It is familiar to us that the one who expresses his feelings and thoughts through their vocals is known as a "singer"
But are they singers? Or are they just nonchalantly following the track of their well-built career to meet their luxurious desires which once they dreamt of fulfilling passionately? Once they desperately desired to voice their opinions through melody and music but now have covered their passion for work and the covering was greed for more fame and money. Once they wanted to just sing wholeheartedly which now converted into a business exchanging songs in return for a huge amount of money. Once those lyrics meant a lot of situations and conversations which has now eventually converted into just giving some beats and funky lyrics to the song.
On the other hand, we can also see a handful of people who still honor their love for music. It is very rare in sight but some people still want to convey real emotions into melodies and songs.
Let's talk about someone like this. Shall we?
"Kim Tristan "
His irises twitched in nervousness as he gulped down a huge lump through his throat and looked at the lady who just called his name. He stood up and straightened his back to look as poised as ever. His eyebrows frowned but were normal after a few seconds. His heart was racing incredibly inside but his inverted triangle-shaped face was showing calmness. He had his brownish little bangs which were strangling loose which showed his forehead is widest, and the width tapers going down towards his chin. He kept walking after the lady who was taking him in for an interview at a music company.
A bachelor's degree in music with a specialization in vocal performance is what he could offer at that moment. His hands were getting sweaty with each step. Why wouldn't he be nervous? He left his parents in the province giving them hope he would bear their expenses and needs. His parents agreed but were not hopeful about him getting selected for that company. They just didn't want to break his heart for choosing a profession that might not suit him. They were hoping he would return, getting rejected and disheartening. He entered and looked at them with his charming eyes. The hazelnut eyes were almost taking their breath away as if they had never seen such beautiful eyes. The eyes which express him like an open book. They asked a few questions and he answered professionally. His tulip-shaped lips parted and was about to start singing but he heard a voice from behind
Look at his clothes; he didn't have good clothes other than this shabby outfit. How will he please the judges?"
The first complication he encountered was not being affected mentally. His soft and sentimental heart just dropped upon hearing their words. He looked down, examining his whole self and questioning what was wrong with his outfit. A sort of discouragement rushed through his veins after hearing another word.
"He might not be selected. Look at his presence. He is not classic"
His delicate yet never-affected heart started to get affected by such words. His finger shivered slightly in nervousness. His forehead was getting sweaty. Legs were on the edge of trembling. It was his first to hear such words. He found it rude. Tears are barely controlling themselves to not burst through his eyes. He blinked quite several times to not lose control over himself. He never understood what kind of world he was entering. Was it just bad? Or worse?
AFTER 10 YEARS, he realized it was the worst.
Tristan
Being a singer isn't easy; it takes a burden of responsibilities to fulfill. The anxiousness I get when I see the expectations in these people's eyes, the restlessness and extreme nervousness I feel whenever I am on the stage if I can perform or not. Being a singer was not only meant for my dreams but also for my financial abilities. I have always been criticized. I tried so hard to please everyone with my hard work but I lacked something every time. I wanted to be perfect. But running after success brought my life to a hell hole. I lost the trust of the love of my life. I tried to get to somewhere so high that I never really cared about Hiraeth. I was running behind a myth of success, but I ran too fast as she was left behind. I never really noticed her wishes or her choices. I have always been in love with her but I never fulfilled the love like mom said. I never gave her those other rights, I have always been with her but we were fulfilling my dreams, not hers. I never got the chance to even ask. The road to success and the road to satisfy your wife. I chose the first one. I have always been so engrossed in work, that I never really cared about little things, like getting her favorite foods, knowing her favorite color, knowing her favorite season. My life is so complex that I barely have time to spend with her. She might be feeling alone. I had forgotten she got only me, she doesn't have any family members. In my profession, we don't take breaks, because if we do, our place is given to others in a snap.
I was asked to interview for The Gideon and heard the CEO personally wants to meet me. I am here currently sitting in a hotel room of a different hotel than mine. I wandered my eyes, these rooms are only for VVIPs. I know, I have been assigned VVIP rooms a lot. The marble floor is daunting in my heavy heart, as I sighed. I sighed for the millionth time now. I am sober now. I haven't consumed drugs since this morning.
I heard a knock as my assistant went to open it. my guards were all outside, inside just my assistant and manager and my director, my editor too. My eyes widened as a black silhouetted man entered who had a very familiar face. How can I forget the face of Javi, the lover of Hiraeth, the days she was with him, the fire his eyes induced while looking at her still curved inside me, burning me? I felt uncomfortable suddenly, his raven eyes looked at me, I saw his hair was shorter and poised and jelled, and his sleeves were rolled up as he was wearing a black neck-covered polo shirt inside, it was checkered but with only black shades, with office formal pants, his facial expression was nothing but somber. As if something was undone, he wanted to disclose something of mine, his eyes landed on mine, and unrealistic grief was shown. A man can express this much, I didn't know, his half-sleeved bare arms, loitered with inks, the arm had tattoos of might be every single beautiful thing that existed in the world. One particular tattoo caught my eyes, it was right behind his ear, "H".
His left arm was empty, and his forearm was covered but I could see an eye was tattooed, I could see the word love was painted, and a bunch of flowers in different patterns, a snake, a Rolex watch, it had everything.
"SO Mr. Kim"
He came as he leaned down to shake my hands. I nodded, getting my messed-up posture a little bit in control.
"Mr. Javi"
"Shall we start, without a further do, we will not take most of your time?"
His voice was thick as ice, strong and never intending to crumple. I nodded as he again said
"I will prefer only Mr. Kim and none in this room. So can we vacant the room gentlemen? I need to talk heart to heart to Mr. Kim"
He looked at me almost challenged. I felt highly disturbed but still told my team to leave the room. I sat leaning on the couch as I folded my legs on top of another.
He sighed and smiled looking at me, a smile so wicked I have seen in most people.
"Mr. Kim, I heard your wife is pregnant"
The answer made me still, he was straight to the point, not hesitating. Earlier I saw him pleading with Hiraeth to choose him near that riverside, now he is talking as if he has nothing to lose.
"yes, she is"
He laughed and said
"well congratulations to your wife then"
I nodded, making a cold face. When will this interview end? I haven't seen the recorder anywhere, which means it was personal. I scoffed. I knew it
"I never saw anyone taking my interview without any recorder or witness."
I said coldly. he smirked
"This is my way, Mr. Kim. I remember words, letter by letter. Shall we begin with the next question?"
I nodded as I glided my fingers to my chin thinking what was going on with that wicked mind of his. He looked like a wounded animal, but so dangerous, anyone could shiver. I have handled bad, I will be okay.
"Mr. Kim, are all your songs dedicated to Hiraeth"
I smiled gently as I said
"All my songs are of how I want to love her yeah, all of my songs are how I desire her, how I feel for her, how I want to make a happy life with her, how I want to have a family with her, how I want to cherish her, to care for her"
He scoffed
"Are you taking care of her?"
I knew it. He wants to know.
" Of course I am. Now Mr. Javi can we not get any personal"
He looked at me dissatisfied with the answer
"Of course we can, but I don't want to. Because as far as I know you, you haven't been personal for years now. You are on your tour which means, your wife is alone there right? Is she alone? Is someone taking care of her during her first pregnancy?"
My eyes glazed with tears as I got up, getting so angry. Why was I suddenly getting infuriated
"Tristan you haven't fucking answered. Is she alone? Is there no one to take care of her during her pregnancy?"
I heard his desperate voice. Why was he still desperate? Is he still in love with her now?
"Why do you even care? This is my personal life, she is my wife, and I know what is happening. You shouldn't meddle in our lives"
He looked defeated as he held his head with both his palms as he said
"Tristan for fuck's sake, tell me why are you being a jerk. She chose you, remember. She is your fucking wife, you are her husband. Have you forgotten that? She was alone that night, I was in Seoul for some work, and she called me helplessly asking if was in Seoul or not, she was in extreme stomach pain, she was having a panic attack, I reached to her only to find her collapsing in pain and the next I knew we were in the hospital, the doctor said, it happened because of stress. She was stressed. Can you please be a fucking good husband and go to her. She is alone. And let me ask you one thing, how can you fucking leave her alone in pregnancy, Tristan she has no one there, nor anywhere, her friend can't be always with her because she has work, can you imagine the pain of her, of being so lonely with a soul growing inside her, have some decency and go to her. It's still not too late. She fucking misses you, I was in Seoul and she called me, Tristan get a grip on yourself and think she called me, why? Because she needed someone. And you weren't there with your wife."
He got up from his chair as he walked around the living room
He said as a tear fell from his eye. He was in great pain, I could feel it from standing so far from him
"Do you think this is easy, do you think I don't want to? I am doing this for her. for our future, and these millions of fans bought tickets, how can I cancel the concerts? I can't be heartless."
He turned as he looked at me straight in the eyes
"Tristan you are showing yourself as a heartless husband, Tristan by being successful, you are only making her proud which she always was, make her happy you idiot. She isn't happy now. Yes, she may be happy with you for 4 years. But she is missing you and getting over-sensitive this time. I am begging you please, just cancel everything and go to her."
"I can't, I can't face her now"
He looked at me frowning his brows, I looked down as I felt tears falling like a river.
"why? What did you do?"
"I ASKED WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?"
His eyes had rage I never saw in anyone. I flinched when he came close to me. The fire I his eyes told me, he would crumple the world within his palms if need be for Hiraeth.
"Why are you even asking, and saying all these things? Are you still in love with her? get over her, she is my wife"
His rage was fanning his breaths, I could see it in his bloodshot eyes
"THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME. SHE IS YOUR WIFE, NOT A FUCKING TROPHY, YOU HAVEN'T WON HER, SHE ISN'T YOUR ASSET, AND BEING A WIFE DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN'T LEAVE YOU. AND YOU WANTED TO HEAR IT RIGHT? YES, I AM SO DAMN IN LOVE WITH HER AND I CAN'T SEE HER CRYING OVER HER USELESS HUSBAND. YOU WANTED TO HEAR IT RIGHT. SEE I TOLD YOU, I TAKE PRIDE IN LOVING HER AND NOT GETTING HER, BUT YOU, YOU GOT HER TO YOURSELF AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T FEAR BECAUSE ASIAN WIVES DON'T LEAVE, WHATEVER THE HECK YOU DID, EVEN IF CHEATED ON, SHE WON'T LEAVE YOU, BUT DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIRAETH'S SELFLESSNESS. I AM WITH HER AND I WILL MAKE SURE SHE SEES IT THROUGH TRISTAN"
"what in the world are you staying huh, this is between a husband and his wife. I will take care of her. don't say this absurd thing, why break a marriage? Why are you being a homewrecker? Don't you feel pathetic"
His eyes rimmed with almost invisible tears, but extreme sadness. A pain of loss and gain
"ABSURD IS LEAVING YOUR WIFE ALONE DURING PREGNANCY, I AM NOT PATHETIC, PATHETIC IS LETTING YOUR WIFE ROT IN YOUR HOUSE AND SUFFOCATE HERSELF, I AM NOT BREAKING YOUR HOUSEHOLD, YOU ARE BREAKING HER HEART BY LETTING HER LIVE IN LONELINESS, I AM NOT WRECKING YOUR HOME, YOUR HOME WASN'T EVEN MADE, BECAUSE HIRAETH WASN'T EVEN THERE. TRISTAN, DO YOU KNOW HIRAETH HATES PEANUT BUTTER, HATES POACHED EGGS, NOT EVEN FRIED, AND HATES COFFEE? DID YOU KNOW AFTER MARRYING YOU, SHE HASN'T EATEN BREAKFAST PROPERLY FOR DAYS BECAUSE OF WHAT? BECAUSE OF HER NOT ADMITTING THINGS ABOUT THE FEAR OF LOSING YOU, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN CARED FOR WHAT SHE EATS, DID YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T LIKE DIAMONDS, SHE WORE THE RING JUST BECAUSE YOU GAVE IT TO HER, AND HER FAVORITE COLOR IS WHITE, BUT SHE NEVER WORE IT ON HER WEDDING, SHE LOVES THE RAIN BUT NEVER REALLY GOT TO WATCH IT HOLDING YOUR HANDS, SHE HATES WINTER, SHE HATES JAZZ, BUT STILL DOES EVERYTHING FOR YOU, YOU NEVER REALLY GOT YOURSELF IN HER SHOES, WHAT SHE WANTS, WHAT SHE LIKES, SHE IS LIVING IN A MARRIAGE BUT IS SHE FULLY HAPPY. SHE IS HAPPY SEEING YOU HAPPY BUT NEVER HAPPY FOR HERSELF. HAVE YOU SEEN HER CRYING FOR JUST HERSELF, TRISTAN YOU ALSO KNOW, THAT ALL HER LIFE SHE WAS ABANDONED BY PEOPLE, BETRAYED BY PEOPLE, THERE WASN'T ANYONE TO TEACH HER SHE COULD HAVE HER OWN CHOICES, THERE IS ALWAYS THIS FEAR THAT IF SHE DOESN'T AGREE TO YOU, SHE WILL LOSE YOU, WHAT DID YOU DO TO BE DIFFERENT TRISTAN. YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN HER BROTHERS. LET THE GIRL LIVE NOT JUST BY BEING YOUR WIFE, BUT BEING A PERSON, A HUMAN''
He said and I could feel he was about to cry. I have never seen any man selflessly crying for a girl he never got that too even after 5 years
"I GOT SO SCARED TRISTAN, WHAT IF I WASN'T IN THERE, WHAT IF THE PAIN INCREASED? I SAW HER CRYING IN DISTRESS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE WILL STILL CHOOSE YOU, SHE WAS STILL DEFENDING YOU. EVEN IF I PULL OUT MY HEART AND KEEP IT IN HER HANDS, SHE WILL STILL CHOOSE YOU, EVEN IF I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY MIGHT, EVEN IF I MAKE HER LIVE A LITTLE BIT LONGER, AND BREATHE A LITTLE BIT SWIFTER, SHE WILL STILL CHOOSE YOU. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM PRIDEFUL IN LOVING THAT GIRL. I HAVE MADE HER LIVE IN THIS WEEK MORE THAN YOU EVER DID IN 4 YEARS. YOU AND I ARE DIFFERENT AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? IF SHE WANTS TO PUT FIRE FLAMES INTO ANYTHING AND TURN IT INTO ASHES, I WILL GIVE HER THE LIGHTER AND YOU WILL STOP HER SAYING THIS WILL TAKE HER TO JAIL. I WOULD BURN THIS WORLD FOR HIRAETH AND YOU WILL LEAVE HIRAETH FOR THE WORLD."
A tear finally fell from his eyes, as I cried in silence looking down. He is just like Hiraeth, he loves my Hiraeth so much. How can I?
He left slamming the door on my face. I sighed deeply, my heart being wild in hurt and numbness.