At last we arrived New York. I was dazzled by that city, I've always wanted to see it and there I was. I regarded myself real privileged visiting the Big Apple in the middle of 1974. I wanted to get on those ferrys in Battery Park to get to the Estatue of Liberty and wandering around its crown.
- No, sweetheart. We aren't going to visit the Estatue of Liberty -Freddie said to me categorical.
- Why not? We are in New York.
- We are here for business, not sightseeing.
- We'll have enough time. We are staying several days.
- Time flies on touring. Do you know how many hours of queue must one wait to get there?
- How do you know? Have you ever been here?
- No, it's my first time.
- Mine too. Can't you see? It's our first time. Both.
- I see -he said sneaking his hands underneath my t-shirt and unfasting my bra with a smile.
- Stay still.
- Won't you stop? You are making me sick -Roger snorted.
- Then if you don't want to come with me I'll have to sightseeing on my own... -I said ignoring the rage words of my blondie.
- No, you won't go anywhere on your own.
- Yes, with a knife, ok?
- I said no. I'm not joking.
- Are you so possesive with Mary?
- Mary doesn't get drunk and let herself down on the sidewalks, honey -he brushed one of his long fingers over my cheek.
I had lost track how many times my parents had promised me a travel to New York just the three of us. But it always happened something. Or my grades wasn't good enough, or I had disobeyed them in something very important or simply we must tighten the belt because there were tough times. Anyway, it was a pending journey. And now that I was staying there a mere six days, Mr. Mercury didn't allow me sightseeing.
- At least you'll have to reason me that ban.
- New York is such a dangerous city to go on your own. That's it. I don't have to justify my decision.
- Your decision? I'm walking the streets at daylight.
- Elideth, don't be such a pain.
- I'm disobeying those taxatives orders of yours. You know, don't you? -I challenged him while I fasted again my bra.
- I don't think so.
- You don't know me.
- If you do I'll punish you and they won't be those punishments that you imagine.
I jumped off his lap instantly.
- I haven't finished arguing with you.
- Oh, I have.
I went to the furthest corner of the bus where there wouldn't be not an ounce of testosterone in the atmosphere. I had no luck searching my exclusively feminine area.
- Problems in paradise?
Roger's mocking smile appeared between the two seats behind me. As only answer I snorted upset with my clenched fists against my mouth.
- How can someone goes from cuddling up to scream each other in a matter of seconds? You are so temperamental like a Maserati Bora.
Roger and cars. I didn't understand a single word, as usual.
- Are you telling me, Mr. Intensity?
Roger chuckled and jumped into my seat. I stared his devilish face with simpathy. The truth is I adored Roger and I was so sorry that everything got out of hand. I didn't mean hurt him so much.
- All is working out fine between Freddie and you, doesn't it? -I wanted to know.
- It's the third time you ask me.
- And you never answer me. I need you are the same again.
- We talk each other so much to fight again.
- Ohhh. What a relieve. I couldn't bear this on my conscience if you don't talk each other anymore.
- We talk again but it doesn't mean we are the same. I think we will never be the same.
- What do you mean?
- From now on we won't get involved with each other's girls, no matter how free she is.
- I'm not his girl.
- Aren't you? Some minutes ago he looked like your lawful husband.
- I think Freddie is a big controller. It's just that. He likes to know the things are made at his way.
- It sounds familiar to me, yeah. You have him pretty well figured.
- But his girl is and will be Mary. I'm just a distraction -I claimed sadly.
- Darling!
Speak of the devil.
- Oh, oh. He calls for you. He is already calmed down.
- What are you doing? -he said getting closer.
- Resting from you -I summarized fixing my eyes on him.
- Oh, I need your help. Won't you paint my nails? I like how you do it.
Good boy eyes with a hint of pouty lips, he had won an extra point in my particular chart of forgiveness. Mr. Fahrenheit got again away with it.
- Alright.
- Awww, Mr. Mercury. Your dick would be able to stop any world war -Roger commented smiling.
- Rog, rude -Freddie was offended hypocritically while he grabbed me by the hand.
Our respite was short-lived. Just the time we spent to get the hotel. There I found out I wouldn't have my own room in that tour. Freddie had arranged to sleep with him. Although he sure pretended being offended and he assured me there must be a mistake with the booking. At this stage I knew Freddie a little bit. If truly had been a mistake, the hotel staff would remember him for years. There wasn't such a mistake. It was another of his schemes. I was becoming his official girlfriend on tour. Of course it sounded better than it was in practice.
- Darling, believe me. There are no free rooms left in the whole hotel. We can ask an extra bed if you are ashamed of sleeping with me.
- Very funny. First you don't allow me sightseeing and now the shared room. The next one will be taking me to places tied with a belt.
- Don't make me picturing you that way if you don't want my pants exploding.
- You might think it's insignificant that someone wants some independence area.
- I don't think it's insignificant, dear. But show me some pity. I'm having a real bad time sleeping alone. I hate the loneliness.
- Well I need it now and then. Why do I have always to give in to your whims?
- Because I am the star and you are just my slave.
- You aren't funny, Mercury.
- Mousy, you're gonna be a lot of time alone in that room while I am at the soundcheck. Because that's where you are gonna be while I'm not watching you, is that right?
- Oh, I don't know why I regret it and I haven't even get into that room.
- What do you regret, dear? Getting a PhD in sexology?
- Shhh. They are hearing you, depraved.
- Where did it leave your independence yesterday when I lost track of how many times you cum between my fingers?
- Shhh, the whole hotel is hearing you.
- Well let's go right now to the room before I'm starting to shout like a tenor more obscenities. Let's go to the room -he slapped my ass.
- You are unfair with the comparisons. Yesterday doesn't count. I was in the repair shop and today I'm again Elideth Polley and I'm operational once more.
- Have I been a good mechanic, mousy?
- The best.
The truth Freddie's lovebirds plan suited me fine. It would be an useful way to know with whom he ended up the night, that is, with me. The first night at Uris Theatre was sold out like all the others. Queen played amazingly good but nobody attended to see them so at the beginning they received a few booing. That first american tour development as supporting act had been funny. They were unknown there but when you saw them for the first time you couldn't be indifferent anymore. You could hate them or love them but never ignore them.
The booing was something which they could deal with. Being a supporting act involved those kind of things. But maybe Freddie wasn't expecting that. They've just arrived New York and they played in a very different enviroment. With different audience, more sophisticated, more cosmopolite. It was an important place in which they wanted to leave their mark. Where there could be more chances to the press and the world business men could watch them. The extra tension felt during the soundcheck, in the dressing room before getting out and when they came back after finish it off.
- Fuck! -Freddie yelled shaking his hair like an enraged lion.
- It didn't go so bad -John gave his opinion sweaty but calm.
- You were perfect, Deaky, but my voice sounded awful. It's been my worst show of the tour.
- I think it was a great show and you made me vibrate from the beginning to the end.
I checked on very quickly that my comment-harangue wasn't very well welcome. Freddie led me gently to the door and fixing his raging eyes on me by his disappointment said:
- Stay out. We need to argue.
And he closed the door leaving me alone in the corridor and I felt the most unwelcome and silly person of the planet. I just wanted cheer them up and I wasn't lying, I felt they were magnificent as usual. But it was clear they didn't want another Yoko Ono in their lives and I wasn't needed.
When I felt insecure I became unstable and dangerous. I needed all the time the positive reinforcement from Freddie. His flaming glance travelling around my body with evident desire when he knew he couldn't touch me one hair, it was positive reinforcement. His hysterical screams asking for help or my advice on aesthetics issues, it was positive reinforcement. Our shared room without allowing more argues, it was positive reinforcement. "Stay out" it wasn't. It was rather "Don't overstep the mark and you can get your shag".
- Tesli, what are you doing here alone?
- I was just waiting.
- Hold your breath waiting. There are several people of press who are interested in seeing them. This may take a little bit longer.
- Are you telling me I better go to the hotel?
- What? Nooo. Come and have a beer with us. Would you like it?
- A beer? And also two.
The next thing I knew I'd drunk already six beer cans. I wasn't drunk, sure. But I've only eaten a couple of liquorices that I stole away from Freddie's mouth while he took them away from mine. I had my bladder ready to explode and hurriedly made my way to the bathroom. There I took the chance to splash some water over my cheeks and check on my face didn't look like a sick alcoholic. I checked cupping my hand against my mouth and exhaling my breathe didn't smell like beer too much. I should take with me my magic spray to leave my mouth tasting like strawberries. But tonight I just carried my little bag with my phone, one lipstick and an eyeliner. Fuck, I didn't even put into a couple of tampons just in case. It was 7th may and it must come my period. Anyway it didn't come yet.
- Is the toilet occupied?
I heard a feminine voice from outside and I rushed to get out. The woman looked at me with evident disdain and she stepped into. She didn't look like a groupie. She was middle aged, she looked like a head teacher or something.
The truth is there was more women at that improvised meeting post show. Apart from the usual fans with benefits, some more ladies wandered around. I concluded they could be some journalist's wifes. There wasn't that excessive demand of interviews yet to which they were going to doom in short time. They didn't notice but they could regard themselves still moderately free without this ball and chain.
I drummed nervously on a table, searching something to drink unconsciously. But I refrained myself. I had a glimpse at last of Freddie surrounded by people. He had a glass in his hand and he held it as usual, elegantly between his beautiful and long fingers. His nails looked perfect with my invaluable help. "You are very useful, Ash. You've always made life easier among those around you. Focus on that". My inner psychologist hammered me with reassuring sentences but the thing is Freddie didn't notice I was there, it didn't look like there would be a chance to it. Those people were far too many. I wanted him just for me.
Without thinking I steered my way through that crowd around him and without much effort I got anchor my hands around his slim waist, from behind. I tiptoed to bridge the height difference of 5 inches and a half between us and kissed the top of his head. His smell was so unique and delicious. He turned round to me frowning, not very excited to my explosive show of affection in front of all these people.
- Excuse me -he said with his amazing and polite British accent.
He took firmly by my wrist, whisking me off.
- Don't grab me so tight, you are hurting me -I writhed in pain.
- Don't you ever do something like this.
- What? Kissing your hair? Is it your erogene point? -I mocked curling my tongue over my upper lip, playful.
- I don't want these people get things wrong. Most of them are journalists.
- Oh, I don't think there are problems at all. I think they take me as just a little whore around a rock band. There's no danger.
- Stay out, ok? I thought you wanted to help me.
- That's my main goal since I wake up every day. Helping you.
In the complex web of lies in which I became my life since I was Elideth Polley, that was such a powerful truth and my voice faltered everytime I said that to myself. Freddie noticed that trembling, as he noticed everything. His lips touched my left cheek bone when he told me quietly:
- You've drunk.
It was no scolding tone, his tone wasn't too soothing either.
- Just a couple of beers with Rat. I'm not drunk.
- I see. Don't drink more alcohol tonight.
- But... when will you and I be all alone?
- I can't go to the room yet. What's wrong with you tonight? Have fun. Make some friends.
- Are you serious? I don't wanna be a friend of these weird people. Tell me how am I going to have fun without alcohol and without you.
Our eyes locked. Freddie's glance was filled with obvious tenderness and a little bit concern. I wanted to cup his face between my hands and caressed it all the time.
- I can't keep them waiting longer. Are you gonna be a good girl if I ask you?
- Hmmm, I don't know. I don't get any reward.
- But you'll get it, lovey. I'm sure of that.
I confined myself to wander around among the crowd while I watched him with my radar. That was my mission after all. But Freddie was a highly-strung guy. One minute he was in one place and the next one he disappeared as I blinked twice. Once I saw him going to a corner followed by a guy. He was more or less his age. The curly hair like Brian's, but less beautiful. They were at a quiet corner where there was no people. I stepped closer trying not to be discovered.
I waited fervently Freddie didn't regard that guy minimally handsome and vice versa. That's all what having me staring at that scene. They were sitting on a couch and the curly one put out a paper from his pocket. He unfolded over his palm while they talked cheerfully. After a while Freddie nodded and let that guy poured delicately the open paper over the back of his hand. Freddie got it closer to his nose and snorted swiftly. Then he massaged it and looking up I was standing there, feeling out of focus in that scene but I couldn't keep my eyes off it. It didn't matter to me if he was going to scold me. I was there to take it.
- My love -he blurted out with that sweet camp tone that I adored-. What are you doing there as though you've just missed the bus?
What's up now? Didn't I deserve a scolding now like earlier on? Didn't he tell me "these things are for grown people, go for a run?"
- Come, my darling. Sit down here.
I got closer hesitant and I looked at the curly one warily while Freddie placed me on his lap. Didn't he care now the show of affection? I didn't understand a thing.
- Would you like some? -the foreign curly one handed me the eight ball.
I looked at Freddie confused as though I would ask him permission. I've never in my life done drugs and for me it was one of the most blameworthy things. My own family tree had witnessed so.
- Darling, they're talking to you. Don't be rude -he said to me critic as I was his child, with a bright smile, nevertheless.
- Nnnno -I stuttered squirming my toes with apprehension.
- No? Ok -the guy was going to keep it.
- Accept his invitation, mousy. It will do you good.
- I've never consumed before.
- I know, it figures -he smiled playful-. Get her ready a line, dear. Will you?
I stared frightened at the guy who quietly did the same operation as earlier on. He showed me the white line perfectly made over the back of his hand. And just there over it I snorted it.
I searched Freddie's glance while I imitated him touching my nose.
- Don't touch your nosey any longer -Freddie drew my hand apart with a beautiful smile-. It's all well inside of you.
I wanted to cry suddenly for doing it. For having broken my own rules, for having blackened at a stroke my ideas, my certainties, my own painful past in that hospital incubator.
- Now the night is going to be very different, you'll see -he assured me kissing lovingly my cheek.