In April, Taipei is incredibly humid. The warm and moist air currents from the Pacific Ocean bring continuous precipitation. Sometimes, raindrops patter on the phoenix trees at the company's doorstep, causing the delicate opposing leaves to constantly tremble, emitting a tinkling sound. The urgent noise urges the blood-red flower buds to bloom. Each time I pass by, I can't help but tap on my phone keyboard to check if I've missed any messages from Ye Xi. Every time the screen lights up with empty brightness, it stings my eyes. This long spring season, with its fluctuating temperatures, sometimes hot and sometimes cold, coupled with the unpredictable showers brought by the monsoon winds, makes it difficult to decide whether to add or remove clothing. I have to constantly look out the window, trying to capture the unpredictable changes in weather.
One rainy afternoon, I met Lin Huiru for the first time. She is the ace of Di Ji company because of her excellent singing skills and unique voice. Discovered by senior musicians when she was only seventeen. Her black, shiny hair frames her face, her slender eyes with wide eyelids resting on her eyeliner. The dark pupils seem to have the ability to pierce through people's hearts. Her full lips are tightly closed under her delicate and petite nose. The skin on her cheekbones radiates a healthy glow, and the halo on her cheeks exudes a distinct charm with her graceful gestures. This unique charm is due to her indigenous ancestry, adding a lot of indescribable mystery to her unrestrained beauty. She cannot be described merely as shining with starlight; she can also be easily recognized among tens of thousands of people.
"Hello, Yan Feng." She walked towards me from the office cubicle, waving at me. My gaze couldn't shift away from her; there were three or four people next to her, but I couldn't make out who they were.
"Hello." I stuttered out only two words after being dazed for a while.
"I'm Lin Huiru." She approached me and extended her hand.
"I've heard of you." I took her hand, and our hands hung in the air.
"You two haven't met before, have you?" It turned out that Song Yaowen was standing on her right.
"No, today is the first time. Yan Feng is really good; he definitely has the potential to become a superstar." Lin Huiru looked me up and down.
"Yeah, he's really handsome." Song Yaowen showed a dreamy look. "But he still needs some polishing."
"I think he's fine now, he's handsome and a bit green, how many girls do you think he could charm?" Lin Huiru laughed.
"If you can say that, it proves that we share the same opinion. It's just that he hasn't gained enough fame yet, so he's here today to discuss publicity planning." Song Yaowen glanced at Lin Huiru and then at me. "Yan Feng, where are ArLong ( Dragon brother) and Lijuan?"
"They're waiting in the conference room." I glanced over at the glass windows of the office.
"Let's go in." Lin Huiru shifted her steps and opened the door to the conference room.
Lin Huiru sat in the position directly facing the door, and I sat on her left side. Throughout the meeting, she maintained a proper posture, with a courteous smile, occasionally chiming in or raising questions during discussions. Even when they discussed topics related to our publicity and specific PR drafts, she strategized earnestly as if she were an outsider, not the main subject of the publicity. Sometimes she would look at me, seeking my opinion. What opinion could I possibly have? I was filled with reluctance and discomfort. But when she locked eyes with me, I could feel her compassion, her gaze seemed to say, "I understand you, I've been in your shoes." In the face of her compassionate expression, I became more active. When they talked about manipulating public opinion, I finally found the courage to speak up.
"We can arrange for reputable media outlets to capture some of your private meetings. Once your relationship becomes widely discussed, we can introduce media from the other side to question your relationship. We'll refine the specifics of the script later." Lijuan twirled her pen with her right hand while her eyes were fixed on the computer screen, tapping the keyboard with her left hand from time to time.
"Yes, neither confirming nor denying will pique the public's interest." I absolutely couldn't admit to this false relationship, first and foremost for Ye Xi, and secondly, I was actually disdainful of using publicity to attract attention.
"The manner in which you meet privately must be carefully controlled. It can be dining together in a high-end restaurant, holding hands, or even embracing, but no kissing," Dragon brother added. "Typically, that's how it goes. We have to quantify the expected benefits of exposing the early ambiguous relationship. After achieving certain performance targets, we need to be flexible in our approach; otherwise, some public opinions during the interim period are hard to control," Lin Huiru frowned as if recalling some unpleasant memories.
"I understand what you're saying, and I understand your concerns. We have lessons from the past, and we'll be extra cautious this time. So, both of your behaviors in public need to be very moderate, leaving room for interpretation," Lijuan stopped twirling her pen and looked at Lin Huiru.
"I don't think there's much to worry about. This is also a trial for Yan Feng. He's still a newcomer with very little exposure. Plus, you two don't really have to be in a genuine relationship; it's just for show. We expect the cycle to be one quarter. We'll calculate Yan Feng's new album and his advertising revenue. In July and August, Yan Feng will also return to the United States for vacation, disappearing temporarily from the public eye. We'll guide the media to reinforce his ABC identity, and the public will naturally be more interested in him, and they won't focus on your relationship anymore. It won't be out of control," Song Yaowen scanned the room and leisurely said.
"It's best to prepare the follow-up public relations materials and contingency plans as soon as possible," Lin Huiru lowered her head, leaning back against the chair.
"Our team has been working on it. Currently, this is the plan for the first phase. I just sent it to your work email. You need to be very familiar with the process, including the wording of each announcement and the taboo words," Lijuan pressed the enter key on her computer.
"Alright, anyway, it's a must-do." Lin Huiru leaned forward, resting both hands on the desk in front of her, lowered her eyelids, and chuckled, "We're the golden cows of the company, aren't we?" She glanced at Song Yaowen.
"Oh, Ah Hui, if you take out the cow, you're golden." Song Yaowen joked with a playful smile, then his eyes fell on me again. "Look at you, sister Lin, you're really good at joking. You've both received your first-quarter income, and the company's financial report is out. Having you two is a great blessing for our company. You two are now the most important artists in our Asia-Pacific region, and we are very grateful for your contributions. There's no need to worry about whether our temple can accommodate the big Buddha."
"President Song, you're being too kind." Lin Huiru immediately smiled and then suddenly grabbed my hand. "Brother, let's go on a 'date' today."
I instinctively pulled my hand back to my chest, crossing my arms.
"Tonight, the company is having a dinner gathering. You two can find a time the day after tomorrow to dine at Lopfeit, and the company will reimburse you," Lijuan said.
"French cuisine, huh? Sounds good. I've been craving it lately," Lin Huiru tilted her head back.
French cuisine. It reminded me of the time Dai Yanzhi told me that he and Ye Xi had dinner with people from Delicatessen in Tokyo. I wonder if Ye Xi will have the chance to come to Taipei in the future. How I wish I could go to Feile with him. Such a simple wish will surely come true. Thinking like this, the incident with Song Yaowen at the KTV that night didn't seem so distressing anymore. What I didn't expect was that Lin Huiru was just like me. She was already a diva, but she could only comply with the company's publicity stunts when faced with rumors. Faced with Song Yaowen's advances, she could use alcohol as a shield but couldn't reject him with words or actions. So, she chose to balance her losses with more gains. That night, she took off Song Yaowen's Jaeger-LeCoultre watch and wore it herself. She also took his bank card and, when he was drunk, got his PIN code out of him. Later, Long said the watch was worth 5 million New Taiwan Dollars. After taking the watch and the bank card, she went to the restroom. Song Yaowen pressed against me, and I sat in the corner of the KTV couch. He turned sideways, blocking me with his body. His hand slid into my underwear from the edge of my pants. I held his hand and escaped to the bathroom. He cursed, calling me a 'lazy donkey'."
I splashed water on my face, contemplating different strategies. If I couldn't refuse, I could still gain more benefits. In just ten years, one day I would become a superstar like Lin Huiru, easily taking off his 5-million watch or obtaining more money from the company, enough to support the courage for me and Ye Xi to retire. I looked at myself in the mirror, my face covered in evenly distributed water droplets. These things didn't seem so despicable anymore. Until 2 a.m., I returned to my grandmother's old house. The warm light was still on in her bedroom. I knew she hadn't slept yet, but she still quietly opened my door.
"You're back. Don't work too hard. You come back so late every day, and today you even smell of alcohol," she walked to the living room, leaning against the wooden partition. Her gaze seemed to be on me, but then she looked at the photo of my grandfather hanging by the door and continued, "I've told Liu Hong (Yan Feng's mother) many times, if you're too tired, don't work. Go back to the United States, or just do something you like at home in Taipei. Your mother agrees too."
I looked at the beam of light shining into the living room behind her, segmented by the Japanese-style partition. I was in complete darkness, wanting to approach her, but tears streamed down my face, and I dared not go to her.
"Grandma, it's okay. I'll have a break in two months."
"You've always been very strong since you were little. Even though your older brother and younger brother have better grades than you, you're the most sensible one. They all say your older brother is the most sensible, but I know, it's you who are the most sensible."
"Grandma, it's too late now. Let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm tired," I fought back the urge to cry, taking a deep breath.
"You heard what I said, right? Don't think I'm old. Each of you has your own ideas, but you're all too young and impulsive," her voice grew louder, still standing by the partition. "Alright, go to sleep. Go wash your face."
Even though her eyesight was deteriorating, and her hearing was fading, I always knew she knew everything, just like at this moment, she must know I was crying.
That night, I lay in my own tears, drifting off to sleep heavily intoxicated by alcohol. I didn't even hear the alarm clock in the morning. Long called me several times before I finally woke up. I spent the next two days at work in a haze. On the third day, at five-thirty in the afternoon, I arrived at the restaurant where I had agreed to meet Lin Huiru. I had completely forgotten the behavioral guidelines from the email; I couldn't recall anything, nor did I understand why I was supposed to sit in a fancy restaurant and have dinner with Lin Huiru. As I gazed at her beautiful face, thoughts of Katherine flooded my mind as if from another lifetime. Lin Huiru kept guiding me, smiling sweetly at me, or placing her hand on mine, and it seemed like I was smiling back at her too. Later, when I saw the reports in the Taiwanese media, I realized that my acting skills weren't bad after all. Although I felt my expressions were stiff, the paparazzi photos made it seem like Lin Huiru and I were truly in love. I started to worry; everyone would know, including Ye Xi. I hadn't told him about this matter when I was in Japan; I couldn't bring myself to speak up. Now, I had no choice but to face it. What would he think? I waited for his text, too afraid to reach out first. Days passed, then weeks, but I didn't receive any messages from him. My album sold hundreds of thousands of copies, and my bank account grew significantly, yet still, there was no word from him.
He must have misunderstood. Or maybe he's just too busy with work, practicing piano, doing interviews. Or perhaps he never loved me to begin with. He was always so hot and cold towards me. How could I be sure that he loved me? I hated his indifference while enduring the longing for him. Sometimes, during shoots or when singing "Beethoven, the Rival in Love" on variety shows, I would imagine having a nemesis, feeling furious, using Lin Huiru as a tool for revenge against Ye Xi. I imagined that any physical contact with Lin Huiru would provoke Ye Xi, make him jealous, make him tell me he loved me.
But every time I lay alone in the darkness, I would regret my actions. I feared that I had truly hurt him. So I began to blame God, questioning why I had to endure such pain, why I had fallen in love with a man of such unpredictable nature, and why I had to endure the pressures of society, exerting all my effort to overcome the countless obstacles between us. As I struggled in pain, drifting into dreams, I would see Ye Xi's beautiful face, his divine moments when playing the piano. He wasn't an unpredictable man then; he was an unfathomable god.
On the last day of April, I finally bowed my head to God and dialed his number, but nobody answered, not even after the final ring. I panicked completely; he was going to abandon me. I tried calling Dai Yanzhi's number, but still, nobody answered. I made several consecutive calls, and on the ninth call, after thirteen rings, someone finally spoke.
"What's with all these recent rumors about you?" Dai Yanzhi said coldly.
"It's what the management company asked for."
"I bet you're enjoying the attention."
"...No, can you let me talk to Ye Xi?"
"He's busy. He doesn't have time to talk to you. You better count yourself lucky," Dai Yanzhi chuckled.
"It's not what he thinks. Please, let me just say a few words to him."
"Yan Feng, let me tell you, I know you've had girlfriends before. People like you always have a cunning way of retreating whenever necessary. Stop coming to Ye Xi, you damn 'bisexual'."
He hung up, the call transferring to voicemail, and I couldn't reach him anymore. Why was Ye Xi so cruel? Why did he leave me alone in this high and dry place?