For the first time they can remember, the entire friend group was present in school today.
Roufail, Leo, Kewmed, Tempest, Manos, Rin, Renie, Micheal (unfortunately), Tom, Nick... Even Lop and Rousilleas, despite them not even living in the same city as the boys!
-"Why are you two here anyways?" Leo asked Lop.
-"Wait, do you not know about today's football match? I mean, we'll LITERALLY be participating in it." Lop answered.
-"Well that explains why you decided to wear football shoes out of the blue..." Leo said, not realizing what Lop just said.
Until, he realized.
-"WAIT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN FOOTBALL MATCH?!" He asked, furiously.
Rousilleas then pulled out a flier he had shoved in his back pocket.
-"We found this near our focken recording studio, mate."
The flier read as follows:
CHEER ON FOR THE
COOLEST FOOTBALL
TEAM OF ALL TIME
AS WE DESTROY SOME
DWEEBS IN THEIR HOME
TURF ON THE 30TH OF
FEBRUARY
Leo was actually relieved when he read the flier.
"Come on guys, we are not the only dweebs in the world. Besides, who would even want to have a football match against us?" Leo said as he sighed.
-"Well, we thought the same thing, until the old lady in the studio pointed out the small letters on the bottom." Lop pointed out.
-"What old lady?" Roufail, who had been overhearing this whole time, decided to ask.
-"Shut up, not relevant, just look." Lop shut down Roufail's question as he pointed at the bottom of the flier, which read:
Note: this was NOT made by the so called "jock mafia". We believe that name is not befitting of such amazing individuals who have never done anything annoying or even slightly against the law, but then again, what would we know, we are not the so called "jock mafia", but if we were, we'd ask you people to start referring to us with the much more befitting name of "The coalition of the super amazing ultra cool individuals whose lives kept getting screwed over by the Some Weird dweebs".
-"This note seems a bit too on the nose, but knowing them, they probably thought they did an amazing job covering themselves with this flier. As for the old lady... That's a subject we'll talk about another day. What's more important now is to assemble a team. What time will the match even happen anyways?" Leo asked.
-"I dunno mate, I think those jock mafia wankers must've forgotten to put the time of the match on the flier." Rousilleas offered a possible explanation.
"But why would they even be so secretive about this? Realistically speaking we're the only people who know of them, and reporting them to the police would require explaining to them what we did during our encounters with them and uh... Let's just say we're not too much better than them in certain regards." Roufail said.
-"Good point. They probably wanted to catch us unprepared by making sure they only hang fliers away from our city, and to ensure we'd be caught off guard even if we stumbled upon one of the fliers, they didn't put the time of the match on the flier. That might have been the only smart action they've ever taken in their entire lives, and it's regarding the worst attempt at remaining undercover in human history." Leo explained.
-"Damn right mate, see this is why I picked your balcony that night. You are a damn smart dude." Rousilleas complimented Leo.
-"We still haven't figured out how you got in my house but thanks, I guess. Alright guys, go tell the others and try to gather an actual football team as soon as possible!" Leo said.
Soon after that, Roufail approached Lop and asked him about something.
-"Hey, is it just me or has Rousilleas' accent gotten a lot more... Tolerable?"
"Oh yeah, it got old real quickly so I just kept practicing American songs with him. Soon his accent should do a full reset."
If this was an actual televised Sitcom, Lop would look at the camera.
Nevertheless, still confined in his dimensionless reality, Lop went on with his day, listening to music while he let everyone else do all the work for him.
2 HOURS LATER
-"All right, this would be everyone." Leo declared.
In those two hours, they had managed to inform pretty much the entire group.
-"I don't get it, can't we just... Not play? It would make no sense for us to know about this match even happening, if we just went on with our lives separately for a day we should be able to completely avoid this ordeal." Rin pointed out.
To her surprise, her statement was met with total disapproval from the entire friend group.
-"You don't understand... Competing in this football match... Would be fucking epic. Passing up on something this epic would be a bitch move. One does not simply make the bitch move." Kewmed explained to her, while also motivating every male in hearing distance.
Rin just shrugged it off - she wouldn't be playing either way, as she sighed to herself.
-"Men."
cue laugh track
Here was the game plan according to Roufail
Tempest: Goal dude™️
Fotis, Rousilleas, Lop, Leo, Renie, Tom, Nick and Manos: Filler Football Dudes™️
Kewmed and Koulis: Offense dudes™️
Everyone else: Optional dudes™️
It was very clear that the person who came up with the plan has absolutely no clue about football.
-"Hey, why aren't I in the team?" Roufail asked.
-"I dunno, you came up with the plan." Leo answered.
-"Yeah, and I put myself in the offense dudes. You literally scratched out my name!" Roufail complained.
-"Dude, no offense, but in my six years of knowing you, I don't think I've ever met a worse football player in my life, even Micheal has dinosaurs, sure they aren't exactly conventional, but they're at least somewhat entertaining to watch. Watching you play football is like watching a morning TV show host try to explain what 'woke' even means. It's nothing more than a pathetic attempt." Tempest explained.
Roufail got the memo, but he was not gonna go down without a fight...
After a few more hours, the boys managed to convince Pavlidis to become the referee.
-"I don't get why you guys don't just get that Renie dude to do the job. You didn't seem to care about his 'work etiquette', or lack there-of, during the BBC Basketball League match.
You're lucky I'm bored enough to agree to this stupid idea." Pavlidis said.
-"Stop yapping, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm a professional football player, no idea why you're saying I've ever done another job." Renie said, being the only one fully geared out in professional football player equipment.
"I could've sworn he did NOT come into school wearing these..." Leo thought to himself, frankly quite scared of Renie.
While all this was going on, Kewmed and Koulis were hyping each other up.
-"WHO'S THE BEST? YOU'RE THE BEST!" They kept yelling at each other.
Normally Tempest would be annoyed but he actually found himself admiring how easy it was for those two to get motivated.
Meanwhile...
-"God damn that Leo and Tempest... What do they know about football." he said.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"I mean... I shouldn't pay attention to them! Sure they have a full 11 players... For now. If one of them gets injured, they'll have to pick me as a substitute... Heh heh heh." Roufail giggled.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"By the way who are you?"
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"Do you ever say anything else?"
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"You're right... Stupid question." Roufail nodded.
-"Are you... Actually communicating with this dude?" Rin asked Roufail.
-"What do you mean? Craig is an immensely reliable dude. I'd trust Craig with my life."
Roufail replied.
-"How did this dude even get here? I've never seen him before and he definitely does not look like a teenager. He looks like he's old enough to start a family!" Rin ranted.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"Huh... You're right, stupid question." Rin nodded.
-"So anyways, are you gonna stay here? You didn't seem interested in the game." Roufail told Rin.
-"Well, it should be at least mildly entertaining. It's not like I have something more interesting to do right now."
-"Wait... What say you help me get in the game by injuring another player?" Roufail asked Rin for her assistance.
-"Sure, if you can't tell, I'm pretty bored." Rin agreed.
Several meters away, a most undesirable group was "conversating".
-"Dude, I'm telling you, I can totally score 500 goals in one match. I've done it a million times before." Fotis declared.
-"Nuh uh, I can score a THOUSAND goals!! Just watch me!" Micheal objected.
-"Dude, we won't see you. You're literally a substitute, meaning you'll likely never actually
play in the game." Fotis told him.
-"NUH UH! THE ONLY REASON THEY PUT ME IN THE SIDELINES WAS BECAUSE I'M TOO GOOD AND WOULD MAKE THE GAME TOO EASY!" Micheal coped.
-"Wait, goals? I thought we were playing basketball." Tom said, while dribbling a basketball.
-"This truly does say a lot about how hurtful competing is for the soul in such a meaningless life..." Manos whispered to himself.
And in the middle of all this, Nick was rethinking his life choices, as he had once again ended up in the most mentally draining situation.
A few more moments bloated with random yapping passed... Until.
A certain aura suddenly surrounded the school.
-"They're here..." Leo epically declared.
The jock mafia had indeed arrived... But they included a few unexpected individuals.
Team jock mafia was led by Lasios, and it included Nikoloff, as well as the Marmeladides Brothers, Garlic and Makoutsadiths.
-"Huh... So he came back." Rin said, referring to Nikoloff.
-"I'll make sure you losers pay for what you did to me that night!" Nikoloff declared.
-"That's beyond the point. How the hell did all of you become a single team? What is this, the annual SW hating convention?!" Leo said.
-"Funny how you said that, because you're gonna experience something much worse than just being 'hated on'. We've all gotten wronged by your merry band of idiots at one point or another, and today, we'll take our long awaited revenge!" Lasios proudly declared.
And so, the match began.
Garlic was the goalkeeper, and really, no one else really had any specific position. They were too few in number to care about that.
-"This is insane. They're only six, against us eleven. Beating them should be a walk in the park!" Kewmed thought to himself.
However, despite being hugely outnumbered, the jock mafia was standing their ground just fine for the first few minutes, until they even managed to score a goal against the boys.
-"NO WAY! REF, GO CHECK THEM! THEY HAVE TO BE USING STEROIDS!" Leo yelled out to Pavlidis.
-"Normally I'd be more than glad to call out injustices in sports, but I'm not allowed to search any of them!" Pavlidis said, as he pulled out the flier once again and zoomed in on it using a comically large inspection glass, revealing even more hidden text.
The referee is not allowed to touch Jock Mafia- I mean super awesome dude team members
Is what it read out.
-"Aur! I can't believe I fell for the cartoonishly miniscule hidden text technique... AGAIN!" Kewmed dramatically yelled out.
-"SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND US?!" Leo yelled out in the distance, barely even being heard.
-"Hahaha, I guess you losers never heard of quality over quantity! We'd NEVER cheat! We'd NEVER use Metabolism Enhancing Type Huff-powder!" Garlic taunted them.
They were, in fact, using Metabolism Enhancing Type Huff-powder, METH for short.
EPIC TRANSITION TO ROUFAIL'S GROUP
While this chaotic match was happening, Roufail had come up with a genius plan to get on the field.
-" Are you sure this is gonna work?" Micheal asked.
-"Yeah, just summon your strongest dinosaur and lightly tap any dude on our team. Then they'll definitely let you in the field." Roufail explained his plan once again.
-"Heh... The fool doesn't even know that they'll let me in instead of him. I've played him like a fiddle..." Roufail thought to himself.
-"And what am I supposed to do again?" Rin asked.
-"Well, you're the only smart person here, so I'll need you to come up with a countermeasure to Micheal's dinosaur in case shit hits the fan." Roufail answered.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"Alright here goes nothing." Micheal gulped as he got ready.
-"With this sacred treasure I summon... Eight-Drawn Teeth Super Scary God Dark Dinosaur Dinoga!" He chanted.
The moment he finished the chant, a huge shadow appeared beneath the school, from which emerged a pitch black 20 meter tall fusion of all of Micheal's dinosaurs.
-" Oh right guys... I forgot to tell you, I haven't exactly tamed this one-" Micheal said, prior to getting slapped across the country by Dinoga.
-"Oh God damn it, why did such a good thing have to happen in such a bad moment?! ROUFAIL EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" Leo yelled out.
Roufail was panicking.
-"Uhhh damn it Rin, DO SOMETHING!"
-"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?!"
-"THAT'S A SURPRISINGLY FAIR POINT!"
The two of them yelled at each other.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
At this moment, there was a certain individual who couldn't help it but feel... Relieved.
-"Man... This situation may be bad, but at least this huge dinosaur thing would have no reason to bother me, I'm like, the furthest away from him, and I don't stand out in any way... At last, I don't get the short end of the stick." Nick thought to himself, prior to getting stepped on by Dinoga.
-"Damn it... NOW WE HAVE TO USE ONE OF THE SUBSTITUTES!" Kewmed yelled to himself.
At that moment, Roufail was overjoyed, as his plan seemed to be working out after all.
-"Craig, you're in." Kewmed said.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
In that moment, Roufail and Rin were overcome with a feeling of... betrayal.
-"WAIT YOU GUYS THIS MATCH CAN'T GO ON! THERE'S LITERALLY A HUGE MONSTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD!" Pavlidis desperately tried to end the game... But he failed to consider one factor. It was the same factor that secretly drove every single one of the boys in the match. Hate. At that moment, they were all emitting 120% of their maximum hating potential.
And so the match continued as normal. Only now, they all had to avoid the wild attacks of Dinoga. After half an hour, it all clicked. Kewmed got the ball, passed it around until it circled back to him, now no more than 8 meters away from the opposing goal. The only thing separating him and the nets was Garlic, and so, he tried to kick the ball... And slipped.
However, in the first instance of him actually being useful - maybe ever, Renie swooped in at the last second and did an epic upside down shot and scored the first SW goal of the match.
-"DAMN IT! THE METH DIDN'T WORK!" Garlic yelled out.
Then... A figure appeared in the sky.
-"IT'S A BIRD!" yelled Kewmed.
-"IT'S A PLANE!" yelled Makoutsadiths.
-"NO, ITS... METH MAN!" yelled out Tempest.
The figure got closer in a matter of seconds, and revealed himself to truly be the one and
only Meth Man!
-"WHEN I SEE EVIL I HAVE TO PUT AN END TO IT... AND METH IS EVIL, KIDS!!!" Yelled out Meth Man, right before he started absolutely brutalizing Garlic.
-"Wait... I FIGURED IT OUT!" Rin declared.
-"Yeah... For a dude who is fighting against meth the dude constantly acts like he's high on
it... Could never be my goat Royfail for real." Roufail said.
-"What?... Argh, forget it, I'll do it myself."
Rin then started running towards the inside of the school building, dodging both Meth Man and Dinoga in the process, until she reached the principal's office.
-"There!" she declared as she found a peculiar small plastic bag.
-"HEY, METH MAN, LOOK!"
She yelled from outside the office's window, before throwing the now opened bag at Dinoga.
Nobody understood what the meaning of the action was... Until a blue substance started leaking from the bag and all over Dinoga.
-"YOU MADVILLAIN! HOW DARE YOU BRING METH TO THIS PERFECTLY FINE FOOTBALL MATCH! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
Meth Man declared before he started fighting Dinoga, in an epic battle that soon expanded beyond the scopes of the school and even reality itself, saving the match from Dinoga's wild nature and Garlic from Meth Man's arguably wilder nature.
It was now the half time, and the two teams took their time to recuperate.
Alright, team. I gotta admit, this whole situation reminds me of that one time I-" Kewmed
attempted to say.
-"STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CRAZY SHIT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT WITHOUT
US!" Leo interrupted him.
-"Fine." Kewmed complied "Even though we've tied the game, I have been hit with the realization that most of our team is absolutely useless when it comes to football. Also, Renie may or may not have landed badly after scoring and snapped his neck."
Everybody looked over to Renie, who was, in fact, knocked out cold.
-"Oh well, who cares about him, I guess we'll just have to use Roufail.... Oh no... We'll have to use Roufail." Leo was hit with a dreadful realization.
-"HELL YEAH!" Roufail celebrated.
-"OH NO!" Everyone else suffered internally.
Nevertheless, halftime was over, and the match restarted... But something was... Different
Maybe the boys had warmed up... Maybe the jock mafia had gotten too tired... Either way, the team of Some Weird started playing way better than they were during the first half of the game.
Unfortunately, it was still not good enough, which led to no goals being scored on either side of the field... Until.
-"Alright, since even overtime is over... time!" Pavlidis tried to make a pun, only to be ignored by everyone.
-"Tch, fine. I guess you people are too uncultured for my immaculate humor anyways." He scoffed.
-"Shut up nerd, you literally sound like the 🤓 if it became a human. Just tell us, will we do penalties or golden goal?" Koulis yelled at Pavlidis.
-"Hey now, don't forget I'm... Ugh, fuck you guys, just do golden goal or whatever, I quit." Pavlidis said before he dramatically walked away from the field.
-"Alright team, it's all or nothing now! Let's give it our all and-" Kewmed attempted to say before getting interrupted by Leo.
-"I dunno if you've noticed but they've already gone back to the game."
-"Oh god damn it, whatever, it's not like an inspirational speech was gonna single handedly win us the game." Kewmed said before he and Leo ran back to the field.
After five more minutes of no progress being made on either side... It began.
Roufail got the ball, as he started running towards the jock mafia's goal.
Lasios attempted to tackle him, but everyone at that moment had forgotten about one anomaly.
It had been five minutes of nothing interesting happening.
Out of nowhere, Tempest charged at Lasios with supersonic speeds, successfully incapacitating, before he proceeded to do unspeakable acts of violence to every single jock mafia player other than the goalkeeper.
Roufail kept running, until he tripped on the ball and accidentally sent it flying in the completely wrong direction.
-"OH NO!" Roufail cried out.
-"DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT THIS!" Lop said, before he proceeded to pull a guitar out of thin air.
"How the hell does he keep doing that?" Leo thought to himself.
Lop started playing his guitar at a very silent frequency, while having it pointed towards the ground.
Just then, when all hope seemed lost, the ball completely changed direction and started flying towards Roufail.
Lop had used his music to control an ant colony living under the field and commanded all ants to jump towards the ball at the exact same time, successfully changing its direction!
Just like that, everything was set in place.
Almost every jock mafia player was incapacitated, and the only one who could still play was already injured and quite incompetent either way.
"Heh... We really are Some Weird Group." Roufail thought to himself before he epically shot the ball directly at Garlic's face, an action that, as luck would have it, generated enough counter rotational energy to eject the ball in the opposite direction at hypersonic speeds.
Basically, Roufail kicked the ball, hit Garlic's face, and it started flying towards the SW goal, successfully scoring a goal for the jock mafia as Tempest was too busy beating up Makoutsadiths to bother himself with goalkeeping.
-"HELL YEAH! IN YOUR FACE YOU NERDS!" The nearly unconscious Lasios celebrated, before he and the rest of the jock mafia team started running towards the nearest hospital.
-"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kewmed died inside.
-"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!" He yelled at Roufail's face.
-"Um... We really are some weird group?" Roufail answered.
....
....
....
A few minutes of awkward silence followed, before Kewmed started chasing Roufail with a most murderous intent.
-"Damn... That sucks." Leo said.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"Who the hell are you anyways?" Leo asked Craig.
-"Yeah." Craig agreed.
-"You're right... Stupid question."
SOME WEIRD SITCOM SEASON 1: END.