Faith's Point of View
"I'm picking clothes..." He avoided my gaze.
"For Coleen."
Sandali akong natigilan dahil sa sinabi n'ya. Ganoon ba talaga s'ya ka-generous? He used to buy me gifts since we're young, and now... I'm disappointed. Disappointed sa sarili ko dahil nag expect.
Bakit pa n'ya 'ko reregaluhan? Eh halos lahat ng damit ko ngayon galing sa kan'ya.
"Oh, really?! God, you remembered my birthday huh!" Coleen said and hugged him.
Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanila at inubos ang milktea. I heard how Stay tapped Coleen's back after they pulled each other.
"I'm used to it. Let's go, ihahatid ka na namin," ani Stay at sumabay sa'min palabas ng mall.
Ako na ang nag-adjust, sa likod ako ng kotse umupo at si Coleen sa harap. Tahimik lang ako buong byahe habang nag uusap silang dalawa.
Habang nakadungaw sa bintana, bigla kong naalala ang sinabi ni Dianne. I pursed my lips while remembering what she said earlier. Model daw? Gosh, halata ba sa'kin?
O nagsisinungaling lang s'ya?
But I can't still handle it! I'm flattered, lol. That's the very first time a girl told it to me. Napahawak ako sa pinsgi.
Maganda ba talaga ako?
I pursed my lips again to prevent myself from smiling. Honestly, si Stay lang ang palaging nagsasabi na maganda ako. But I know he's just saying it to boost my confidence. Stay is a really supportive friend.
Napatingin ako sa rear view mirror at napansin kong nakatingin sa'kin si Stay. I automatically glared and said "what" inaudibly.
He smirked. Umiling iling s'ya at nagfocus sa pagd-drive. Ugh, daig ko pa ang baliw. I'm not comfortable to speak when with Coleen, it looks like she's...
Is she frightening me?
"We're here."
"Thank you! Wait, baka gusto n'yo munang kumain sa loob?" tanong n'ya bago lumabas ng kotse.
Stay looked at me. "Ikaw, gusto mo? Masarap magluto ang mom ni Coleen," aniya.
Agad akong umiling. "Hindi na, busog pa ko hehe."
Tumingin sa'kin si Coleen at ngumisi. "Alright," aniya. "Stay, see you tomorrow."
"What?"
"I'm coming to your house tomorrow, why?" sagot ni Coleen.
"Psh, whatever. Ikumusta mo ako kay tita."
Coleen nodded. Lumabas s'ya ng kotse at kumaway muna sa'min bago pumasok sa loob. Pinaharurot ni Stay ang sasakyan.
"You didn't tell me you're with her," sabi n'ya.
"Ayokong magmukhang third wheel," walang emosyong sabi ko habang nakatingin sa malayo.
He chuckled. "Third wheel? What is that? We're not a couple."
"Couple mo mukha mo. Syempre kapag sinabi ko, sasama ka rin!" nakabusangot na sabi ko.
"Pfft. Ako? Sasama? Gusto lang kitang sunduin."
Bumaling ako sa kan'ya. "Sunduin? Hindi na ako bata, h'wag mo na kong susunduin."
Bigla n'yang ipinreno ang kotse. I heard him sighed while looking me at the rear view mirror.
"What?"
I don't even know why I am like this. Menopausal na ba ako at ang bilis kong mainis sa kan'ya?
"Sit here."
I rolled my eyes. "Sit your face."
"I said sit here!"
Umalingawngaw ang boses n'ya sa bawat sulok ng kotse. Parang nahulog naman ang puso ko nang magulat sa pagsigaw n'ya. That's my weakness, lagi akong napapasunod tuwing sumisigaw s'ya.
Good boys are so scary when they're mad.
Lumabas ako ng kotse at pumasok sa inupuan ni Coleen.
"From the day you moved to my house, you're already under my responsibilities." Mariin n'yang sabi at pinaandar ang kotse.
Hindi na ako kumibo at tinignan na lamang ang dinaraanan namin. Bakit lagi na lang tumatatak sa'kin ang sinasabi n'ya?
As if there are deep meanings...
Nang makauwi kami ng bahay, agad akong dumiretso sa cr. Lumabas ako roon ng nakabusangot.
"May napkin ka ba dito?"
"What the f? Napkin?" He said as if he heard it for the first time.
"Napkin, panakip sa jenjen kapag nireregla."
Napangiwi s'ya. "Straight forward ka masyado."
"Ugh. I'll go out," nakabusangot na sabi ko at nagsuot ng jacket.
"Ako na. Baka tumulo pa 'yan sa daan," aniya at lumabas ng bahay.
Napahilot ako sa sintido. "Anong gagawin ko dito? Malakas yung dugo!"
"I'll be fast."
"Bilisan mo ha!"
"Oo na, para kang dragon."
I rolled my eyes and stayed at the comfort room. Unti unti na kong nakakaramdam ng dysmenorrhea. Marami rami ng dugo ang nalabas sa'kin kaya hinubad ko na ang panty at umupo sa bowl.
Ugh. I hate these kind of days. Nakaka frustrate.
Minutes had passed but Stay didn't come back yet. So I decided to call him, he didn't responded to my three calls. Nagsisimula na akong mainis.
"Stay!" I shouted as he answered the call.
"Woah, woah. Wait, I'm sorry, I'm driving my way back home."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever! Make it fast!"
"I-ingat," sabi ko at pinutol ang linya.
Halos magkapili-pilipit na ako sa cr nang makauwi si Stay. Inabot ko naman ang napkin.
"Faith," aniya habang nasa labas ng cr.
Naglagay ako ng napkin. "What?"
"Coleen's mother..."
"Hmm?"
"She's dead."
Agad akong napalabas ng cr nang makaayos na ako. "What?!"
"Kaya ako natagalan dahil tumawag sa'kin si Coleen, she's in the hospital. Bukas ibuburol si tita," aniya habang nakatungo at nakasandal sa pader.
I looked away. "Sorry," I said as I felt sorry for shouting him. "Puntahan natin s'ya nga'yon."
"Nah. Dito ka na lang, mukhang magkakasakit ka pa sa puson."
I frowned as I walked out from the comfort room. "How did you know?"
"I suffered a lot from my little sister." He chuckled and get his keys.
I sighed. "Ingat ka..." I looked at him. "Sabihin mo, condolence."
Nang makaalis si Stay, nagprito ako ng patatas at ginawa 'yong fries. I decided to watch a movie and lied on the sofa.
Bigla kong naalala ang reaksyon ni Coleen kanina nang muntikan ko nang i-open up ang tungkol sa family n'ya. I think she suffered a lot to support her parents, but it turns out...
Loosing a parent.
Naalala ko ulit si tatay. Araw araw ko s'yang iniisip lalo na nang magsimula akong mag aral ulit. That's for him, I made it to make him feel proud.
Dahil maging s'ya, alam n'ya na magiging matagumpay ako pagdating ng araw.
Kinabukasan...
Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ay agad akong kumatok sa room ni Stay, pero walang sumasagot. Kumatok pa ako ng ilang beses pero gano'n pa'rin. Kaya binuksan ko ang pinto at tinignan ang nasa loob.
This is my very first time to enter his room.
Wala s'ya rito. Maybe he stayed on the hospital with Coleen. Sinarado ko ang pinto at tinignan ang kabuuan ng kwarto n'ya.
Napaka simple, pero malinis. Organized lahat, he even have a mini library in the corner. May nakasabit pang kalendaryo kung saan may nakasulat at nakabilog sa bawat petsa.
House bill.
Water bill.
Electric bill.
He's paying it all! Wow.
July 16, due date of project.
July 27, advance preparation.
August 14, Exam.
August 24, Final Exam; first quarter.
Napangiti ako nang makita ang mga 'yon. He never gets out of plans. Diretso ang mga mata n'ya papunta sa tatahakin n'yang pangarap, I'm very proud.
Bumaling ako sa isang sticky notes sa gilid ng kalendaryo.
'Advance reading everyday. Huwag kang tamad.'
I chuckled and pursed my lips. There are times that you just wanna go to bed and overthink about your life instead of studying.
Agad akong pumunta sa mini book shelf, sa lahat ng makakapal na libro, isang manipis na notebook ang kinuha ko mula roon.
Stay Montemor's Diary!
Don't open when you're not handsome!
Private property,
Since 2010.
He's Grade six that time while I'm grade 5.
Binuklat ko ang mga nakasulat roon, hanggang sa makita ko ang isang litrato sa kalagitnaan na pahina. I automatically smiled.
Litrato namin noong 11 years old ako, at 12 years old s'ya. Nakaakbay s'ya sa'kin habang nakasuot ng party hat. Iyon ang pinaka masayang birthday n'ya para sa kan'ya, dahil sa araw na 'yon, nagtipon lahat ng mga mahal n'ya sa buhay; kasama na ako.
Binalik ko 'yon kung saan nakasingit. Hanggang sa mapadpad ako sa year 2012.
He's 2nd year high school while I'm on my 1st year.
September 25, 2012
I had this crush but I don't want to confess.
She saw me as a big brother but I saw her more than a friend.
She smiles so bright like the sun and cries like a rain.
But she's my rainbow.
"Ang corny!" sabi ko sa sarili.
Noong highschool kami, marami s'yang sinasabi sa'kin na crush n'ya. Hindi ko nga alam kung sino doon ang totoo o hindi. Napaka chickboy talaga pero hanggang tingin lang naman.
As I went to the next page, natigilan ako ng makita 'yon.
December 25, 2012
Papa God, I want to see her...
If we're still be friends until we're old,
I'll marry her.
We will live in a house designed by myself.
I'll take her in every part of the world.
We'll fly above the skies until she realize that she is my haven.
From now on, I'm going to be a pilot.