One fateful night, Roufail was lying in bed while reading feminist literature and struggling to fit in his bed due to being a nonchalant 6'5 dreadhead.... Wait who the fuck wrote this? Whatever, Roufail was watching HunterXHunter while laying in bed at 12 AM like a fucking bum, when suddenly, he felt something crawling against his leg.
Roufail remained calm for approximately 0.5 milliseconds before he frantically started looking for the thing that touched his leg in the dark, and eventually, his worst fears were confirmed when he caught sight of a cockroach near his bed.
Roufail proceeded to spray his room with enough pesticide to kill a fully grown whale. As a result of this, his room had become more hazardous than the elephant's foot at Chernobyl and so he had to spend the weekend at Tempest's house, until his room became habitable again.
-"Why are you in my house?" Tempest asked Roufail when he pulled up to his house completely unannounced.
-"Don't worry about it." Roufail answered as he waltzed in without even bothering to ask for permission.
-"My room got nuclear reactored so I'll be staying here for a while." Roufail explained.
-"The fuck you are?" Tempest asked even more puzzled than before. "And what's 'nuclear reactored' supposed to mean?"
-"Don't overthink it. Also I called Kewmed who called everyone else."
-"The hell you did?"
After that, Kewmed, Leo, Riox and Nick all walked through the front door.
-"Wassup." Kewmed announced his presence.
-"Why did you bring him to Tempest's house?" Leo asked, referring to Riox.
-"I don't understand what you are referring to." Kewmed said.
-"Yeah, I am a completely trustworthy individual with no troubling past." Riox defended himself, earning a weird look from Leo.
-"Right." Leo said, still doubting him.
-"Whatever, just don't piss off the dogs or the parrot." Tempest said as everyone followed him to his room.
-"The what now?" Nick asked, reminding everyone that he was, in fact, also there.
-"My mom bought this stupid parrot. Jammal Davrath or something. He's fucking useless." Tempest explained.
Once they walked into the room, they were met by the sight of Koulis chasing the parrot around trying to hang him from the ceiling fan.
-"Animal cruelty? I should be taking notes." Riox said upon witnessing the hilarious yet horrifying yet pathetic sight.
-"Help me, you asshole!" Said the parrot, but only Riox seemed to hear it.
-"What!? Did that parrot just speak?" He asked.
-"No you moron, it squawked." Leo said. "And he sounds really annoying too. Tempest, shut him up."
-"I'll make you eat your shorts you dweeb!" The parrot said to Leo, but he only heard squawking again.
-"I swear to god, that parrot just called you a dweeb."
-"Riox, did you forget your meds back home?"
-"What home?"
-"Oh yeah I guess no one would sell you a house because it'd probably instantly go up in flames due to you being a complete schizo. My bad, I forgot." Leo said.
-"Okay guys, I need you to come with me, because I have a wicked business proposition." Kewmed interrupted the discourse as he pushed everyone but Riox and Nick out the door. Nick was standing there eating chips that he found... somewhere, while Riox turned to face the parrot.
-"I know your deal, birdie." He said as he glared at the parrot.
-"Hey you maniac, I'm turning over a new leaf in my life!" The parrot said.
-"Yeah right! That's what you said in Vietnam, too..."
-" No way bro, I didn't know you were a parrot whisperer!" Nick told Riox.
-"That's because he's no parrot...It's Ergog the Destroyer!"
-"That is just so crazy dude." Nick said, while looking at his newly cut nails.
-"He drinks Prime." Riox told Nick, which immediately triggered his PTSD from last season.
-"YOU WHAT?!?" YOU WANNA SQUARE UP FEATHERBRAINS?" Nick said as he took his battle stance.
Ergog proceeded to fly over to Nick, barely scraped him with his nails, and Nick immediately started bleeding out of his entire body like he had been slashed by a medieval long sword. At just that moment, Kewmed and the others
returned after explaining his horrifying 'business idea' and saw Nick's corpse at the bottom of the stairs.
-"Wow man, I can't believe he already took my advice!" Kewmed said once he saw Nick's remains.
-"Damnit Riox, I let you in my house once and you've already gifted me with a corpse."
-"IT WASN'T ME! IT WAS THE PARROT!" Riox tried defending himself, but was promptly ignored.
-"Okay who actually killed him though?" Leo asked. The moment he said that, a loud thud was heard from the living room. Everyone ran towards the sound and they saw Micheal, covered in dust, sitting in the fireplace.
-"Hi!" Micheal said.
-"And the culprit reveals himself in a moronic blunder." Leo announced. "Why am I not surprised?"
-"What is it with you people and coming to my house uninvited!? How did you even get in a position where you fall through my chimney?" Tempest asked.
-"Gotta say, your chimney is really dirty. You should hire Chim Neyc Leaner. He does a great job!" Micheal said.
-"Whatever. Let's just assume Micheal killed him. What do we do now?" Roufail asked.
-"WAIT!" Micheal interrupted. "Someone DIED? And we're trying to figure out the IMPOSTOR?! This is just like the hit game among-"
Before he could finish his sentence everyone unanimously and silently decided to throw him off the balcony to his (hopefully) brutal demise. Unfortunately, because of Murphy's Law, Micheal survived this.
-"I am so glad we all came to the collective decision to eject...The...imposter... among us." Roufail declared. The boys then threw him off the balcony as well.
-"Can we actually focus on the dead body on my stairs now please?" Tempest told the others after they threw Roufail off the balcony.
-"I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S ERGOG- I MEAN THE PARROT!" Riox started yelling.
-"You're delusional." Leo told him, effectively shutting him up. "Wait a second... Tempest, what happened to your brother?!" he told Tempest as his pointed torwards Koulis' corpse.
-"ERGOG GOT TO HIM!" Riox announced. "I TOLD YOU!"
-"THERE IS NO ERGOG!" Leo told him. "Let's just go find him."
-"WHY AREN'T YOU BELIEVING ME?"
-"Because, dear Riox, you're telling me that my PARROT committed FIRST DEGREE MURDER! Are you even listening to yourself?" Tempest mocked Riox.
-"YOU WEREN'T IN VIETNAM!" Riox yelled at him.
-"Okay, that's it, I'm done here. My parents will kill me if I stay here any longer anyway. I QUIT! You guys deal with Doctor Crazy over here!" Leo announced as he unceremoniously left the Tempest household.
Meanwhile, Koulis (who had actually just dozed off in his gaming chair, right next to Ergog's cage), started mysteriously moving, as Ergog decided it was time for revenge so he tied Koulis up in the same cables he used when he tried to tie him to the ceiling fan earlier and started manipulating him from a safe distance like a puppet.
-"HOLY SHIT HE'S MOVING!" Kewmed exclaimed once he saw Koulis walking down the hallway.
-"He somehow looks worse than usual. And he's literally dead." Tempest pointed out.
-"That's because he's under Ergog's control! He is a psychotic parrot!"
-"BUT KOULIS IS DEAD! " Kewmed yelled at Riox.
-"No he's not, Ergog probably tied him up and is manipulating him or something!" Riox explained, but the information went over Kewmed's head.
-"Wait... If he's dead... and he's moving..." Kewmed started thinking for the first time in his life. "Then that means Koulis is a ghost! The UNDEAD! This house is HAUNTED!!"
Riox facepalmed, while Tempest just looked confused.
-"What?" he asked, completely confuzzled.
Soon after that, Kewmed whipped out a high-tech vacuum.
-"I got this while I was working with the GhostWeirdBusters! It is perfect for dealing with ghosts, poltergeists, wraiths, ghouls and everything in between!" Kewmed explained
-"HE'S NOT A GHOST YOU MORON!" Riox exclaimed in annoyance, but it wasn't enough to stop Kewmed's rampage. He turned on the vacuum and it started sucking up anything in its path. Eventually it sucked up Koulis' foot, which was enough to wake him up.
-"Dude, that's me foot! I need that!" He said.
Eventually, the device crumbled under the pressure and blew up, knocking both Kewmed and Koulis out and covering them in ash, dust and undead souls.
-"I'm surrounded by idiots." Riox said.
-"No, you're surrounded by vengeful spirits." Kewmed corrected him.
Tempest then took Riox to another room, and once he ensured they were alone, he told him
-"Look, let's just say I believe you and it actually is the parrot. What will we do to stop him?"
-"What, you actually believe me?"
-"I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Lying about a killer parrot seems a little too wild, even for your standards."
-"Finally!" Riox said, ecstatic that someone finally believed him. "Okay here's the plan. You go up to him with bird food..."
Five minutes later, Riox had explained an extremely elaborate plot to lure Ergog into a trap he built that was stationed somewhere in Vietnam, an explanation that got Tempest really, really bored. Apparently, Ergog also shared the sentiment, because he flew all the way to the living room, where everyone else was.
-"Riox, you are so boring." Ergog said, catching the boys off guard.
-"AH! ERGOG! Tempest, activate the plan!" Riox ordered upon exiting the room he was in with him.
-"It won't work you idiot, I already know what the plan is! I was literally in Vietnam with you!"
-"Oh shit, right!"
-"Okay, I don't know how you understand the bird, but here's what we'll actually do." Tempest said as he cracked his knuckles, let out a huge warcry and started charging towards the bird with all his might. Ergog obviously dodged this, because his parrot form allowed him to reach immense speeds, flight and agility, courtesy of being a bird.
-"Now I get it!" Riox said, as he followed Tempest's idea. He grabbed a kitchen knife and started trying to stab the bird.
-"Are you both morons? You're just exhausting yourselves!" Ergog taunted in parrot speak.
Tempest let out another warcry and caught the bird in his palm. He tried to throw him out the window like Micheal and Roufail, but he forgot to account for the fact that he could just immediately fly back from the same window, which is exactly what hapoened.
-"GET BACK HERE!" Tempest yelled and started punching the air. Ergog dodged and dodged both his and Riox's punches, but eventually, even Destroyers get tired.
Once Ergog was started flying low enough from his sheer exhaustion, Tempest used his special attack, as he yelled
-"BITE THE BASTARD!'', which caused his dog Dobina to appear out of seemingly nowhere and start jumping towards the parrot, in an attempt to bite it. Eventually, Dobina managed to catch the bird between her fangs and spit him out the balcony, where it hit a lamp post and fainted in the middle of the road. After that, an asshole motorcyclist showed up and ran over Ergog.
Multiple times.
Tempest and Riox were looking at the sight from the balcony.
-"Well, I guess that was that." Tempest said.
-"Excellent planning, friend. Exhausting him was some very sharp thinking!" Riox praised his friend.
-"Yup, definitely intentional." Tempest said.
-"I need water." Riox said, as the two walked towards the fridge. When they arrived, they found none other than Nick standing near the fridge eating from the same bag of chips.
-"Dude, how are you here? You literally died!" Riox asked.
-"Oh that? Yeah, I faked my death since I figured that the less involved I am with your bullshit the more likely I am to not get fucked over by said bullshit. It worked out pretty well, although cleaning up all that ketchup off of me without you guys noticing I'm here was tedious. That parrot seems to be dealt with though, so I should be safe to come out of hiding now." Nick explained
-"That's...great... I guess." Riox remarked.
After that the fridge somehow fell over and crushed Nick under its weight.
In the end, Roufail had to sleep in the backseats of his Hellcat, being a humble 6'5 nonchalant dreadhead made it difficult to listen to Mitski while lying in a car, but he had to make due with what he had... Wait who the fuck wrote this again? Whatever, Roufail slept in a homeless shelter and got robbed in his sleep.