-"What's up kids, welcome to Devivor, the brand new totally original game show where our contestants try to make it through a number of challenges in a tropical island that definitely isn't just a film set for a grand prize that they'll spend irresponsibly before fading out of public consciousness in a couple weeks' time. Now, welcome our contestants!" Morris, the host, announced.
The contestants then walked in one by one.
First, Leo.
-"Coming in at the height of a very short garden gnome, we have Leo!"
-"Hey, I'm average size you know!" Leo objected.
-"Don't worry Leo, size doesn't matter. Next up, the physical embodiment of procrastination; Tempest!"
Nobody walked in.
-"Yeah, he'll probably be late." Leo said.
-"For some reason I'm not even surprised. Anyway, uh, after that we have a person who definitely needs a therapist; Manos!" Morris continued on with the introductions.
Just like the rest of the boys, Manos had paid Rin's comically gigantic closer a visit and was now wearing a white tracksuit, armed with a katana and had applied smudged eyeliner and black eyeshadow on his face
-"A meaningless competition is only fitting for an empty existence…" Manos said as he entered while staring intensely at a tree, thinking there was a hidden camera there, not knowing that there were no cameras and this entire competition was just a ploy to lure Kewmed into appearing, which he didn't.
-"Why are you wearing makeup?" Leo asked Manos.
-"It's not makeup, my eyes have become pitch black from all the extreme pain I have tolerated in this cruel and uncaring world." Manos lied.
-"Whatever! Next up, the number one gamer in his homelessness shelter, Adam!"
-"Hey why would you introduce me like that?!" Adam cried out.
-"Shut up, your breath stinks. Have you ever brushed your teeth?" Leo told him.
-"What's that? Is it new tech? Haven't heard of that build." Adam answered.
-"It looks like the streak of people who need a lot of help doesn't end here because the next contestant is literally fucking blind! Everybody make some noise for Adison - that way he knows where you are!"
-"Don't worry, I have mastered all my other senses and can live my life without being burdened by my lack of eyesight brought along by the attack of a certain someone who couldn't beat me at chess." Adison said while intensely staring at Leo's direction… Or at least he tried, cause he was actually staring at the same tree that Manos was talking to previously.
-"In my defense, Riox did that without my knowledge." Leo exclaimed.
-"Knowledge is but a sense of escapism from the endless ignorance we'll forever be in." Manos while trying his coolest to sound cool.
-"What's that chess thing? I've heard someone else mention it before I think." Adam asked.
Morris gulped as he continued tolerating the sheer idiocy on display in front of him before moving on with the remaining contestants.
-"Okay uhhh after Adison we have… Oh no."
-"What?" Leo asked.
Suddenly, an individual dressed in a T-Rex themed tracksuit appeared. It was Michael.
-"IT'S ME!" He introduced himself.
-"Oh God damn it. The lengths I go to for a chance to rescue Kewmed… I should be pricing him." Leo sighed.
-"Alright, one more left. Wait… Am I reading this right? LEBRON JAMES?!" Morris yelled out in shock.
LeBron James then walked out.
-"How the hell did he come here?!" Morris asked Leo.
-"Tch, don't believe this fraud! This is just the Marmeladides Brothers stacked on top of each other and fused, duh!"
-"I have a feeling he's the real deal dude."
-"Yeah right, come on dude, when have I ever been wrong about something?!"
-"To be fair I don't know you for very long so-" Morris got interrupted by Leo
-"Yeah, exactly, never."
Morris reluctantly tried to ignore the fact that LeBron James was somehow a participant of the gameshow.
-"Uh, okay, then I guess we should get started."
-"What about Tempest?" Michael asked.
-"We'll be lucky if we haven't finished 3 seasons of this thing by the time he arrives." Leo exclaimed.
Confessional: LeBron
…..
Confessional: Adam
-"I think I've seen this LeBron dude in NBA 3K. Not sure though."
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
-"Okay ladies and gentlemen, for the first challenge these idiots, and LeBron, will be running through a dangerous forest that hasn't been explored ever by anyone in the history of humanity. The challenges end when the first person gets eliminated, so don't worry, I doubt more than one or two of them will die here." Morris explained.
-"Why are you talking like that when this isn't even televised?" Leo asked.
-"Because I like having fun, you should try it!"
-"What? This entire thing is a red flag, Kewmed hasn't even appeared and probably won't, let's just call it off and come up with something less dangerous." Leo suggested.
Morris carefully considered thinking about Leo's suggestion before completely forgetting about it and announcing
-"ALRIGHT, START THE CHALLENGE!"
Everyone began running through the woods except for Leo.
"Yeah right, ain't no way I'm risking my life for nothing! Not me, I'm too valuable!" He thought to himself.
-"Also, just as an FYI, there will be an army of highly poisonous snakes chasing behind them to make sure nobody is slacking off!" Morris said as he unleashed the aforementioned army of snakes.
-"FFUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!" Leo's war cry echoed through the island as he ran so fast he surpassed everyone and crossed the forest before everyone in order to avoid the snakes.
"My life is too expensive to risk getting bit by some wannabe serpents!" He thought to himself.
Michael ended up finishing second as he summoned a pterodactyl to fly him above the forest.
-"Wait, you can still do that?!" Leo asked him.
-"Yeah, what about it?"
Leo then sulked over the fact that Michael of all people is the only one in the friend group that actually has cool useful powers.
LeBron finished third because, duh, he's LeBron, Adison proved he's still capable despite his lack of… Well… eyes, by using all his other senses to successfully traverse the forest and finish fourth, while Manos finished fifth due to him not being motivated enough to run quickly, although he used his sword to cut the attacking snakes and undiscovered species that resided in the forest.
-"Welp, I guess Adam lost!" Morris exclaimed.
-"Where is he even?" Leo asked.
Adam had passed out after 1 millisecond of running due to the fact that he usually spends all his day sitting his ass down and playing video games (badly).
Thankfully, R.Ash swooped on to save him from the snakes and get him to safety away from the island.
Then, out of nowhere, Tempest showed up.
-"Sup." He greeted them.
-"What the shizzle?! How the hell did you pass without us noticing?!" Leo asked him.
-"I took the shortcut." Tempest said as he pointed to a well kept path with nice and pretty flowers around it.
-"WHY DOES HE GET TO TAKE A SHORTCUT? WHY DIDN'T WE GET ACCESS TO IT AND HAD TO FIGHT WITH YOUR SNAKES?!" Leo yelled at Morris' face as he shook him by the collar of his shirt.
-"Because you didn't ask." Morris said without a hint of irony on his face.
-"Aw hell naw it's the Marmeladides brothers!" Tempest said, referring to LeBron James.
-"So why isn't Roufail here?" Morris asked.
-"Morris, are you asking us to bring Roufail to a tropical island where there very well could be cockroaches and other bugs?!" Tempest responded.
-"Oh come on, how much harm could one cockroach cause?"
-"You'd be surprised."
Confessional: Adison
-"Truthfully I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm not Daredevil, I have absolutely no quality to counteract the disadvantages of my blindness. But hey, if I made it this far, then I can probably get even further, right?! Also what the hell is a Rash?"
Confessional: Michael
-"I'm glad that the #1 fan of my story; 'Life of A Michelle' is finally here. Tempest really ought to pay close attention to my amazing moves as we go on!"
LATER
-"Okay champs, for the next challenge we have a shooting competition-" Morris stopped once he noticed Manos was pointing the gun at himself.
-"WAIT NO FUCK STOOOOP!" Morris called out to him.
Fortunately, R.Ash flew down at the last moment, kicked the gun out of Manos' hand and saved him.
-"Okay uh, I don't think I want to have this dude participate in this challenge so let's just say he's eliminated and move on."
Confessional: Manos
-"Once again I am forced to endure yet another day in this cruel world."
Manos was then informed that the guns were paintball guns
-"Ah, I didn't know that. It seems I have once again been lied to in this cruel world. So cruel."
Manos did in fact already know that.
LATER
-"Now that we know for sure we won't have any… Incidents like that occurring again, we shall move on with the third challenge; a pole jumping competition! The rules are simple, you have all been given a comically long pole, you'll run until you decide to do a poll jump and whoever gets the least far loses. This is a good time to mention that there is a cliff on your track, so try to not jump so far that you fall off of it." Morris explained.
Adison then came back from the toilet where he was doing the confessional.
-"Aw shoot I missed the explanation, could somebody fill me in please?" He said.
At that moment, Leo had a bright idea.
The challenge began soon after and Adison ended up going last, after everyone had to sit through Michelle bragging for coming second behind LeBron.
-"Alright, here goes nothing!" Adison declared as he started running, and running, and running, and running… Until he fell off the cliff.
-"OH COME ON HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY!" Morris exclaimed.
-"Oh no, what a travesty." Leo said knowing damn well he came in last.
As per usual, R.Ash caught him and he lived to (not) see another day.
Leo was sitting pridefully while everyone else was confused as to why a blind person was even allowed to compete, excluding the host who didn't know Adison had no eyes
-"Why did he jump off the cliff? Is he stupid?" Morris asked.
-"Meh, it's nothing." Leo brushed it off.
Confessional: Tempest
-"I am 99% certain Leo gave him the wrong information about the competition and that's why he ran off. Matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he had some confessional where he praised the perpetrator!"
Confessional: Leo
-"Very tragic and sad how Adison fell off that cliff. I have a feeling that whoever inspired him to do that is a really cool person writing a great story and deserves to be paid more. Unfortunately we'll never know the identity of that real life superhero."
LATER
-"For this next contest, you'll be swimming through this river. As per usual, the last one to get to the other side gets eliminated."
-"Is it just me or are these challenges getting uncreative?" Tempest asked.
-"Yeah you try coming up with diverse challenges on an island in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere." Morris retorted.
-"Who can make a sand castle that can protect them from a volcano eruption that is very conveniently about to happen right within the island we are on." Tempest provided an actual suggestion as he was pointing at the aforementioned volcano.
-"Uh huh, go on…" Morris encouraged Tempest.
-"God damn it he's just trying to steal your ideas! Don't worry, my aunt can provide legal protection! You just need to give me a 500€ tax for providing the service or something and stuff." Leo said.
Tempest then noticed it had been a whole few minutes without Michael saying something stupid, which is when that period of heaven was unfortunately broken.
-"Hey, guys, look at how effortlessly I am doing this extremely easy - for me - challenge! Hahahahaha!" Michael yelled at them as he had already almost reached the other end of the river.
-"Hey I never even said the contest had started-" Morris tried to say but got interrupted by Leo.
-"Just, wait."
Michael continued swimming, so consumed by his own need to show-off that he ended up swimming to the end of the river, through the ground, into a waterfall and fell off of it.
-"Guess he's eliminated too. Oh well, he should be safe thanks to Rash!" Tempest exclaimed.
Michael, however, kept falling until he fell on top of a big bird, which then carried him over the volcano and threw him inside it, causing it to erupt and sending him into the ocean, where he got eaten by the megalodon.
-"Huh… So it really is alive!" Morris remarked while staring at the megalodon.
-"So did Rash decide to take the day off or something?" Leo asked.
-"Her name isn't Rash, its-"
Tempest and Leo sensed that he was about to unleash an onslaught of adjectives again so they shut his mouth and threw him into the river.
Confessional: Morris
-"I don't think the host is supposed to have a confessional but I'll take the chance to talk to you about the amazing, wonderful, fantastic"
Morris' confessional had to be cut off due to us not having enough airtime
LATER
-"So because they thought it'd be a real good idea to assault the one and only manager of this whole contest, Leo and Tempest have to play a basketball match against LeBron James. Loser team gets eliminated or something." A noticeably angrier, pettier, and wetter Morris explained.
-"He totally overreacted in my opinion." Leo said.
-"For real." Tempest agreed.
As expected, LeBron absolutely dominated the two of them. He is the goat of the NBA after all. So they killed him. They used a gun and shot him. There is no further joke. That's just what they did.
-"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Morris overreacted once again.
-"We're only two people so we can't form a mech again. Like it or not, this was the only option." Tempest explained.
-"Yeah Morris, stop being so sensitive. Geez, kids these days." Leo told him.
-"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU MURDERED THE DUDE! AND WHY DIDN'T R.ASH DO ANYTHING TO SAVE HIM?" Morris yelled.
Moments later, a blinding light began emitting from LeBron's corpse as he assumed the fuckass pose from that one photo of him, y'know the one. Soon after, he levitated away without changing his posture in the slightest until he could no longer be seen.
-"How does this affect his legacy?" Tempest asked.
-"Beating Jesus' resurrection record is a pretty impressive feat I'd say." Morris answered.
Leo had now assumed Morris' previous position of overreacting at a totally regular event. Unfortunately for him, he was interrupted by the ad break before he could say anything.
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One great ad segment later, Morris was ready to explain the last contest to this epic game show.
-"Connect four."
…
-"What?" Leo and Tempest asked at the same time.
-"Connect four." Morris repeated as he pulled out a connect four board.
-"Connect four." Morris said once again as he slammed the board game on the ground.
Tempest and Leo understood the assignment very well.
An intense game then began.
-"You can't do this, just give up while you have the chance, Temperature!"
-"I have been through unimaginable experiences, your silly mind games don't phase me, Leoman."
The two competitors taunted each other as the first few turns flew by, move after move, piece after piece, falling down on top of one another one by one, no clear victor at any point.
A draw.
-"Round 2." Morris exclaimed as he pulled out yet another connect four board.
The turns passed, the moves were made and as time started blending into itself the minutes turned into hours, until nobody could keep time of how long it had been since the first game happened. Piece after piece, draw after draw, in the end, the two opponents had played 556.893 games of connect four. Still, no winner.
-"Hm." The two of them sighed.
-"This has gotten boring, not gonna lie." Tempest said.
-"True." Leo agreed.
-"Coin flip?" Tempest suggested.
-"Sure."
Tempest then flipped a coin, only for it to land on the perfect spot, a position none of them had even seen before on the 483.236th board. A fumble by the players, a blunder by the referee, there was one space… One and only one victorious space. The coin landed there.
-"Huh. That's cool."
-"Yeah, gg."
Tempest and Leo said in that order. Normally, the former would be enthusiastic about his victory while the latter would be extremely upset, however, it had been so long that they forgot why they were even playing so many rounds of connect four in the first place, so they just walked away epically, so epically that they could walk on water, which is how they got back home despite the fact that R.ash and Morris had left the island by round 3, leaving his hundreds of thousands of copies of connect 4 to the other two.
SOME WEIRD SITCOM EPISODE 28: END
SOME WEIRD SITCOM WILL ENTER A HIATUS UNTIL THE 9TH OF DECEMBER. IN THE MEANTIME READ TALES OF SOWEILAND AND LIFE OF A MICHELLE.