Antinous and Hadrian sat at the table beside each other, awkwardly watching as the drama ensued and Lucius ran out of the room. Antinous pitied him, thinking of the way that Hadrian never seemed to let his lovers grow up into different people, always wishing them to stay the same.
"Can't you go out there and comfort him?" Antinous asked, as conversation picked up once again and the room was no longer quiet.
"Comfort him?" Hadrian rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you're joking." He said taking a sip out of his goblet of wine.
Antinous elbowed him playfully. "Don't be like that. Can't you see he's hurt?"
Hadrian scoffed. "What do you mean he's the one hurt? If you think that this is in any way my fault then you're out of your mind."
"He's still in love with you!" Antinous shouted, his cheeks turning red and flustered. He didn't mean to raise his voice, but Hadrian was a fool. And a blind one at that.
He was either never able to see what was in front of him, or never able to be considerate of other people's emotions. It seemed that the only person he was interested in was Antinous. Being Hadrian's lover was like constantly being the object of affection for an obsessive maniac. He was someone who never got enough. Who was never satisfied until he took every part of you. Until he soaked up every last drop like a sponge, always thirsty for more.
Hadrian was shocked at his sudden outburst.
Antinous was never like this, he'd never seen such intense emotions spread across his face. It was as though the cage he used to hold it inside had finally broken. He hadn't seen anything except calmness from Antinous. There was a different look in his eyes. Something that wasn't quite there before. Some other part of him he hid behind closed doors.
"And I never loved him in the first place!" Hadrian yelled back in a burst of anger. He hadn't meant to fan the flame, but it all came out of him too suddenly. All the blood rushed from Hadrian's face. They were making a scene in front of everyone.
"Then why did you destroy him like this? Do you see what you've done?" Antinous pointed out, and Hadrian saw the disappointment on his face. The disgust in his eyes was almost too much to take. He didn't know how to handle what was happening. He was supposed to be the one to control Antinous, not the other way around. Yet somehow Antinous had Hadrian wrapped around his finger. Hadrian hated it. He hated the way he let Antinous control him constantly.
Hadrian grabbed him by the wrist, leading him out into the hallway and back to their bedchamber. It was an embarrassment to make a scene like that in front of his generals. "What do you think you're doing?" Hadrian asked, closing the door behind him.
"What I'm doing? What about what you're doing? What you've done." Antinous pointed out, still seething with rage.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Hadrian huffed, stubborn as always.
"I'm talking about Lucius Commodus. I'm talking about the way you took complete control of his life, only to leave him in the end." Antinous got closer, fists clenched at his side. He wasn't planning on hurting Hadrian, but it was something instinctive was triggered in him when he felt threatened.
"I didn't hurt him." Hadrian insisted.
"Emotionally, you did."
"I did no such thing."
Hadrian's brow was knitted together in a firm expression. He wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't doing anything. At least until Antinous realized that he should stay out of things that didn't concern him. That he should leave these matters in Hadrian's hands. Matters that the young boy felt compelled to get involved in for whatever reason.
He wanted to scearm at Antinous.
To tell him that he was nothing more than a boy. A boy who didn't know what was going on in the world. A boy who couldn't solve problems. That he was too young. But Antinous was getting older. Soon Antinous would no longer be a boy anymore. He'd become a man.
Antinous clamped his jaw shut. Instead of allowing himself to run his mouth again. Instead of allowing himself to speak his mind, he decided that this might be better. Not so much for him as for Hadrian. Sometimes, it was better to stay silent. Sometimes, it's better to bottle things in.