I'm not quite sure when I woke up. I fainted from shock and Freddie's heavy breathing still against my neck pointed out my lost conscience would have lasted just a few seconds at its best. Rather it was a sort of disconnection. Like a flash in my whole system, like a rest in my hard disc.
I was so shy and felt so intimidated as though I've just met him in that bed. I wasn't able not even move to the farthest end of the unused bed, fresher and more pleasant. Freddie placed his hand between my legs and curled me up against him gripping my hip. It seemed it was strictly forbidden travelling other area of bed so far, crashing me like this against his body.
- Are you fine? -he whispered placing pecks underneath my chin.
- Yes -I lied not willing to get into details.
That question hadn't neither a Yes nor a No answer. I was still stunned but I couldn't tell him that. I couldn't tell him my life would never be the same. I couldn't tell him that I was trying to think how could go on with my mission after that either. I couldn't tell him I was thinking of his girlfriend and that we were disloyal to her as well.
- Sure? Darling, you aren't so shy, are you? -he smiled shameless, gently biting my nose.
I smiled while I placed my heel at the curve of his perky buttocks. It was the first smile that played on my lips since such a long time. An eternity.
- I am -I assured him letting his lips went on kissing me here and there.
- Well I think it must be worked out.
- Ouchhhh!
I screamed totally unprepared when he grabbed my body easily and placed it face down. He covered it with his body, climbing up my back. I felt the big power of each one of his muscles and tendons. I never thought such a skinny man could be so strong and powerful.
He spread my hair over the pillow to let free the back of my neck. Just there he started his journey through my body. He kissed and nibbled it without a pause and I, not yet recovered of the first assault I wasn't almost aware of it was coming the second. When he grabbed my buttocks in his big hands and started to bite them as though they were an apple I couldn't help letting out my fainted moans. His bites were very different. From the simple touch of his powerful incisors till resounding bites. Without respite I felt a string of powerful lashes of desire in my sex with each new bite which were breaking me in two from the arousing. I shrank and stretched my soles not bearing it anymore.
Freddie lifted my ass, holding my knees over the bed. He opened wide my legs and touched lightly his middle fingertip inside my cunt. I shrank with the feeling of his long finger and without thinking further I took his hand and got into my pussy, relieving my longing, rubbing it over and over again while I moved my hips in sync with it.
- Shhhh, be still -he drew apart his hand-. I don't want you cum yet.
I almost wept from frustration when he drew apart his hand and collapsed my pelvis against the sheets starting to rub myself almost viciously.
- Mousy, wait for me, wait for me...
He lifted again my ass and I couldn't obey him, I came, completely undone. I could barely recover and I felt his rough lunge from behind. I grabbed at the edge of the mattress adapting to his punishment rhythm. I opened up my mouth searching for air and he slid his soaked fingers into my mouth. The second orgasm with his throbbing dick almost lifting me on air, made me a whiny and begging mess with just one powerful flash of desire. Freddie collapsed all his weight over me among delicious moans against my still convalescent side.
- No wonder you drove Roger crazy. Fucking you just once is like eating just one chocolate in the box. Impossible.
- Mr. Mercury. You are a depraved man. This morning you have to place me an ice pack over my side and just a few hours later you almost break me in two with no consideration at all.
- That's why you have had a couple of orgasms in a row? For my lack of consideration?
- Hmmmm.
- Hmmmm? What kind of answer is that?
- The answer of a woman who doesn't know how she will be able to sit down in the bus in the orthodox way.
- Shhh. Don't talk like this, you make my dick starting to skipping about like a thoroughbred at the starting line.
I burst into laughter for the first time, truly relaxed. With my body obviously still shocked by pleasure but filled with peace and wellness. Freddie squeezed my waist still shuddering against his and I snuggled my nose against his hair chest, inhaling deeply. Still today I don't know what smelled like but it was unique, I would recognize that smell miles away. It was pleasant, sensual, sophisticated, my nose didn't want to leave his chest.
- Do you want me to leave? -he asked suddenly while he rolled my lock hair over and over again round his hand.
- Do you want to leave? -I asked looking up with a little bit of fear.
- I've asked you first -he smiled, clever.
- I don't want you to leave. And you?
- I don't want to either. Get some sleep, mousy -he kissed my hair-. We gotta departing to Providence in just a few hours.
But the truth is just a few hours later when I woke up, he wasn't there. I found myself completely alone and the silence who accompanied me was thick, threatening, hostile. I remembered the perfect symphony of our gutural noises and this silence was unbearable for me.
I covered that hateful silence with the water running through my body in the shower, the hairdrier, the music in my Ipod. Later I switched on the tv although I barely watched it, I needed noise. I didn't want to hear the sound of my mind. I was euphoric while I fondling all the time my sex thinking about him owning it. And simultaneously, the trace of the uncertainty and sadness made its way, relentless. There was no respite for me. I could never be happy. I was too weighed down with responsabilities.
I didn't know how to start to tell Fooling what happened. I thought I've been hiding enough information, avoiding doping roadies episode. Besides that could change things. The time was a concept which I must treat like a valuable crystal, getting it away from risky edges to not crashing down the floor in pieces.
Fooling was taking for granted before I went deeply into it that I wasn't in love with Freddie.
- No, really. It was just sex.
I felt badly when I trusted this to Fooling. We trusted so much each other and for me he was my substitute father but this sentence started to repeat dangerously. First with Roger and now with Freddie. And sex wasn't in my plans.
- Are you sure it's just sex?
- Yes, Fooling. But "just" is not an adverb which fit into Mr. Mercury. If I talk to him it's not just a conversation, if I fight with him it's not just a fight... Sex with Freddie cannot be just sex.
- I knew you couldn't be indifferent to this man. I was right to choose you.
- I hope not disappoint you. The tour is enough hard just now this way. I don't know how I could deal with it.
- Trying sex won't spoil your friendship. Think always about the mission, Black.
I couldn't say that when I found myself alone in that bed and I wanted to cry. That I was a complete wreck and that was just starting off.
The fling with Mr. Fahrenheit wasn't a good remedy to my side. Funnily enough the pain came out now, I didn't feel not one pain during the two mercurial attacks. It was logical. My body had to choose numbing that discomfort and focus on the rest of new things which Freddie was showing me.
But now I was just me before the mirror looking the distasteful colour of my bruise turning from scarlet red to ruby-garnet with yellow shades.
It was a weird day in Queen II bus. Luckily the journey to Providence just lasted something more than two hours. Almost everybody slept like a log and I felt as though I was taking a walk among the Pompeya ruins.
The two hours sleep did Freddie good as usual. He needed no more to look amazing. I looked at him now and then and I couldn't know how to act. Now he stretched himself and watched absent-minded the landscape through the window, I didn't know if I had permission to kiss his lips and wish him a good day. I was dying to hug him and saying how I missed him.
Once when I looked at him from the corner of my eye biting my lips, suddenly he fixed his eyes on me totally randomly. I think I blushed till the point of my toes with that glance. He, always pleased with my sulphured reactions, winked at me. Without thinking jumped up my seat to go his. I wanted to kiss him, so badly but when I was getting near, everything changed.
- Mousy, could you bring me a glass of cold water from the fridge? Thank you.
He didn't wait my answer. He took for granted his order, very polite, would be obeyed and that's it. Then he curled his knees against his chest and took a glance at a magazine, putting his sunglasses on. He was thristy and wanted to read a little while. I wasn't within his appetites at the moment.
Soon after settling into the hotel, the boys headed towards the theatre to the soundcheck. Nobody knew about my fling with Freddie, nobody could imagine because he wasn't interested.
I couldn't know it because we didn't talk about it. I think Freddie took for granted those around him had to guess his intentions at any minute. And if we didn't, it unleashed the seven biblical plagues.
My shyness and prudence were key to not slip in with my affection shows to him and quickly I knew he was expecting that from me. Discretion and restraint.
Ash, stop spinning your head. It was just a great time. Be satisfied, how many women can regarded so privileged to say Mercury fucked them? And besides twice. My slit was still bloody sensitive.
- Everything's fine?
John sat beside me on the theatre seats. They did the soundcheck and there were no fights. I would be with them or I would stand locked down my room. No trips around the town. I felt flattered they were so protective with me but I didn't feel like the role I was starting to play. From pointless groupie to a sort of pet for the band. That went worse and worse.
- Is it your side better?
- Still hurts me.
- I'm still waiting for Hoople' apologies to you.
- It's alright, John. I understand. I'm getting that a tour is like an underworld within the world. It has its own rules and its own rhythm.
- Just thinking of those bastards could have... it's making me sick and furious. You have to feel badly.
Of course such a terrible incident in my life was helping me when it comes to justify my apathy and dejection. It was completely justified being like this when it happened to me that. Nobody could imagine I was in that state for his dear friend.
- Deaky, move your ass! The soundcheck doesn't work on its own -Freddie yelled from the stage with his hands over his hips.
- I'm coming! Somebody hasn't slept his hours last night -John smiled.
You have no idea.