Javi
"Hello"
I growled on the phone as it was almost 6 in the morning. Who it must be this early in the morning
"Hello Javi"
I got up almost jumping out of bed hearing Hiraeth's voice. I looked around as the Seoul sun rose an hour ago, the orange hue of the sky was still there, the warm sunlights peeking and slipping through every window shield. I calmed my raging heartbeats
"Yeah yeah Hiraeth, say"
"Javi, can you say the name of the place you got the steak burgers yesterday?"
I ended with a broken laugh as I asked
"Why do you wanna eat those steak burgers at 6 in the morning? I fed you last night. You ate so much love, okay tell me has your cook returned?"
I could feel her pouting against the phone screen.
"She came and made me an early breakfast also, but I don't want to smell eggs now. It grosses me out. I want to eat some meat. Please, say na, the name of the takeout restaurant?"
Fondness was so high on my body, that I could faint. The smile wasn't leaving my lips. But where is Tristan? I should ask, but I don't think I wanna hear about her husband for whom she left me. It's simple. I hate the fact she is someone else's.
"Okay okay I am coming with burgers and yeah meat box, freshly made for you okay? Give me 30 minutes. Can you do me a favor now?"
She must have nodded as I laughed
"Words Hiraeth"
"Yes"
She said as I closed my eyes, feeling my cheeks warming up.
"Just eat a bowl of watermelons, not kiwis. I saw kiwis in your house yesterday, I know you don't like kiwis. Just have some watermelon. It is your favorite, I know. By the time you finish, I will be there. Yeah?"
She again must have nodded and then slapped her hands on her head. I giggled
"Yes yes"
She said as she cut the call.
I got up, and my eyes were already under my eye bags, but I didn't need to sleep when she needed me. I can't sleep on her. I got up
Went straight to the fast food joint as I saw it was closed. Every restaurant is closed around 6:15 a.m. I called the owner's number written outside on their banner.
I very hardly convinced the owner who was also the head chef to come and make me steak burgers and meat boxes. Of course, I paid double the whole price and again compensated with another amount. Anyway, Doesn't matter. I got the food as I ran towards my car. I reached her apartment.
I rang the doorbell and she opened with eyes filled with lights, but sadness was shadowing her but she stood like a rock.
Her eyes were rimmed red. How many days will she hide from me? Of course, something happened. I can feel it.
She squealed taking the takeout boxes from me as we headed inside, her cook left. I saw she ate fruits but didn't touch the breakfast palette filled with two eggs, buttered toast, and a cup of coffee. Doesn't know what to feed her. She doesn't eat half-fried eggs, she eats boiled, soft-boiled, she eats pancakes, she hates bread, and coffee, yeah she despises coffee.
I sighed
"Hiraeth, why didn't you tell the cook what you like to eat?"
She had already started eating. I saw her cheeks puffing up with stuffed food.
"My my eat slowly, it isn't going anywhere"
She nodded but still kept eating messily. I ruffled her hair as I sat opposite to her
"I told her, but the cook only remembered Tristan's favorite things. For the first few weeks cooked my favorite breakfast, but then totally forgot as I then didn't tell her again"
She said in between her eating
"Didn't Tristan notice?"
It jerked my heart
"He doesn't have time, you know for all these, he has so much work, he has a very busy schedule."
She said as if it was normal, it wasn't normal. She was neglected. in How many sectors she was neglected.
"Hiraeth you should learn to tell the cook again if she doesn't get it, you need to tell her as many times as needed for her to listen. You are the owner of the house too, you should be treated like that too"
She nodded as she looked at me gently, her eyes softening. Her hairs were tightly pressed on a half-tied bun and long strands fell from her face. She was looking beautiful. She then continued eating. I watched her eat to her heart's content. As if she never ate her heart's wish ever.
"Now tell me where Tristan is?"
All the colors drained from her body, and she became pale. She put the half-eaten burger on the takeout box
"He is in Las Vegas now, he is on his concert tour."
I frowned thinking how much was true and how much was a lie, I looked at her deep in the eyes, her eyes never expressed like earlier, she was becoming hard to read
"Now, was the concert planned before you got pregnant?"
She shook her head as her sad eyes became more.
"No, I uhm yeah. The concert was scheduled about a year ago, and when he was about to go on the concert tour 3 months ago, I got the news that I was one week pregnant and hence I couldn't go with him. He had to go alone, it was difficult for him to go alone but he did go. He can't disappoint those million fans. I didn't stop him. It was his work. I told him I would take care of myself and the baby alone."
I raised my eyebrows as I asked
"Then were you planning to stay alone in pregnancy?"
She shook her head
"I have my best friend, Jaycee. But she is a journalist you know in Boston. So she can't always travel to me, but still, she came to me a month ago, but a few days ago, she came up with very important interviews to take, she couldn't miss those interviews, and I told her to go. Besides, there are so many maids and cooks. The maids come in the morning and leave in the evening and so does the cook."
Suddenly a huge amount of anger fueled inside me
"And Tristan's mother could have-"
"No, no mom can't, my sister in law is also pregnant, she is there to take care of her"
My insides churned with the thought of thinking she was here all alone during pregnancy and she easily agreed with everyone to leave her alone. She thought of every single person but not her. She didn't become selfish for herself. How can she not think about her good? She was going to be left alone by everyone, she wasn't about to find emotional support or love, and she agreed because of what she thought of everyone else's good but not hers. She sacrifices everything for everyone she loves and they can't leave their work for her just for a day. The thought of thinking of everyone leaving her during pregnancy and god knows how many times she was left alone by her loved ones. Tristan, the man she loves couldn't even come to her by canceling everything, she is pregnant with their child, and he has responsibilities as a father, how can he not come and go to country after country, doing concerts after concerts? How can she leave all alone? The cook doesn't even know her favorite foods, she gets cravings at midnight, very early in the morning, she needs to eat whenever she likes and however she likes but she can't. What if I wasn't in Seoul and she could never have fed herself like this in the early morning or at midnight? She is pregnant, her mood swings, her cravings, her hunger, her sickness, everything is increasing. But no one was there to see her, no one was there to take care of her like her. I am looking at her as she continues eating. Her face is getting red, exhaustion is so exceptional on her features now, and her shoulders are sunk, I looked at her feet, her feet are swollen. Nobody was there to oil massage her feet, nobody was there to massage her shoulders. A pregnant woman needs so many things, so much more affection from her loved ones and here she was thinking about her loved ones' betterment, not her. Jaycee needed to work, and Tristan needed to work. What about her, in this condition she might also need to work.
"Does Tristan call every day?"
Her blood drained from her face as she stilled. The expressions earlier while listening to the name of Tristan, aren't there. She isn't lightning like a bolt as she hears the name of her husband.
"Yeah..yeah..why why are you asking"
She said looking everywhere but me. She got up to wipe her mouth with a towel, she was walking slowly, and her body was exhausted. Her feet might be getting heavy. I have heard when one of my employees got pregnant, she told her colleagues as I heard bits and pieces.
Now when I leave, how will she live like this?
"When will Tristan return?"
I asked as she didn't turn from the kitchen sink side. Her shoulders sagged down.
"Uhm I don't know maybe after 2 or 3 months. The tour is long as you know"
I nodded as I ran to stand behind her, she turned to feel my presence behind her. She looked at me, her eyes glossier. Something was hurting or might be everything was hurting her. What is it? She looks suffocated. She looks as if she can't handle it anymore. I want to touch her. I want to touch her, please. Stop it.
"Hiraeth come with me, stay with me in Milan until Tristan returns. Or until Jaycee returns. I will take care of you, let me take you. Please don't stay alone"
She looked at me as if heard something unbelievable
"Javi, are you out of your mind? She seemed offended
"I can't. I absolutely can't. With you no"
I never felt so hurt by another rejection. I sucked my breath. She was vulnerable, she didn't know what she was saying
"Why? What's wrong with staying with me? I am a friend. Let me take you with me"
I could feel my voice almost on the verge of breaking. God, I want to touch her. She was so close to me yet so distant. I love her damn it. I love you Hiraeth, can't you see it in my eyes
"Javi, this is absurd. You can't expect a married girl to stay with another man, whether it is a friend or not"
What the hell is she talking about? I could feel hurt expanding in my chest.
"Married"
I scoffed
"Hiraeth where the fuck is your husband?"
She looked at me widening her eyes, something so sad was infiltrating my nostrils. She was so sad. God. What happened to the happily-in-love girl?
"WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR HUSBAND, ANSWER ME. IF YOU WERE MARRIED YOUR HUSBAND WOULDN'T BE GONE FOR A TOUR, HE COULD HAVE FUCKING DONE SOMETHING OR ANYTHING TO STOP IT OR RESCHEDULE IT. HE WOULD HAVE FUCKING CALLED A MILLION TIMES BY NOW, ITS ALMOST 8 IN THE MORNING, WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD ONE CALL HIRAETH, IF YOU WERE FUCKING MARRIED, YOUR HUSBAND WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE THAT DAY TO TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTOR, IF YOU WERE MARRIED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO CALL ME TO HAVE YOUR FAVORITE BURGER AT 6 IN THE MORNING, YOUR HUSBAND WOULD HAVE TURNED THE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN TO GET YOUR CRAVINGS FULFILLED. IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SAID NO TO THE BREAKFAST, IF YOU WERE FUCKING MARRIED, YOUR HUSBAND WOULD HAVE GOT A PLATINUM RING NOT A DIAMOND, HE HADN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU DON'T LIKE DIAMONDS ACCESSORIES, YOUR WOULD HAVE WORN YOUR FAVORITE WHITE DRESS IN THE WEDDING BECAUSE IT WAS YOUR DREAM, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE YOUR THICK FAT TEARS LIKE NOW. I KNOW YOU MUST BE HAPPY THESE YEARS despite Tristan's EVERY NEGLECTION, BUT I AM NOT HAPPY. I WANT TO SEE YOU SMILING FINE AS EVER, AND THE MOMENT I RESTED MY FEET IN THIS HOUSE, SADNESS ISN'T LEAVING YOUR HOUSE. I FUCKING HATE TO SEE YOU THIS WEAK HIRAETH. FOR GOD'S SAKE YOUR SO-CALLED HUSBAND ISN'T DOING ANYTHING. HE IS SINGING ACROSS THE WORLD AND HIS WIFE IS FUCKING GETTING SICK DAY BY DAY."
I screamed as she cried looking down. I hugged her, meeting her heart. Guess what this time our heartbeats are in total sync. Never mismatching a single beat. Guess what I know she is feeling so different. But she wouldn't admit it.
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have"
"Javi, Please leave it" I felt a pang in my heart
"My husband isn't a bad man Javi, he is also a celebrity along with being an ordinary man, trust me, he took care of me all these years, and I was more than happy. He is not a man to notice every little thing of mine, but that doesn't mean he didn't shower me with love. He just didn't notice these things, he is a busy man. He told me to love his celebrity side too, and I am trying to. His life is different from Javi's, this is his dream, and he has to give priority to his wishes. He loves his work, he always protected me when I was surrounded by crowds, his arms were always caging me to save me from the reporters and photographers, he wrote songs about me, and also said in award shows, that he was grateful I am his wife, I was sick, he was there to take of me the whole night. I admit, he isn't here, and he most of the time wasn't here. I admit I was alone, but this is the life I chose for myself. In one bond someone has to sacrifice big right?"
"Wrong, in a bond both of the partners have to sacrifice. Only you are sacrificing Hiraeth, I can see. He didn't sacrifice anything, did he? He still went to those award shows, he still went to those interviews, concerts, recordings, and everything, but you, I admit you were with him, but did he ask if you wanted to be there or not? He didn't. He just wanted you to come with him and you heard him, you went with him for your happiness. You forgot your own life because of someone else. I admit he is your husband, but why does it matter if you don't choose his celebrity side Hiraeth? Why do always you do as he likes and never as you like? I am sure it wouldn't have bothered him if you had said no to going to any of these media things. Hiraeth all your life you did for everyone but never for you. You never value yourself. You missed Tristan but never gave the chance to say that you are also missed. Give yourself time, love yourself first. Think about yourself for once. Be selfish. Life isn't about Tristan, it's about your choice of being with or without him. Love isn't everything. Being happy is. Most of the time it happens that we love but we won't be happy"
Her arms tightened around my waist as she buried her face in my neck, warm silent tears drenched my shirt. She was more exhausted now. I carried her and didn't hear her. I went to her bedroom, the smell of hers was more strong there. Tristan is a lucky bastard. I scoffed. She already slept in my arms.
I kissed her hair as I laid her down. She cuddled with the other pillow. That pillow might be Tristan's. I looked at her side table, there were magazines, my magazines, and a photo frame of their wedding picture. Hiraeth was so happy, God. who cast an evil eye on happiness. Why is now distressed in her heart she is still protesting her husband.
I pulled out my phone and I said to my assistant
"Lucy, find Kim Tristan, make an appointment with him, any time, any day, tell him The Gideon wants to cover his concert glimpses. Tell him the CEO of The Gideon wants to take his interview, it would be good if you can arrange the meeting this week. I want it Lucy, do you get it"
I heard her saying yes as I cut the call and made another call to my manager
"Christopher, yeah listen, I won't be able to interview Mr. Kwang, send a flower bouquet as an apology, and cancel the return tickets, we aren't leaving for Milan this week. And go to the grocery, buy meat, healthy beef, the most expensive ones. Get to Gangnam near Kim Tristan's house, yeah the house I asked you to follow for a year now. Buy cranberry juices and oranges. Fresh watermelons too. Come with all of these within a few hours in Gangnam. And listen, cancel my plans for a month now, I won't interview anyone other than Kim Tristan this month"
He said yes as I cut the call. I looked at Hiraeth. I kissed her hair as I brought oil to massage her swollen feet. I massaged them as she slept till evening. I looked at her and thought how much this girl doesn't know how to live for herself.
Let's meet Kim Tristan in person. At that time I was poor and unapproachable. Let's meet him with all the powers in my hands now.