That day, I really don't remember what I did the whole day. But I remember finishing typing the Theoretical Foundation lesson and printing it. And I wanted to finish it as soon as possible so I can sleep as soon as I can.
And the first thing I remember when I got there was seeing my own room, him sitting down on my study chair. "I finished typing lessons. Won't you give me a reward?" I asked.
He smiled and stood up, pulling me towards the bed. I thought we're gonna do something again, but then we just lay down and he hugged me. "Sleep."
I looked at him, "What? 'Sleep'?"
"Yes. That's your reward. You're gonna sleep, and take a rest. Before you wake up in reality, I'm going to wake you up here, and I have something to tell you."
"Say it now." I stubbornly said. But he's more stubborn than me.
"No." As he closed his eyes, cuddling me. And for some reason, I don't remember anything after that, so I'm assuming I fell asleep in his arms. The next thing I remember is him waking me up.
He made me sit up while I'm rubbing my eyes. I felt so refreshed, maybe because I slept in my dream. "What is it…?" I mumbled, and yawned.
He chuckles, "I just thought of it. I got too jealous the other day, forgetting the biggest fact between us."
I looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"
"You know Tinder, right? I dare you to download it."
"What? Why would I—"
"Or on Facebook Dating. Or whatever. Go look for a guy, or a girl if you want. Go flirt with them. Do everything you can."
I'm speechless for a few seconds, "Why?"
He caressed my cheek and leaned a bit closer, and dropped his voice into a predatory tone, "It will allow you to see and realize that no matter what you do, I'm the only one who will stay with you and you will always come back to me. I'm the only one you need in your life, and no one else." He pressed his lips against mine and kissed me, and talked over my lips, "You can wake up now, my Princess."
And I woke up, just like that. And since he's so confident, I immediately downloaded Tinder. I made an account, and liked a lot of people. I also completed my profile on Facebook Dating and liked a lot of people.
Many liked my profile back. I chatted with lots of them. On Tinder, all they asked is to have a video call with me, or ask my cup size, or nudes. And I hate cameras, especially when it involves my body. Because I'm scared it will spread and ruin my reputation. And of course, I have my own dignity.
Some were nice, and didn't ask for nudes. But none of them stayed. Either they'll ghost me or it's too awkward, or they're obviously not interested.
At 10:30 AM, I left the house to meet Devyn to go to school but before that, we went to the mall and I quickly bought a ring. I don't know why but something's pushing me to buy one, so I did. And on our way to school, Devyn and I talked.
"Does Jin have a handsome friend?" I asked. And if you forgot, Jin is Devyn's friend.
"I don't know. I'm not really interested."
"How many guy friends does Jin have?"
"Two."
"Then tell them that I want to have someone to chat with. Tell Jin!"
"Girl, what about Vin? If he starts ghosting you again, what are you gonna do? Cry again?"
"No. He's the one who dared me anyway. Please? Both of them, or maybe just one. A tall one."
"Derik is tall. I just don't know if he's single."
"Ask Jin then."
"Here, record your voice. I don't want him to think that it's me who's interested." As Devyn put the voicemail record on and I spoke over it.
"Hey, Jin. Could you ask your tall handsome guy friend if he's single? I'm interested and single." Devyn and I laughed as she sent it to Jin.
But since Jin was busy that day, he didn't immediately reply. Devyn and I stayed at the library while waiting for the time to go to the classroom. The next one to come is Tesha, and she sat beside me. We talked about Vin's ridiculous dare. And the next thing that Tesha said made me overthink.
"I just thought of it. What if he's seeing someone else when you're awake?"
"What the fuck?" I said, starting to overthink.
Tesha saw that and she's having fun. She laughed quietly, "What if he's seeing a girl from another country when you're awake and that girl is sleeping?"
"Tesha stop."
"What if everything you do with him is also what he does with someone else's dream?" I can't help as my tears slowly fell down, and Tesha laughed harder. She's really having fun with this. "You're insane, girl. You overthink too much."
"And whose fault was it?" I said while wiping my tears, and all she does is laugh. "I'm going to write this in the story and hope that the readers will hate you."
"Oh please, yes, do that. And make sure to tell them that I'm your number one basher." As I hit her, she laughed even harder.
Maybe it didn't show that much, but I can't stop thinking about it. What if all the words he told me, all the hugs, the kisses, the sex… what if he's doing it with other girls when I'm awake?
And as soon as I got home, I immediately slept to meet him. And he welcomed me with, "I'm not."
"So you know what I'm gonna ask you, huh?"
"I'm not seeing another."
"How would I know for sure?"
"Please…" he tried to approach me closer but I stepped back and he stopped walking.
The more I see him, the more I overthink. Because of my wild imagination, I can see him kissing another girl, kissing another girl's neck, or touching another girl's body. Moaning another girl's name. Kissing another girl all over. Putting his dick to another girl's pussy. Claiming the girl just like what he did with me. Or worse, loving another girl.
My tears just started dropping down and I can't stop them. He approached me, even faster this time so I don't have the time to step back. He held my arms, "I'm not seeing anybody else. How would I know everything you do in your day if I'm seeing anyone else? I'm always here, sitting here, watching your day flash in front of me."
But I can't convince myself to stop crying. His voice, his assurance, I'm imagining him telling those words being told to another girl. These hands holding another girl's. "Please believe me." He said.
"H-how?" I stutter, crying.
He went down on his knees, holding both of my hands, pressing against his face, "I won't promise because promises are bound to be broken, so I won't. But always remember that you're the only one, until I stop existing in your dreams." He looked up at me, "You're mine and mine alone. I'm yours and yours alone. I belong to you, and you belong to me. Until my soul disappears as if I never existed."
And then I woke up. I stopped messaging most of them, except for the girl. I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm bisexual, so it can't hurt being friends with her.
Online class, but nothing special happened today. No serious class. A bit of activity but nothing more. So at night, my mom decided to go for a night drive to celebrate my birthday in advance.
We went to a nearby lakeshore, bought dinner, ate and walked a little bit. The day passed too fast, and when we got home, I just did my last activity then I went to sleep. Not knowing that whatever happens tonight will surprise me into the core.
As soon as I got there, I saw him kneeling on the floor and held my hand, kissing the back of it. "Happy 19th birthday, my love." he said as he looked up to me, and took my other hand which is the left hand, and kissed the ring I bought the other day, "I'm sorry if I can't buy you the ring you deserve."
"Vin, don't say that. I don't need a ring. All I need is you."
As I felt drops of tears on my hand, him kissing it softly. "I'm really sorry if I can't do anything more than meet you in your dreams, spend time with you in these fake places, and please you with my body."
"Vin, why are you saying–"
He suddenly looked up to me, "But either way… I know I don't deserve it and it is impossible but, will you be my fiancee?" His tears were flowing nonstop, "I can't buy you a real ring, can't propose in a decent place in front of many people to let you know how proud I am to have you, can't even ask your parents for your hand but… Will you? Will you be officially mine even in a short period of time?"
Lots of things run into my mind. Lots of promises. Lots of things I want to change in my life once I give him my answer. But with lots of things in my mind, there is only one answer that lingers.
I kneel down with him, cupping his face with my hands and kissing him, "Yes. Yes, Vin. I'm yours. I don't need anything else, just you." He smiled over my lips, and kissed me one more time before he hugged me so tight.
"I will never meet another girl, nor look at them. Looking at another girl has never even crossed my mind. They're not you. You're the only one I want, I need, and I love." As he gave my neck soft kisses.
I pushed him a little bit to cup his face once again, "And about the ring, since this is a dream, you can just make a ring, make a place, control everything as if everyone is cheering for us. You can control my dream, Vin."
"Yes, but I'll get even angrier to myself. Because you deserve more than. You deserve more than fake scenarios. You deserve a real ring, a real place, a real audience. Controlling your dream to fake all of those is something I don't want you to settle for." He pulled me by my waist and leaned his forehead over mine, "I want to do it. But I can't. You have no idea how much I wish I am alive, only for you."
After that, we sat down, me leaning on my back on his chest, and him leaning his back on a big tree. Watching squirrels running around, butterflies flying around, birds chirping, children playing from afar, and the blue clear sky. As if we're the parents of four children. The peace that seems I missed so much. I keep looking at my ring. This ring that I bought the other day just because I want has now become a ring that signifies my engagement to the man I love.