I immediately told my friends, Devyn and Mary, about it. And their reactions are lit.
They laughed so hard, especially Devyn. They looked like they were enjoying this. While I'm scared by the fact that I'm gonna lose my virginity the next time we meet.
And so, I decided not to lucid dream for a week. Right timing, my major exams are coming up that week, so I need to focus.
That day, I had an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, I went to the living room where the sun shines from the window. I saw a video on TikTok with a sad song, so I tried to search for it on Spotify. I might not understand the whole song because of its language, but from some parts that I understand… It hurts.
"If it's him that you'll choose… if the lucky one is him…" those are some of the lines that I understood.
Suddenly, it flashed in front of my eyes. Seeing myself be with someone while he just exists in my dreams. I even see flashing it in front of my eyes, seeing him go to the other side, disappearing forever, and not seeing him again.
I was supposed to be mad at him for what he did last night, but for some reason, I want to see him now. I want to hug him and not let him go. I want to tell him how important he is. I want to tell him whatever he wants to hear. I'm yours. You're the only one. I don't need another man except for you. I'll always choose you. You're the lucky one.
But at the same time, I can't. No strings attached, that was what this all supposed to be. But as I expected, I was too weak for this. My tears suddenly fell down. And I look even crazier.
I saw how the sun shines down, and the living room starts getting darker without any lights on. And my tears seem to blur everything.
So, when the night appeared, I did say to my friends that I'll abandon him for a while, but I didn't. I went inside the dream.
He welcomed me by standing with a distance between us. He smiled, and I smiled. Before he could say anything, I said, "Can we not do anything weird tonight? I just want to be with you. I will not be seeing you for days, because of my exams. I need to focus."
He smiled softly and sighed, "Of course. I was just kidding when I said what I said last night. I told you, I won't force anything." He slowly walked towards me and invited me to sit down.
I just realized how peaceful this dim white surroundings is. Without any noise, no unnecessary light or things around, no people around. Just us, in a room we don't even know the size.
He sat down with his legs open for me to sit in front of him. But instead of sitting with my back on him, I sat down facing him. I put my legs over his thighs, and went closer. Our bodies intertwined, as he held my cheek.
"I'll be back after my exam. Saturday night." I said, rubbing my face against his palm.
"Can you visit on Tuesday night? I want to wish you well on your exam. I promise I won't do anything to you."
I smiled, "Okay. Tuesday night, then."
He went closer, so I thought he'd be kissing me, and I closed my eyes. But I didn't feel his lips against mine, instead I felt it in my eye. "You were crying."
Islowly opened my eyes, and looked at him. I smiled bitterly, trying to hold my tears back but I couldn't. Slowly, I felt my tears running down my cheeks, "I'll miss you." I whispered.
He chuckled softly, "Me, too."
I trailed my fingers on his arm, "You're so pale… and cold." My fingers went upper, and I smiled, "But you have big biceps. How do you even have this? You should be thin." He didn't say anything, he was just watching me. I trailed up to his neck, "Adam's apple…" I whispered while touching his neck.
My hand went to his hair, and patted his head. He closed his eyes with a smile, "Your hair is so soft, and seems to be getting longer." Trailed down to his ear, "Cute ears. Probably cool if you have a piercing." I used my index finger to touch his lips, "This… is so soft." Trailing up to his nose, my eyes widened, "Wow, I just realized you have a perfect nose."
A moment of silence, I stopped on the nose for a moment, before I went up to his eyes which were looking at me since earlier, "Long eyelashes… black eyes…" Left eye, right eye… I looked at them alternately. As my tears fell down.
"Why do I feel like you're saying goodbye?"
"Well, because I am." I wiped my tears.
"But only for your exams." He said, leaning his head on my shoulder.
I chuckled, "Yes, only for my exams." Patting the back of his head.
We just hugged one another for the longest time, humming multiple love songs, different languages. We even laugh when one of us gets the tone wrong. And before I woke up, he was leaning his head on my shoulder and I'm leaning against his head, "Could you promise me something?"
"Hmm?"
"If one day… you'll leave this world…"
He leaned off, and looked at my eyes with a frown, "I won't leave—"
"Just if. Could you say goodbye… before leaving? At least let me know that it'll be the last night we'll see one another, and let me stare at your face for as long as I want to."
He put his lips against mine and kissed me softly, "Okay… I will… I promise."
As I woke up, with tears flowing down my eyes. "Ugh… this is insane… Why am I feeling like this anyway? It's not like… we're together… are we…?"
_____
Monday morning.
I cooked breakfast, and while preparing the ingredients, I accidentally sliced my finger and it bled so hard. I was okay at first, satisfied by the color of the blood. I'm used to it anyway, because of my wrist. But the longer it bleeds, the more pain it feels.
I already put a bandaid on it, but while cooking, it feels even more painful. "Ugh, why am I so emotional today?!"
So instead of thinking things I shouldn't be thinking right now, I opened my lessons and started studying. Didn't even eat the breakfast I cooked, because I lost my appetite.
I made myself busy. I watched the last episode of one of my favorite anime, I cleaned my room, lay down, and tried to cook a pancake which I failed to do properly, though it's delicious. I also tried to scan my lessons, especially the two first major exams which will happen on Wednesday.
I chit chat with my friends, read some comics, and played Spotify. I watched TikTok videos, shared posts on social media, uploaded the chapter 2 of my story, and more. At night, I slept at 11 PM after reading my lessons.
And just as we talked about, we didn't meet. I didn't have lucid dreams or any dreams. I woke up early, at 1 AM, and read my lessons, but I was still sleepy, so I slept and woke up at 4 AM.
Tuesday, morning.
I missed him, but at the same time, I'm alright. I don't feel lost, or incomplete. For some reason, I feel inspired. Just like what Tesha and I talked about the night before, I started reading for real this time with the help of an aesthetic background video on my laptop and some relaxing music.
We were talking about Vin, at first, but then she realized that I'm starting to talk as if I have feelings for him…
You really need a therapy HAHAHA
I mean, I don't blame her for saying that. Because it's true. Whoever will tell this story to anyone and say it's based on real-events, anyone would think I'm crazy, or had severe hallucinations.
And so, I changed the topic, from Vin to studying lessons.
Tesha: Tomorrow, I will really start studying the lessons. Fuck, I'm really lazy these past few days. I get easily distracted by small things.
Me: Me… haha… All I did was scan the lessons. I think our STAS (Science, Technology, and Society) subject is easy, so I might just focus on studying Anatomy & Physiology from Tuesday to Wednesday. Then, one hour before the exam on STAS, I'll quickly review it.
Then we started talking about our grades so far, and how pressured we are by our parents. I was an only child, so even if my mom supports me, I feel pressured because if I failed, no sibling could cover it up for me. While Tesha is feeling pressured because her older brother has always been an honor student or a part of the dean's list. And so, she should be, too.
Me: Let's chill. We'll fail even more if we're feeling pressured. We can do this!
Tesha: Yes, we can do this!
Me: Let's not think about them. It's us who will use this once we graduate anyway. So we can do this!
That's why the next day, which is Tuesday, I started reading for real. I prohibited myself from opening the TikTok app, or Netflix, or reading comics. I focused on reading the lessons, familiarizing or memorizing the muscles of the body, the blood, the cardiovascular system, respiratory system, and nervous system.
Since we'll be having those topics on our Anatomy & Physiology exam. Whole day, I study and study and study more. Though it's difficult, and stressing me out, I don't have a choice.
Devyn finally messaged me, and she just opened up that she and her boyfriend have broken up. But I'm sure they'll be okay soon, because they love each other too much. She even told me to ask Vin to scare her ex off.
Devyn: Tell Vin to scare him for me.
But then she took it back. And I knew it, because she loves him.
Devyn: Just kidding. Don't do it, Vin. He's a scaredy-cat HAHAHAHA
Soon enough after she updated me, she sent a screenshot of her (ex)boyfriend's message on Instagram. Let's just call him Jin.
Jin: I'm sorry :((. I really can't do it if you're not the one I'm with. I'm sorry. I'll be better for you.
And so, when I read that, I immediately encouraged Devyn to reply. Because who wouldn't? The green flag guy literally said he'll be better for her, who wouldn't be weak for that? And then I said…
Me: Vin, can you see that?! That's the words I want to hear! Not some horny things!
Knowing that he can see those messages through that flashing thing. I did expect him to say things like that, but I didn't expect it to be… attractive. No, it's cringe, really.
In my dreams, that night, just like what we talked about, Tuesday night before my exams. He welcomed me with a, "So, those are the words you want to hear? Hmm…" He touched a piece of my hair, and started playing with them, "I'll be better for you. If I could revive myself, I already did, just for you." Then, he smirked, so proud of himself.
I looked at him with a disgusted face, trying hard not to blush, though my heart was pounding so fast. "So cringe."
He pouted, "Tch. As if. You're blushing like a tomato."
I punched his chest, "I'm not, you jerk! And even if you revive yourself, you won't even remember me."
He looked shocked, innocently, but I guess he's not, "Oh, I will. Because you're the ugliest person I've ever seen. Your face is uniquely ugly."
I continued to punch him, "You asshole!!!"
He chuckled, and grabbed both of my wrists to stop the punching, "Oh and, such a shame that your friend took it back. I was about to scare Jin off. Tch, I thought it's finally time to enjoy myself off."
I pulled my wrists from him, "Don't. He might die, so pitiful."
He looked at me with one eyebrow raised, "You see him as pitiful because he might die, but you don't feel pity for me who's deadly in love with you."
I clenched my fist to surpass the butterflies in my stomach, "Fuck you?"
"See? No pity." He said as he crossed his arms. I shook my head and sighed, "Oh, I just remembered. I can see those videos of men you watch on reels on Facebook."
"What men?"
"Those who wears corsets and tight pants that basically shows how big their di—"
"Okay stop!" I blushed and whispered, fidgeting, "It's just… attractive…"
"Wha… Attractive? I already basically grind my dick on you, and those tight clothes are what you find attractive?"
I couldn't help but blushed, "Hey! That's not the same!"
"Oh, and speaking of dick…"
"Ugh…" I blushed even more as I hid my face with my hands.
"I saw you messaged your friends, and was totally shocked by how big my dick was. Is it your first time seeing something that big that's not in comics? And you were shocked by how hot and hard it was…?"
"Vin, please… Stop… This conversation is ridiculous. I shouldn't have come here…"
"Oh, sorry sorry." He caressed my cheeks, as I peeked over my fingers with a pout, "I'm sorry, baby girl." He said, which made me blushed even more. As I stamped into his foot, he grunt in pain. He started laughing even in pain, "Should I ask you some from your lessons?"
"How? You don't even have a copy of my lessons?"
He snapped his fingers and a copy of printed lessons appeared, "We can just make them." As he smirked. He sat down, in Indian sit, and proudly said, "Sit, my student."
The fuck. I sat down in front of him, "Okay, here's the deal. If you get the answer right, I'll kiss you wherever I want. If you get it wrong, I'll bite you wherever I want."
"What kind of deal is that?! I should be the one to decide when I get the answers right!"
He put his index finger on my lips, "Shh. Don't complain, student. Just be obedient."
"What the—"
"Okay, first question." I sighed, and he chuckled. He's fucking enjoying this. "Refers to the cell-to-cell junction between a nerve cell and either another nerve cell or an effector cell, such as in muscle or a gland."
"Too long! What the fuck is that?!"
"Final answer?" He smirked.
"Tch… umm…" I tried to think, but I can't remember reading. I'm sure it's something under something that is under something. "Ugh, fine. Pass."
He took my hand and bit my wrist, "The answer is Synapse, darling." I flinched a bit.
He licked the bite mark, and smirked, then sat straight up again. "Next question."
I was rubbing the bite mark, as he said two words, "Muscle cytoplasm."
I smirked so proudly, "Sarcoplasm."
He pulled me by caressing my cheek, and kissed my forehead, "What about muscle cell membrane?" he whispered.
I chuckled, "Sarcolemma."
As his lips went down on my cheek, and kissed it. While kissing my cheek softly, he asked, "Under facial expressions, what muscle is used in smiling and laughing?" I went quiet, because I didn't know the answer. He stopped kissing me, and looked me in the eyes with a smirk on the corner of his lips, "You don't know, huh?"
"I didn't memorize that…"
"Such a shame." He sarcastically said as he slid my shirt sideward and bit my chest.
"It's Zygomaticus major." He whispered. I gripped against his shirt with my eyes closed. He licked the bite mark and looked back at the paper.
"Let's go to Nervous system. What are two nervous systems?" He asked.
"Central nervous system and peripheral nervous system."
He then again kissed my forehead. And whispered another question.
"The two under peripheral?"
"Motor and sensory."
He went down on my cheeks, kissing and whispering, "The two under the motor?"
"Somatic and autonomic."
His lips trails down on my neck, as I moaned softly by his kiss, "The two under autonomic?"
"Sympathetic and parasympathetic."
He then went on my lips and kissed me passionately. He kissed the breath out of me. We almost forgot the purpose of this 'question and answer' of my lessons. He broke the kiss as we were both panting.
"Let me just ask two more questions. We don't have much time, you need to wake up early." He looked back at the paper, "The fewest of the white blood cells and secretes heparin."
"Fuck… That's familiar… Wait… umm…" I was thinking so hard but I can't remember it. And seeing him with a smile, I know he's eager to bite me again. "Ugh fine, I don't know."
But I was surprised when he kissed my lips again. I thought he would just kiss me when I got the answer right, but then he bit my lower lip. He whispered against my lips, "Basophil is the answer."
He pulled away, and read, "These are substances that the body recognizes as foreign and that the immune system may attack."
I groan, "Ugh, I'm not sure if it's antigens or antibodies…"
"Your answer?"
Well, by the word 'foreign and immune system may attack', I thought it'll be antibodies. Because logically speaking, by the name ANTIbodies, it's like something that the body doesn't want, so… "Antibodies."
He laughed and made me lay down. I was confused, when he suddenly pulled one of my legs, and put it on his shoulder, as he went down. I blushed, "W-wait! What are you doing?!"
He looked up at me with only his eyes and smirked, "Antigens is the answer, my love." As he suddenly bit my inner thigh. He bit and nibbled against my skin. I moaned, and gripped against his hair. He licked the bite mark, and looked at me with a smile, "Good luck on your exam. You need to wake up now."
As I woke up by the alarm on my phone.