{[Jane}]
I sat up, my face drenched with tears as I looked around the room - absolutely terrified. I expected Kyle to jump out of nowhere at any given moment.
Instinctively, I covered myself up, clutching the sheet to my chest. I felt vulnerable - exposed. Jake stirred next to me, slowly turning around to face me.
"Nightmare?" He asked hoarsely, still trying to wake up.
I couldn't answer him, my voice frozen inside me. I nodded in reply, wiping the fresh tears from my cheek.
He drew me closer and cradled me, softly asking me to calm down.
I needed this. But for some stinking reason I rather wished it was Matt comforting me. Maybe, because he was the one to help me through this mess in the first place.
I haven't had a nightmare in years or even dared to utter Kyle's name after that day. Doing everything I could to completely erase that day from my memory.
Something triggered it. But what could it be? Could it be the fact that Matt actually wanted me? Could it be because of Jake and I sleeping together last night - even though I said I wanted to wait until later?
I don't know.
All that I knew was that I had to get out of bed, walk around, clear my thoughts and drink some aspirin. Maybe a sleeping tablet or two - or three.
No.
I will not give in again. I'm stronger than that. I know I am. I've proved it.
I turned to Jake and excused myself, but he knew better than to leave me alone when I was like this.
He got out of bed, draping my gown over my shoulders before escorting me to the kitchen. He made us something to drink and took out the bottle of headache tablets from my handbag.
For some reason I thought he wouldn't know about it, but how could he not? Every time I typed for hours on end, until my wrists and fingers cramped up - I usually ended up with a huge tension headache. He knew that. That's basically all I ever complained about on our Skype conversations.
I don't even know if I was going to fall asleep again, but I might as well fake it to make him feel better.
***
I drove Jake to the airport that morning and as thought, I didn't close an eye after that nightmare. I felt like shit, but didn't dare show it. I didn't want him to worry about petty little me while he was hanging out with the rest of the guys, working on material for tonight's little gig at a downtown club back in LA.
After I dropped him off I headed back home. My mind racing to a million places at once. I felt my heartbeat pick up - the fear of being alone overpowering me.
I parked downtown, gathered my courage and got out, locked the car and decided to walk down to the park.
Its the only thing that would help. Fresh air. I haven't heard anything from Matt since yesterday. To be honest, I was starting to worry about him. We were a lot alike. It didn't take much to get our nerves on edge.
At least he had Tiffany - or for what its worth at least. I had no one.
I strolled down the street, not looking up and avoiding eye contact at all times. It felt like anyone and everyone could read my thoughts and I couldn't afford that. I never wanted anyone to know the real me. Even I was ashamed of her.
I found my way to an empty park bench, dropping my head into my hands as I tried to hide from the rest of the world. I calmed my thoughts, listening to the squirrels quarreling as they rustled through the oak leaves, the birds singing high up in the trees, the pedestrians animatedly talking about what they were planning to do this weekend and the thudding of trainers on the gravel as the people jogged by.
I felt the seat next to me being taken. Probably someone taking a rest before walking on. I sighed into my hands and wiped my face, turning to smile at the stranger. I might have been having a depressive episode, but that gave me no reason to be rude to others.
I opened my eyes to greet the stranger, only for my smile to fade.
There he was, wearing a black and white striped beanie, his usual skin tight shirt and ripped jeans, tugging at his gloves.
He smiled shyly and mouthed 'hi'. I couldn't help but smile back. He was just so infectious.
"You ok?" he asked cautiously.
He always knew when something was wrong. He was one of the few people who actually cared about noticing when something was wrong.
I shook my head, biting down on my lip as I fought back the tears threatening to spill over at any second.
He opened his arms and offered me a hug instead. Without thinking twice I moved closer to his welcome embrace, laying my head against his chest as he rested his chin onto my head.
"Its him, isn't it?" he whispered.
I managed a weak 'yes' and he knew exactly what happened. He knew that I had a nightmare. Just like I had night, after night, after night when I fell asleep while he tried to calm me down.
"Come on. I know what'll help," he offered, his eyes sincere as he helped me up. We walked to his SUV and drove in silence to a small, familiar pub near his house.
I couldn't help but crack a smile when he pulled up outside, so many fond memories coming back to me.
Whenever we used to have a really bad day we'd usually drag each other down here for some cheap beer and a couple rounds of pool. After that we felt tons better and ready to face the world again.
I leaned over, giving him a long, sincere hug. If only he knew how much this meant to me at that very moment.
"Drinks on me," I joked, jumping out of the car.
He caught up with me in no time, swooping me off the ground, awkwardly smiling down at me as he stared into my eyes. He wanted to kiss me. I know he did. But he didn't.
Instead he apologized and put me back on my feet, ushering me inside. I frowned at him while he placed our order.
"What?" he asked, grinning at me. "Do I have something on my face? Did I smudge your make-up?"
"I'm not wearing any," I answered, self-consciously touching my face.
"Could have fooled me. You look amazing either way, Jane," he said, handing me my beer. "Drink up so I can kick your ass," he challenged.
"We'll see about that." I snickered, downing my beer and slamming the empty bottle on the counter.
Matt bit his lip, taking a swig of his own before ordering me another. "You were always one helluva boozer," he joked.
I could drink forever and not get drunk. But somehow, today felt different. After my second beer my head started feeling lighter. I giggled more - flirted more.
That's when it started.
"Jane?" Matt asked in surprise as he backed up against the billiard table.
I straddled up against him, running my fingernail along his cheek. "Matthew," I purred seductively.
His eyes were on fire as he slid his hands to my hips, firmly keeping me in place as he searched my face for some sign of permission. I bit my lip and stood onto my tip toes, cupped his face and kissed him as hungrily as my drunk alter ego allowed me.