The next day. To forget my mom's anger, and Vin, I needed to be alone. I didn't go to school with Devyn. I have class at 1:30 PM but I went to school at 7 AM. I went to the library, didn't reply to anyone messaging me, and studied alone.
I tried so hard to focus. I did my best to let my day go on normally. Though Devyn and Tesha got mad when they saw my wounds.
"You should've just messaged me. Or Devyn. Why do you need to keep cutting your wrist? And this, what's this?" Tesha asked.
I exhaled deeply, and hesitated for a moment but I know she'll insist until she gets an answer, "I scratch myself when I'm angry or stressed, until it hurts and… bleeds."
Tesha grunted, "You fucker. Next time, just message us! Tell us what's wrong! Instead of hurting yourself! It won't fix anything!"
I just smiled, "I'm sorry…"
At break time, I met James at the cafeteria, and Tesha took that chance to tell James about my wound. "Can you be mad at her a little? Look at her wrist." Tesha said.
James looked at my wrist and arm, "What the fuck? What's this?!"
I smiled a little, "My mom and I fought."
"And?" He waited for an answer, but I just looked down at his hands while holding mine, "You hurt yourself because of that?!"
"Yeah, she's stupid." Tesha said.
James sighed, "Okay, let's say you were mad or stressed. That's not enough reason. You were already in pain emotionally, and you added more pain by hurting yourself physically. What did it do? Did that help?"
I was speechless. James and Tesha were there, ready to discipline me like goddamn parents. So, I just reached for James and hugged him. As he mumbled in my ear, "Don't ever do that again. It won't help you in any way."
"Okay." I mumbled back.
I got home by 9 PM, and slept as soon as I could. And I found myself in a place full of flowers in the middle and surrounded by trees. And he was there, standing in the middle, waiting for me as if I'm gonna walk down the aisle. I walked towards him, slowly.
And when I got closer, I scoffed, "What's this? Trying to be romantic after what happened?"
He smiled, "I have a surprise for you. But first, we need to play a game."
"So we're a child now, playing a game." He just smiled, so I rolled my eyes, "Okay fine. What game is it?"
"We'll ask one another a question, one at a time, alternately. And we can't say no. Every question, the only answer is yes."
I raised my one eyebrow with a smirk of proudness, "Okay? That's it? I guess I'll never lose. What will happen if one of us can't answer or says no?"
He became serious, "We'll stop seeing each other."
I scoffed, "That's a joke, right?" He didn't answer, "You're joking." Again, he didn't answer. "Vin, tell me this is a joke."
He just sighed, and smiled at me "I'll ask first."
"Wait—"
"Am I handsome for you?"
"Wha… Of course you are. Yes!" I immediately answered.
He smiled, "See? So easy. No need to worry about anything. Your turn."
I sighed and shook my head a little, "This is ridiculous. Fine… Am I that important to you?"
"Yes." He answered without hesitation. "You are very important to me, more than you can imagine." I sighed, and didn't react, but I know my heart did. "My turn." He mumbled softly, "Do you think you'll pass your subjects?"
I was confused, I thought this was romantic. "Of course yes! What kind of question is that? Why? Do you think I'll fail it?"
He chuckled, "Yes."
"What?!"
"Princess, I can't say no. It's one of the rules." he said with a smirky smile.
"You…" I speechlessly scoffed. "So we'll play it like that, huh? I'm on it."
He smiled even bigger now, "You think you can survive your freshmen year of college?"
"Yes."
"You think you can be a registered nurse in the future?"
"Hey, that's not fair! You said, one at a time."
"So you're not gonna answer. Guess, we'll deal with the consequences."
"Wait! Fine, yes! Yes, I'll be a registered nurse in the future."
As we started going on and on with questions, to the point that I never even let him finish the question and I said yes.
"You think you can survive abroad in the future?"
"Yes."
"Am I someone you find attractive more than anyone—"
"Yes."
"Do you think you can be successful—"
"Yes."
"Can you be my girlfriend—"
"Yes." As he went silent after I answered that. And it took me seconds before I realized, "Wait what?"
He leaned his forehead against mine with a big smile on his face, "You can't take it back. You're mine now. You're my girlfriend, Princess. If you take it back, you'll fail your Theoretical Foundation subject, which is the hardest."
"You…" I pushed him, "You tricked me!"
He smiled and chuckled softly, "Surprise."
I open-mouthed sighed, "Okay, from now on, I hate surprises."
He went closer once again, and caressed my cheek. Birds and butterflies surrounded us like magic, wind passed through us and the flowers and trees, "Is it that bad? To the point that you hated surprises. Do you hate it, my surprise?" He asked with the softest voice he could have.
"It's not like that. It's not that I hated it. It's just… I was taken aback. I didn't expect that. You know I—"
"Yes, I know. You don't wanna risk it. I know you're scared. Love scares you. Our situation scares you. I know." He kissed the back of my hand, "But just once… don't look at our situation. Look at me. Don't look at what we can't do, and look at what we're capable of doing. Don't look at the possibility of getting hurt, and just look at the possibility that… if ever this ends badly, at least we got to spend our time together fully. Princess, you're important to me. I want you. I need you. I know that I'm not alive right now, but if I have a life, it's you. You're my life, my world. Nothing could ever change that. Not even a dimension, nor time, nor dreams."
I shake my head while I smile, I scoffed looking down, and looked back up to him, "What am I supposed to answer to those words of yours?"
He smiled, "Let's sit down." He kissed my forehead as we sat down in these grasses and flowers. He was rubbing the back of my hands with his thumbs when he asked, "Do you remember the first day we met?"
I slowly nodded, "I do."
His one hand reached for the end of my hair and played with some of it, "You were crying that night. Lights off. I didn't know you could see me back then. So, I spoke my mind."
"What a beautiful girl, crying at this hour." I said out loud, without knowing you can see and hear ghosts.
You suddenly sat up, and turned your phone flashlights on, and it flashed at me, "W-who are you? I've never seen you here before."
My eyes widened, because I was shocked. A depressed, cry-baby, yet so beautiful could see me. I mean, who wouldn't be lucky?
"You can see me?"
"Yes. I mean, who else's here?"
I was about to laugh at your attitude, but I didn't. "Wow, what an attitude you have."
"Get out of here." You arrogantly and cruelly said to me, as you laid back down. But I didn't leave. I disappeared that night to leave you alone for a moment, but the next day, I came back with a purpose.
And I started asking you lots of questions, following you around, seeing you be in love, have a crush on someone, and get hurt. I see you cry silently or laugh while reading books or comics, go back home with printed photos in your bag and tape it against the wall, cut your wrist, throw stuff when you're super mad, scratch your skin, blame yourself with everything, scream against your pillow, and just stare at the ceiling, spacing out.
I saw every side of you. I saw you in both darkness and light. And I have to admit, you're beautiful in both, but even better in light. When you smile, when you laugh, when you giggle, or even your cute attitude, it's all better.
"Why did you suddenly open the first day we met? Do you miss that, seeing me cry?"
"Yeah. Because I know that right now, you see crying as weakness. Well, it's not. Crying is a sign of braveness. Because you can show your emotions, show how you feel, or at least take whatever in your heart out. I miss that cry-baby of you. Because it means… you still have a heart that time. You're still strong enough to let out your feelings."
I rolled my eyes, "Isn't this night supposed to be romantic? I mean, we're in a place full of flowers, butterflies, and birds. And the fact that… we're finally dating…? Why are we talking about this? I don't want to think about them right now."
"I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you."
"And it's about them. It's them who make me who I am. I am still alive because of them, because I want revenge. I still want to see them suffer. My whole world (spins?) around them."
He starts to trail soft kisses on every part of my fingers, my palm, my wrist. "Then, let your world (spins) around me, instead of them. Let me be the reason for your living." He looked at me with the softest gaze he ever gave me, "Let me be the reason you'll continue. Let me be the reason to open your heart once again, to trust again, to see light again, to see positiveness, and to see the beauty of those around you."
I frowned a little bit, "Why do I feel like… you're too soft ever since you glitched the other night? Your look, your voice, your touch, your kisses, your words… It feels… different."
He smiled, "I want to be the perfect guy for you. I don't want to be the pervert lustful guy. I want to make my time with you so worth it. I want you to remember me as someone as soft instead of as someone who always takes advantage of you."
"What does that mean? It feels like you're saying goodbye. Or at least, spending time with me is limited. What is this?"
He chuckled softly, "I mean, we don't know when this will end, or how this will end. So, it's not that bad to spend the time with care and love and softness." He leaned his nose tip against mine and rubbed it gently, and smiled, "Let's go on a date. This weekend."
I pulled back a little, "Date?"
He nodded, "Mhm. It'll be a surprise."
"Here we go again. With your surprises."
He chuckled and hugged me, with his face on the neck, "You'll love it."
I hugged him back, and sighed, "Fine."
_______
"You're early tonight." He said as he kissed and sniffed my neck at the same time like some old man.
I flinched, and blushed a little, "Well, I finished my activity early."
He chuckled, "Just once, tell me you're early because you want to see me sooner."
"Why would I lie though?" He looked at me like he's surprised yet not surprised, and flocked his finger on my forehead, "Ow! You know I can feel things even when we're in a dream, right?" While rubbing my forehead.
Again, the surroundings with flowers on the ground, blue sky, with butterflies and birds. "This looks quite familiar…" I said, looking around and thinking where I might have seen it.
"It's the place from Twilight, where Edward and Belle usually go." As we both sat down.
"Oh, right! Right, from Twilight."
"What? You look uneasy."
"No, I'm not… it's just… is this a real place? It's not a green screen?"
He shrugged, "How would I know? I've never been here. I only created this by how I saw it in the movie when you rewatched it years ago." He traces the lines on my palm with his index finger, "And the song A Thousand Years is so beautiful, isn't it?"
"It is! It has two versions. The original and the Twilight Ost version. And the first stanza on the Ost version is good. You know, the part…" as I started singing with closed eyes, "The day we met, frozen I held my breath. Right from the start, I knew that I found a home for my heart…" as I smiled and opened my eyes.
And he was there, staring at me with a smile. My heart skipped a beat. No, I can't have these feelings. I shouldn't feel this.
"If I can kidnap you, I already did."
My eyes widened when I heard that, "What…? First, that's so random. Second… you're a kidnapper now?"
He caresses my cheek, "If I get to touch this skin, and look at those eyes all the time, I would. After all, isn't our story's genre a dark romance?"
"That's not a good joke, Vin."
"I'm not joking. I said if I could, I would. But the question is, can I? Obviously I can't." He turned me around, and wrapped his arms around my waist as he leaned his head at the back of my neck. "As days pass by, I feel you get more distant."
"But I go here everyday."
"That's not what I meant. And I know that you know what I meant."
"You became so emotional… If you're alive right now, I would say it feels like you're dying…" and he didn't respond to that. So, I leaned back to his head. Looking at the blue sky, hearing the birds chirping. It is all perfect that I don't want to lose any of this. But at the same time, it feels like if someday, all of this will disappear, I have no choice but to let go, because perfect doesn't exist.
"I love you, Princess."