When I arrived at The Ritz-Carlton in Osaka, it was already 6:40. It always seems to happen this way whenever I travel – I end up being much later than the estimated time. The doorman opened the hotel door, and there I saw Yan Feng. He was sitting on the sofa in the center of the lobby. My heart trembled, and my face flushed. It felt like my steps quickened unconsciously as I walked towards Yan Feng. Dai Yanzhi grabbed my sleeve and shook his head at me.
'Lin Su, Ye Xi isn't feeling well. I'll take him to the sofa to sit for a while. Could you help us with the room key? Here, I'll give you the passports.'
Dai Yanzhi turned to Lin Su and said, leading me to the other end of the sofa.
'Alright, I noticed Ye Xi didn't eat much for lunch. Let's grab something casual at the hotel in a bit. Then, we can head to the concert hall.'
Lin Su responded.
'Are you trying to get yourself killed? Running straight to Yan Feng like that. Today, I heard his album is selling like crazy, and the variety show he participated in in Taiwan was released the day before yesterday. Now, all the students at the music academy are starting to listen to his songs. Be more careful now.'
Dai Yanzhi whispered to me as he held onto my sleeve.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think that much. I just wanted to say hello to him," I rarely apologized to Dai Yanzhi. I had just been recalling too much about the disappearing alumni on the Shinkansen, repeatedly chewing on my collaboration with Dezhi, the evening rehearsal, the concert the next day, my future studies, and my relationship with Yan Feng. Each of these things made me feel uneasy.
"I know you're tired, it's okay, don't think too much about it. We mentioned Shen today, and it probably added too much pressure on you. With Lin Su and me here, what else do you need to worry about? The business part of things should be left to us. We were just giving you a gentle reminder. There's no intention to make things difficult for you. You can work and live the way you like. As for the company matters, take it slow," he seemed to understand my concerns.
"Thank you, Yanzhi," I lowered my eyelids and said sincerely.
"Oh! Aren't you Yan Feng? Can you sign for me?" a young woman shouted from three meters away. Dai Yanzhi and I both looked at Yan Feng simultaneously. He stared at us with a cautious look.
He was momentarily unsure of what to do, frozen on the sofa, while the woman approached him even closer.
"Thank you! Thank you!" The woman took out a notebook and a pen from her black tote bag and handed them to Yan Feng.
Yan Feng's peripheral vision was still on Dai Yanzhi and me, but he had already taken the notebook from the woman and quickly signed his name.
"All done, thank you for your support!" He remained seated on the sofa, clasping his hands together in response to the woman's enthusiasm.
"Are you here for a vacation in Japan? I happen to be too. I'm so lucky to run into you here! Your album is selling like crazy. Haha, all our friends are listening to your songs, and they're playing your songs everywhere back home."
"Really? Haha, thank you all so much!" Yan Feng looked up at the woman.
"Ah, you're so handsome!" The woman excitedly covered her face, and a blush appeared on her cheeks.
Yan Feng stood up to leave, but the woman got even closer. Suddenly, he stood up and took a pair of sunglasses from his backpack, putting them on.
"I've got something to attend to; I have to go. Bye." He made a hasty exit, heading towards the hotel front desk. Before he could stop, he gave Dai Yanzhi and me a glance, but he collided head-on with Lin Su. He hastily apologized in English, "Sorry, Excuse me."
"No worries, just watch out while you are walking," Lin Su said with a somewhat displeased expression. He lowered his head to inspect his shoes that Yan Feng had stepped on, patted his wrinkled checkered shirt, then looked up at Dai Yanzhi and me, handing over three room cards. "Take the room cards."
"Alright, I'll go up first. I want to use the bathroom quickly," I quickly grabbed one of the room cards.
"So urgent," I heard Lin Su say those three words, the last one disappearing into my ears.
Counting my steps, my polished shoes left imprints on the smooth carpet. Though my steps were light on the soft surface, I felt no friction. Just as I reached the elevator, a hand reached out from behind me, hurriedly pressing the up button. The elevator door opened before I could see the person's face, as if I were being pushed into the elevator by an invisible hand. I caught a glimpse of his face in the elevator mirror; it was Yan Feng. I didn't know when he had caught up with me. His body leaned slightly as he pressed the close button several times, one hand blocking the closing elevator door. In the cramped space, I felt like I could hear Yan Feng's heartbeat, or was it my own? The door slowly opened, and a stranger entered the elevator, followed by four formally dressed men. They filled the gap between Yan Feng and me, making the elevator seem even more crowded. Yan Feng and I stood at opposite ends of the group of men, he at one end of the elevator panel, and I at the diagonally opposite corner.
The elevator reached the 17th floor, and they got off. Yan Feng and I simultaneously let out a sigh of relief. I moved closer to him, took the room card from its paper sleeve, and swiped it against the elevator panel. The elevator ascended to the 30th floor, and the doors opened. I glanced left and right; the corridor was empty. Immediately, I pulled Yan Feng to the right, searching for room 3011.
"We're going the wrong way, it's on the left," he tugged at my hand.
"Oh, okay," I found myself being pulled in the opposite direction.
When we reached the door, he pressed against the door frame, trying to use the small space of the corridor to shield himself. I took out the room card, swiped it, and forcefully twisted the door handle. We entered the room in a single file, and the door closed heavily.
"That was close," he let out a long breath. "Even in Japan, people recognize me."
"This is just the beginning; there will be more in the future." I set down my luggage.
He took a bottle of water from the mini-bar, unscrewed the cap, and handed it to me. I took it.
"Well, then let's celebrate a bit." He took out another bottle of water and lightly tapped it against mine.
"I thought you were quite afraid of this."
"I'm not afraid. I'm afraid that you'll be afraid."
I took a sip of water, lifted the bottle lightly, and smiled.
"I'm not afraid. I'm not a famous superstar like you."
"Classical music is like Yang Chun Bai Xue So, you're Yang Chun Bai Xue, and I'm Xia Li Ba Ren. You're in the sky, and I'm on the ground." He embraced me.
(Yang Chun Bai Xue, Literal Meaning: "Sunlit Spring, White Snow", Metaphorical Meaning: It represents classical or traditional music, often associated with purity, elegance, and a timeless quality. The term suggests a refined and pristine aesthetic, like the beauty of a sunlit spring day covered in white snow. In the context of the conversation, it symbolizes the classical music genre., and pop music is like Xia Li Ba Ren.)
"Now what's the difference? Yang Chun Bai Xue is in the hands of Xia Li Ba Ren." I gently kissed him, and he responded passionately, undoing my overcoat.
"I have to go to the concert hall to practice later. These days have been exhausting; you haven't rested well, have you?"
"I'll wait for you to come back."
The wind in Osaka is truly strong, and the skyscrapers in the Umeda district tower into the sky. The lights from those tall buildings blend with the stars, making it hard to distinguish whether they are on the ground or in the sky. Let's consider them forming a chaotic new universe. It took only five minutes by car from the hotel to the Symphony Hall. As our business car drove through, the intersecting train tracks and sprawling roads on the ground seemed to weave together, as if stretching out this short journey infinitely. It felt like I entered a wormhole in this new universe, passing through distorted space, arriving in another galaxy where there were unknown sunlight, unknown life, or unknown silence. In Chopin's music, none of these mattered. After the raindrops fell, everything was cleansed. Contracts, music associations, famous stars, Chopin piano competitions, or the elusive disappearing alum—all faded away. Following the ticking of the water flow, I drifted towards the Isle of Mallorca. Each note fell on the window sill of that rundown cottage where Chopin once lived. At this moment, Yan Feng wasn't by my side, and George Sand wasn't by Chopin's side either.
A set of footsteps, accompanying the ticking sound of a descending B in the 86th bar, approached. As the last note fell, the footsteps ceased.
"It's 10:30; it's about time to go back and rest," Dai Yanzhi whispered.
"Are you playing 'Raindrops' tomorrow?" Dai Yanzhi whispered to me. "It's so beautiful, truly deserving of the Chopin Championship. It's the most beautiful version I've ever heard, even more so than Rubinstein, Pollini, or Horowitz. Maybe even tomorrow's concert won't be as beautiful as today's.
"Yes, even though it's the same sheet music, the live performance is very improvisational," I laid my hands on the keyboard cover and leaned back, relaxing my entire upper body.
"I'm really lucky." Dai Yanzhi lowered his chin. "Ye Xi, as long as you stay at the piano, you're invincible. You have to believe in that. Nothing else matters."
"Is that so?"
"There's nothing eternal in this world, but as long as you're alive, you can play the piano." Dai Yanzhi, who usually acted carefree in front of others, had many moments where his jests were a mask for deeper insights that others couldn't see.
"Yes, nothing else matters now." I looked at my hands, determined to take good care of them.
"What about Yan Feng?"
I fell silent. If no one had asked me, I wouldn't have been aware of the weight Yan Feng held in my heart at this moment. For these past few months, I've chosen to fill my time with work or be with him, indulging in our intimacy, which spared me from contemplating our relationship.
"Are you serious?" Dai Yanzhi asked again. "Today, when I saw you so nervous upon meeting him, I knew."
"No," I denied, "work is more important."
"It's okay. People like us often need to go through a few experiences before we realize that societal judgments don't really matter. As for long-term relationships, you have to look beyond gender to see if he is truly worth trusting with your heart."
"You're right," I expressed gratitude for having Dai Yanzhi by my side.
"Hahaha, don't be so serious. First love, take it slow," he patted my shoulder.
"Don't make fun of me. How many relationships have you had? I seem to remember that the first time we met, you were talking about a breakup."
"I'll tell you later," he didn't answer my question, instead pulling my arm to help me up. "Let's go, I'm tired. Hurry back and meet your lover."
"Keep your voice down."
"There's no one else here."
"Even if it's just us, don't mention him again. I need to go back and rest." I stood up, taking my coat from the pear wood chair.
"Oh, Burberry, huh? When are you going to buy me one? I guess that's what you want for doing this favor for you," he said with a thick Sichuan accent.
"Okay, okay," I nodded repeatedly, walking towards the door while putting on my coat. "Let's hurry."
The night in Umeda never slept. Even at eleven o'clock, it was as vibrant as when I arrived, shimmering with dazzling starlight. It made me feel like I was truly in a wormhole, where time and space were distorted. I pondered Dai Yanzhi's words, rolled down the car window, and let the wind in. It blew through my hair, strands of it obstructing my view. Surprisingly, the cityscape in front of me became clearer. What could be more important than this moment? I watched as the red doors of the hotel, reminiscent of the 18th-century Georgian era, opened before me. The red agate-like floor tiles reflected the crystal chandeliers on the ceiling. It wasn't the palace of the Happy Prince, but it was what I owned at this moment.
"Goodnight, everyone. You've worked hard today. We can meet in the lobby at 8 am tomorrow, a bit later than usual," Lin Su said, heading towards his own room.
I opened the door, and Yan Feng leaned on the blue velvet sofa, winking at me. He smiled gently, his hair flowing like a curtain. Unlike mine, his hair was always sleek, straight, and voluminous, while mine was always curled. I gazed at his eyelids; his starry eyes were like two deep pools set between his well-defined brow ridges. Thinking of the new universe I saw on the way to the concert hall, I realized that all those new universes couldn't compare to the vastness in his eyes at this moment.
"What are you daydreaming about? Go take a shower quickly," he said, his lips twitching, shaking off the scattered stars.
"Oh, alright. I'm tired," I took off my coat and threw it to him, and he caught it effortlessly.
That night, I poured out my feelings about the piano keys to him. He caressed my tangled hair, and my troubles unraveled with his gentle strokes. He comforted me with soothing words, sharing that at eighteen, he had more troubles than I did. He praised my achievements by recounting many of his own embarrassing moments, spoke about how I influenced his dedication to music, and tirelessly called me his sun. Just like indulging in self-pity over the disappeared alum, his words powerfully eased my anxiety. However, at eighteen, I didn't fully understand. Back then, he had a past, present, and future more burdened than mine.
It was our first night of sleep without indulging in intimacy. Our exhausted bodies finally found respite, the soft and even breathing forming a fabric-like pattern, dripping onto us like raindrops. It moistened our skin, allowing us to forget the disguises of the day and the disturbances of the mundane world.