{[Jane]}
This must have been the most awkward moment in my entire life.
I had to keep her company. The girl I envied more than anyone else in the world right at that moment. Sitting there, all cuddled up in Matt's arms.
If I could turn green, I'd be all Hulk right then. I tried to be nice. I really did, but no matter how hard I tried, every single word dripped with more sarcasm than the last.
I could see her starting to feel uncomfortable, sitting there - looking at me as I sat crossed legged on the bar stool, clutching my cup of steaming coffee in my hands. I couldn't exactly make out if Matt felt bad or just didn't give a shit right then, just gazing out the window at the pigeons perched on my windowsill.
My phone started doing its vibrating dance on the table and I swiftly excused myself, retreating to the lobby to answer it.
"Jake-" I answered, relieved to finally hear from him.
"Hey JJ. Why'd you ignore my call last night?" He asked almost disappointed.
"That was you? I- I didn't recognize the number," I admitted, sliding down the wall to the floor, holding onto my knee for balance.
"Yeah, I kind of wanted to surprise you, but I didn't know where you were staying while you were in town," he answered.
I could see him smile in my mind's eye. His mischievous grin spreading over his slightly freckled face while his hazel eyes sparkled hearing the sound of my voice.
Jake was different. He made my stomach erupt with fluttering butterflies whenever he whispered in my ear and whenever his hands touched me, I shivered with delight.
"I'm- I'm sorry." I stutter, staring at the wall in front of me.
"It's OK. I have to be head on back later today. I can't miss class tomorrow, even if I wanted to-" he said, his voice trailing off as he spoke.
"Stay." I pleaded.
"Jane?"
"Stay tonight. Please. I- I need you." I continued my desperate plea for attention.
"I'm just grabbing something to eat. Text me your address and I'll be right over," he said. "Jane, do you have any idea what you do to me?" he added, sighing softly as he chuckled into the receiver.
"Not half of what you do to me," I replied, biting my lip.
He ended the call, leaving me with the dialing tone ringing in my ear. After that, I just sat there on the ground, knees drawn to my chest as I stared at the phone in my hand.
Maybe Jake was my Matt. Maybe we were meant to be together. Maybe even made for each other.
"You OK there?" Matt asked suddenly, startling me. I smiled blissfully, nodding in reply.
"Much better now, thanks," I replied as he offered me his hand. I took it and he helped me back to my feet. "I guess it was... great meeting Tiffany," I forced out, but my face betrayed me.
He smiled shyly and shook his head. "You don't like her, J. No need to lie to protect my feelings," he said, tapping my shoulder. "I just came to check if you were OK before we leave."
There he was. My Matthew. The shy, non-confident reject I met long ago. He disappeared into the apartment, emerging seconds later, his fingers intertwined with Tiffany's as she awkwardly greeted me goodbye. Matt merely smiled and tipped his head before walking down the hallway to the main exit.
I felt bad for treating her like that, but this was me. I was jealous over something I couldn't have - and probably never will either.
I wistfully took my phone and texted Jake my address before having a quick shower and tidying up the place. I didn't want Jake to see it looking like this.
In the meantime while I waited, I decided to type away my frustrations until he came by. It probably wouldn't have been long anyway.
[I came back for the holidays, my hair short - my cuts hidden by my long over-sized hoodie.
You knew something was up the moment I stepped foot onto Chicago soil. You yourself looked completely different, too. Your dark hair was cut into a strange style and highlighted red here and there - three stripes shaved into the side.
You were going all out with the rock star look - I had to admit.
Your shirt clung to your tightly toned chest like it was a second skin, wearing your favorite ripped jeans and sneakers to match.
I must have looked like crap for your smile to fade like that. I didn't blame you. I brought this upon myself.
Even the multitude of layers of foundation I've plastered on this morning couldn't hide the first thing you noticed.
'He hit you-' was all you could say as you drew me to you.
I tried my best to stay the strong person I've become the last couple of weeks, but I couldn't. I crumbled to pieces, my bag falling to the ground as I clung to you.
You held me close and promised that you'd get the bastard and rip him to shreds.
I told you to leave it.
You wanted nothing of it, grabbing my wrists and forcing me to look into your smoldering eyes.
That's when you saw them. Those long vertical cuts I tried to hide. You fell silent and for a moment there, I swore I saw tears in your eyes.
You didn't know what to say or what to do. The fact that you nearly lost me finally dawning upon you.
You gently slid down your wristbands and gave them to me, rolling up my sleeves to reveal yet another array of purple, green, and blue marks.
I turned away, unable to face you. You've never seen me this broken, not even when it was your fault.
I guess I was desperate. Desperate for someone to want me. Desperate for someone to take my mind off you. But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried - our paths always seemed to cross. Faith always seemed to lead me straight back to your doorstep.
Back home.]
I typed the last word, sitting back as I relived that dreadful day. If only the people reading this book knew how much it took for me to write this... but they probably never would.
It's was just another soppy romance novel to them. Another good read on the New York Bestseller list. Nothing special.
There was a knock on the door and I gently closed my laptop. The last thing I wanted was Jake to know is how damaged I was. That I wasn't his sweet 'JJ' he met a couple of months ago.
I walked over to the door and unhinged the lock, smiling while I opened it, but it faded just as fast.