Ah, finally, summer! The season of mosquitoes, heat waves, an influx of mild inconveniences, but most importantly, it is a season that is associated with taking a break, having fun and living in the moment.
Going to the beach is a classic summer activity, and the beach that the boys decided to go to bore no exception, as it was filled to the brim with people… Wait, where even are the boys?
One could look around, however, there would be no sign of them anywhere… That is until the Some-Weird-Mobile™️ fell from the sky, onto the road in front of the beach and caused a huge explosion.
Weirdly enough, the driver and passengers were completely unharmed, so Roufail, Tempest, Leo, Koulis, Fotis, Rin and Riox walked out of the Some-Weird-Mobile™️ carrying a single umbrella, two chairs, a towel or two each and the usual stuff a person would bring to the beach.
-"Shouldn't you park the car?" Rin asked Riox.
-"What do you mean?" Riox said before a bus crashed into the Some-Weird-Mobile™️ and dragged it along for a few meters before crashing into a gas station, causing a huge explosion and launching the car in the air until it perfectly landed on a parking spot.
-"I swear to God, I have no idea how this vehicle still functions after everything." Leo remarked.
-"Yeah this reminds me of the time I drove up to a bunch of super hot chicks and then they all got in my car." Fotis said.
-"We all know that never happened." Tempest replied to him.
-"Hey! Roufail always makes stuff up, why don't you believe my totally real experiences when I talk about them but have no problem with what Roufail does!?" Fotis asked.
Roufail proceeded to assume a pose so bizarre and borderline biologically impossible that describing it would be an impossible task, before saying
-"Nuh uh." and returning to his "normal" posture.
-"Yeah, at least he's doing something interesting whenever he makes stuff up, you're just a fraud." Rin told Fotis.
-"Oh damn, looks like I angered the couple of the year!" Fotis said jokingly.
Roufail and Rin then both took turns kicking Fotis in the balls. This is a good time to bring up that anyone who ships the characters in this story will have a generational curse placed upon them by Some Weird Productions™️.
Soon after Fotis recovered, the group arrived at the beach and after setting up all their stuff they went in for a swim, well, except Rin.
-"Why aren't you going inside?" Koulis asked.
-"I am not wearing a swimsuit, just normal clothes." she answered.
-"Then why come to the beach?"
-"It's been a while since I've met up with you guys, besides, I wanted to get a better hold of this new Riox dude. After I saw my life flash in front of my eyes on the ride here, I think I don't like him that much."
-"Yeah it's like nobody knows how to drive these days. Riox was driving perfectly but every single one of the overgrown bacteriaflaps around us were always going the wrong way! Anyway, I'll go join the others now." Koulis said as he went to swim.
Meanwhile, the ones that had already gone inside the sea were having a swimming competition, and with no end goal, they just called off the race once they all got too bored.
The placings changed quite a bit over the course of the "race", but one thing that remained consistent is that Roufail was always behind everyone, so he was trying to figure out how to swim faster, which is when he asked Riox for advice.
-"You must become one with the sea. Dive inside, and stay there until I tell you to get out. If we continue this training for long enough you will become familiar enough with the ocean that you'll learn how to swim like a fish!" he explained.
Roufail believed him and dove almost immediately.
One minute passed.
Two minutes passed.
Three minutes passed.
Four minutes passed.
Five minutes passed.
"Maybe I should actually tell him to get out. I didn't expect him to actually believe this was unironic training." Riox thought to himself, before noticing Koulis had come, so he went over to join the rest of the boys.
-"What's up Koulis, how is the Rainbow Swiege 5 grind going?"
-"I keep running into the most bitchless sweats, while I'm also being paired with people who are dumber than five year olds for team mates."
-"How about the Fifswa grind?"
-"Man, everyone playing that game is a bastard. I always end up raging whenever I play it."
-"Then why are you still playing it?" Leo joined in the conversation.
Koulis didn't get to answer, as Roufail's floating body that was facing down surfaced near them.
-"WHAT THE HELL?! DID HE DROWN?!" Was approximately everyone's reaction, well, except Riox.
-"Hey, I didn't tell you to come up! Actually now that I think about it, your face is still inside the water so it's not like you can breathe. Actually now that I think about it further, this wasn't even actual training. Lmao fucking bald idiot drowned for no reason."
All hope seemed lost, mostly because everyone was too busy having over dramatic reactions over the prospect of Roufail drowning instead of actually helping him, that is until Rin called for the lifeguard, and an individual whose face was obscured by the sunlight jumped in the water and successfully saved Roufail.
-"Wow, thanks man!" Roufail thanked him.
The lifeguard remained silent, went back to his post, and under the shade he was revealed to be none other than Renie.
-"This dude sure works a lot of jobs." Rin remarked.
Roufail nodded in agreement
-"Hey didn't you drown?" Leo asked him.
-"The prospect of me losing my first kiss to a random lifeguard who might be ugly as shit for all I know giving me CPR was enough to wake me back up and give me a complete recovery." he explained.
The group went on with their day on the beach, until some of them got bored and started discussing doing something more creative, which is when Tempest pulled Rin and Koulis aside and told them to come with him to a secluded cave.
-"Wait, the cave is on an island. It's impossible for me to get there without dipping in the sea." Rin pointed out.
-"Yeah, you're right. Don't worry, I can get you there without you getting drenched." Koulis told her.
Rin assumed that he would carry her across the sea, or serve as a human bridge for the entire way. Imagine her surprise when Koulis wrapped his hands around her waist, leaned back and suplexed her so hard he launched her all the way inside the cave.
-"You're welcome!" he said.
Rin muttered some insults that no one could hear due to her face being buried in the sand like an ostrich.
After a bit Koulis and Tempest also swam to the island. Tempest had the stupidest of grins on his face.
When they first got there, Tempest asked Koulis what his thoughts are on Riox
-"He's really cool. I wanna be like him when I grow up." he answered.
-"Oh that's not-" Rin tried to say, but Tempest interrupted her.
-"Alright then, Fotis said he's hot, but I think he just says that about everyone." he said.
He and the others were trying to get everyone's opinion on Riox. It really seemed like they either loved him or hated him, or they just never gave a straight answer like Manos who just recited a sad haiku he wrote that had absolutely nothing to do with Riox whatsoever.
-"So what is it that you wanted, Tempest?" Rin asked, still wiping sand from her clothes.
-"Oh, right. Okay, guys, take a look at this!" Tempest said, and pulled out a laptop. He started rapidly typing something and then turned the screen to face the other two.
-"I don't get it." Koulis said.
-"How are you even getting internet here?" Rin asked.
-"Silly Rin, can't you see the Ethernet cable?" Tempest answered
There was indeed an ethernet cable connected to a router that was somehow plugged in the cave walls, that was decorated by ancient glowing markings.
-"That's not the point. I have created a site where dumb tourists can purchase very real tickets to visit Atlantis!!" Tempest explained.
-"What!? You're scamming people??" Rin exclaimed.
-"Awesome! Where are these tourists even going?" Koulis asked.
-"Right here in this cave. There they are right now!" Tempest said.
A boat pulled up with a handful of tourists in it, all led by a "tour guide" who was just Dobina the dog.
-"So why'd you drag me into this?" Rin asked.
-"Because, you're the nerdiest person I know, so you can come up with some contrived bullshit to tell these dumb tourists so I can get paid!" Tempest explained.
-"I don't really-"Rin tried to say but was interrupted.
-"Hey stop talking, they're here! Hello! Welcome to DJ Tempest tours!" Tempest said.
EPIC TRANSITION TO THE OTHERS
Meanwhile, Riox, Roufail, Leo and Fotis were having a fishing competition.
"How the hell did they get fishing rods?" I hear you, the dear reader asking.
They didn't have any fishing rods, the point of the competition was to catch fish without any of the equipment you'd usually need for such a task.
-"Man, this is gonna be easy! I just need to find a whale, lift it, throw it out in the land and I will have won!" Fotis announced.
-"What you just said is so wrong on so many levels that I can't even begin to explain how wrong it is." Leo told him.
-"Yeah right, you're just jealous because you know you can't lift 175 kilograms like me!" Fotis replied.
Riox overheard the bickering and decided to join in for fun.
-"Yeah you may be able to lift 175 kilograms, but can you lift this Totally Extremely Heavy Rock That Only Cool People Can Lift™️?" he told Fotis as he pulled out a random pebble from the seafloor.
Fotis accepted the challenge, Riox handed the pebble over to him, and Fotis proceeded to get dragged down by the pebble to the bottom of the sea, as he was completely unable to lift it.
-"Did you really expect him to be cool enough to lift this?" Leo asked Riox.
-"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S JUST A RANDOM PEBBLE I FOUND, HE CAN'T EVEN LIFT THAT MUCH BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Riox laughed.
The two of them waited for Fotis to let the damn pebble go and swim back to the surface, but he didn't seem like he planned on doing that any time soon. A few minutes passed until Roufail swam over to them.
-"What are you doing guys? Aren't we supposed to be catching fish?" he told them.
-"Well, Fotis was uh, now that I think about it he's in a very similar situation to the one where you were previously." Leo said before he tried to sit down and ponder on how he'd present the current situation. Fortunately for him, he didn't have to think about it too much, as Fotis' body surfaced near them in the exact same position Roufail did previously.
-"Oh wow, Fotis is doing swimming training as well!" Roufail concluded.
BACK TO DJ TEMPEST TOURS…
Rin was busy giving a consulted explanation of the history of Atlantis while she and the group of dumb tourists were walking deeper and deeper in the cave. Eventually, Koulis noticed that the glowing markings from earlier started becoming more and more common as they went on.
-"Hey Nerdette, what's up with the Hieroglyphics?" Koulis asked Rin. She decided not to dignify him with a response and continued making up stuff for the tourists.
-"Tempest, are you there buddy?" Koulis asked him. He was counting his money like he was Mr. Krabs. Koulis rolled his eyes, but decided that since nobody else cared, it was probably nothing.
Eventually the group stumbled to the end of the cave, and they dived underwater with diving gear that they borrowed from Kewmed who had used them while serving as a SubWeirder.
After a while they started noticing a bunch of sunken buildings. Rin gasped.
-"It's the real lost city of Atlantis!" She exclaimed.
Tempest finally looked up from counting his money.
-"It's what now?* He asked in a very confused tone.
Suddenly, the ground started rumbling.
EPIC TRANSITION TO ATLANTIS HQ
A random Atlantean soldier approached the lead general of Atlantis, John Atlantis.
-"Sir, all our power has gone missing! We can't stay underwater much longer!!" He exclaimed.
-"WHAT!? How did that happen?" John Atlantis yelled out.
-"It's the surface dwellers sir! They are siphoning our power in order to charge their superweapon! They call it Tempest's Laptop!!"
-"WHAT!? THIS IS AN ACT OF WAR! ROUND UP THE ARMIES!"
EPIC TRANSITION TO THE BEACH
Renie was giving Fotis, who was probably dead, CPR, when suddenly a giant island started rising from the bottom of the sea.
-"What the hell?" Roufail asked.
-"OH NO!" Riox exclaimed. "SOMEONE MUST'VE ABUSED ANCIENT ATLANTEAN ENERGY, PROMPTING THEM TO DECLARE WORLD ON THE SURFACE WORLD!!"
Leo facepalmed and muttered something along the lines of "I can't have any normal days anymore".
Suddenly, a voice was heard from the island.
-"HELP! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
It was Rin! She was tied up along with Koulis, Tempest and the dumb tourists, and was surrounded by blue Atlantean people.
-"Give me my money back you bastards!" Tempest exclaimed.
-"CITIZENS OF THE SURFACE WORLD!" John Atlantis announced. "YOU HAVE COMMITTED AN ACT OF WAR! SURRENDER NOW AND YOU MIGHT BE SPARED!"
Suddenly, Micheal popped out of Leo's backpack and said
-"Nuh Uh!" He was then hit by a sandal.
-"Get out of my stuff you hemorrhoid!" Leo said.
-"OH NO!" Roufail exclaimed. "They have Rin and Tempest!"
-"They also have Koulis." Leo said.
-"Who cares about him?" Roufail asked. "Renie, you know about fish, can't you do anything?"
-"I have vowed to never harm a fish. This one is on you guys." Renie said. Then he ripped apart his swimsuit revealing a set of normal clothes he had underneath, and walked away.
After that, a grand fight began.
Roufail used his "PARAPLEGIC KICK", Tempest broke free once one of the guards dropped a 7€ bill in the water and used his "EDGING ANNIHILATION" attack, Riox used his "VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER TECHNIQUE" with the Some-Weird-Mobile™️, Koulis violently insulted the Atlanteans, severely hurting their motivation, Leo and Rin did nothing and just stared from the sidelines, yelling out some words of encouragement every now and then and Fotis was still unconscious.
Eventually Leo came to a sudden realization.
-"Hey wait a minute, some of these tourists are men. That reminds me, you don't think that he will appear…"
A swoosh was heard throughout the entire earth.
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
NUH UH!
IT'S MAN!
Man swooped in and tackled John Atlantis, taking him far away from the battlefield.
-"You will regret the day you attacked the people of Earth, evil-doer!" He said and flew away.
Seeing their leader being taken away greatly lowered the Atlantean morale.
Suddenly, Fotis woke up.
-"You guys are hot." He said.
Being deemed attractive by someone of Fotis' stature caused all of the Atlanteans to immediately disintegrate and die on the spot.
-"Nice job dude!" Riox said. "Now back to your lifting!"
Riox tossed him the Totally Extremely Heavy Rock That Only Cool People Can Lift™️ and he once again plummeted to the bottom of the ocean.
SOME WEIRD SITCOM EPISODE 22: END
BREAK NEXT WEEK