2 May, 2022
Dear Sun
Remember you once asked me, "Why a superstar?"
I smiled looking at your oh-so-curious eyes. I said,
"Superstar, aren't you? I am an ordinary girl quietly rendering myself like a musical instrument you play into the melancholy life patterns...
Superstar, aren't you? I am an ordinary girl who is fighting for improvement, my worth every single moment
Superstar aren't you? I am an ordinary girl who mistakenly found you and accidentally or you can say intentionally fell in love with you in the process of searching for love for me...
Tell me what it's like being like a Superstar huh...tell me can you fall in love as easily as I did or do you have to tear your front covers which you show to the world before even starting to like, can you you you you easily feel like me, while breathing in and out thinking you were never written in my fate, tell me what would you do? Would you have felt powerless even after having the whole PowerPoint in your fingers after not finding me in your arms? Tell me what it's like to be a superstar. Do you feel like me, do you feel like I feel? Like finding you in darkness and in every corner where it is dark. But maybe you find me in the crowd amidst the camera flashes and brightness. Tell me are you lonely like me? Do you also feel the need to hold me like I Do while sleeping or you might be longing for my embrace let alone my hands in yours? What it's like to be a superstar huh? Can you tell the world you love me the way I do...have you got that courage like I do? Tell me...what it's like to be a Superstar? Can you freely write about me the way I do? Can you want me the way I do about wanting you? You can't... Can you show your face while saying yes you do love me in front of the whole world? I can... The crowd isn't around me to judge. The world is revolving around you and you can't breathe freely like I do. It is suffocating being a Superstar. It is distressing... But if you want me. I will enter the distress of yours because after knowing all of these, I want to stay...
Yours Sunflower
7 May, 2022
Dear Sun
It was your birthday, the day when the curtains fell and the sunlight shined brighter than anything, violet rays reflected on the holy earth and rebounded across the globe like a twirling star of the night sky. The night darkened a bit that very day as those stars were engrossed swaying around you, spilling protective charms, piling one after another to create a chain, protecting you from evil eyes. You were born as an angel who had a stardust-covered soul. You breathed and the world showered with utmost gleeful rain. You laughed and it churned the world's most charming protective spell for it to not be ruined.
When I saw you, I felt as if a star had just fallen from the galaxy, and the universe up there was grieving its loss.
When I saw you sleeping peacefully beside me, how gut-wrenching and soothing you looked, I thought I might be looking at the destruction which may never have mercy on me. I saw how you were in my cocoon, your arms around my waist resting as if it was meant to be there, in my warm embrace, you were snuggling for more warmth spreading through my arms wrapped around your shoulder, I kept spooning your mighty body, cradling you like a newborn. Right at that moment, at midnight after waking up abruptly, I realized this was all mine, this soul-wrenching relief, this much softness, this much delicacy. This is all mine to store inside. Your hair smashed on my right cheek and your left cheek was brushed against my right one as you were almost on the verge of diving deeper into my skin. I was sure that in the morning it would leave a mark. But who cares? I was thanking GOD every second for letting me hear you breathe against me, for letting me sleep in my home every night. I loved you so much, I loved you so much and I loved you so much...many many much more times. I slightly stirred you and shook you so you eventually opened your eyes with an endearing irritating face. I said, "Hey love." you pouted in the loudest way possible. I chuckled in silence. "What? Sleep" You again buried your face against my neck as you tried to return to our warm cocoon. "It's your birthday silly" I whispered and your lips curved against my neck and I understood you were smiling. I could feel your cheeks heating up and you were blushing. I cooked. I cooed more than needed. I kissed your hair and combed it with my hair. I whispered, "What do you want huh?" you groaned and divided more onto my skin and I hummed in relief and pleasure. "Just stay" My breath hitched and afterwards you looked at me and I understood. "Make me" I whispered in your ears as you giggled with your deep velvety voice. My insides rattled as I buried my face in your neck and stayed there. I never wanted the night to end. Never in a million years. Not until you stop breathing. If you stop breathing against me, the world will not be a suitable place for me to breathe anyway. I loved you so much, I loved you so much and I loved you so much...many many much more times. I whispered, "Keep breathing, you make me breathe" You kissed my forehead tightly promising me as a tear trickled down from both of our eyes and we fell asleep. May god give you my living years and many more years to live, to breathe.
Yours Sunflower
12 MAY, 2022
Dear Sun
Okay, it's going to take a little while to absorb this tenderness of a feeling which just engraved its name inside my heart...you know, this was all so much new to me..this fondness..this desires....this passion...this weakness....everything..this feelings were just piecing my heart walls and slowly sneaking in by those holes which they created without my knowing...
My fondness of mine is when your lips quiver and then eventually your lips scowl...desire is when your lips bite your lower one and eventually, it glistens red in tint...my passion is when those lips reveal the most beautiful pair of teeth to smile in the most meditative way...weakness is when your lips make thin line trying to act more savage in front of English speakers.....
Care for me is when you communicate with your friends...so sweetly, affection is when the mole under your eye shows itself and your eyes never looked that peaceful to me... softness is when little groans leave your lips after any tiny or cute experience liking meeting little kiddos...new doggies...and in between too. Fluster happens when baby words leave your mouth. Flattering happens inside when those ocean-like eyes glitter more than the stars on a starry night and glisten deep more than any waterfall. When those chocolate brown orbs just barricade themselves outside my heart by holding it tightly...your stares make me feel safe...
You have so much softness in your movements just like a newborn. Which my heart longs to hold, just once. Very delicately. I swear I will hurt you...I can never...so gentle your words are...my heart can never ask for anything but to hear you forever. I promise if I ever get a chance. I would just keep quiet and listen to you...nothing else...
You are the most precious thing that ever happened to me....please be happy and healthy...that is my only wish...
Yours Sunflower
17 May, 2022
Dear Sun,
How did I fall in love with you huh...so delicately..so much softly...and so much sincerely...you were just a mere passerby for me but what clicked in and my heart got trapped in your love huh...
I even have a diary of god knows how many songs.. poetry...how many songs... imagination stories everything but nothing is enough for me...I can write more and more about you...
When you see a newborn baby for the first time, it's like magic. A small moan disappears when someone touches a small fist to untangle the smallest fingers that cover the softest skin. The eyelids with the barely lashes covering those tiny eyeballs open and you feel as if your entire being has melted away. My heart is pounding as if I am in another world of softness and delicacy. So, be careful not to do anything that could hurt you. Then your heart beats out of control and you start to sink deeper. I remember my Maira. God knows how's she doing
Emotions of affection and warmth when the child sees you revealing a pair of chocolate spheres. Because his eyes are so new to him, he admires you, his eyes adore new creatures, and it was you among them that he was staring at. Your heart was so firmly attached to the infant that your fingers automatically buzzed and caressed the delicate cheeks. You suddenly feel your heart beating, and as you squeeze one finger, the heavier feeling grows bigger and dominates the other, as if a small thing was showing your first affection. It was love, you fell in love with that bairn just like the rhythm falls in love with the melody of some love song....your heart started to sing that song
I'm still curious about the beautiful story
Still Wonder Wonder Best Part
I'm still at a loss, the next story
I want to make you mine...
The bundle of joy had a slightly reddish tint because the young had just been born.
Effect... After a million battles with her mother, she came out into the world.
You slowly held the child and began to sing
I'm still curious about the beautiful story
Still Wonder Wonder Best Part
I'm still at a loss, the next story
I want to make you mine...
His non-existent teeth smile so lovingly that your heart freezes. You felt your whole universe in your arms. This is all new to you...
You continued to sing while he slept in your arms. You were so emotional that a tear fell into your eye and you kissed him slowly on the tip of his nose and said:
"You are my only one"
You know I felt the same way when I saw you. Delicate like a newborn baby, like a newly bloomed flower, but I knew that this flower was my only flower. I felt myself falling in love again. Very new, very weak. I am not weak, but this time my heart is extremely weak and crumpled. I fell in love so delicately and softly and kept silent, filled my unfinished emotions with my silence, and ended my unfinished words. I've fallen in love many times, but only with one person. I may be very messed up now. Much sadder, but nothing could touch the hidden lines of my love for him. I loved him with so much desire, so much care, so much warmth. I'm bad at maintaining other relationships, but then I'm out of bounds and too selfish...
Thanks for being there. I love you and now I don't have to tell anyone this. I have no one to talk to now because they will not understand me now. I am doing my best to respect my love for you. My silence is my barricade and no one can enter and in silence, you are mine. you are mine I love you so much that I could never have imagined that there would be such a love...
Yours Sunflower
23 May, 2022
Dear Sun
Dance with me
Dance with me in the midnights when all of the city lights will be turned off and the roads will consume darkness; we will dance our hearts out holding our phone flashes both in our hearts. You would start your radio where it would be playing your favorite song. I will do weird moves as your hard laughing will be heard making me giggle. The moon itself will bask itself in our blissful serenade and chuckle out loud. The moonlight will be brighter than our phone flashes and we will turn off our phones and throw them on the side. Your fingers will find mine and intertwine themselves. Our foreheads matched and our warm breaths mixed against each other. Butterflies surround our stomachs as the hearts beat together as one. When your eyes will meet mine slowly as our lips find mesmerizing smiles on our faces. Your arms would capture my whole self with warmth as our feet would work in sync.....as the night would slowly fade and our cold attached bodies would shiver in between but our feet would never stop. Our smiles will never leave our faces. Our tired breathless faces would still be facing each other and our exhausted eyes would never be tired of us...we would fall on our bed tiredly when you would embrace me and keep our bodies locked under the bushy blanket. You would bury your face on my neck as I would be more than satisfied and fall asleep but your eyes would be still admiring our life and praying for it to be like this forever...then you would also drift into nothingness...
Yours Sunflower
24 May, 2022
Dear Sun,
I was sitting on the edge of the hill, it was chilling cold, and I was wearing a thin shirt and shorts. An icy cold wind made my bare thighs shiver as they were dangling off the hill. My hair, as usual, is frizzy and messy. I don't usually comb my hair. Hairs ruffled along with the. The misty dandelion scent layover along the path of my breathing, I inhaled the fragrance, flowery and snowy. The shadows of grief twist and turn. I inhaled the dandelion which almost smelled like musk, a masculine hint. I felt someone sitting beside me, and in the human world, it might be impossible for me to not recognize the man just by his breath alone. The way the breath hitches, quivers, shivers. I know it all. I know it all like a mantra. I didn't have to look at you to know what you were gonna say
"The sun is rising"
I smiled gently. It was. The sun was rising, pathetically with orange hues, purple tones grimacing every time and latching over the orange which was turning red, It was the rainbow of red shades, just like the cheeks of yours. I would know it if I was blind. I can recognize you blind. I took a deep inhale. The vast wide sky deranged from the colors of your eyes, as I turned my head just to stare at those. Filled amber eyes, filled pit of broken sun pieces. As I looked back at the sun, I felt the sun asking me
"Who made you look at me?"
If I look at the sun of the sky, ruling the entity, I would want to hold it, with the surety that the sun won't burn me. It won't scar me, it will just pierce the skin but I won't be marked. People assume the scorching sun will taint, the same scorching sun brightens the darkness and infiltrates hope. The layers of the sun are mellow and mowing. Writhing, but without the sun, human warmth wouldn't be existent. Without the sun, my eyes wouldn't have stared at the sun in his eyes. Without the sun, I wouldn't know how warm a man can be. A man with high cheekbones, giggling as if the world is right underneath him. If I could, I would have taken the world down just to hear the sound of his smile. If I could I would have sliced the air which was touching him, if I could I would have ended the stares he gets every time. But the sun is untouchable, unstoppable. The sun saves the world, my sun saves the world too. At Least he saves me. The sun was about to rise, and the darkness almost vanished. The sun can't be a home, but the sun can make homes. As I kept looking at you, I understood, the entity decided to make a home for me by sending the sun. You are no longer the replica of the sun, I have always warned it to be. You are the sun the world will one day bow to and I won't be there. I hope when someone will hold you, they know you won't scare them away, I hope when someone will touch you, you won't scare them. I hope when she holds you, she holds your vulnerabilities too. I hope she can look you in the eyes, claiming you are the sun. If I saw her, I would beg her to hold you to make your sorrow disappear. I sidestepped and leaned closer to you. I rested my head on your shoulder. The warmth wafting off of you. I inhaled and realized my breath was breaking, my inhales were shivering, and I was trembling. Your giant vein hand grasped mine and rested it against your chest right where your heart was. I sighed and closed my eyes. Could feel the sun rising properly now, ripping the turmoil of darkness. It was brighter against my closed eyelids. I looked up, seeing how the first rays of the sun attached to you as if returned to their origin. The skin looked amber and then fiery. You glazed and I counted your moles, 7 moles, peculiarly, the seventh one is always hidden. Might be the one protecting you from evil eyes. I saw how your skin rose, how delighted your eyes were, you were silent until
"I thought you loved the sunrise. But you aren't looking"
I smiled and never answered. Just kept looking at you. Saw how the irises changed their colors and it became chocolate brown. Eyelashes too long like curtains. Today we didn't fight, we didn't share our agonies, I just saw the sunrise.
You turned as our noses bumped. You giggled at your blond locks, crashing down my cheeks as you leaned. Making me feel warm all over. I have done the impossible. I believe I am touching the sun with my bare hands and it isn't scaring me, it isn't burning me. Just piercing my soul little by little. I hope she knows you feel embarrassed right after you giggle. I hope she knows your breath hitches in a slightly high voice, I hope she knows you can't kill any insect, I hope she helps you knowing your cheeks puff up after you say something rude to anyone. I hope she knows how much you like honey. I hope she holds your darkness in her hands and caresses it, I hope she chants your name along the path of your scars, I hope she holds your tears and preserves them in a jar. I hope she crosses my limits. I rested my chin on your shoulder as I kept looking at you and the sun was brighter in the sky. You turned to look at the sky
"Beautiful isn't it?" you said
I sighed looking at you still
"The most beautiful sun I have ever seen, my eyes never looked at the other"
I saw a tear trickling down from your right eye, it fell in my palm and I made a fist, preserving the tear.
"Doesn't it hurt now?"
I smiled as I felt my vision blurring
It does
"No, the sun never burns," I said smiling as you turned again to me, attaching your forehead with me. I inhaled shakily, looking down finally
"Why do you love me this much?"
I giggled, I looked up, looking straight into your eyes
"This was all I ever was born for" you smiled nosing my nose. I scrunch my nose as you giggle. What do you want my love? What would it take to smile like that again, should I burn down the whole world? What do you want my love? Should I bring the sun for you?
Yours Sunflower