7 AM, Friday
Last day of class for this week. It should be holiday but my university decided to have a fucking class. Why? I don't know. Maybe because they are brutal as fuck. We had class, 2 subjects, Anatomy & Physiology and Mathematics subjects. I feel so tired, and also I updated Devyn about Vin.
[Update, I typed what happened last night, I'm feeling irritated. He was annoyed by everything, even Enzo got involved in his anger.]
[You guys fought?]
[Yeah, because he's annoying. He got jealous over Enzo.]
[Damn]
['Can't you just stop messaging that guy?' The fuck?! I just sent a lesson. He said, 'You can just ask one of your friends to send it to him' THEN HE EVEN ASKED, 'LORENZO OR ME?' THE FUCK?!]
[The hell HAHAHAHA WHAT THE HECK]
[I said, 'what kind of question is that?' 'JUST ANSWER IT, DAMN IT!" HE SAID! HE YELLED! He was scary and overwhelming yesterday. He used his height against me.]
[Sis HAHAHAHA HE CURSED YOU. Damn, I'm sure he's handsome.]
[YEAH!! FUCK HIM!!]
[What kind of trope is that?]
[Maybe Hopeless Romantic HAHAHA a story without a happy ending. Damn, as soon as I got inside my lucid dream, he welcomed me with an aggressive hold on my arms.]
[Ship. I truly ship you two.]
[Sis, we talked about that last time.]
[He said 'She's such a good friend. She ships us, so hard'. The heck.]
[Sis good friend… HAHAHAHA sis OMG.]
[Just because Vin is a spirit already, he kept flirting with you.]
[HEY, DID YOU KNOW, REGARDING FLIRT, HE SAID THE OTHER NIGHT, 'Isn't this enough though? Seeing each other every night. We can hold hands, talk about your day… hug… kiss… or even do the spicy things you were reading.' THE FUCK SIS!!! He's probably reading this now, that flirting bitch.]
[HEY SIS HAHAHAHA AT LEAST YOU WON'T GET PREGNANT]
[HEYYY HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.]
[IF I GOT PREGNANT, WHO WOULD I SAY THE FATHER?! "The guy in my dream."?!]
[AND PLEASE, DON'T TOLERATE! HE WILL DO IT!]
The whole day was tiring. Ever since I started lucid dreaming and seeing Vin, I started having an afternoon nap. Because for some reason, I feel tired from lucid dreaming. I don't feel like I slept at all. Especially, when we just got into a fight or misunderstanding.
My whole body feels heavy, and the heat makes me feel sick. We even had 4 activities in Mathematics. Lorenzo messaged me, asking for answers, so I sent one out of four activities, hoping that he would stop messaging me after. But then, he sent answers to another activity. I was thankful, yes. But then, he was asking for more answers because he has a fever. I said no, still he sent "I luv u with virus. Please.'
And I was like, "Oh shit… He's seeing this… He'll kill me…"
Even Devyn said, when I told her what Lorenzo said, "OMG, you're done, sis."
I told my friends that there is someone who gets jealous over Lorenzo, and they thought it's Dale, our nerd classmate who only talks to me, or Jay, our friend who I had a crush on before, or James, one of my friends from the other class who some of my friends ships me with.
And I said, "Stop mentioning names! He'll get even mad now!"
And when I told them it was Vin, they thought I'm just hallucinating. That's why I never told them about my dream. Because they'll think I'm hallucinating, or just imagining, or making a story, or worse, crazy. After I finished all my activities, I ate biscuits and lay down. I chit chatted with my friends, and slept at 10:30 PM. Yes, I slept way too late than usual.
And when I got there, I saw him, sitting on the floor, hugging his knees, crying and whispering "Sorry… sorry… sorry…" I felt guilty all of the sudden.
"Vin…?" I called out for him, slowly walking towards him. I saw him flinch when he heard me speak. He turned around and immediately stood up, hugged me tightly. He buried his face on the side of my neck.
He was rubbing his nose against my skin. "I'm sorry… I won't get jealous. Whether it's Jay, or Dale, or James, or even Lorenzo… I won't get jealous anymore, just… Please keep seeing me… Please don't stop coming here…" He sniffed, as I felt some of his tears dropping on my shoulder.
I don't know if I should feel bad about it, or I will laugh. Because he's so adorable despite his big body. "Vin—"
I didn't even get to say anything, when he suddenly went down on his knees, with his head down. He was still crying, "Please… I'm really sorry… I'm sorry that I got jealous…"
"Hey hey hey…" I softly called out, as I went down on my knees in front of him, rubbing my palms on his hands, "Look at me, Vin." But he didn't look up and just continued crying with his head down. So, I carried his cheeks and made him look at me, "Vin, please stop crying."
I wiped his tears with my thumb and kissed his forehead, "Please… I'm not mad that you got jealous. I'm actually happy because… I feel that I'm important…"
"Because you are." He said, sniffing.
I smiled, "Then it's okay. It's fine. Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, hmm?"
He reached for me again, and hugged me. "I don't know what's happening to me. When I was a ghost, I'm contented with seeing you, talking to you, following you around and more. But now that I can touch you, feel you, hug you… I feel… obsessive and possessive over you. I want you mine but I don't want to force you into something you're not ready. I want us to be more, but I don't know how to take responsibility for you when I can't even be seen by other people." He whispered.
I sighed and kissed the side of his head. Then I just suddenly felt him bite the side of my neck. I gasped, "Vin? What are you…!" Then I gasped even more when I realized what he was doing. He's giving me a kiss mark. I couldn't help but moan a little bit as I was a bit too sensitive, "Ahh… Vin, wait…"
But instead of letting me go, I felt his hands around my back get even tighter. He pulled me even closer to him, and his mouth was not letting my neck go. I closed my eyes, and open-mouthed gasping for air, gripping my fingers against his sleeves. "Your friend said we can, since you won't get pregnant."
After biting that side of my neck, he licked it before shifting into the other side and doing the same thing he just did. My knees felt so weak, that I'm thankful we were not standing. While biting and nibbling my skin, he's whispering, "Please tell me you're mine… Even if it's a lie… Tell me you're mine…"
"Vin, wait…"
"I'll do anything for you… If only I could, I would have already killed those people for you… If only I could, I would have already burned this world for you… So please… just say that you're mine…" one of his hand grips tighter on my waist, while his other hand tightens on my shoulder, pulling me closer as if he's gonna eat me alive. I feel like anytime, he would crash my body into pieces. I am a chubby girl, but for the first time, I felt so small against him.
My eyes widened, "No, you can't."
He stopped, and finally looked at me straight, "What do you mean I can't? Well, yeah, of course now, I can't. Because how can I when I only exist in your dream as of now?"
"Even in this dream, you can't kill."
"What…?" His hug loosen up. "I can! I can do whatever you want!"
I made the character of my aunt, one of the people who bullied my family, standing afar, beside us both. "Can you?" I was just trying to test him, but I was sure that he couldn't.
He gasped silently, and looked at my aunt, "I can." He stood up as my eyes widened, and saw him walking towards my aunt. And as he can also control my lucid dream, he made our surroundings into an unfamiliar room.
I got completely curious, as I can see a chair, ropes, scalpel, knives, bandages, and some liquids like alcohol and acids that can burn skin and more. And as if everything glitched, my aunt is now sitting on the chair, tied up with a rope.
He took a scalpel, and went towards me. He pulled me closer to my aunt, until we're standing right in front of her. Vin started using the scalpel, opening the skin of my aunt's arm as she started screaming in pain. I know this is a dream but it felt so real, sounded so real. Her tears and screams felt satisfying. "What are you doing? I thought you said you can kill, but you're not killing her."
"I said I can do whatever you want. But killing her immediately is not what you want." He went closer and whispered directly into my ear, "What you want is to hear her scream, cry, crawl down and beg for forgiveness… You want to torture her until she begs for a quick death…" he looked at my eyes, too close and too intense, "...won't you?"
He looked down at both sides of my neck, then to my cheeks, then up to my eyes again, "Seeing those marks on your neck feels like you're mine now. And seeing those blush on your cheeks feels like…" He licked my cheek, "...I'm finally becoming who you want me to be. Isn't this what you want? Revenge?"
He buried the scalpel deeper in her arm that made her scream even louder, which made me wake up from my dream. The first thing I did as soon as I woke up was look in the mirror to see if those marks really exist in real time, but they don't. And I don't know why, but seeing what he did, and what he looked like while doing that, made my heart pound.
For the first time in my life, I feel turned on. I want to go back to sleep, hug him, kiss him, and do whatever he wants me to do. I feel like I can finally say I'm his.
But at the same time, I don't know if I'm really turned on, or I'm just scared. I don't know if my heart's pounding because I'm seeing the revenge that I want, or because I'm starting to see him with the personality of a fictional character. But all I know, as of now, is that… I'm really not kind.
_____
I was 10 years old when it all started. I had a boyfriend at the age of 10 years old. A puppy love, as they might call it. My mom supported me because she was afraid that I might rebel if she stopped me from doing it. So, we had a deal. I can have a boyfriend, but I should know my limits. No sex, and give her higher grades.
And I did. I was an honor student, and I'm still a virgin. But other family members, my aunts, uncles, grandparents… They couldn't understand my mom's condition. They called her someone who sells her daughter, and they called me nymphomaniac.
Nymphomaniac is someone who is addicted to sex. They don't believe me that I'm still a virgin. As they all avoided us, as if we have a severe virus disease. They even deny us whenever someone asks if we are related.
Whenever I get a school medal, they question it. Whenever my mom's business gets successful, they question it. My biological father and my mom have been separated ever since I was 9-month-old, and whenever my mom gets a lover, they question it. Everything we do, and everything we achieve, they question it.
They also started gossiping shit things about us. Like "That girl, Princess, was pregnant. She just aborted the child." As if I would do that. And "Her mom sells her daughter to guys for money." As if it's true, when it was me who spent money for my boyfriend.
They even tried to take everything from us. The business, and the house which has been named after me. We got bankrupt, and they laughed at us. We were already so low, and they still kept pulling us down.
In 6th grade, I got bullied by the whole school for some weird post on social media. In 7th grade, I was bullied by the whole 7th grade batch because of this girl who became my textmate's girlfriend. In 9th grade, I was bullied because of accusations of vandalism. In 11th and 12th grade, I was bullied for being too introverted, too quiet, and they felt like I was a teacher's pet who was also a spy that leaks every bad thing they would do.
My whole high school life was terrible. Bullied by my own blood-related, by the school, and even by the Church members. People from church judged me as sinful just because I had a boyfriend at such a young age. I was part of the choir, and the leader of the choir started embarrassing me in front of the others. That is one of the reasons why I stopped coming to the church.
I stopped believing in anything. Because at that time, I didn't need to be stronger, I needed to be protected yet no one did. Yes, my mom knew all the things that happened to me, comforted me, supported me, fought for me. But at the end of the day, every tear, every pain, every wrists cut, I'm the only one who knows.
At the end of the day, I saved myself from staying down. I had trust issues, anger issues, and I became a people pleaser. Not because I want friends, but because I want to have someone who will be on my side when things get in so much trouble.
At the end of the day, I was nothing but a girl who wants to see every bullies experience the things they did to us. I want them to feel so low, lower than they made us feel. I want to see them cry, and I'll laugh at them. I want to make them regret things, and beg for forgiveness. I want to accuse them for something they didn't do, and people will bully them.
Why am I not doing it then, you might ask? Money. Because I don't have money, and all of them have. All of them are rich. And in this cruel damn world, nothing is more right or important to people's eyes and ears than a person who is rich.
That's why I'm a nursing student. Because once I graduate, I'll go work abroad, earn a huge amount of money, study to become a doctor, be rich, and start taking my revenge.
First step on my revenge is to become a successful bitch, and look at them like they are nothing but a pathetic piece of shit.