I climbed out of my bed and rushed myself to the shared washroom, took bath and did my business and hurried off for class. I knew I was running late and had to miss breakfast.
I had fallen asleep somewhere in the early morning hours and had barely managed to get a couple of hours' sleep, when my alarm woke me up. Being an honors student was difficult, what with all the extra credits I needed to earn and all the extra classes and assignments I had to attend.
It didn't help that I was still nursing my broken, fragile heart. Roy still hadn't texted me and I was still trying to be patient with him.
Class had already begun, when I rushed through the back door and the professor was explaining the contents of Differential Equations without even bothering to look up once.
That's just how things worked in college, at least in mine. Good enough for me, at least I didn't need to come up with excuses to explain my late attendance. I looked around, searching for the familiar face which had been haunting me for the past few days.
There, I saw him, seated a few seats ahead of me, deeply engrossed in, what? Was he texting under the cover of the book? It hurt, here I was, unable to eat or sleep, thinking about how he was doing or wondering if he was hurt even a little bit as I was?
But, what I saw made me hurt so bad, I even felt like vomitting out my insides. I held it in and tried coming up with a plausible reason for his behavior, like I always did. "He is just as hurt as I am, and he can only deal with it by messing around in social media. Give him time. He'll come around", I consoled myself.
After what seemed like an eternity, the professor ended his class and handed out more assignments,much to our dissapointment. I held myself up and tried my best to not run to Roy's side, but to my surprise, he came towards me.
"Hey", he said. "Want to do something wild and crazy?", he continued, as if the past two days of my hell didn't even happen. Here I was, messed up over thinking if he was as hurt as I am, or whether he was only testing my love for him by saying that he only wanted to continue the relationship just between us,when all along, he was just acting as though he hadn't even told me those harsh words just a few days ago.
He noticed my bewildered expression and added,"You do know I love you right? You were and will always be my wife. Whether we have a secret relationship or not,everyone in college knows you're mine, so please don't make a big deal about it. Now, are you in or not?".
I was stupefied. I didn't know what to respond to that. My mind knew that I deserved better,that I wasn't his play thing, but my heart seemed to be telling me to give in.'If you continue to please him with your crazy side, he'll always come back to you. He'll never want to loose you', my heart seemed to be telling me.
When in love, you hardly reason with your mind and I was an emotional wreck. I went with my heart and made the worst decision I would make. "Sure babe", I said and gave in to his charming jock smile.
Apparently, the crazy thing Roy had in mind was driving to a motel nearby to spend the night and have mindless sex on a weekday, which meant, I needed to come up with an excuse for Gabby and Aurora.
I hated to lie to them, but I couldn't not lie to them. I knew I was emotionally distorted but I couldn't help it. I was already in too deep and was sinking futher still. They were my light but I couldn't impose them to burn themselves out for me. So, I chose the coward's way out, to hang on to the tiniest bit of rope that Roy threw for me.