YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL
3 YEARS AGO
Hiraeth
Tristan's waist glided against the girl's long slender fingers as they swayed along with the melodies. his feet stomped against the floor, and it echoed. His nickname was TAIRN in the LABEL. He was high on morphine, his eyes were numb and dark. His show heels were tapping the floor in an extremely perfect rhythm. The girl's lower waist was captured by him in seconds, and her feet did the stunt Tristan was doing so Mattingly. there was a mischievous glint in his eyes and an evil smirk on his lips curved most perfectly. his fingers were lingering more on the lower side of her waist, his fingers weren't satisfied yet, so those fingers caressed through her upper waist to her bare stomach as she was wearing only a tank top and those commando pants and army boots, her belly button was getting teased by his fingers, she pushed her body in the indication of his, and their faces got close, but Tristan's feet moved like a hurricane, like a peacock feathering its wings on the first rain, his hands swinging her petite body in a way as if she was a prop made to bend how he liked. his tongue moving along his mouth, exploring his mouth maybe for the millionth time. His sun eyes were bright as ever but never thinking that lightning was necessary for him to spread yet. His eyes were covered with lust, but so much mystery was there in those chocolate-brown orbs. up until Tristan was for me the bud of a flower, which I wanted for it to bloom. but now he was the whole rose. the blue one, matured and unique in color, that people get confused about what color he is a mixture of. it's not a natural blue, it's those shades of blues that represent him, tonight seeing him from outside his practice room, I can say he is the hazy blue where the sky gets so close to black, it's so dark, more than a navy blue can get and less light than a black can get. Another new girl as always, the Tristan we saw on the television is so different, innocent, pure, and soft. Tristan is sharp-edged, and his hands surely know what to do. his veiny hands reached her neck, and his fingers peaked the skin, pulling her closer than ever. his nose senses her scent, surely not getting satisfied, but he needs it on his skin, needs the girl for the night, after observing him in real life for more than a month, it is his routine. One night stands are his stress busters, his skin needs to be touched and needs to be taken care of. he needs the lust to cover his sun eyelids so that nobody can look into his mysterious eyes for more than a second, he needs the adrenalin rush on his blood vessels, and those slitters of extreme pleasure are his need. he needs to unveil bodies, not truths, not the scars, not the histories. He doesn't care about anyone's truth.
There is more to him that I need to unveil. not like this. his skin shouldn't be on mine until I know him. There are a billion things to know about him. just like this
He is very pretty, a beautiful man as if the first morning due to a water dollop falling to the grass. He is as vast an aesthetic as the whole Pinterest app can be. I am attracted to him. After getting a job as a content writer in the company, I thought my life would change its dimension. it surely did, but after observing the entertainment world isn't the fairytale people think it to be, I can say my life earlier was better. but I can't lose the position here. They are paying me gold. I am financially better than anyone of my age. I need to work here. Besides, working here gives me precious staring sessions with Tristan. staring at him is therapy itself. I can't see him unveil now and then. but his essence remains with me of whatever personality he shows. He is ambitious. I have seen him working, and he rants his blood sweat, and tears for each of his songs. His magician's hands sometimes work all night for those melodies, rhythms, and lyrics.
The lyrics are his. His lyrics are the real him, but his melodies aren't. He covers those lyrics with those tunes that cut out the harshness of reality, and people believe it is a soothing song. it is, the songs are soft and soothing, not the words, it could kill a human. Tonight is different for him. Some nights are different for him, and some nights are for these girls, for these bodies, and pleasure.
The idea of someone else's skin on him irritates me for sure but intimidates me as well. Sometimes, I desire for those calloused hands to hold me, his skin to burn me, his desires to ravish me. Sometimes, his dark stares make me weak on the knees. but do I want it yet? yes. Do I need it yet? no. I can't surrender my vulnerability to a vulnerable person who can't be committed to any single one.
I can look through the glass doors. Since I am completely alone, The company has gotten me a dorm room. I will stay in that room for now. Tristan doesn't. He prefers to take those girls to his home. I don't know. I don't follow him outside. I just stare at him from afar.
he was about to lean in towards the girl, my breath hitched as he pulled the girl closer. As if the girl was just a top, they desperately leaned forward. The more I observe him, the more I realize he doesn't like desperation. He doesn't like clingy people. I looked away as he took her lips and gave a sensual suck. I turned and started walking towards the elevator. My face was neutral. There was this amazing technique of mine to hide every single emotion. I don't react to anything. I feel it, but I don't react to those things. I don't dwell on things anymore. Everything happens as my opposite wishes anyway.
As soon as the elevator opened, I rested my head on the back wall of it. It was glass. but gray-tinted tiled. I closed my eyes, and those plump lips touching another pair came into my view. and I felt I would lose my balance soon. I have never seen a guy like him, this beautiful, but illicit from the mind. I've never been attracted to someone playing with women's bodies for pleasure. I had a very innocent image of him until I met him
I thought of him as the sun-eyed boy with the sun-like brightening. but the sun had set, and I forgot about it. His inappropriate way of living wasn't my imagination. But this is reality.
I had thought about him as a flower, but every flower has its significant thorns. and if they meet any skin, they bleed. I am bleeding because this interest in knowing this sun-eyed boy is increasing, knowing he isn't the boy I am supposed to even like.
But my heart beats so death strikingly that my bone might crack against the weight
But this desire to touch him bare, his bare truth, and those wounds which are still unstitched is increasing. I took deep breaths as I felt my eyes getting glistened. Hiraeth might be falling in love with the bad boy here.
The elevator opened on the 12th floor, but I stayed on the 15th floor. I saw Tristan entering inside, his dark eyes rimmed with red looking at me. His stares were so deep that I could inhale the death shadows creeping through him and caging me, suffocating me. I broke eye contact. The first time, I looked at him in real life in front of me. My heart will combust soon, my cheeks and neck are flustered, and it is getting embarrassingly warm there. his phone was ringing so much, blaring our ears out. My ears were about to burst, but he soon answered it. I didn't dare to look at him while he was talking
"I told you, I am not fucking interested in doing that. I told you I am tired"
The voice was so much thicker in closer but drenched with coldness and exhaustion. my heart clenched. he looked at me again, I could feel his eyes on me. and without controlling anything I looked at him back, but the elevator opened and my flat came in front of me. He looked at me and the door. his eyes were so glossier, that my heart couldn't bear it. I let the elevator get closed. I pressed his floor number and he kept looking at me. stop looking at me, I might melt and hug him, I shouldn't, I shouldn't.
I mentally cursed myself. my heart will soon get a skunk.
"Are you okay"
I mentally cursed myself for uttering this voice, it was almost cracking.
he nodded but he didn't seem to mean it, But it isn't my place to ask him about anything other than that. He looks so drained. I might do anything to make this face change into a happy one. Where is that other girl? I have no place to ask him. I have no right to ask him anything. But I want to
"y..you sure?"
he nodded closing his eyes, a dollop of tears fell from his eyes and I lost it. I tapped the elevator's 15th floor too. I didn't want the elevator to get opened ever again, and people to see his tears. I leaned closer thinking he might push me. He didn't. get yourself together Hiraeth, he doesn't need your comfort. but I do.
I slowly tangled our fingers and he looked at our hands. I thought he would go away now or say something offensive to me. My heart was thudding.
thump thump thump
I could hear my heartbeat amidst the deafening silence besides his sniffles which were wrecking me like anything. My grip got tightened but it wasn't me who did it. It was him. He held my palm against his and I could feel his hand was sweaty. there is this sudden urge to lean against him and hug him or kiss him. My entire body is reacting to it as if I am getting an electric shock.
"Stay"
he said as I nodded as violently as possible to let him know I will. if he says I will always stay. He is my goddamn sun.
We stayed in that position until the elevator opened the door and it was my floor again. I looked at him and he looked back, then looked at those tied hands, as if puzzle pieces, found each other by great suffering. I thought he would let me go and he did. his fingers untied themselves from me and I looked at him, I stayed there frozen for a millisecond, then turned to the elevator door and got out. I looked back until the door was open, making me look at his rim eyes. My stomach just dropped. I need to do something. anything. to stop this, to stop his sufferings. I need to do something, I can't let him suffer, I can't let him dive into nothingness, I can't let him think he is unwanted or unloved. but he is. Maybe I am doing this all wrong. maybe I am thinking wrong, maybe he isn't suffering, maybe he is just frustrated, maybe he doesn't want it, what if he thinks I want to take advantage? I don't. I just want to make sure I am here. What if it is too late and he already finds him forever, or what if he gets back to pleasuring himself by the means of these doll-like bodies, not humans, what if he only...I don't care. Fuck it. By the time I thought to do the right thing, the elevator door got closed. Call me selfish, but I want it too.
I pressed the elevator upstairs arrow button and got inside the empty elevator. I don't think he went home, I think I have still got my chance, he might be in his studio. whenever he is sad, he goes there, his studio is on the 22nd floor. As soon as the elevator stopped on his floor, I saw him just entering his studio
"wait, Tristan"
I yelled and he looked back at me in desperation. there is this connection I told you.
I got close to him, so close that I could feel his breaths fanning me, this felt so right, but how could I do wrong
"Can I kiss you"
I whispered nearing his face, tilting my face for the perfect angle, our noses touched and he gulped harder, his eyes were wide as ever, maybe this was wrong, so wrong, maybe he didn't want it. maybe I can only feel this connection. I should have known. I was about to back up but my eyes were on his lips. His hands were on my waist pulling me closer
"took you so long to ask"
I gasped and he looked back at my lips and my eyes
"What did you think? I haven't seen you staring at me from every corner I went to. quiet a stalker you are huh"
I felt my cheeks were on fire, my heart was on fire, and I would crumble in his arms soon
his voice was now thin and alluring. I needed him to touch me, but not like his dolls, as if his sunflower
"I am not like other girls" I whispered
he chuckled deep in my ears and said
"Who said I let any other girl near my studio"
He smashed his lips onto mine and our lips lapsed and I found myself inside his studio. I smiled against his lips. I felt him curving his lips for a smile, but he tilted his head to give me the best kiss of my life, his lips were soft, raunchy, and rough, and his hands were dominating as if he knew what he was doing. I kissed him back, letting him devour my lips as ever, I was selfish, but man was it worth the risk. This man can make me feel thousands of emotions just by one kiss, it was my first kiss anyway. I wrapped my arms around his neck which was on his shoulders, I pulled him close and he kissed me until his breath was getting shorter. I pulled out and he sought another one, I gave in, we kissed so much that night. we couldn't even get separated. After a few minutes or maybe hours, I told him I should go and he nodded
he kissed my cheeks chastely and said goodbye but before that he said
"Thank you for saving me Hiraeth"
he said my name as a song, the letters were made by his lyrics and I felt I would melt away.
"But I didn't do anything"
I said
"You healed something which wasn't broken by you"
I kept looking at him, realizing I just kissed a stranger not knowing an ounce of him. Was I wrong? Maybe but do I regret it? no.
I nodded but before I could turn I got close to him and whispered
"Can I come here every night and see your work"
trust me, his smile was a billion-worth
his smile was particularly boxy, my heart couldn't handle it. I again kissed him and he kissed me quite hungrily. He left us both panting. I turned and started leaving without hearing his answer
"You can come any time"
I noticed my smile was bigger than ever before. I pressed the elevator door with a pair of lips so swollen, with a face flustered and a body shivering but a heart so on fire. I might fall in love with the sun-eyed boy.