Why the fuck did I just say that
Why did I not say I want to be an item
Why wasn't I honest with her
Why the fuck did I just fuck this shit up
I'm walking when my mum calls
Yelling I can't really hear anything
I just tell her where I am
She picks me up
Takes one look at me
And she is crying
"Your my baby and I don't want to see you hurt
But if you don't get your ducks in a row
I don't know what else I can do for you
I don't know how to handle this
Please please be better for Star
Please show her how amazing you can be"
" well guess what mum I fucked that shit up
I ruined her like I ruin everything good in my life
I am not deserving of love
And the god damn universe knows it
It just keeps fucking shit up for me
I keep fucking shit up for myself
I am not capable of love and no one is going to love me back"
Tears are streaming down my face when my mum pulls over
She hugs me tight
"I will always love you
No matter the shit you pull
And admit
Ash you are so full of love
Anyone is worth having it
You just have to believe in yourself enough to feel it"
She says crying
I love my mum so much
She understands me so well
And I'm glad she loves me
Even after all the fucked up shit we went through
This year
That caused us to move
I'm glad I have my mum
I don't know where I would be with out her.