V3. CHAPTER 7 – Almost
ARIANNE'S POV
Mag-aala sais na ng gabi at kaunti na lamang ang estudyante't sibilyan sa paligid. Palakad na sana kami ni Bianca nang may biglang mag-text sa kaniya.
"Aya ba't di ka na lang kaya sumakay?" she insisted. Nag-text kasi sa kaniya si Tita Caroline na dahilan para kailanganin niyang pumunta ng Central. Worry is all over her face that is why I nod kahit na maglalakad lang talaga ako. I just want to ease her worry.
Pinasakay ko muna siya bago ako umalis. I put my earphones on my ears and listened to an audiobook, Emma by Jane Austen. Isa ito sa mga paborito kong libro. Apat na beses ko na itong nabasa at ito naman ang unang beses kong mapakinggan ito bilang audio book.
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more…" is one of my favorite lines in this novel. That is what Mr. Knightley said when he confessed his feelings to Emma. He loved her so much he couldn't express himself.
Dumaan ako sa may Street Booths. Nilibot ko ang mga mata ko pero hindi ko alam kung alin doon ang kina Aldred… Siguro ay dapat tinanong ko kanina.
Lumagpas na lamang ako na nananatiling may blankong pakiramdam pa rin sa kalooban ko.
Aldred is no Mr. Knightley. He is so expressive when it comes to his feelings. Well, Mr. Knightley is mature and Aldred is not. Mr. Knightley is fictional while Aldred is real. I need to dismiss the idea of comparing them.
"Love is an intense feeling of deep affection according to a dictionary."
If Aldred is really in love with me then I wonder how deep his affection for me is? I bet it's not that deep though. We barely know each other and he just had his affection for me at first sight…
"Love is patient and kind. It does not envy and does not boast, it is not proud," is one of the verses in the bible that defines what love is though I think it is a general meaning and currently not applies to what Aldred is feeling.
Shit!
Napatigil ako sa paglalakad.
Bakit ba ito yung mga nasa isip ko?!
Umiling ako ng ilang ulit. Gusto ko ngang batukan ang sarili ko dahil sa pag-iisip ng puro tungkol sa pag-ibig.
Bumuga ako ng hininga.
"Hey, look who's here."
Medyo nagdidilim na ang kalangitan nang mapatigil ako dahil sa parang may narinig akong nagsalita. Tinanggal ko ang isang earphone sa tenga ko bago ako pumihit patalikod. Tumambad sa akin ang limang lalaki na nakasakay sa kani-kanilang big bikes at may malisyosong ngisi sa kanilang mga labi. Ang isa sa kanila ay pamilyar sa akin.
"Sato…" sambit ko na nagpa-smirk sa kaniya.
"Hi my love," bati niya na nagpangiwi sa akin. Bumaba siya sa kaniyang motor. Tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa bago humakbang palapit sa akin. Lumayo naman ako.
Humalakhak si Sato dahil sa aksyon ko. Humalakhak siya ng sobrang lakas kaya't napakunot ako ng noo. Nakakairita kasi ang boses niya.
Sato is one of the many suitors that I turned down. He is tall, lean, muscular, tanned skin tone, and manly aura. His face may look average, but he has a really appealing proud feature. His brute aura and exaggerated loud voice make him scary but it's not to worry about.
Sato Salvatore is from Western Episcopal School, the only boys' school in the city whose 80% of its graduate students become priests.
"Hey, late na ah… bakit nandito ka pa sa daan?" tanong niya. Umiwas ako ng tingin bago ibalik ito sa kaniya.
Hindi ako sumagot sa tanong niya. Humugot ng hininga si Sato saka siya ngumiti. Isang ngiti na masasabi kong nakakasilaw dahil puno ito ng sigla.
"I heard about what happened to your school dorms. Saan ka na nakatira? Dito ba yung daan mo pauwi?"
Tumango ako.
"Ihatid na kita. Mahirap na dahil padilim na," he offered na tinanggihan ko.
"Ah salamat na lang Sato pero okay na ako. Malapit na rin naman ako."
I noticed how Sato chewed his lips after my refusal. He tucked both of his hands inside his pockets.
"Ayaw mo lang ata may makakita sayo na may kasama kang ibang lalake e." Patungkol niya na nagpasingkit sa mga mata ko. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan ang nais niyang iparating.
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" tanong ko. Nagnguso naman siya.
"Anong meron sa model na 'yon na wala sa'kin?" Balik na tanong naman niya.
Okay, I got it. Lumihis ako ng tingin at bahagyang nagbuga ng hininga. Napahimas ako sa kanang tenga ko bago ko ibalik ang tingin ko sa mga mata ni Sato.
"Alam mo ba na kung gaano kaligaya yung mga superiors e ganoon naman kaming mga follower's mo na ka-broken noong makarating sa West na may boyfriend ka na."
Napansin ko ang pagtanguan ng mga kasama ni Sato. Siningkitan ko naman sila ng tingin.
Mga sira.
"Our deity, our angel, our grace, my love, tell me anong meron sa model na… ano ngang pangalan noon?" Sato asking his friends.
"Aldred," His friends answered in sync.
"Yup, iyon. Dahil ba mas pogi siya sa akin? Mas gusto mo ba yung clean type kesa sa rugged type? Dapat sinabi mo ka agad kasi I am willing to change everything just to get your "Yes"."
Walang interes ko siyang tinignan bago tuluyan na akong napabuntong hininga.
I was in my second year of high school when I first met Sato. Nagpasama sa akin si Bianca sa may Central Mall that time at habang nasa bangko siya ay napag-isipan ko munang pumasok ng bookstore. I was wandering in the classics section when the Little Women book caught my attention. It's not that I haven't read it yet. It's just that a manly rugged type of guy was seriously reading it.
I didn't notice that I was staring at him until he smiled at a certain part of the book. He looked around and saw me. His face blushed and I smiled at him. That is when it started. We talked about the book while I was waiting for Bianca. I learned that he is from WES. I asked if he is pursuing to become a priest which he answered with "Baka hindi na."
"It's either to be a priest or to be with you," sabi niya sa akin matapos ko siyang bastedin. Iyon ang huli naming pagkikita at sa pagkakaalam ko'y pagkatapos noon ay naging seryoso muli siya sa pagse-serve.
"Aldred's not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend nor any plans to have one right now," sabi ko na nagpangiti sa kaniya.
"Arianne!"
Bigla ay narinig ko ang pangalan ko. Napalingon ako sa direksyon ng boses. Hindi ko alam pero yung parang blangkong damdamin ko kanina ay bigla na lang napunan ng saya.
It's Aldred together with Jerome. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya pero walang ekspresyon na nabuo sa mukha niya. Hindi niya ako pinansin sa halip ay lumingon siya kay Sato. The two intensely looked at each other's eyes after Aldred approached me. Napayuko naman ako nang maramdaman ko ang hindi maipaliwanag na lungkot. Napakagat ako sa labi ko.
Sira ka ba Arianne? Hindi ka lang pinansin nag-drama ka na?
Nakakainis. Parang ewan, hindi ko maintindihan. Bakit ba bigla-bigla atang nagbabago yung mga nararamdaman ko? Puno ako ng pagkalito pero naagaw ang atensyon ko ng mapansin ko ang kakaibang pagtingin ng mga kasama ni Sato kay Jerome. They look at him like they know him. Napalingon ako sa kaniya at ngumiti siya sa'kin, gano'n din ako sa kaniya.
"Who is he?" Aldred asked on a serious note, making his voice even manlier. I did not respond immediately and because of that, he gazed at me with serious eyes.
"He is my friend. Sato, I would like you to meet Aldred. Aldred this is Sato."
"I'm Sato Salvatore, one of Arianne's suitors," he smiled, "It's my pleasure to meet my rival," Sato confidently said giving his hand to Aldred asking for a shake hand.
Aldred glanced at me with his eyebrows arching before taking Sato's hands.
"I'm Aldred Cuzon. I am also glad to meet you Sato, Arianne's friend, right?" I noticed Aldred's tone there. Para bang nanunuya siya sa tono ng tanong niya.
Sato bit his inner cheek. His face became serious for a minute but immediately returned his composure. He was about to say something with a smile on his face when
Aldred interrupted him.
"And I also don't want you to think I'm your rival. Arianne's friend is my friend, you are no rival to me at all because Arianne is already mine," Aldred said full of air. Kinuha niya ang braso ko at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya.
I gaped out at his suddenness.
What the hell?
"What?" Sato asked annoyed then looked at me, "Is that true, Arianne? Pagkatapos mong sabihin na wala kang balak mag-boyfriend?"
I shrugged Aldred's hands off me. Bwiset ko siyang tinignan at napailing na lang ako sa kalokohan niya.
"Hindi ko siya boyfriend," naiiritang sabi ko. Marami akong ginawa ngayong araw pero ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang tunay na pagod dahil sa sinabi ni Aldred.
"I will become her future boyfriend then," diretsong pahayag naman ni Aldred. I looked at him with a face of disbelief.
Anong problema nito? Gusto ko siyang sapakin.
Inangasan niya si Sato dahilan para mapansin ko ang paggalaiti sa mukha nito. Sato sneered, already losing his composure. He threw his head back and glared sharply at Aldred.
"May pagkamayabang pala 'yan boss e, patulan ba namin?" tanong ng isa sa mga kasama ni Sato. Umalis ito sa tabi ng motorbike niya at tila handa na ngang patulan si Aldred.
Sato gestured using his hand to stop. Humugot siya ng hininga.
"Huh! You can become her boyfriend but, I will become her future husband," Sato smirked. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi niya kaya't nilakihan ko siya ng mata. Ngiti naman ang naging tugon niya sa akin.
Aldred grunted. Not expecting Sato's reprisal, he turned both his fists into a ball. Parang bata siya na lumingon sa akin bago muling ibalik kay Sato ang titig niya.
"I will become her forever," bawi niya. Pansin ko na ang pagkapikon niya.
"There's no forever, I will become her eternity," sabi naman ni Sato.
"Ungas, parehas lang yung forever and eternity." Okay, Aldred already lost himself. Parang bata na siyang magsalita.
"Aba boss, hinahamon ka ata niyan ah," sabi naman ng isa pa sa mga kaibigan ni Sato. Nabahala ako sa matikas na tono nito kaya't napahawak ako sa braso ni Aldred.
"Too hot headed. Magka-iba iyon bata," saad ni Sato na nagpausok ng ilong ni Aldred. Kitang-kita sa mukha niya ang asar nang mapunto ni Sato ang nararamdaman niya.
Tumingin si Aldred sa akin, "Arianne," parang bata na sambit niya.
"Hayaan mo lang siya," Sato said coolly to his friend. He then looked at my hand that was holding Aldred's shoulder. Napabitaw tuloy ako. Ngumiti siya sa akin bago muling magsalita.
"It is to one's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel," Sato said, eyes straight to Aldred.
"Make him a gentle person, Lord," sunod naman ng lima. Napanganga ako. Are they serious? Lumingon ako kay Aldred at hindi maipinta ang mukha niya.
Hindi ko tuloy alam kung mae-enlighten ba ako. Kakaiba kasi na may mag-preach sayo out of nowhere kaya't na-weirdohan ako at aminadong medyo natawa. Base sa reaksyon ni Aldred ay natamaan siya. Para siyang basang sisiw na sinabuyan ng holy water.
"We, as Episcopans are cultured not to bring havoc but order through the word of God. I admit that I too have a contribution to your current disposition, brother Aldred. I am sorry for it, I'm sorry Arianne and especially to our Benevolent," Sato suddenly eyed Jerome, "I became weak for a moment," he added.
Parehas kami ni Aldred ay napalingon kay Jerome. Kumamot naman si Jerome sa kaniyang batok bago nahihiyang ngumiti. I heard about it, Benevolent is a term Episcopans used to address students of a certain higher degree. Benevolent for them are Idols. They are followed and respected.
Namangha ako at the same time ay nagtaka.
"Ano ka ba Sato?" Jerome smiled. A smile that is mesmerizing it went straight into my heart. "I am not Benevolent at all. Isa pa, mapa-Benevolent o hindi, o kahit ano pa man, hindi mo naman kailangang humingi ng tawad sa lahat dahil lang sa maliit na bagay. We are humans inevitable to commit sins but we have the Lord inside our hearts. There is a Lord inside every one of us that will give us knowledge and understanding."
Jerome is right but, Oh God, I think I am not religious enough to be here.
"That is our Benevolent," the Episcopans, including Sato said in rejoiced. Puno ng paghanga ang kanilang mga mukha.
It appears that they know Jerome well and have a connection with him. Being called Benevolent means he was once a student of WES.
"I'm sorry too for being rude," naagaw ni Aldred ang pag-iisip ko. Naabutan ko ang dignified but full of sorry niyang mukha noong sabihin niya iyon kay Sato.
"I love Arianne so much my head immediately bursts into a fit of jealousy just by seeing her with other guys."
Aldred paused and then eyed Sato from head to toe.
"Especially to someone like you."
Natahimik ang lahat. Nag-init naman ang mukha ko at ramdam ko pagpula nito dahil sa sinabi niya.
How can he say something like that? Why he is so frank? How can he be so direct at what he feels?
Sato burst out. He laughed so hard it echoed through my ears. Gano'n din ang mga kaibigan niya. Lumapit si Jerome kay Aldred at tinapik siya sa balikat. Pulang-pula naman ako sa tabi.
I hate this.
I touched my left chest.
I definitely hate this!
My heart beats so fast I can't control it. I gulped and then noticed how Sato looked at me. He laughs so hard but his eyes reflect a glint of sadness.
"Ibig sabihin, you consider me as a threat," Sato pointed out noong maka-recover na siya sa pagtawa, "I am honored. I like you. You are an honest man. I should be honest too. I also love Arianne but just so you know she already rejected me way back before," Sato smiled genuinely at me. Para bang may nais siyang iparating.
"Arianne is one of the most amazing girls I met, she almost changes my direction in life. It is a plan of mine to court her again but," Sato paused then again looked at me, "there are things that should be given up."
Nagulat ako sa rebelasyon ni Sato. Honestly sa lahat ng manliligaw ko noon ay siya ang may pinakamalaking tyansa. Mabuting tao, mabait, matalino, manly halos lahat ata ng positive traits na nagsisimula sa letrang M ay nasa kaniya na. Nasa kaniya na lahat kaya napagtanto kong he was too good for me. He was better off with somebody else. He was better off to be with God's path at ayoko namang magulo ang isip niya sa mga magiging desisyon ko. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ko siya ni-reject.
Tinitigan ko si Sato. Ramdam ko ang kalungkutan sa huli niyang pangungusap. Naglakad siya patungo sa big bike niya. Hawak-hawak ang kaniyang helmet ay tumingin muli siya sa akin bago kay Aldred.
"I do not know much about you brother Aldred but I think you are a good guy. I just want to give you a simple reminder, just what our Benevolent said, we are just humans, we may not abolish evil such as jealousy but, we can control it. Please control your jealousy or it will ruin you."
I was dumbfounded by what Sato said. Kakaiba talaga ang mga Episcopans. I looked at Aldred and he nodded at him like Sato is his mentor and should be followed.
Umangkas na si Sato sa motor niya gayon din ang mga kasama niya. Isusuot na sana niya ang kaniyang helmet nang parang may maalala siya.
"Saan ba kayo mga pauwi? Ihatid na namin kayo." Sato offered.
Tinignan ko si Aldred at inabangan ang isasagot niya.
"Speaking of pauwi, Arianne, bakit hindi mo kasabay si Bianca?" Jerome asked, which earned a somewhat irritating reaction from Sato's group of friends. I heard their grunts and groans.
"Tumawag kasi si mama niyo and parang may pinabili. Pumunta siya sa Central Market," sagot ko.
"Ah gano'n ba… Sige guys, mauna na ako. Pupuntahan ko si Bianca sa Central," paalam ni Jerome. Mabilis siyang umalis ni hindi niya na nga hinintay pa ang mga reaksyon namin. Samantala ay napansin ko naman ang pagsunod ng tingin ng mga Episcopans sa kaniya. They have this suspicious look plastered all over their face.
"Tsk!" one of Sato's friends reacted. His face warped into annoyance.
"How about the two of you then?" tanong ni Sato.
"Hindi na, salamat na lang. Malapit na naman kami ni Arianne," sagot ni Aldred.
"Oh, okay. Magkapit-bahay ba kayo?" manghang tanong ni Sato.
"Ah, hindi, Arianne and I lived together."
"A-Ano?!" Sato asked, all their faces are mortified. Muntik pa ngang ma-out of balance si Sato sa motor niya noong marinig ang sagot ni Aldred. Bumaba siya sa motor niya at madaling lumapit sa amin.
"A-Arianne, 'wag mong sabihin sa'kin na nakikipag live-in ka na?"
I narrowed my eyes at Aldred dahil sa tanong ni Sato. As usual, ang inosente niya pero kahit hindi niya sadya ay may pagkamalisyoso ang habas ng dila niya.
"Nakikitira lang ako sa kanila. Apparently, his mom is my mom's friend kaya doon muna ako pinatira pagkatapos ng nangyari sa mga dorms."
Sato sighed in relief. Tinignan niya si Aldred ng maigi.
"Arianne," Sato was about to say something to me pero hindi niya na tinuloy sa halip ay binalik niya muli kay Aldred ang atensyon niya at inilagay ang mga kamay niya sa mga balikat nito.
"We are both guys, brother Aldred. No matter how much we try to be a good boy, we have our needs. After all, we are just teenagers. Arianne may try hard to look strong but, she is a fragile girl. Girls are vulnerable when they are in love. A baby is a blessing, but please control your hormones until the time comes."
Pagkatapos sabihin iyon ni Sato ay di ko napigilang ibato sa kaniya ang bag ko. I was red all over. He was alright giving advices and words of God kaya dapat iyon na lang ang atupagin niya.
Saka si-sinong inlove?! Ako ba yung tinutukoy niya? Pwes, I'm not! Jeez, kainis!
Sato laughed so hard. Sumakay siya sa motor niya na tuloy pa rin ang pagtawa. I cannot help myself not to be annoyed. Kumaway siya sa amin na tinugunan ko ng pag-irap. Ini-start niya na ang motor niya at pagkatapos noon ay tuluyan na silang nagpaalam sa amin.
♦♦♦