Javi
1 year Ago
"Yes Nicholas, no no I can't today. I am in kinda a middle of something"
I ended the call without hearing his reply. I looked at the girl soaked in extreme mud lying unconscious. As if her world just shattered and she was beneath it, couldn't handle the burden those concrete walls gave her, she was beautiful...her fainted body lay unconscious as I kept looking at her on my tilted floor, my floor smeared with dirt and dust and so much mud, why I have to take her to my house, I could have left her at some orphanage or some old age home, they would have taken care of the abundant girl, she was beautiful, her hairs are covered in mud, her face corners are dripping with mud, she was drenched in that rapid rain. The rains, we met through rains, it should sound romantic but it isn't, she was someone running away from living and I found her to make me alive just for a little bit, she wasn't holding onto life, and I kept holding her for life, her honey glazed pale skin looked roughed, edged with pores, she has breakouts in her face, her cheeks were half smeared in mud as her ears but the middle of the portion was wet and almost dried up, the rain washed her nose to let her live but it seems as if she isn't willing to live. She was happier dying. I ran to her and held her face to my lap, her face was cold, void of any emotion, she was breathing slowly and the motion was so slow my heart started beating so rapidly that I couldn't control myself from tearing up, how can I leave her to die, I carried her to my bathroom and rested her on the bathtub which was half filled with warm water from earlier when I used it. I slowly wiped the mud from her hair as water droplets weren't enough to wake her up, I was getting restless, how could I let this soul die, she was beautiful her hair was dark brown, she was brunette, she was so beautiful, her neck had a mole, her cheeks are always heaved up but her eyes had dense dark circles as if never slept for nights, my heart clenched and the sudden urge to protect her even if by giving my something very dear to sacrifice. There was this urge to hold her like this forever, to calm her cold body and warm it. She was beautiful. I remember how she had asked me to hold her. I am holding her now, and my arms feel heavy with the weight of someone so broken. How can I repair her? She is already not willing to live. I can't cross my limit by undressing her, but she is drenched and needs to be wiped out dry for me to wear her something. I ran towards my cupboard and brought a thick fake Calvin Klein white t-shirt which was twice her size. I came up with ruffled jeans.
I hesitantly undressed her from her Celine hoodie, it was oversized, maybe someone else's. I didn't dwell on it much. I dressed her up and carried her to my bed, she was pat dried and I attempted to her heartbeat for the billionth time now, I am so scared to let her die in my arms, I can't let her die, I can't let her stop living, there is protective cut through my inner which says that save her, she needs you. I blinded, trusted my gut, and attempted chest massaging with my palms for her to gain consciousness. I did that and on the second time, she opened her eyes, wandering Venus's eyes. She was beautiful, her lashes weren't small and not that long either. It was perfect. I had never seen this beauty, just a natural blotch of sun rays, she was a sunflower. She was beautiful.
Her eyes finally landed on mine and widened her eyes, of course, what do you expect? You are a stranger. Her eyes were almost emotionless, like a brick, blank as hell, how could someone read her?
Her hands instinctively went to her clothes and her eyes would soon leave the pop socket. She was cute. Stop it.
She looked at me, again, she was cute but shattered as hell as if she had no one on this earth, I was there. I will hold her till death.
"Where am I?" she whispered as looked again at my bedroom, her eyes roaming on every corner of my room. I am scared if she wants to leave now
"I uhm found you on the street"
Her eyes landed again on mine and realized and might recognize me. She nodded looking at me with those curious round eyes, god she was beautiful. It was almost night and the rain didn't stop for a second. She again looked down looking at her clothes, technically my clothes. If she wants my whole cupboard is hers. Why is this sudden urge to pamper her with all my might? My heart started roaring.
"Did you change my clothes"
I stopped breathing and looked down. Might be a pout is almost on my lips. I can't help it
I nodded with extreme hesitancy
"that.I uhm... I live alone and didn't have anyone to uhm change your clothes, you were completely drenched "
She whispered again
"What is your name again?"
"Javi"
I looked at her, she was looking at me as if questioning my intentions, I hope I come out decent. She is the girl who is not afraid of anything now, every bad thing that happened happened to her. She is not in the condition to believe anyone but she was trying, I can see that.
"Will you hold me, Javi?"
" I will hold you as long as you ask me to" even if you don't ask me to.
I don't know why I said that out of nowhere
I nodded and ran to her holding her both hands as if I didn't it would burn me,
She closed her eyes and breathed heavily as she burst into tears, she was wailing, her lungs were screaming, and she was falling apart like a brick building, I couldn't help but stare at her with widened eyes, I couldn't comfort people.
She was so much whimpering, that my heart broke apart just to show her she could rest in my embrace. I held her back and pulled her closer to me, she cried and cried until she was ripped apart. I was holding on to those bloody wounded parts of her. I have never seen someone crying like this. She was dying. How can I help her? I want to help her.
I let her rest her head on my chest as she wailed her eyes out. She stopped and took deep breaths, she fell asleep resting her head on my chest as if she found a home. Maybe I found my home too. Her arms were loosely holding my shoulders as she leaned her body more on me, I carried her on my lap as she slept quivering, and I reduced the AC temperature. The rain sounds pulled her to deep slumber. I kissed her forehead. Why? Just because I can.
I rocked her like a baby. I rocked her until the rain droplets calmed my mind and I dunked into deep sleep. For the first time in my life, I don't remember my dad being a cancer patient, I don't remember my brother handling the family finances alone and I need to find a stable job too, I don't remember my mother's helpless eyes, I don't remember how I rejected a job offer Nicholas wanted to give me, I just remembered that I need to save that girl even if I was living in a crisis. My thoughts were lulled by thinking of her intoxicating eyes the mole of her neck and the sound of her wailing.
More or less, she was beautiful, I could cry.
"When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth...
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor floor into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself."
But if you love and must have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your understanding of love, And to bleed willingly and joyfully."
― Kahlil Gibran