*Charm's POV*
I held Theia's hand hoping she'll open her eyes. Kuya told me what happened kaya dumiretso ako dito pagkagaling ko sa school.
"Bessy..."
Ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa'yo at hindi ko alam kung kailan yung tamang panahon para dun.
Kakagaling lang dito ni Tita Ella. Dala daw ng pagod, puyat at stress yung pagkahimatay niya. Nakabenda narin yung paa niyang sinabi ni Kuya na nagdudugo kanina.
I felt her fingers moved and when I looked at her, she slowly opened her eyes.
"Theia!"
Hindi ko napigilang maiyak.
"Charm?" Sabi niya. "Bakit ka umiiyak?"
"Akala ko--" Naiiyak ako lalo. "Akala ko kung napano ka na.."
"I'm okay." She said. "Kwarto ko ba to?"
Tumango ako. "They took you home, Theia."
"Kamusta na si Nate? May balita ka ba tungkol sa kanya?"
"Hindi ko alam, bessy. Wala namang nabanggit si Kuya tungkol sa kanya."
"Can you please check on him?"
"Theia, mamaya na." I said. "I'm sure kasama niya si Ate Naomi. Hindi siya papabayaan ng pamilya niya."
Tatanggalin niya sana yung IV na nakaturok sa kanya pero pinigilan ko siya.
"What are you doing? Kailangan mo yan."
"But I want to see him."
"Theia, please." I begged. "You're not well. Please magpahinga ka muna bago ka pumunta sa kanya."
"It's all my fault." She cried. "Hindi ko dapat siya kinausap ng ganun. Baka napano siya ng dahil sa'kin."
"Wag mong sisihin yung sarili mo." I told her. "He had an accident. It's normal for him to experience headaches like that."
"Kasalanan ko, Charm." Sabi niya. "Pinilit ko sa kanyang girlfriend niya ako."
"Sinabi mo lang naman kung anong totoo diba?"
"Pero bakit ganito yung pakiramdam ko?" Tanong niya. "Bakit ngayong nagka-amnesia si Nate, hindi ko na alam kung alin sa nangyari yung totoo at hindi?"
"Theia..."
"Dahil sa nangyari, parang hindi niya 'ko minahal.."
Gusto ko siyang i-comfort pero paano?
I can't find the right words to say.
I suddenly remembered what Gab told me the day we were making our gift for her.
***
"Lovey, do you know the best thing about memories?"
Umiling naman ako.
"Pag binalikan mo yung masasayang alaala, sasaya ka rin diba?" Sabi niya. "Lalo na kapag yung alaala na yun, nangyayari parin hanggang ngayon."
"And the worst thing?"
He smiled. "If those memories make you sad and starts to haunt you, it makes you question everything that happened."
"Why would you question yourself kung alam mo naman sa sarili mong nangyari lahat ng yun?"
"You're right, lovey. Kasi kung naaalala mo, totoong nangyari right? Pero paano kung hindi na yun nangyayari ngayon?"
Naguluhan ako sa sinabi niya.
"It's like this, lovey." He took out 2 chocolates from his pocket. "These are your favorite chocolates right? Here, eat this one."
Inabot niya sa'kin yung isa at tinago yung isa. Kinain ko naman.
"Kapag naiisip mong kumain ka ng chocolates na gusto mo, masaya ka right?"
I nodded.
"Everytime na makakakita ka ng chocolates na yan, maaalala mo yung moments na kumain ka nito."
"Uh-huh."
"Now, paano kung sabihin kong yung kinain mo, yun na yung last piece ng favorite chocolate mo sa mundo?"
"Edi malulungkot ako."
"You're right, lovey." He smiled. "Kung wala na yung chocolates at hindi ka na nakakakain ngayon anong unang papasok sa isip mo?"
"Syempre... iisipin ko kung totoo ba talaga yung chocolates."
"That's what I pointed out kanina, lovey. Kung nandyan, masaya ka. Kung wala na, edi malungkot ka. The worst scenario? It makes you question yourself. Did it happen or not? Kung hindi na nangyayari ngayon, paano mo pa paniniwalaan na nangyari yun noon?"
"Memories are just like that. It makes you happy and sad. It makes you long for someone and reminisce everything that happened. It can either strengthen or ruin you." As he said those words, lalong nag sink in sa'kin yung sinabi niya.
"In the end, it makes you wonder kung naging masaya ka ba talaga o nasaktan ka lang ng sobra sobra."
***
I looked at her.
Ganun rin ba yung nararamdaman mo, bessy?
Are those memories you have with Nathan ruining you now?
******
*Alec's POV*
"Oh, hijo." Tumigil siya sa ginagawa niya at tinignan ako. "Nagugutom ka ba? Gusto mo ipaghain kita?"
Pagkapasok ko sa bahay, nakita ko si Manang na naglilinis sa sala.
"Mamaya nalang po, nang." Sagot ko. "Si Charm at Theia po ba kumain na?"
"Hindi pa sila bumababa simula kanina." Sabi niya. "Gusto mo bang tignan ko sila?"
"Ako nalang po, nang." Binaba ko yung bag at diretso akyat sa hagdan.
I slowly opened the door and peeked inside.
Nasa upuan si Charm at natutulog. Nakatulog siguro siya kakahintay na magising si Theia. Aayusin ko sana yung kumot nung gumalaw siya.
"Kuya."
I automatically hug her.
"Pinag-alala mo ko." Sabi ko sa kanya. "Wag mo nang gagawin ulit yun ha."
"I'm sorry.."
"Okay ka lang ba? Yung paa mo?" I asked as I let go of her. "Masakit pa ba? Nagagalaw mo ba?"
"Hindi na masakit. Nagagalaw ko rin naman." She said habang ginagalaw galaw yung paa niya. "I'm sorry I made you worry. Hindi ko napansing.."
"It's okay." I assured her. "Ang mahalaga, ayos ka lang."
"Kamusta na siya, Kuya?" Kahit hindi niyaĀ sabihin, I know who she was referring to. "Pwede ko ba siya makita kahit saglit lang?"
"Not now, Theia."
"I just want to make sure he's really okay, Kuya."
"He's fine."
He's way too okay for you to worry about him.
Mas okay pa siya kaysa sa'yo.
"But I want to see him with my own eyes."
"Theia please, wag muna ngayon." I repeated and looked at Charm. Baka magising siya. "Hindi pa magaling yung paa mo."
Isa pa, I can't let you see him after what he did to you. I don't want you anywhere near him.
"Is this really about my foot?"
"What do you mean?"
"Alam kong sinisisi mo siya sa nangyari sa'kin." She said. "But Kuya, this wasn't his fault."
"Kung hindi siya, sinong may kasalanan?" I asked. "Don't tell me, ikaw?"
Hindi siya sumagot.
Sa itsura niya pa lang, alam ko na kung anong iniisip niya.
Theia tends to blame herself for something na hindi niya ginawa.
"Theia, stop. Wag mong iisipin yan." She's getting teary eyed again. "Don't you dare blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"
"But--"
"He was the one who threw that glass right?" Sabi ko. "Don't even think about denying it kasi alam kong siya yung gumawa nun."
Hindi niya pwedeng itanggi kasi alam kong nasaktan siya sa nangyari.
I watched as her tears fell.
Umiiyak nanaman siya sa harapan ko
"See? Ginawa niya yun sa'yo." I told her. "Tapos sasabihin mong ikaw yung may kasalanan? Bakit siya ba yung nasugatan? Siya ba yung nasaktan?"
"Even if I'm wounded, hindi mo parin siya pwedeng sisihin, Kuya." She said. "It was my fault kung bakit niya yun binato. Ako din yung nakatapak sa bubog. Sarili kong katangahan yun."
"Katangahan mo??"
Hindi ko mapigilang magalit sa sinasabi niya.
"Theia, bakit mo sinasabi yan??"
Bakit ikaw pa yung masama sa nangyari kahit ikaw yung nasaktan??
"I pushed the idea na ako yung girlfriend niya kaya siya nagalit." She reasoned out. "Alam kong nakalimot siya pero pinilit ko parin sa kanya."
"Did you lie to him? Hindi naman di ba??" Tanong ko. "Saang parte ng girlfriend ka niya ang hindi totoo, Theia??"
"Maybe all of it.."
"What? What are you talking about?"
Bakit siya ganito?
Anong sinasabi niya?
"Can you look at yourself? Hindi ko akalaing magagawa niya yan sa'yo."
"May amnesia siya, Kuya." Sabi niya. "Alam kong hindi niya sinadya yung nangyari. Nakalimutan niya lang ako.."
"Amnesia or not, hindi niya dapat ginawa yun sa'yo." I turned my back on her. "Hindi yun rason para saktan ka."
I couldn't look at her.
Kasi pag tinignan ko siya, alam kong hindi ko masasabi yung mga gusto kong sabihin.
"You lay down on a hospital bed for the first time in a while and you fainted right in front of me at the same time. You waited for him to wake up for a week, you cried your eyes out everyday he doesn't. You're freaking wounded not only physically but also emotionally--"
"Kuya, don't say that.."
"Tapos ngayon, sinisisi mo pa yung sarili mo sa lahat ng nangyari? How can you say that?! Tell me why this was your fault, Theia!"
Hindi ko na kayang kontrolin yung galit ko.
"May amnesia nga siya but that doesn't give him any right to hurt you." I said. "Kung ganyan lang rin yung gagawin niya sa'yo, siguro nga mas mabuting wag na kayong magkita pa."
Alam kong nasasaktan siya sa mga sinasabi ko pero hindi tamang ganito yung ginagawa niya sa sarili niya.
"Kuya, believe me, I'm fine." Nasasaktan akong panuorin siya. "May sugat lang yung paa ko pero okay naman ako."
"You shouldn't say you're okay, Theia. Kasi lahat ng nangyayari pinapahiwatig na hindi." Sabi ko. "You should rest. I will not tolerate this conversation anymore."
Hindi nakakabuti sa kanya yung pinag-uusapan namin. Walang maidudulot na mabuti sa kanya yung pagpunta kay Nathan.
I left her room and closed the door.
I stayed there and felt my tears falling.
Hindi ko alam kung kanino ba ko dapat magalit.
I wanted to be there for her. Comfort her.
Gusto kong punasan yung luha niya pero hindi ko rin yun kaya. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin para sa kanya.
I'm lost.
******
*Ivy's POV*
"Ivy!"
Pagtingala ko, nandun na si Ate Ysa.
"Ate? Bakit hindi ka kumakatok?"
"Kumatok kaya ako ng ilang beses."
"Ganun ba? Sorry." I held my face in my hands and looked at her again.
"May nangyari ba? You looked spaced out."
"Nothing." Sabi ko. "Bakit ka pala nandito?"
"Here." She held out the paper bag that she's carrying. "Ito yung pinabili mo kanina."
"Thanks."
Binaba ko nalang muna sa kama.
"Bakit ka nagpabili ng bago? Nasira ba yung sa'yo?"
Ang totoo niyan hindi ko rin alam.
"No. May nagpapabili lang sa'kin." I said and took out my wallet.
"That's okay, you don't have to pay me." Sabi niya. "Kakain na tayo ha. Bumaba ka na pagtapos mo."
I waited for her to leave my room.
Tinitigan ko lang yung paper bag na binigay niya at nilabas yung box na nakalagay sa loob.
I was about to open it pero napahinto ako.
May pumipigil sa kamay ko.
Am I doing the right thing? Dapat ko ba talagang gawin 'to?
"What are you thinking?" I asked myself. "Ano bang inaasahan mong mangyari?"
No, Ivy.
You need to stop. Mali yung ginagawa mo. Maling mali. Don't do it.
Stop hurting anyone. Stop hurting yourself.
Nilagay ko agad sa drawer yung box at ni-lock. Bago pa man ako makapag isip, binato ko na yung susi sa labas ng bintana.
You need to stop this.
You need to stop expecting. It's impossible.
He's not yours anymore.
******