Alec held my shoulders gently and slowly pushed me away from his body. It was enough to wake me up. I looked down, unable to look at his face. I can barely hear him whispering.
"Do you know what you are doing?".
I shook my head slowly.
His tone was soft but louder this time.
"Do you know how this is making me feel?".
I shook my head again and looked at him. "I don't know why I did that. But....I like it...a lot"
Even without looking at him, I can sense his confused state of mind through his firm voice.
"Do you like kissing, or do you like me?"
What is the right answer to his question? How do I answer him when I don't know the answer myself?
My brain is searching for the answer. This is not right for me. It is not something I would normally do. What the fuck am I doing? I am a carefree 17-year-old guy who has a perfect plan to hook up with his sister. How did I end up wanting to devour him?
I can't have this kind of messy complication in my life. This is a mess that will drastically change my current unnoticed, simple, and mundane life. However, as confused as I am, my brain may be denying it, but my body is screaming that I want it.
I slowly lifted my head to look at him, hoping there was something I could magically do to erase the last half hour for both of us.
My silence is not helping the situation now that Alec has finally given up waiting for an answer.
"Maybe you need time to figure out what that was all about. I won't allow you to use me as your exploration tool, Gian."
I stood frozen as Alec walked away, slowly disappearing from my sight. It is fitting that I stood on that bridge alone for a while, thinking about what just happened. This is so unexpected of me. I thought I knew myself well. I thought I had full control over shaping my life. I thought I was doing so well at manipulating situations to get the outcome I wanted. I thought I was on a path of my choosing.
I thought ....
I think...
.....I like Alec.
.....I want him.
I felt the vibration from my phone, which jolted me enough to realize what I felt.
A text message from Alec, telling me he would wait for me in the car.
I closed my eyes one more time.
'You now have a new chapter in your life journey that, this time, you didn't direct.' I told myself
I opened my eyes with the determination that no matter how this turns out, it will be alright.
I headed to the parking lot with a now clearer mind. I realized that I can't settle this in one night. I have to have another talk with Alec.
Alec saw me approaching, so he got out of the car and went to open the passenger side door.
I grabbed his arm to stop him and get his attention.
"This is new to me, but I know now how I feel. Give me another chance. Let's talk again. Please?" I pleaded with him.
Alec, breathing a sigh of relief, hugged me. "Thanks." He whispered.
I stepped inside the car feeling satisfied, although there was no clear conclusion to our talk.
Alec suddenly looked at my head, the back of my head, my shirt and my legs.
"What? Why?" I curiously asked.
"I am making sure nothing is missing, and you are the same." Alec answered in a serious tone.
"Huh?" I am still confused
"I am to take you home exactly as I picked you up per Riel's order, remember?" He huffed.
I laughed so hard, tears were rolling on the side of my face. I was about to ask him for a tissue when I felt him wiping the side of my face.
I stopped laughing and looked at him.
"G, may I kiss you?" He whispered
I leaned closer to him and stopped when I felt his breath, like I did with Riel that Sunday.
My heart's drumming, which was absent when I tried to kiss Riel, was loud, making its presence known.
Alec tilted his head a little to the side while his hand held my face. His warm and soft lips, slightly parted, touched mine. Alec's tongue pried open my mouth and eagerly played with my tongue. He ended the kiss with a playful bite on my lower lip. With his eyes closed, he continued holding my face close to his.
"I want to be with you."
I moved forward and rested my head on his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him. He smells good, it's intoxicating. I instinctively wanted to take another deep breath when I realized another part of my body was reacting. I slowly moved to sit back and took the seat belt.
"We better go before Riel reports you for kidnapping." I joked.
I felt a little embarrassed by how my lower body suddenly reacted. I hoped that Alec didn't notice anything at all.
As he pulled his car into our driveway, Riel stood up from sitting by our front door.
She walked straight towards me and grabbed my hands.
"I waited for you to eat. Let's go. Mom saved us some country-fried steaks." She excitedly told me
"Neighbor, you shouldn't have waited for me to eat." I scolded her.
"I wanted to." She pouted.
I turned to Alec and waved at him.
"I will see you tomorrow at school."
Alec looked at Riel, "See you tomorrow, Riel." He said it teasingly.
Riel raised an eyebrow at Alec and pulled me toward her house.