{[Jane]}
I opened the door to my empty apartment, tossing my keys onto the table as I pass it, my hand instinctively touching my lips.
The feeling of his kisses still lingered, fresh in my memory. His hands all over my body.
Tingling. Remembering.
I've never felt like this before - ever. Not even the day Matt proved to me that I wasn't lesbian material.
The first time he ever kissed me. The day he told me 'that girl is trouble'.
I still couldn't believe that he was jealous of me dating another girl. He had always been pretty protective, but not [that] protective.
I saddled up my laptop while I waited for the kettle to boil, determined to do at least three to four chapters before the end of the day.
If I wanted this book to work, I couldn't affortd to skip a day without giving it my all.
A simple message appeared on my phone -
Miss you already =)
I smiled and typed back 'Missing you too, Matty', instantly deleting the message after it delivered.
I still wasn't sure about everything that happened last night, but I knew it was a night we both wouldn't soon forget.
I made myself some coffee and texted Jake before getting to work, telling him I fell asleep early and was sorry for not answering his texts.
He didn't reply, but I took it as him just being busy, as usual.
I took a generous sip of my steaming mug, logged into my laptop and opened my book.
[I'll never forget your face the day I introduced you to her.
You weren't happy at all. To say you didn't like her would have been a major understatement.
You even took me aside and pinned me against that white kitchen counter you hated so much.
You stared at me with such ferocity, telling me that this wasn't me. That I'd never be a lesbian because I liked guys. The more we quarrelled, the more aggressive you got, pinning my hands to the counter as you kissed me - your tongue driving itself into my mouth.
She walked in on us. Lips locked, me clawing in your hair as you lifted me onto the counter. I think she got the message loud and clear.
I opened my eyes at her shocked expression, streams of tears running down her face as she shook her head in horror, turning and storming out of there, leaving us alone.
You had a victorious grin on your face as you chucked and told me 'I told you so'.
I punched your shoulder, acting all butch as I glared you down, crossing my arms against my chest.
That must have been the best day of my life... Up until when you crushed it and flushed it down the gutter.
You cupped my face and told me 'no hard feelings'. You just wanted my eyes to open and see that I was making a mistake.
To say I was furious was putting it pretty lightly as I shoved you away, tossing cups on my way out, watching you dance around the exploding porcelain as I shouted that I never wanted to see your face ever again.
And that day, I meant every word. Every single ounce of venom I spat at you. Because right then, I thought you deserved it.]
I read over my last hour's work before texting Matt.
-Starbucks? Need some time to clear my mind before I continue the torture.
--Thought you'd never ask. I'll get you there in thirty. Need someone to talk to too, if you don't mind.
-I'd never mind. You're my best friend, after all.
--Yeah. Yeah, you are =) for sure... I'd even choose you above Shaun.
-Shaun?
--The lead guitarist of the new band we started. We're calling it Emissaries. Tiff's idea.
-Awesome. See you around. I'll be there in a sec.
--Waiting (un)patiently ;D
I laughed at his reply. He sounded like his old happy-go-lucky self, like the time we just finished our sessions with Bipolar Anonymous.
Our goal was to keep each other happy. And, I think we did a pretty darn good job.
I packed up my stuff, threw my laptop bag over my shoulder and headed down to Starbucks. I took a seat inside and set up my working station while I waited for my order.
He strolled in a couple of minutes later, asking the waiter if I was around. He stood there, hands shoved into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels as he smiled in my direction. I waved back and called him over.
"Hey," he greeted, sliding in across me.
"Hey? That's all I get after last night? Hey?" I asked, closing my laptop screen. "What gives?"
"I- Uh... I've just been thinking," he started, placing his hands onto the counter. "Maybe you should leave Jake. You know, so we... I..."
"Are you [telling] me to leave my boyfriend when you've finally decided to man up after all these years I've waited for you to make a move? Are you fucking [kidding] me?!" I ranted, slamming my fists onto the counter.
Everyone inside turned to face us. The waiter even stopped to ask if everything was ok.
"Ok, maybe that wasn't such a good idea. It sounded better in my head," he said, averting his gaze to his hands.
"It's ok. I shouldn't have gone off on you," I apologized.
"Just... Think about it, ok?" he pleaded, looking up at me, his expression pained.
"I can't promise anything. Besides, I'm moving to LA next week. Jake's record label is giving him a bigger apartment and he asked me to move in with him," I said, unable to hide my excitement.
"Be careful, Janey. I've got a bad feeling about this," he warned, reaching for my hand.
I wanted to believe he was bluffing to keep me from going, but I was super confused. I didn't exactly know what to do. Torn in two. My mind said 'Go to Jake, he can take care of you' while my heart screamed 'Stay with Matt!'
I just stared at him as his thumb gently stroked the back of my hand, a disappointed smile crawling onto his face.