"Don't even think of going public with our relationship,else you won't like the consequences Issy!", Roy barked and hung up the call on me.
To say that I was hurt, was an understatement. It broke me everytime I heard him say that I was his 'underground girlfriend' and no one had to know that we had patched up.
Roy and I had been dating for the past one year and within a few months of dating, I, Isadora Miller, had thought of him as the one for me. I grew up reading fairy tale stories and all those romance novels, where the hero falls in love with the heroine and they live happily ever after. Was it so wrong of me to assume that something similar would happen to me?
How naive was I, to have felt that Roy Davis would feel the same for me. Heck, I even gave up my virginity to him, thinking that he would be my first and the last. And now,look where it got me, he did not even want to acknowledge me as his girlfriend publicly.
A few months ago, after our brief break up, and after realizing that I just couldn't live without him, I begged him to come back to me. Yep, I threw all my pride and self respect down the drain,if only I could still be with him and stop the pain throbbing my heart every other second without him by my side.
He had become the drug to heal my broken heart,so I did what I thought was best, beg him to reconcile with me."I need time", he had said,after hearing me out.
"We will still be in a relationship,but underground",he added after sometime. What? Underground? What did that even mean? But beggars couldn't be choosers. I loved him too much to let him out of my life. It was partly my fault that we broke up briefly, I shouldn't have told him to stop flirting on social media with other girls.
"Social media is fake", he had reasoned."Nothing I write there is true,and all those flirtatious posts I comment or post are just as fake as well", he added,much to my disdain.
"Roy,social media might be fake,but the people behind the screen are real! Those reading and seeing the posts are real as well. Can't you just stop adding every other random girl as your girlfriend on social media,when you already have me?", I tried reasoning with him,only for him to lash out on me and call me possessive, and break up with me.
He had just ended our year old relationship over his stupid, fake relationship status on facebook with one of his many 'girl' friends,which he refused to take down,not even for me, his girlfriend, who had given him everything that I could. All my love and devotion was not enough for him.
"Well,that's what you get for being too emotional and for believing that your love can change him for the better",I laughed out bitterly. True, I got into this relationship with Roy,despite all the warnings from my friends.
"He doesn't deserve you",they had said. But ever hopeful of my own, "bad boy-good girl" happy ending, I fell for him and agreed to be his girl friend. He wasn't always a jerk. He could be the best boyfriend you could ask for if he wanted to.
During our initial, getting-to-know each other moments, he had shared with me his dreams of being a simple country boy and how he only was his true self with me. He was sweet and caring and even went out of his way to bring a smile on my face.
I fell in love with that Roy and hoped against all odds that that Roy would resurface again,if only I was more patient and made him realize of how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.
Back to the present, I was crushed and held my chest to where my throbbing heart was. Were all relationships as screwed up as mine? I was only a 20 year old,still in college girl. I knew I still had a long way to go and could find my own perfect story if I wanted to.
But why couldn't I give him up? Why would I keep on holding on to him and get myself humiliated over and over. I knew even before those thoughts registered in my mind, I had given him myself,my body and my soul. I had considered him my husband the day I slept with him. We even did a mock wedding and exchanged our vows. He used to call me his wife whenever he was in a good mood,and this gave me hope.
I came from a conservative family,with strong faith, where you kept the marriage bed sacred. I had defiled the sanctity of my marriage bed already and my only reasoning to keep my hypocritic beliefs was that, Roy was my husband.
But somewhere I knew, that I deserved better,however, those thoughts,i buried them deep in my heart and didn't allow them to take root,for fear that it would never come true.