Only now did I realize that I shouldn't blame anyone but the Asturias for all that happened to me. I didn't have to point a finger at fate because it was that evil family who did this to me just because they don't want their most prized princess to get hurt.
Iba rin silang magmahal. They don't care if they have to hurt and sacrifice others for their own happiness. Wala silang pakialam kung may maapakan man silang tao.
But just like them, I don't mind killing just to give justice to my loved ones. A massacre it is if the need arises. I want them to feel pain and torture and think about me all the time for causing it. I want them to keep on cursing my name for inflicting them the unendurable agony.
Ymir took my father from me. His family killed my brother and Elizabeth... she murdered my son, Errol.
They took everything from me.
What would be the best way to take out my revenge other than to take their own kind too, right?
Mata sa mata. Ngipin sa ngipin. Laman sa laman. Dugo sa dugo. Buhay ang kinuha nila sa akin kaya buhay din nila ang magiging kapalit. It's the infamous Hammurabi Code.
But unlike them, I'll do it in my own simple but creative way.
Bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Elizabeth na mukha na namang anghel sa suot nitong white dress at white high heeled shoes. Pinangatawanan talaga ang pagiging isang mabait kuno na nilalang.
"What are you doing here, Karina? What is it this time? Hindi pa ba sapat ang—"
Natigil si Elizabeth sa pagsasalita sa likod ko nang makita ang mga posters at pictures na nakadikit sa pader ng office nito. Awtomatiko ang pamumutla nito nang masilayan ang mga kuha. Nabitiwan nito ang hawak na bag at itinakip ang mga kamay sa bibig.
"W-Where did you get it?! Alisin mo iyan!"
Walang emosyon na tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa mesa nito at lumabi.
"Why? Nahihiya ka ba? But it's your greatest achievement."
Bumaling ako sa mga pictures ng sasakyan nito at sa mga CCTV shots ng pagtakas nito sa crime scene.
"Besides, what is there to get angry for? Wala naman akong nakikitang mali diyan. It's just your beautiful car, Elizabeth. Nothing else. Unless may ginawa kang krimen using that? Oh my golly cow! Did you perhaps do something illegal like running over a mother and son and then fleeing away like nothing happened? Is that why you're so furious and fearful right now?"
"Stop it!" sigaw nito at tinakbo ang dingding. Sa nanginginig na mga kamay ay pinagbabaklas nito ang mga litrato at nilamukos ito isa isa.
Lumakad naman ako sa kabilang dulo ng office kipkip ang limang dangkal ng mga pictures at sinimulang idikit ang mga ito.
"Bakit ka naman nagpapakapagod pa na gawin iyan Ma'am Elizabeth when you have all your personnels to do them for you? Gusto mo bang tawagin ko sila para sa iyo? Hmm? Baka kasi napapagod ka na. Bawal ka pa namang mapagod at ma-stress kasi baka bumalik ka doon. Ayaw na ayaw pa naman ng pamilya mo na mangyari iyon, 'di ba?" ani ko habang patuloy sa pagdidikit ng mga larawan.
"No! Karina stop that!"
Tumakbo siya sa aking gawi at pinagkukuha na naman ang mga naidikit ko na na pictures. Bumuntung-hininga ako at isinabog na lang sa buong silid ang mga naiwan. Nagkukumahog naman na inipon nito ang mga iyon at pinagpipipilas.
Humalukipkip ako habang minamasdan ang babae na nakaluhod sa sahig at nagmamadaling isinilid ang mga pictures sa trash bin nito. She looks so determined to finish the task.
Nagkibit-balikat na kinuha ko ang iba pang mga box at isinabog ang buong laman sa paligid. Umulan ng mga litrato nito at halos hindi na makita ang carpet.
Natigilan naman ito at helpless lang na nakatitig sa buong office nito na halos natabunan na ng mga papel.
"Eto pa, Elizabeth o," sabi ko habang ikinakalat ito gamit ang mga paa. "Faster! Ano pa bang itinutunganga mo diyan? Ipunin mo silang lahat at itapon! Baka may makakita at malaman pa ang tunay na ikaw. Or worse, Cholo might visit you anytime soon and he might see these pictures."
Sa sinabi ko ay bumalik ito sa ginagawang pagpunit sa mga papel. May pumatak na na mga luha mula rito habang kagat ang mga labi. Nadumihan na rin ang suot nitong puti.
Kinapa ko ang puso kung may nararamdaman ba akong awa para sa kaniya. Wala. What I felt for her right now is anger. Nothing but anger.
Nagpalakad-lakad ako sa silid habang nakahalukipkip pa rin.
"I have something in mind. Paano kaya kapag nalaman ni Cholo na nagkaanak kami. Paano kung sabihin ko sa kaniya na ikaw mismo ang pumatay sa aming anak? I'm curious about what would he do to you. The election is already next week and we both know that Cholo's cousin will be declared as the new mayor. By then, wala na siyang dahilan pa para pakisamahan ako. He will annul me and marry you. That is if he will not hate you after learning what you did to his son." Lumuhod ako at nginisihan ang babae na patda at namumutla na nakatingin sa akin. "I'm dying to know what would happen by then, Elizabeth."
"No! Please Karina, no." Sa nanginginig na kamay ay inabot niya ang kamay ko at mahigpit na hinawakan. "Don't tell Cholo, please. I'm begging you, Karina. Kamumuhian niya ako. H-Hindi ko kayang isipin na magagalit sa akin si Cholo. I love him so so much. He's my life, alam mo iyan. Kahit para akong sinasaksak sa araw-araw na alam kong ikaw ang kasama niya, pumayag ako dahil iyon ang pakiusap niya sa akin. Please, don't tell him. H-Hindi ko iyon sinasadya! It was an accident! Alam mo iyan!"
Nanlisik ang mga mata ko sa sinabi nito. Without a warning, I raised my hand and gave her my hardest slap. Na sinundan pa ng isa at isa pa at isa pa hanggang sa mamanhid ang mga kamay ko at tumulo ang pawis ko.
Luhaan, tulala, at namamaga ang dalawang pisngi ni Elizabeth pero hindi ako tumigil. Blood. I wanted to see her blood. I wanted to see how it looks like. Is it as red as the blood of my brother or my child?
"It wasn't just an accident! Sinadya mo iyon! Nakita mo kaming tumatawid. You even let us through remember?! Pero bakit mo pa rin kami sinagasaan? Is it because of Cholo? Hindi ba nasa iyo na siya? Nasa iyo na ang lahat, Elizabeth! Ikaw ang mahal ni Cholo. Kumpleto ang pamilya mo! You're rich, educated, and beautiful so why do you have to take the only reason why I'm living? Why do you have to take what was left of me?! Why?!"
Hinablot ko ang buhok nito at sapilitang pinaluhod saka kinuha ko ang cellphone at kinuhanan ito ng video.
"Go, Elizabeth. Linisin mo ang lahat ng kalat. Kaya mo iyan ano ka ba!" Umupo ako sa harap nito at mariing dinaklot ang baba nito at sapilitang iniharap ang mukha niya sa camera. "Pero alam mo ba kung ano ang dapat mong linisin? Iyang konsensiya mo! Paano mo naaatim na matulog pa sa gabi kahit alam mong may pinatay ka? How can you be an angel outside and live off being a monster inside? You're a murderer! A big-time liar and a two-faced person. Just so you wait, one of these days, malalaman ng lahat ang lahat ng mga pinaggagagawa mo."
"N-No, no."Umiiling ito habang nakatakip sa mga tenga nito ang mga kamay. "You can't do that. Hindi pwedeng malaman ni Cholo ang lahat. He'll hate me. He'll hate me for the rest of his life. No, no. You can't do that, Karina. Please, don't. Gagawin ko ang lahat ng gusto mo. Gusto mo bang saktan ako? Heto na. Hurt me! Slap me! Or do you want me to do it myself? Okay, gagawin ko. Gagawin ko ang lahat."
Pinagsasampal nito ang sarili dahilan para pumutok na ang gilid ng labi nito na natamaan ng bato ng singsing nito. I just stood there looking at how she self-destruct. Ayoko man ay nakita ko ang dating sarili ko sa kaniya. Well, it's a good thing. At least I know it will end the way I've been dreaming it to.
Tumayo ako para kumuha ng tissue at binalikan ang babae na patuloy pa rin ang ginagawang pananakit sa sarili. Pinigilan ko ang kamay nito at pinunasan ang dugo nito sa bibig.
"You said you'll do anything for me, right?" tanong ko rito sa malumanay na boses habang maingat na idinidiin ang tissue sa sugat.
Mabilis itong tumango. "Y-Yes, I'll do anything you wanted me to. Kahit ano pa iyan. Gagawin ko just don't tell Cholo about it."
Nginitian ko si Elizabeth saka pinahid ang mga luha nito.
"Well, dahil mabait naman ako at hindi kasinsama mo, I'll give you my consideration. This thing I'm asking you is so easy. Kayang-kaya mo itong gawin. I want you to stop the acquisition of lands by your brother in Monte Vega. Wala akong pakialam kung paano mo iyon gagawin. Go threaten some people. Hurt them, force them, kill them if it's needed. Madali mo lang magagawa iyan. Remember, you're an Asturia. Being a killer runs naturally in your blood. Can you do that for me, Ely? In exchange, I'll keep my lips sealed about what happened. What do you think?"
She closed her eyes and bit her lips, the blood gushing out from his lower lip but she didn't seem to mind the pain. I think she's not even aware of what mess she has become now.
I no longer see the Elizabeth Asturia that I'm so insecure about. All I'm seeing now is a helpless woman on the verge of insanity. Her trembling hands with chipped nail colors are on the floor grasping the strewn photos.
"Cholo will be devastated. Matagal din niyang pinagplanuhan ang project na ito. K-Kung gagawin ko iyan, para ko na rin siyang sinaktan."
Tumaas ang mga kilay ko sa narinig. "So tumatanggi ka? So it's okay for me to tell him about your crime? That you killed our son? He will be more devastated if he found out the truth."
"Your son is already peacefully sleeping, Karina. Let him rest in peace. Patay na siya. I... I can't do something that will hurt Cholo."
"How dare you talk to my son like that!"
Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili. I slapped her again countless of times until my hand hurts. But I can't feel the physical pain anymore because my heart is bleeding. It's been bleeding for eight fucking years which felt like forever.
There's no rest. There's not even a single moment in my life where I felt happiness because I stopped feeling joy. I became numb. I forgot how to function anymore. They sucked me dry. They got me crazy until I decided that being crazy is all I needed to be to extract my revenge.
"My son, my father, and my brother will never be able to rest in peace because I am still not able to give them the justice they deserve! Buhay ka pa! Buhay pa ang punyetang kuya mo at ang buong pamilya mo kaya hindi pa sila nakakahimlay nang maayos! So how dare you say that in front of me!"
Nanginginig ang kamay na itinaas ko ulit ito sa ere.
"Karina!" Dumagundong ang boses ni Ymir sa buong silid.
Nagtaas ako ng tingin dito bago pinakawalan ang huling sampal para sa pinakamamahal na kapatid nito.
Ymir came to us in an instant, confused about what to do first. He's torn between strangling me to death like what he loves to tell me or to help his pale bloodied sister on the floor. He chose the latter while killing me with those eyes.
"I swear I will kill you with my bare hands, woman!"
He gathered his sister in his arms and stood up still glaring at me. Kung nakamamatay lang siguro ang titig ay kanina pa ako bumulagta. But I remained fearless.
"Now how does it feel to see your beloved sister whom you never hit once get slapped countless of times by me? Does it hurt, Ymir? Does it make you feel like Satan? Now think about this. N-Naisip mo ba kahit saglit lang ang mararamdaman ko nang pinatay ng mga tauhan niyo ang kapatid ko sa mismong harap ko?! Naisip mo ba kung paano ko iyon kinakaya sa bawat segundo, minuto, araw, at taon na nagdaan? If you didn't then I guess I have to kill your sister in front of you to give you a demonstration how sick it feels. Baka kapag naramdaman mo iyon ay magkaroon ka ng kahit na katiting na pagsisisi at kahihiyan sa sarili. But I bet you won't, you rotten evil." Ibinuka ko ang mga braso at nginitian ito nang matamis. "So expect some more things in the coming days, Ymir."
Naggalawan ang mga litid sa leeg nito at mas lalong namula ang mukha dahil sa galit.
"There will be no more days for you, Karina. I will deal with you now. Hinding-hindi ko mapapalampas ang ginawa mo sa kapatid ko." He looked at the men at the door. "August! Get Elizabeth away from me. Elixir, bring me the gun."
"What? Are you going to kill me too just like what you did to my father and brother? Then give me the gun now. Ako na mismo ang papatay sa sarili ko. Just a heads up, kapag hindi ako nakalabas ng buhay sa building na ito sa loob ng isang oras, everyone in the town will know the deepest secret of your sister."
"Kuya please, no. W-Wag mo siyang sasaktan. Wala kang gagawin sa kaniya. She... She knows kuya. She knows everything," Elizabeth sobbed uncontrollably.
Nginisihan ko si Ymir na natigilan din sa narinig.
"Paano ba iyan? What Elizabeth wants, Elizabeth gets. So bye-bye na."
Lumapit ako rito at bumulong. "Thank you. Thank you for saving me that one rainy night. If not for you, I would not be here enjoying how the two of you wallow in misery. So pitiful."
And with one last look, I waved my hand and saluted at them before I walked out of the door not letting them see how crumbled my walls have become.