Freddie blew me a kiss from the stage and my heart bolted. It was just after the wonderful Keep yourself alive, before Liar. I found myself counting the minutes. I couldn't wait till the show was over to run to him and let him kissed me properly. I'm counting the minutes to a Queen concert get finished off. I was starting to lose perspective, no doubt about it.
The show was over and with it my hopes to being something more than a dispensable accessory in Queen entourage. While Freddie wouldn't give me the green light I couldn't express any show of affection which it surpassed what it was reasonable.
- You've been splendid -I whispered not being able to contain myself.
He turned round to me as though I was a snake just biting his neck.
- It's been a fucking shit, darling -he answered me disdainful.
I knew what it meant that. Freddie was moody and intended everyone understand it instantly and leave him alone.
I had understood perfectly the message. That night there wouldn't be Mercury sex in my room. I stared stunned at the line of girls lined up in front the backstage door. It seemed they lined up to get into the bathroom. They were elated, chatting among them.
- Get in the queue, honey -one of them blurted me when I passed by.
- What are you waiting for? -I asked.
- They promised an autograph -one of them said.
- Mandy got into since a quarter of an hour. How long can it take?
- They might be chatting. You know she's so talkative.
As she would hear them, Mandy opened up the door with flashing smile and her smeared lipstick. She fixed her hair with her hand-held mirror and the rest got around her like a bunch of little bees.
- So? Where do you have the autograph?
- Between my two legs. That's where I have the autograph -she laughed excited.
The rest started to jump like crazy taking their arms around her. As though she'd just got her degree. In certain way she did. She had a degree in Groupies on the road.
The door was open again and Roger's beautiful and blushed face showed up.
- The next one -he shouted very solemn.
On seeing me he started to laugh.
- You, get in line -he pointed me out at the bottom of the corridor laughing again.
I looked stunned at the long queue which vanished by the corridor. He couldn't have sex with everyone. It was impossible. Roger was an amazing lover but I wasn't sure he had special powers.
I was moving away almost laughing too when I heard Roger before closing the door.
- Fred, do you prefer this one? I don't mind.
What have I just heard? So, I was wandering around the backstage like the lost sheep of the flock searching him in vain to talk and try to get a plan of how I was supposed to act from now on and he was fucking groupies with his mate.
Alright. I didn't need any plan to know how I was acting or expect of him. I had it all enough clear.
Ash, don't you cry. Everything's fine. That's good. You must be relieved if Freddie is fucking the women population of Providence. At the most they can give him some venereal disease but judging by the girls catalogue I doubted it. Most of them looked amazingly young and naive.
I wiped out my tears while the rimel dragged its black rivers through my cheeks. I looked like a raccoon. Then I heard knocking at the door. I ran to it in the state I was. Half make-up free, like the sad clown I had become that night. It must be Freddie. He wouldn't have enough time not even apologize because I'd planted a big kiss in his beautiful lips.
- But can you tell me what are you doing with the half open door?
It was Brian. It's gone down the drain! The guitar man stared at me, almost in fear. The truth is I didn't look good. I had been crying for hours and just some minutes ago I had jumped out the bed to removing my make-up.
- I'm bringing your bag. You've left it on backstage.
I looked at Brian completely frightened. But, what was I thinking? My bag with my fucking heart inside. What about someone would steal it from me? I covered my mouth choking almost a pain scream. I couldn't be so irresponsible and so dumb.
- My gosh, Bri. Thank you, thank you. There's no forgiving for me, there's no forgiving for me, there's no...
I was crying again like mad while Brian cradled my head against his chest.
- Eli, that's enough. It was just a slip. It could happen to anyone.
- No, not anyone. These things only happen to me.
- You've been through such a traumatic experience, darling. How wouldn't you forget things? I don't know how you can get out of your room.
- Because I adore your music and because right now it's the only thing which brings me joy.
- I'm sorry if we are such an assholes outside the stage. It's not a good idea come touring with us, is it?
- It was nobody's fault what happened to me. Well, it was those swines's fault. But I'm getting over it. I'm fine.
- I don't think so. When all this is over you should seek psychologist support. You must ease that burden.
- Oh, but will it be over? I thought I would spinning in this second hell circle forever more among incontinent sinners. Pushed by the air and surrendered by the hellish storm.
Brian burst into laughter with my caustic words and I ended up laughing among the last tears.
- I could never finish the Divine Comedy.
- I did. And I'd never thought I would end up being Dante among spirals and spirals.
- Oh, Eli. I'm so sorry -he scooped me up in his arms-. Stop crying.
- I will.
- And close the door, damn it.
- Yes. I'm locking me down.
The bus from Providence to Portland seemed other bus. Despite the night-early morning partying was similar, this time they were awaken and more or less receptives. I didn't feel like the black sheep of the family. I was handing out obliging the bagels which Ratty brought me. He was the only roadie who didn't look at me as though I was an useless junk. At least he, depending on his mood, could be ironic, caustic and sometimes like today, sweet.
Freddie rejected my bagel but not my ass which he touched with mischievous fingers whereupon he got from me a loud slap which sounded like a lash.
- Oauuuuch! -his shrill scream came from his heart.
- What's wrong with you? -John turned around looking away from the paper.
- Nothing, I got my arm caught in the seat -he said throwing me a very angry glance.
- It's the third time it happens to you. You should take care.
I sat beside Roger who read closely one show critic.
- Would you like a bagel?
Roger looked at me from head to toe as usual. He seemed calm with me although he never stopped with his innuendos.
- You're still driving me crazy, you know?
- Really? With the sexual festival yesterday, wowww. You must have emptied out your tank.
- They were waiting for us to sign some autographs.
- Come off it.
- Really. What happens it's some girl is more lively than the rest and things get a little messed up.
- I don't want you to explain me. You are filthy. They were very young.
- There was noone under age.
- Are you sure?
- Noone can compares to you, princess.
- Here, you've won the bagel. Open your mouth. Bite.
I got the bagel into his mouth and took his chance to bite the bagel and my finger. Quickly it broke out the hype while I let go of his octopus arms and he asked for another bagel. I took a glance to the critic.
So far the critics, most of them positives were written for the principal act, Mott the Hoople. If there was left space they talked about the supporting act but most of them use to be negative critics. This was just another one. The journalist wrote his impression was confused. The show enjoyable but mostly owing to Brian May's fabulous guitar and his evident virtuosity. Both Roger and John were limited by passing the exam by the skin of their teeth not providing much visual relieve. As far as Freddie, as usual, they picked on him because his teeth and his way of moving on stage. According to them, not convincing.
- What do you think about the critics, babe?
- They have no idea. Deaky and you are the Terminator of rhythm.
- Termi what?
Watch out for anachronisms, darling.
- Nothing, you are the best.
- And they picture Freddie as a camp clown.
- But with style. He does everything with style -I turned round to look at him and I wasn't expecting that his eyes were fixed on us with a face as black as thunder.
I wasn't yet settled in my hotel room in Portland when I heard knocking at my door. At the other end stood there Freddie with the same face from the bus and I was in MY room so I wouldn't allow him his ofensive tone. He could get back where he came from. Today it's me who didn't feel like socialize.
- I gotta lot of things to do, Freddie. What's your big problem now?
- And you? Your attitude with me on the bus left a lot to be desired.
- Didn't I offer you a bagel too?
- Are you resentful with me for any reason?
- That's your fucking perception.
- The boys will start to suspect it's something between us if you ignore me like this.
- Is it due today paying you attention when yesterday you treated me as though I was someone from the staff?
- What's wrong with me? Don't you want being my friend anymore?
Freddie pushed the door naturally, getting into as though someone would have invited him.
- Freddie, where are you going now? There's nothing to talk about. I'm very tired from the journey. I want you to leave.
- Have I just arrived and I have to leave?
- I didn't invite you to enter.
- Then you don't leave me other alternative than being extremely unpolite and inconvenient. Tell me why you are angry.
- I'm not angry.
- Is it because I've fucked you? Do you think things must be a little more intimate between us? I'm sorry, now getting married doesn't suit me at all, my darling.
Then I slapped sharply across his face, I discovered I was so good at it. Freddie, instead of getting upset, looked at me with impassive intensity and kept talking.
- I'm engaged with Mary. So far the bigamy is forbidden.
A new slap and Freddie's gaze just the same not caring about his burning face.
- I thought you knew we've been engaged since months.
I know everything. I know even the beetle shaped ring you gave her and she doesn't take off. I know how happy she is and how badly she will feel. I know absolutely everything, stupid shitty arrogant.
Maybe in the name of Mary and not mine, he won the third slap in the face.
- Stop slapping me -Freddie blurted out at last enraged, grabbing tightly my wrists.
- I can't, I just can't stop slapping you! -I shouted trying to rid myself of him, failing.
- Well I can't stop wanting you.
- Let me go. I said let me go!
Freddie grabbed firmly my wrists while gripped his mouth with mine. His dominant kiss, relentless bent me in a matter of seconds to his will. His tongue got into easily between my gritted teeth and started his frantic dance with mine. Taking advantage of my increasingly relaxation, pushed my body against the door and looked at me just two seconds while he sneaked his eager hands underneath my skirt. I looked at him with identical intensity while he pushed aside my panties and got into two fingers in my pussy. Before obeying his finger's rhythm with my hips, I stared at his huge bulge inside his tight pants. In two accurate blows I pulled them down and before even look at it, he hoistered me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He rolled his hips against mine and With just one only shove he thrusted into me, his whole dick. I let out a frenzy scream from my throat.
- Eli! Are you there?
It was Roger's voice from the other side of the door and we were just there fucking like animals.
- YYYeah... What's up? Ahh ahhh ahhh...
- Are you ok?
- Per... fect.
My voice mumbled and trembled unavoidably, my body trying to keep up with his rhythm.
- Have you seen Freddie?
I looked at that Freddie who Rog was looking for, at his wild eyes, flashing with desire and with a mischievous smile in his mouth.
- No idea... Yes, no, noooo...
- Eli have you seen him yes or not? He took my electric razor.
Rog, I don't give a damn. Get the fuck out of here.
- Ah, yes, please, mmmmmm. Ahhhh ahhh.
It seemed Roger at last had vanished. My noises must have been perfectly audible to him. Freddie, silent all the while was smashing his lip with his teeth to not let it out a sound. Roger would have recognized him instantly.
Without rocking out of me, he laid me down on the floor, renewing with no respite the deep pounding and in a few minutes we released among weeping and lamenting. At last we were relieved to express ourselves freely.
- Damn you and damn your fucking dick -I cursed him pulling his hair to lift his head and look at me-. You've come inside.
- I'm sorry for not waiting for you -he forced an amazing smile so beautiful, showing all those teeth which everybody seemed to hate and I loved.
- I meant the fucking condoms. Shit, what's wrong with you guys?
- Excuse me, you drive me crazy. I had to get into your beautiful pussy once more.
When Freddie's huge chocolate eyes apologized and didn't feel at all, he made you melting down inside.
But I thought rushing among the silly confusion of the moment, most likely I would be in the most fertile days of my month. I had Freddie's huge dick still inside of me while our beatings were back to normal and I didn't want to lower my knees. I felt in peace.
- Do you want to know how many girls get laid yesterday at the autograph queue?
- Don't you move -I commanded him still with my knees well up pushing his ass against me-. Don't you come out.
Freddie looked at me gently sticking out his tongue and licking sensually my lips, tasting my sweet surrender.
- Don't you want to know it?
With his thumb and index finger drew a perfect 0 placing it in front my eyes in case the shag would leave me temporarily blind.
- I don't believe it. So Rog fucked the rest one by one, more than twenty.
- I don't know what Rog did, I know what I did.
- I don't care what you did, ok? It's fine if your dick is falling down into pieces.
- Is it? Would you be content just a little portion of this marvellous thing you are strangling with your pussy right now?
I started to laugh hiding my face against his armpit, inhaling while I gave a joyful sigh.
- The truth is there was oral sex for my part.
- Oh, can you see? You'll end up confessing you murdered Kennedy.
- Just tell me you are jealous.
- Of those girls? No.
- Are you jealous of Mary and her engagement ring then?
- Mary is my friend.
- You are a real cunt with your friend, aren't you?
- In the same way that you are a real bastard with her, I guess.
- Maybe this kind of things wouldn't never happen to us.
- Mr. Mercury, you are very dangerous to my sanity. I prefer not closing a deal with you today.
- Shit. Let me fucking you again.
- I gotta take a shower.
- Ok. Count me in. We'll clean each other and get dirty all the time till going out of our minds.
- I'm already out of my mind, Freddie. Don't you understand or what?