I crumbled into his arms while Freddie removed my clothes restlessly.
- Tell me how my frightened mousy is able to turn herself into a force of nature which destroy everything in her path.
He pulled down my bra not caring to unfast it and started to alternate his tongue and teeth with marvellous chaos. I arched my back and moaned in desperation crying again.
I felt the knot of my pain was slowly untying as his mouth and hands were commanding my whole body.
We helped each other to strip away all our remaining clothes not very delicately. And between pullings and tears of fabric, we bit each other's uncovered skin without mercy.
Freddie threw me on the mattress dumped on the floor and took away restlessly the remains of my panties placing me face down. He caressed my buttocks in circles while his long fingers between my legs were stimulating me with no rest. My hips moved with no self-will, frantic.
- Would you like something else, my mousy? -he whispered, depraved, against my ear, taking grasp of my long hair between his fingers.
- Yes, please... -I sighed with my belly throbbing, overexcited.
Suddenly he took away his energic fingers inside of me and let my pelvis dropping on the mattress. I kept rubbing my slit and biting my wrist, very hot.
- Fred, come on... now...
He chuckled and I noticed by the touch of his dick against my thigh he had put on the preservative.
- Leave your little fingers still -he took them away firmly.
- Fuck me, please -I sobbed shuddering against the mattress.
Freddie rolled me over sharply to see my face well. I was sweaty, with my face flushed and full of tears and a runny nose. I suspected I wasn't the picture of the sensuality precisely.
- Open up your eyes -he ordered dominant.
I did it and saw with envy how his face could be exposed in a showcase at Neues Museum with Nefertiti. He was so beautiful. His looks were so powerful and masculine.
- Don't close them while I'm fucking you, ok?
I nodded as I could have nodded to be submitted hara kiri.
He lifted up my legs over his shoulders and impelled me against him. My open eyes struggled to peer down into his eyes, bigger and more beautiful than ever absorbing mine. But every now and then my lids slid down and Freddie ordered me to open up with energy.
- Mousy, do you still want to leave?
I had my lips stuck to his soft hair chest wrapping my arms around his back. There's no better place in the universe to stay. I didn't intend to go anywhere, sure.
┊ ┊ ┊ ❀
┊ ┊ ✧
┊ ❀
11th may 1974. Saturday. My period is 7 days late. It's the last day on tour although nobody knows yet but me. I feel as though this would be also the last day of my life. I don't want to be apart from the man who had asleep into my arms but I fear I got no choice.
I'm going to end up getting mad and if eventually we return to London, what my life will be like there? I would die of jealousy, sadness and I would end up submitting myself to all kind of depravaties just because he's not mine and will never be.
But today Saturday he's all mine. In the space of this destroyed room, analogy of my own soul and mind, I'm all his patrimony and he is mine.
After the intensive sex session, I found myself relaxed and lighter. I felt the gears of my mind could work again and take decisions with the most absolute judgement. I knew who I was and what I was doing here. I was a lie although my goal redeemed me of all of them. But at last I recognized I was not the right person to do it.
A person in love can't save Freddie Mercury.
I left the freehand drawing that I've made of him unfinished. It's the first time I drew since I arrived to 1974. I needed it. I took a hotel paper and with my pencil sketched a drawing of Freddie based in the cover of Queen II. I didn't need to watch the cover to outline it perfectly. It was one of my favourites LP and my favourite cover. I'd been watching it while I listened to those wonderful songs.
I captured his black long hair, his fringe, his hollow cheek bones, the full lips and those big and aesthetic hands embracing himself around his chest with surprising easiness. Imitating his favourite picture of Marlene Dietrich. Those beautiful veins looked so sexy...
And my beloved idol since I was 13 years old who looked like a powerful and inaccessible pharaon on that cover, was just a few inches from me with the vulnerability of a baby over that mattress. Naked and relaxed.
I looked once more at that impressive penis. Without thinking I dragged myself again over the mattress and I took it in my lips, placing pecks all along.
- What are you doing? -Freddie asked me.
His tone voice just awaken was a privilege also which I wasn't aware till now. That hoarseness was so sexy.
- I knew you pretended to be asleep.
- Let go of my dick, dear. Today it had had a feverish activity.
- Alright -I said pouting and giving it a last kiss.
- What did you do?
- A drawing.
- Oh, are you drawing me? Or my beautiful dick?
- No -I laughed-. You, although you are also your dick, aren't you?
- Let's see, show me.
- Hmmm, I don't know. You draw so well. I feel ashamed.
- What do you ashamed of, Miss "stick it into me, please?" Give it to me right now.
I grabbed my drawing and biting my lips I waited for his opinion. His eyes dragged over the little paper from up to down, left to right. He stared at it as though he was my drawing teacher getting ready his critic. My pencil lines had been rushed. But it was unavoidable. These were the lines of someone racing against time. Someone who knew shortly she would stop being happy.
- It's unfinished -I rushed to say seeing he said nothing.
- It's fabulous -he said suddenly biting the skin of a nail, frowning a little.
- Really?
- My little artist.
I burst into laughter with my flushed face as though the very Durero would proposed me an artistic collaboration.
- Do you admit a critic? -he said, nevertheless.
I raised a brow funny with his naughty expression. I waited intrigued his witty critic.
- Ok -I said-. From artist to artist.
- You look divine with my blouse with just half of the buttons but I want it disappeared right now.
I smiled staring at myself. I was cold, as usual and needed his smell linger on my skin a little while. I took it off staring at him with obvious love. He laid me down with impetuosity over him, placing my head over his stretched legs.
- I want to draw a little.
His tongue wriggled playful and skilfull along my two naked breasts. Just for him.
- You are beautiful -he reflexed very serious while his fingers tried with little success smooth my gnarly hair.
I looked up my loving glance to his serious face touching all the thickness of his lips. While our slow blinkings of saciated animals prolonged the minutes of happiness.
- I need you till the end of the tour.
He could say a lot of things but that I feared the most. Again, I wouldn't be obedient.
- You won't go anywhere, will you?
I didn't want to lie to him but I did it.
- No.
- Good girl.
My dream was talking to him for hours. I wished asking him why my blow job to another man didn't awake his jealousy, why he got nervous when it came out the world love, I wanted to talk about his obvious concern to be unfaithful to Mary and wanting over and over again the company of men. There was so much to talk about now when we were exhausted and it was impossible have sex any longer.
- There are no condoms left -he chuckled as though he guessed my mind.
I burst into laughter against his messy hair.
- Thank goodness. I don't think I Will be able to walk like a lady today.
- Does it bother you? No problem. I'll carry you in my arms everywhere.
- Would you do it? -I stared at his glowing eyes, combing his hair with my fingers.
- I'll assure that you'll sit your beautiful ass in your seat and I'll let you adore me all the show. Can you see how life can be a piece of cake?
- I can see.
- Today I'm giving the best concert of the tour and it will be just for you. I'll dedicate to you my spontaneous hard-on.
- Yes, yes -I clapped like a child, laughing.
- There's no need to worry. All our days will be like this. We'll laugh, fuck and have fun.
- And when the tour ends? -I had to say that, although it was futile.
- When the tour ends nobody will be able to take away what we've lived. Nobody -he repeated leaning to kiss my lips.
- Nobody -I confirmed persuaded.
Anyway, it was other way to say: "We'll always have Paris". I arrived in a particular tumultous stage in Freddie's life. Despite his flirts with other men, he wasn't thinking of leaving Mary. They were engaged. She wore his ring and he wanted to marry that precious woman.
The doubts would become stronger in several months when he would meet Mr. David Minns. The snowball would start to roll. Those swines roadies of Hoople were right, I was just the Queen whore.
- But don't you leave me alone. Not now -he begged once more.
I placed my lips over his long eyelashes and I promised him would never leave him.