Hiraeth
I walked inside, the house haunting me back, I wandered my eyes, memories, memories. I laughed and slowly walked to the couch and laid down. Sighing down.
I closed my eyes
Flashback
"Tristan stop it"
He was hovering over me as he laid me down on the couch
He tickled me as if got more challenged. His eyes looked at me so desirably, I felt a blush creeping against my cheeks. I felt loved, so much loved. He looked at me as if I was the only one who mattered. I laughed as he mirrored my laugh, our broken breaths mingled as he snuggled his face against mine, making us both burst into laughter.
"What? You said I was bad at English, baby for your kind information, I won a Grammy for an English song"
I laughed pushing him in the chest with my palms.
"Very bad, you took help from those translators…you suck"
I chuckled hard as his fingers tickled my waist, I jerked my body, and his baby hair strands brushed against my face, he was too close. But I loved it. I love him close, looking at me, gazing at me with fire in his eyes. I love this man and this man makes me happy.
"You didn't just say that"
His voice broke because of laughing a little in between
"I did…now leave"
I whined as he bit my cheek
"Yaa i am not an animal, chiii"
His loud laughter filled my heart. He chastity kissed my cheek and said
"You will see tonight at the award function, I will speak in English. Huh"
I kissed his forehead, his cheeks became warm against my palm now. He was so beautiful.
"I will. And I am so proud of you"
His cheekbones heaved in pride.
Once again our smiles were mirrored.
End of flashback
I got up from the couch, breathing irregularly. I gripped my belly as I walked to the kitchen table, to drink some water. My forehead was sweating. I heard my phone ringing. I walked to my bedroom and I looked at the phone screen from afar. It was Tristan, calling me nonstop for 24 hours. I sucked a breath as I received the call pulling the phone to my ear.
"Hiraeth, baby listen to me please."
He was crying, the guilt very much was heard. I cut the call. Something in me isn't in the position to talk. He is the father of my child, and my husband legally. But not my lover anymore.
I sat on the bed and gripped the bed sheet as I took deep breaths, deep breaths. My head felt like bursting in pain, maybe because of less sleep, but my stomach grumbled. I am hungry. The cook didn't come today, the maids left in the evening. I got up in the kitchen again. Suddenly I want to eat something meaty. The craving is so sudden.
I heard the calling bell, who could it be? It's 1 am. I got scared as my feet turned jelly and glued to the floor.
The CCTV footage was just beside the entrance door as I walked there. I saw Javi standing with some bags in his hands, the grocery kinda bags were huge.
I opened the door as he looked at me smiling his bunny smile, his eyes were bloodshot red, but his lips were smiling. I felt myself curving my lips.
"Javi you?"
"I bought food, thinking you would be hungry and you were alone, so what would you cook on your own, it would take too much energy. I bought beef steak pasta and meat box, the classic one, just the right amount of cheese. Perfect isn't it?"
His voice was filled with care, softness, and loads of giddiness. I smiled huge, maybe genuine. I nodded as he came inside and I closed the door behind him. He went to the kitchen rolling his sleeves, pulling out plates and mugs. Pulling out cranberry juice is my favorite. He still remembers.
I felt suddenly light, I felt myself breathing swiftly as ever, and there was no heaviness.
He said
"Come here"
He served the food, his raven eyes softening but never becoming doe eyes.
"Javi"
"Yes love"
We both stilled. The silence was cold as ice.
"I mean Hiraeth, yeah Hiraeth. Say it"
He kept arranging plates as if it was his house. He said as if he didn't call me love just now like earlier.
"How did you know my house address earlier?"
He stilled for the second time. He looked embarrassed and uncomfortable.
"I just. I saw it on TV. everyone knows Hiraeth"
No, everyone doesn't. Jaycee found my house with great difficulty, nobody has time to find the house, and it is not always that paparazzi are near my house, televisions don't publish that much about houses. How did he exactly know my house? He has to google and still, google doesn't publish the exact route. It's as if he came himself to search my house but never entered. But he was uncomfortable to share so I let it be.
I sat as he started feeding me, forgetting everything, his doe eyes returning and focusing on me. I opened my mouth as he fed me, he fed me so much that night. I was overly full. He knew exactly how I eat, how and what, and what amount of sauces I have. I drank the juice as he finished the half-eaten burger of mine. He ate my leftovers.
He wiped my mouth with his bare hands, went to the sink, and washed his hands, then again wiped my lips, unconsciously doing whatever he used to do as if he didn't forget anything. He kissed my hair unknowingly. And maybe stilled for the fourth time. I could understand his discomfort. I looked at him smiling as he widened his eyes. He didn't do anything wrong. Maybe he did. He shouldn't have kissed the hair of some married, pregnant woman. But it didn't feel wrong. Javi somehow never felt wrong. His touch calms me down. Still now.
"Sit nah"
He sat as I landed my hands on the glass dining table
"Tell me something about you. How have you been?"
His doe curious eyes may have been for me, he looked at me with so much something I don't want ever in my life now. Something so powerful, something so warm. His eyes widened. I could laugh. Why do his eyes always widen when looking at me?
"I have been good. After you left. I left for Milan and got the job. But I wasn't satisfied with my job there. I wanted my creation, my ideas which I could make work, I wanted something of my writing, some articles, and I wanted to open my farm. I did. I invested some money, I wrote content for a magazine, and I wanted to imprint more ideas. I had to take on more officers. Luckily, my manager was the first person I interviewed. She made some mistakes in my writing, in my articles, i took it as a challenge, as we wrote so many articles together, by adding and bits of our knowledge"
I looked at him talking as his eyes widened more. He is cute when he describes something he likes. I concentrated on his words. I gave all my attention to him. I smiled as he said more
"Then we hired more people. The company expanded. One day our magazine sold 150 copies, and the next we knew our sales had risen to 1 Billion and 30 Million. It got more sales than the Times."
I curiously asked
"That's so cool Javi, congratulations. What is the name of the magazine?"
His eyes lightened but not that much, he lied the first part, he wasn't good. He didn't sleep at night. He overworks. His shoulders are still tense.
"The Gideon"
I gasped as he looked at me with his big eyes. Jet black orbs. He has beautiful eyes.
"I have read it. I always read it. Oh my god…you are the fucking CEO of The Gideon Magazine company. Oh my god Javi"
I don't know why he was shocked as if he heard something different. I got up and hugged him from behind. He is my best friend. I am so happy for him.
"I am so happy for you. You fulfilled your dreams…Javi you did it"
I said as I laughed, he was warm towards me. He was frozen as if felt something new. I came back to my seat as his cheeks were flushed, I saw. He was blushing. I smiled looking at him, just like earlier. If he is happy, I am always happy. He looked down scratching his neck as if embarrassed
"So Lucy huh…tell me who is she?"
Might be someone special.
He looked as if he was in pain. Did I ask something wrong?
"Lucy is just an employee, I don't love her"
He said so firmly that I thought for a moment he was angry.
Oh okay I thought, you guys worked together"
"We just worked"
"ok ok, I understand now. I am sorry if I offended you"
I said looking down.
He sighed and breathed deeply as he looked at the living room, looking at the picture that was still there. Mine's and Shiro's. and Our big smiles caged in a frame. We were so happy. Tristan clicked that picture. That day I first met Shiro, but he smelled me so much that he smelled his dad's fragrance on me. his dad. I sighed.
I looked back at Javi
"This is your dog"
I smiled looking at Shiro. He is currently with my in-laws.
"cute isn't he? His Name is Shiro. He was Tristan's dog when I came here. But right now you can say which parent he chose"
I giggled as he looked at me, he got up abruptly.
"I think I should go"
I got up getting curious
"uhm you sure, you can sit with me. stay the night, I can arrange the guest room, it is late"
I said and the more I said, the more his feet turned towards the door. I felt so hurt somehow by his leaving. Why does he have to leave?
He could have talked to me.
"Okay, take care Javi"
He turned as I looked at his eyes, getting glossier.
"Javi, are you okay?"
I asked getting worried
"Yeah yeah, I am fine"
He turned and left, leaving me in a blur of emotions