-"So… Wanna start a band?" Achillop asked in the groupchat.
GAMERLEO: No.
MADMAN ROUFAIL: Hell yeah
Kewmedrake: Sure
DJTheRealTemperestOfficial:I don't see why not.
And thus, it was decided, the boys had now started a band.
Fast forward a few days later, the boys had met up in Achillop's place about 5 light years away in order to discuss how they would run the band.
-"Why the hell am I even here? I didn't agree to this!" Leo said.
-"Didn't you say you wanted to see how horribly we'd fail?" Tempest replied.
-"Oh right, hah, that should be hilarious!" Leo remarked sarcastically, only to be ignored by everyone.
-"Alright, we'll need to figure out the most important part of a band first." Achillop begun
-"The roles of each member?"
-"The manager?"
-"The musical genre?"
Roufail, Leo and Tempest asked in that order.
-"No… The name." Achillop revealed.
After a lot of suggestions, including
"S and the Ws"
"My Some Weird Romance"
"Some Floyd"
"Aeroweird"
"SW. Bungle"
"Weird Maiden"
And many, many others. Eventually, Achillop recommended
-"What if we just call ourselves the loppies?"
-"Yeah sure I guess that name works." Leo agreed, mostly because they had spent the better part of a day brainstorming shitty band names.
-"I thought you said you didn't want to be involved in this." Roufail said.
-"Nah, I decided I'll be your manager. Every band must have a predatory manager, and I fit that category perfectly because I am actively trying to make you guys fail." Leo explained.
-"Well okay then, Loppies, let's rock and roll!" Kewmed announced.
Everyone proceeded to awkwardly stare at him.
-"Don't say that again." They all said at the same time.
Despite the group's incompetence, The Loppies became huge right off the gate, with instant classics like
To Pimp A Jock
Abbey Road(Vehicular Manslaughter Version)
Heterochromatic Album
The Hype Riox LP
The Peter Mark LP
Thor: Love and Edge Original Soundtrack
And many others.
Weirdly enough Kewmed kept trying to be a producer, even though all his FL Studio cooking sessions ended up traumatizing everyone who could hear them. Even with that, despite Leo's best efforts, The Loppies were extremely successful, probably because he didn't know how to be a manager, meaning that he didn't know how to be a bad manager either, which led to him unintentionally making the best decisions for the group… But that would all soon come to an end.
-"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" A blood curdling scream echoed throughout the entire universe on a random night.
The boys instantly recognized the voice; Achillop!
Thus, The Loppies had an emergency meeting.
-"What the hell happened?!" Leo asked.
Achillop slowly got up, raised his hands, and revealed that his guitar had been broken in half.
-"Oh no. How did it break?" Tempest asked.
-"I broke my binding vow to never cut my hair when I accidentally pulled out a single follicle while brushing my hair a few minutes ago, as a result, my guitar broke." Achillop explained.
-"Uh, I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but like, can't you just buy a new one?" Leo said.
-"It's not so simple. This is an exclusive original 1945 BC John Money model guitar. It's been passed down my family for generations, with the binding vow I mentioned previously being the condition for it remaining undamaged, and now that I broke the vow, the guitar has broken in half."
-"Hey, I can repair it! I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who sells weed. I think we should go there to get some- I mean we should go to him so he'll repair the guitar and stuff!" Kewmed suggested.
Awkward silence followed as everyone stared at Kewmed, disapprovingly. The silence was eventually broken by Achillop:
-"There actually is a way to repair it, but it's not simple. It was crafted by a dinosaur tamer who fused it with his Aura, the lives of all dinosaurs on earth, and the soul of his barber… That man was my ancestor; The original Achillop."
"Huh… So that's how dinosaurs went extinct." Roufail thought to himself.
-"Oh hell naw, we're not gonna do all that just to repair a single guitar! Is it really that important? I have seen you pull out guitars as if you create them from thin air, there's no way you can't get a different one!" Leo complained.
-"Well, that's just how it was crafted. Repairing it requires something different, but also, much more dreadful at the same time… We have to go where no man has ever actually wanted to go to…. Hell on earth… Thessaloniki, Greece." Achillop revealed, instantly filling the room with an intense sense of dread.
The boys reluctantly accepted the necessity of this sacrifice, as they agreed to going to the hellhole formally known as Thessaloniki.
-"Wait, come to think of it, how did you guys arrive here this soon? And how will we be going there?" Achillop asked.
Both of his questions were answered when Riox ran through his bedroom walls with the Some-Weird-Mobile™️.
-"I heard you needed a ride again." Riox said while pretending to lower his nonexistent sunglasses.
-"Dude, this is the sixth floor!" Leo yelled at him.
-"Yeah I ran into some assholes while trying to park the car and had to make an emergency change in plans. Jesus man, people these days, it's like none of them learned how to drive!"
-"Are you sure you ran into them and not over them?" Tempest asked Riox.
-"Tomato tomato. Do you want a ride or not?"
The band members got in the Some-Weird-Mobile™️, and as usual, the ride to Thessaloniki wasn't exactly smooth.
"WATCH OUT FOR THE SCHOOL KIDS!"
"WAIT NO DON'T GO IN SPACE!"
"RIOX STOP RUNNING THROUGH EVERY SINGLE TOLL STATION!"
Were just some of the screams that were heard during that ride.
At last, the boys had finally arrived in the worst place on Earth; Thessaloniki.
-"Just contact me when you need a ride back home." Riox told the boys before he proceeded to run the car through several buildings on his way out of that hellish city.
-"Well, I guess it could've gone worse. At least this time he didn't run over as many people, I suppose." Tempest remarked.
-"Alright team, here is the plan. Me and Achillop will go to the repair dude. You guys try to survive in this shithole in the meantime. We will meet back up on this exact spot in three hours." Leo explained before the two groups went on their ways.
A few minutes of walking and dodging the radioactive Thessaloniki people followed, until Leo and Achillop finally arrived at the repair store.
Upon going inside, they saw none other than Renie, repairing some random guitars.
-"Renie?! What the hell are you doing here?!" The confused Leo asked.
Renie proceeded to never answer the question, instead, upon making eye contact with Achillop, he walked up to him, took his guitar and said
-"I understand."
EPIC TRANSITION TO THE OTHER GROUP
-"Hey guys, is it just me or isn't this Achillop guy extremely lame?" Kewmed asked.
-"I'm not sure what you mean. Either way, we finally found a place to eat." Tempest said as he pointed at a ran down and extremely dystopian looking restaurant (also happens to be the most luxurious restaurant in Thessaloniki).
(sudden temperest jumpscare)
The three of them entered the restaurant and sat down at a table.
-"Hey guys. Don't look, but I think there's somebody spying on us here." Kewmed said.
Tempest looked at the individual in question discreetly, while Roufail entered a pose in which he really couldn't make it any less obvious that he was staring at something, with him pointing at the individual with his right hand and placing his left hand vertically to his face.
-"Well, I guess there's no hiding it now. Let's just see what he wants from us." Tempest said as the three of them started walking towards the individual.
Upon closer inspection, they started recognizing him.
-"Wait… Thoso?! I didn't expect to see you here!" Tempest greeted him.
Thoso was a short blond dude who rarely interacted with the boys at school even though they were technically friends.
-"Yeah, what brings you around these… Places?" Roufail asked as he took on a truly disgusted expression upon reminding himself that they were still in Thessaloniki.
-"My parents brought me on vacation here. It's so boring! By the way, I heard you guys started a band." Thoso replied.
-"Hey, don't let him change the subject! Why were you spying on us?! I noticed you were following us from the moment we exited the Some-Weird-Mobile™️. What are your intentions?!" Kewmed started interrogating him.
-"Well, in reality… I am super bored. And I figured if I look at you guys doing fun stuff I'd be less bored." Thoso answered.
-"Why didn't you just ask us to tag along?" Tempest asked him.
-"Too much effort. I don't even like being outside. Anyways, where did your other two friends go?" Thoso replied.
-"Well, Achillop's guitar broke, so we took it to a repair guy here."
-"Why would you come all the way here to fix a guitar? Aren't there repair shops in our city?"
Tempest then explained everything Achillop told them about his guitar, which made Thoso break out in a cold sweat.
-"Your friends… Are in serious danger." He said.
EPIC TRANSITION TO ACHILLOP AND LEO
Renie had set up all the equipment required for the repair of the guitar. Although out of context, it would look a lot like he was about to use medieval torture devices to a poor soul.
-"Bring it forth." He ordered.
-"Understood." Achillop complied as he handed the guitar over to him.
Renie then completely discarded all the equipment he had previously set up, only to bring out what seemed to be an extremely old book.
-"Damn dude what the hell is that? Viking runes?! Hah!" Leo said sarcastically.
-"Yes." Renie confirmed.
-"Wait what-"
Leo's questions wouldn't be answered as Renie got to work immediately, drawing some runes so old that not even the most experienced historians would be able to recognize them, upon the broken guitar.
The room began trembling as if an earthquake was taking place, the guitar was emanating a mysterious light until… It cracked.
EPIC TRANSITION TO THE OTHERS
Tempest, Roufail, Kewmed and Thoso were running towards the workshop.
-"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE IN DANGER?" Tempest asked Thoso while running.
-"i told you that the…." Thoso's reply couldn't be heard for some reason, so Tempest turned to look if he was fine, only to realize that he was three city blocks behind them, walking without a care in the world.
-"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DUDE?! PICK UP THE PACE!" Roufail yelled at him.
-"I'm not the type of dude that goes outside. This is honestly too boring… Almost as boring as politicians and… Stuff." Thoso replied with an extremely lame excuse of a joke.
The three of them had just about had it with Thoso's laziness, but it was too late, as suddenly, a big explosion a few miles away from where they were standing.
Out of the cloud created by the explosions, an endless array of what seemed like ghosts and espers of dead musicians started emerging.
-"Oh great, as if this city wasn't horrible enough, apparently there are ghosts here too! Anyways, let's keep going towards Achillop and Leo to warn them about whatever it is Thoso was talking about." Roufail said.
Soon after that, Achillop, Leo and Renie all landed right next to the group.
-"Oh guys! Apparently you're in danger or something. Also hi Renie." Roufail told them.
-"Yeah, I think we figured that out." Leo remarked.
-"Ah great. By the way did you see those ghosts? Pretty freaky right? Also, did you repair the guitar or not?" Roufail asked.
Leo was straight up dumbfounded by Roufail's idiocy, while Achillop was too busy mourning over his now destroyed guitar and Renie was acting like an elder viking on his own for some reason.
In that time, Thoso had somehow caught up to them, so he elaborated on his warning.
-"Alright dudes, this is super crazy! Almost as crazy as the joker! Get it? Because he's crazy… Anyway uh, as I was saying. Achillop's guitar was cursed, and now that it broke apart and was meddled with even further by some magic presumably-" Thoso was interrupted by Renie
-"It's not magic. It's my ancestors' runes!"
-"Yeah right. Anyways, now that that's happened, all the spirits that were trapped within it have been unleashed!"
-"How do you know all this?" Leo asked him.
-"This is just common knowledge among the instrument playing community. By the way, I can play the piano." Thoso answered.
-"And why didn't you know about this?" Tempest asked Achillop.
-"I'm self taught."
-"That…Actually explains a lot." Leo remarked.
-"Anyway, since you guys are my bestest of buddies, I will help you, like Superman! Get it? Because he helps people-"
-"JUST DO IT ALREADY!" They all yelled at Thoso at the same time, stopping him from finishing his lame joke.
-"Alright then. But first, I'll need a piano."
-"Okay." Tempest said before he called someone on the phone and briefed them on the situation.
-"Who did you call?" Leo asked him.
-"You'll see." he replied.
Soon after that, Riox landed with the Some-Weird-Mobile™️, breaking through the ground with the front of the car.
-"PIANO DELIVERY TECHNIQUE!" he yelled out as a classical piano in pristine condition ejected from the trunk and made a perfect landing.
-"Glad to have helped." Riox said as he turned the car back on and drove further through the ground until he was no longer visible.
-"Uh… Alright I suppose. Now, time for my musical magic!" Thoso said while attempting to sound cool.
He then sat down and started playing a truly fantastic melody that you'll never get to hear because this is a written story and there's no fucking way any corporation will ever agree to adapting this shit, lmfao. It was, however, so good that all the artists' ghosts started being hypnotized by it, to the point that they all went inside the piano, in the same way that they were inside Achillop's guitar previously.
-"Man, I wonder where Riox found this piano." Leo pondered.
Everyone remained silent, until they all realized.
-"He stole it." They remarked at the same time.
Either way, by the time Thoso was done playing the piano, all the ghosts had been trapped inside the instrument.
-"Alright, job's done. Now I can go back to actually interesting things, like not being outside." Thoso said.
-"Wait, what about the guitar?"
-"Obviously I can't fix it. I thought you guys wanted me to save the city from the ghosts."
-"We don't give a shit about that. Thessaloniki is already a shithole beyond human comprehension, the ghosts probably barely impacted that status. We can't be a band without the Achillop guitar! All the other members literally don't even have a role!" Leo yelled at Thoso.
-"Nah. It's okay." Achillop said before continuing "I have realized my true final form as a musical artist. Making money? Having influence? Being successful? Nah. The true final point of my career is to retire and take on an entirely different stage name that nobody will ever uncover, while I proceed to never replicate my previous success. I will then die of a drug overdose in a motel or something I dunno."
Everyone was truly saddened by Achillop's announcement that The Loppies would be breaking up after a long career of a day and a half, while his statements were nothing short of inspirational.
Leo on the other hand was ecstatic, as the band that he tried to ruin for no reason other than his insane pettiness was finally disbanded.
-"By the way, about the binding vow you mentioned." Thoso began saying.
-"Yeah? What about it?"
-"Um… It's a complete hoax. The only way for a guitar to break in half is for a human to do it or something. Binding vows only apply to kazoos." he explained.
Everyone was dumbfounded and started pondering who could be the true culprit behind the breaking of the guitar. Except for Achillop, who had realized that his entire bloodline had never once taken a haircut for no reason whatsoever.
Either way, it was about time to finally leave Thessaloniki, and so, they called Riox who emerged from the ground with the Some-Weird-Mobile™️ and drove them home. This time, the reported number of victims to his driving was only a triple digit number <3.
SOME WEIRD SITCOM EPISODE 21: END
NO BREAK NEXT WEEK