile. I don't reply. It's just a dream. I want to stay in this moment forever. I don't want anything else.
"Miss?" His smile falters a bit. He waves his hands in front of my face. "Are you okay? Can you hear me?"
I am sure that I am 30 years old. This is the moment when I met him for the first time at the age of 15. I don't care whether this is a dream. I just want to stay in this moment forever. The boy keeps asking if something is wrong.
"Umm..." This is awkward even in the dream. I foolishly question him. "Don't you recognize me?"
This is clearly not a reality. I am sure that I was in a car accident. There is a chance that I am lying unconscious in the hospital and dreaming about this moment. If it's a play created by the mind, shouldn't he recognize me or I should wake up by now?
The boy looks into my eyes. "Have we met before?"
"I..." There is something wrong here. Should I just tell him the way to high school? Usually, I wake up as soon as I realize that it's a dream. Why I am not waking up?
"It's just a dream," I tell myself. I won't worry about this. He has heard me. He looks confused at first. I let out a chuckle when I see him making his 'thinking' face again.
He pinches my cheeks and beams at me, "It's not a dream."
Wait, what?
I cry out in pain. It hurts. It's not a dream? It shouldn't be hurting.
"It's not a dream." He pinches harder. "You are not dreaming, miss. Can you tell me the way to H high school now?"
"…"
I stare hard at him. I am speechless beyond words.
"Are you awake, miss?" He grins with eyes are full of mirth.
I bite my lower lip. Why is he still pinching my cheeks? My cheeks are not for pinching. First love or not, he doesn't have the right to pinch my cheeks like this even in the dreams, all right?
Why did I forget about his cracked personality? Even in my dreams, he is slightly broken in the head.
"Hey, you!"
I recognize this voice. I look behind the boy who is still pinching my cheeks like they are rubber balls. "What are you doing to Aisa, you pervert?"
I frown when I see her. It's my friend, Wang Mei. This girl is the second daughter of the mafia head, Wang Feng. Her hair is dyed red. Her eyes are gray like rain clouds. She is also fifteen. She is a few inches shorter than me, but she can beat up people who are double her size.
In the next moment, everything happens like a movie. It doesn't follow the original memory of my life at all.
"Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!" Wang Mei yells at the top of her lungs and runs toward us. I try to step back, but the boy is still holding my cheeks and looking at Wang Mei with a shocked expression.
She lunges at us like a cheetah and aims her iron kick at the boy's head. I widen my eyes. Everything is slowing down by ten times. Just before her foot can touch the boy's head, the boy shifts his body and it comes at my face instead.
Wang Mei breaks my nose and my misunderstanding of the situation. It's not a dream at all. Somehow, I have turned back the time and returned to the day I met him for the first time.
___
"I was only asking for direction. She acted as if she knew me."
"If you haven't moved, she wouldn't get hurt."
"It was still your foot that broke her nose," He replies to Wang Mei's accusation with a calm voice.
My nose is still hurting like hell. I wonder if it is broken. What if my nose is crooked? A woman's face is important to her.
"I wonder if we have ever met before." He mumbles. He is sitting quite close to me. This is the same boy who is the reason behind my broken nose. Sung Jun. He is 15 years old. He moved from K country to C Country with his mother after his parents' divorce.
I know because I am reliving my life. Somehow, I have turned back time. Wang Mei's iron kick has broken my nose and awakened me to the harsh reality. No matter how real a dream feels, it cannot make you feel the pain that I am currently experiencing.
So, I have concluded that I am not dreaming at all. I am reborn to the day I met him. Currently, we are fifteen years old. But I am mentally thirty.
In my past life, I died in a car accident. In my last moment, I wished to see him again. The memories of past life are crystal clear. I don't believe that my past life was a dream. I don't know whether it was the devil or the god who granted my dying wish. I am not happy about this. I want to find that entity and beat him to death for doing this unnecessary thing.
"I wonder if she was flirting with you," Wang Mei speaks with a curious tone. "She has never been out of this country. You have never been to this country before. Then, when will she get to meet you?"
I want to choke this girl. Why can't she think of me before speaking something like that?
"My brother practices pick up lines like that," She adds.
"Is that so, Miss Wang?" Sung Jun chuckles with low voice. "Miss Fang looks too innocent."
I know what he is trying to imply. I look too innocent to flirt with him openly. Did I not know that he is secretly proud of his looks? Narcissist brat! If I have not known him from my past life, I would have fallen for his disguise like Wang Mei.
"It must be your face," Wang Mei blurts out. "It's too pretty."
Wang Mei, my sweet Wang Mei! What did I ever do to you? Why are you saying this to the devil? Don't believe his charade. He is the devil who can sell you without batting his eyes.
I want to wake up and scream at them, but I am too embarrassed to do that. I don't want to see their faces.
In my past life, I was hurt and abandoned by both of them. Wang Mei decided to cut off the friendship without any explanation. Sung Jun went back to K country after our graduation without a single word.
"Miss Fang." Jun pinches my cheek. "Open your eyes. I saw your lips twitch a while ago."
I look at him when I feel his hot breath on my face. My eyes wander to his pink lips. I can't help but remember our first kiss on the rooftop.
That day, I heard that the president of my class wanted to ask him out on a date. She was pretty and charming. I decided that I had no chance of winning against that girl who was perfect in studies and looks. I dragged him to the roof. I gathered my courage and kissed him. I told him arrogantly that I would take responsibility for him after eating his tofu.
I would later learn that it was his plan all along. He was not a pure white flower, but a devil incarnate.
"Are you insane?" I push him away. I can't stop myself from yelling at him.
I always felt like I forced myself on him in my past life. Ever since I saw him, I chased him shamelessly while he treated me with kindness. Everyone hated my behavior. They thought that I forced him to be with me. But, Wang Mei stood by my side. She even threatened the people who spoke badly behind my back.
I thought that I could move his heart if I forced him to be with me. We were in a relationship for three years. When told me that he also loved me that night, I foolishly believed those words and surrendered to his embrace. Next morning, he was gone. He went back to K country. I called him so many times, but he never answered. I chased him to K country, but he never met me. Later, I learned that he was marrying his childhood sweetheart.
That was when I gave up on him and returned to China. I was too tired. This guy never showed his face till the end. He must have hated every second that he spent with me.
I have hated myself more than I hated him.
He played me to the end when we were together. Still, I wanted to see him once more at my last moment.
I am reborn in the past because of that stupid wish.
"Miss Fang?" Sung Jun touches my wet cheeks. "Why are you crying?"
"Aisa," Wang Mei freaks out. "I am sorry. Are you in pain?"
"Yes." I am in pain. It hurts to see both of them again. I don't want to relive my life.
"I am sorry, Aisa."
Wang Mei stands to my right and blows on my nose. Her grey eyes are clear and honest. There is no fake emotion in her voice. She is genuinely worried about me. I don't understand why she will later break all relations with me.
"Miss Fang, I am sorry. I am partially responsible for this situation." Jun smiles at me politely.
I grit my teeth. I have known him enough to know when he is genuinely sorry. At this moment, this guy is not sorry at all.
"My name is Sung Jun. I moved here from K country last week." He lowers his head to look into my eyes. "I don't remember ever meeting you. Can you tell me where we have met before?"
___
She has long wavy hair and dark eyes. The girl has tanned skin and naturally red lips. Her gaze is steady and quiet. Sung Jun waits for her to answer. He is sure that he would remember if he has seen her somewhere before. There is a dark aura around her.
She smiles at him mockingly, "I was mistaken. You looked like someone I knew. We don't know each other"
If that's the case, then why does she still have that undisguised hate for him in her eyes?
He notices the shadows around her. That's the aura of death. People who are closer to death have that kind of aura around them. She doesn't look sick. Is she going to have a close encounter with death soon?
Fang Aisa gets down the bed, ignoring Wang Mei's protests.
Wang Mei frets around her. "Aisa, you should rest."
Fang Aisa packs up her stuff. "I am going home."
"But…"
Her cold eyes freeze Wang Mei on her spot. She warns her with a tone that sends a shiver down Wang Mei's back. "Don't bother me."
She glances at him once. They hold each other gaze for less than a second. Then, she marches away without a word.
Miss Fang is interesting.