-"Alright! Chapter one is finished!" Roufail celebrated as he brushed his sweat.
-"Chapter one of what?" Tempest asked.
Roufail got up from his desk, lifted the piece of paper he was writing on and proudly presented it to him.
-"It's upside down, dumbass." Leo told him.
-"Hey, it might be some intentional artsy shit! You never know!" Morris said.
-"Uh, yeah it totally was." Roufail lied as he turned the paper to the right side.
The three boys read what Roufail had written on the illusive paper. It was a collection of stories involving characters with their names as they did bizarre activities like impersonating a non existent person for 2 years, exploring an abandoned tunnel in search of dead bodies, gaslighting a person they disliked for 3 months straight before pulling the rug, etc.
-"Damn. Your handwriting fucking sucks" Leo pointed out.
-"Yeah I'd like to see you try and write with an eyepatch over your dominant side." Roufail responded.
-"Then just don't wear an eyepatch-"
-"NEVER!" Roufail yelled.
-"These events are super unrealistic, there's no way someone would or could do such things. This is real life we're talking about!" Tempest said.
-"Well it's supposed to be an urban fantasy comedy parody thingamajig whatchamacallit so the physics don't really matter."
-"That part about gaslighting was very compelling in my opinion." Morris said without any elaboration.
-"I… Don't know how to respond to that."
Everyone looked awkwardly at Morris before Leo turned back to Roufail and asked him
-"So why did you even write this? And why show it to us?"
Roufail grinned, stood up on his chair started doing overly animated hand movements as he explained
-"Why should we do anything?! What is the meaning behind every action we do beyond the bare minimum required for survival?! It is simple, people! Dreams! The reason we go on in life is for our dreams! From the simplest ones to the most unachievable! The only thing that's for sure is that people's dreams are what drives us to go to the next day, and for that reason, people's dreams… Never die!"
…
-"What the fuck does that even mean?" Morris, Leo and Tempest asked at the same time.
Roufail looked down, disappointed, and sat back down with melancholy as he uttered
-"I was bored."
-"Yeah, that explains it." Leo remarked with a smug face.
-"To be fair, your teacher is absent, like, every time we have anything other than P.E." Morris pointed out.
-"Matt T. Eacher really fell off after… He was birthed." Tempest said.
-"True true true." Roufail and Leo nodded.
-"Huh?" Morris asked.
Everyone ignored him.
Roufail looked up at the ceiling in melancholy as he said
-"Kewmed once again hasn't come to school by the looks of it."
-"Yeah, he hasn't come to school since the last time we hung out with him." Tempest said.
Morris noticed that the mood had gone down so he decided to suggest a fun activity to cheer them up
-"Hey Roufail, what if we show your story to more people?"
Roufail's eyes instantly brightened as he stood up proudly and spoke
-"WHY, OF COURSE! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ART IF THERE IS NOBODY TO VIEW IT, OR RATHER, REVIEW IT! WE NEED TO TAKE IT TO A COMPLETELY UNBIASED PERSON FOR AN HONEST REVIEW SO I WILL LEARN HOW I HAVE TO IMPROVE… BUT WHO FITS SUCH A DESCRIPTION?!"
-"I have something in mind. Just follow me." Morris said.
-"Yeah, we'll pass. We have something else planned to do." Tempest and Leo said.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
-"Aaaaand, here we are!" Morris announced.
-"A church? Why?" Roufail asked.
-"Well, just ask a pastor to review it! They're men of God, they'd never lie!" Morris explained.
-"Huh, makes sense I guess. But what kind of pastor would accept reading this? There's nothing that obligates them to hear us out."
At that moment, a person dressed in all Victorian royalty clothes (as well as the classic wig) approached them.
-"I hast overheard thy conversation and hast decided to assist thou folk." He said.
-"What the hell is this King George II looking ass dude saying?" Roufail turned to Morris.
-"I think he's saying he'll help us."
-"Mine name is Aiden, I am an author and summon to read thy story as I receive I can provide helpful criticisms to help thou base souls improve. Yet 'i return, i want thou to review mine story as well." Aiden said as he pulled out a thick book with a cover made out of leather.
-"Fuck it, sure." Roufail agreed.
The two of them exchanged their stories and began reading them. A few minutes later, they had their reviews ready. Roufail went first.
-"Alright I read your thing. I found the whole story to be bloated by unnecessarily detailed descriptions of utterly meaningless parts while integral aspects of the story like characterization, pacing and plot were brushed to the side. I'd give it like a 5 or 6 out of 10."
Aiden's cocky expression immediately changed to one of pure anger and disdain as he started yelling
-"How dare thou foul idiots slander mine masterpiece with such absurd words!"
-"Hey don't take it personally dude, it's not our fault your story is balls. Besides, you promised you'd review our story too!" Morris objected.
-"Fine then, hither is mine review of thy 'story'. 'tis the most despicable, horrendous, disgusting, idiotic and brainsick endeavor i hast aye had the displeasure of laying mine eyes on."
Roufail was visibly distraught by the harsh words, but Morris didn't waver.
-"Well, what issues does it have?" he asked for a more detailed review.
-"Uhhhhh, the language is far too informal, while there is far too much dialogue and uh. Ay!"
Roufail realized how shallow the criticisms were so he questioned Aiden further.
-"Well, the language being informal is not inherently an issue for any story as long as you can understand what is being written, while it's supposed to be a sitcom parody so obviously most of it will be dialogue between the characters. Anything else?"
-"How dare thou dimwit question the words of the great aiden?! what i say is law for i speak 'i a fancy way! any story that doesn't sound like 'tis written by william shakespeare is nought yet trash that deserves to be burnt alongside the corporal agents of the brainsick publishing companies that refuse to publish mine books!" Aiden continued to yell without providing any substantial criticism in the slightest.
"This dude is starting to get annoying. I wonder what the other two are doing." Morris thought to himself.
MEANWHILE
-"AAAAAAAHHH!" Leo screamed as he got attacked by a samurai.
-"LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU DISHONORABLE WENCH!" Tempest said as he sliced the samurai.
The two of them were traveling over the world looking for Riox. At the moment they were fighting samurai in Japan with no signs of Riox anywhere.
BACK TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH
Aiden had been yapping for the last 30 minutes completely uninterrupted.
-"Jesus christ dude will you shut the fuck up? How do you even talk in old English how fucking old are you?!" The exhausted Morris said.
-"Watch thy mouth, and not that my liver moves any requirement to answer thy question, yet i am 13 years of age." Aiden revealed.
At this point, Morris and tired had gotten kinda sick of Aiden's bullshit so they contemplated leaving the church for today.
Then, something unexpected happened.
-"HEEEEEHAAWW!" A voice echoed, followed by the crush landing of an individual.
The figure stood up, and while the finer details were obscured by the dust that stirred up, it was clear that he was wearing long robes, had a beard the size of an office chair and his height couldn't have been any less than 2 meters.
Eventually, the dust settled down as Roufail, Morris and Aiden looked at; Father Chad.
A pastor with huge (physical) height and width, a beard that hid his entire upper body, a low taper fade haircut and long white robes with crosses designed all over them.
-"Good afternoon, children of God. I happen to have noticed that you've been bickering for quite some time. What is the issue?" Father Chad asked with a surprisingly hospitable look on his face despite how dramatic and intimidating his entrance and appearance was.
Aiden then proceeded to read out a 50 page essay he had just written in old English about how he's a great writer.
MEANWHILE
-"TAKE THIS, LOSER!" Leo said as he threw a grenade at the car behind them.
They had found themselves in the streets of Brazil and they were racing against people with Ferraris and Lamborghinis while their form of transportation was Renie's taxi which Tempest was driving. Needless to say, they had to improvise some ways to balance out their disadvantages. Additionally, there was still no Riox in sight.
BACK TO THE AIDEN PURGATORY
Two hours passed and Aiden had finally finished his waffling.
-"I didn't understand a single thing you said!" Father Chad said with a wide smile on his face.
That was Aiden's breaking point.
-"UUUUWWWRYYYY!!!! how dare thou continue to disrespect the re-incarnation of the greatest author of all time?! i shall tolerate no moe of this, i hate all of thou and i swear on everybody's souls yet mine i shall become a successful writer, orb famous, and thou shall see whom's right and whom's wrong then!"
In that moment, Aiden had become so frustrated he began emitting steam like a cartoon character, so much steam in fact, that he literally took off into the sky until he was out of sight.
-"Huh. Wonder what his deal was." Father Chad said in complete honesty.
-"Well, I guess we should go now." Roufail told Morris.
-"Aren't you forgetting something? We finally found a priest!" Morris reminded him of their original reason for even coming all the way to the church.
-"Oh, right! Erm, I'm sorry, father. Could you read this thing I wrote? It's like a story and stuff and I wanted someone to give me an honest review of it so I can know where to improve… Yknow." Roufail approached Father Chad.
-"Hm. Okay then, I will read it and give you my unfiltered thoughts on it."
MEANWHILE
15 years had gone by in just a day. Leo and Tempest had traveled almost the entire globe, assembled a team of renegades, and went through space looking for Riox, while also destabilizing many governments and liberating plenty of oppressed alien populations in the process. Still, no sight of Riox. There was, however, sight of a figure engulfed in what appeared to be steam approaching them.
-"What the hell is that?" Leo and Tempest asked at the same time.
There was no time for answers, as the figure reached them in the blink of an eye, crashed into them, and sent them flying all the way back to earth.
BACK TO THE FATHER CHAD READING SESSION
-"Alright, I finished it. I have to say-"
Father Chad then crashed his own head into the pavement.
-"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Roufail and Morris yelled at the same time.
-"Do what-?"
Father Chad asked before slamming his head into a nearby wall, breaking through it.
-"Anyway, as I was saying, your story has quite some potential as a comedy. It sure is rough around the edges, but that is the case for most beginner stories. I would rate it a solid seven out of ten." Father Chad reviewed Roufail's sitcom parody.
-"Oh, uh, thanks I guess." Roufail said, frankly quite underwhelmed by how short the review was. Little did he know, that's the closest thing to a comprehensive review of his story he'd get for the foreseeable future.
-"It was my pleasure. Remember, if you have anything else to talk to me about you can just come by again. I love talking with the children of the God whom I am a messenger for." Father Chad said as Morris and Roufail walked into the sunset, just in time for Tempest and Leo to crash right in front of them.
-"Where were you guys? You're late, we already got the review. We also met some weird dude." Morris told them.
-"Yeah, I think we may have met him too." Leo said with an annoyed look on his face as he got up.
-"We were looking for Riox but we have no clue where he is. It's like he literally disappeared." Tempest explained.
-"Oh, didn't you know you could just FaceTime him?" Morris told them.
-"What?"
-"Yeah, I have him added on Shite, the popular online call site. You could have just asked me to get you guys to FaceTime him!"
Leo and Tempest then let out the type of sounds you'd expect to hear from someone who realized they just wasted what felt like an eternity of their lives.
Meanwhile, Aiden had reached the outer layers of the galaxy, with no signs of his temper slowing down.
SOME WEIRD SITCOM EPISODE 28: END
NO BREAK NEXT WEEK