I'm sorry, do I look like I have the time to waste talking to you?
I sigh inwardly while smiling pleasant-like outwardly. Shimotsuki Tomoyo-san, how deeply you have disappointed me. Yasuraoka-san would probably describe her as a brainless monkey, a brat with too high self-esteem for how truly insignificant she is. What a waste of time this project was; hours spent developing a relationship to find out more about an interesting person, only to find out there is nothing beyond her outer appearance.
Ah, what a shame.
"Sorry, I'm in a rush," I say to her, lying between my teeth, "I have a meeting to get too."
I almost feel sorry for her, looking at her face like that. She looks so disappointed; she's just lucky that I spent even this much time with her. Sorry, but it's not my fault that you're so boring.
"Of course you do," Tomoyo-san says all downcast, and sad.
And another discarded. You're of no interest to me anymore, I have no use for you, and you serve no purpose. I'm sorry but that's just how it is. Of course, you never know when someone might become useful so I'll remain tolerant of her, but I doubt I will ever hang out with her again. Human beings are just so boring; it's like do you realise your life is pointless? Why not at least try to be interesting, or do something worthwhile?
There are some exceptions of course, people interesting enough that I have kept them around me for a longer period of time than what I usually would do show up occasionally. There's only one person who's ever held my attention for more than a year however: Yasuraoka Sora.
I never thought I would find someone like her, that can keep me entertained for hours at a time. The way she never tries at anything, yet still gets decent grades. Athletic, yet I've never seen her do any physical exercise. She's also the only person perceptive enough to realise how I really am. I think that's probably the real reason I have allowed her to stay at my side for this long. After all, she's the only person who I can interact with without thinking about the consequences of anything I tell her, and the only one who I can be true with. It makes her so fascinating.
You probably think I'm a bad person. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. It doesn't matter, it is all relative. Oh, you probably didn't understand that: I meant to say, I may be a bad person to you, but a good person to your friend. See?
Personally, I don't think I'm a bad person, just that I'm beyond the normal level of comprehension a human being has. After all, most of you just get too emotional, or are too one-dimensional to understand how I think. Why do you think I spend so much time getting to know all sorts of people? Part of it is for fun, but its' also data. What kind of daft creature would settle down on one path for good? The more I learn, the more I experience, the more refined my beliefs, ideals, and my self-being become. I don't believe in perfect, but I want to make the margin of error as close to zero as possible. This is not just in terms of myself, but how I see the world. The world as it is now sickens me. We are surrounded by problems but they are ignored by all of us. We who thrive on the lies the media tells us, and the pills our doctors shove down our throats. This world makes me angry, why can't anyone see the problems that are so large they can't be ignored?
You're probably wondering what exactly I'm rambling on about, so I guess I'll give you an example to visualise. Take Yasuraoka-san. A lost teenage girl who is incredibly bright, but has no prospects for the future, because the only future for her is one where her life has no purpose. She will become just one denizen of the rabble who blindly follow, and do as they believe they should because their life has no meaning. Our society of overtly liberal social policy has crushed life until people can no longer enjoy it how they are supposed to. The reigning politicians who put these policies in place won by waving slogans of greater freedoms, have made us a race whose existence is pointless. Even if people have greater freedom, they cannot enjoy it, instead they resort to spending mind-numbing hours working in an office, or at the counter. How is that being free? They're slaves to their depression whose only escape is heroine or LSD giving them one final moment of joy, before their world comes crashing down around them.
Did you get all that? I don't blame you if you didn't. I know it isn't for everyone; well the majority of the you. After all, you are the rabble of pointless denizens. We're almost there now, the classroom where that sad, sad girl stays. I don't like it, but if that is how she wants to live her life, I can respect it. Forcing people to do the same as me is not what I want to do, I simply want to advise them. Maybe you could say that's the same thing, but this way they have to make a conscious decision themselves. At least that is how it normally goes, but with Sora it is different. She has no aspiration or hidden desire, no motive whatsoever. How do you convince someone like that to do anything?
It's not like I haven't tried, well I guess I may have given up at one point or another, but she just doesn't seem interested in anything. Maybe I shouldn't give up so easily; clearly I still have more to learn. Why not try again now then, right? That makes me nervous though. I have never lost when it comes to convincing others. Her turning me down again would be a significant failure, and I believe then I would have to admit defeat.
It's not like I have never lost before at anything, but only when the odds were so far against me it was near impossible, like when we played Kaizen at the national quarter-finals earlier this year. And the year before that, we didn't even make it close to either national tournament. I don't get 100% on every test; I am not perfect or absolute. But I want to keep striving towards it, I know I will never achieve it, after all I'm only human… however, I want to avoid it if I can. Asking Yasuraoka-san now would most likely lead to failure. But not asking her would just delay an inevitable failure. Is that a paradox? Maybe.
I'm at the door now, still unsure what exactly I want to do. I wonder why I find this so hard of a decision. You would think since I understand others so well, I would know more about myself but it seems not, doesn't it? Whatever, delaying my decision will be for the best; this is far from urgent after all, so there is no negative side effect of delaying.
*
The door swings open smoothly, just the same as the others in the new science block, and there she is. The reason I am here. The perpetually quiet, self-detrimental, incarnation of boredom. Yasuraoka-san is not an extreme beauty, but nor is she ugly. Her silky black hair, slight observant eyes, little round nose, pale skin, and small round face make her rather pretty. Her height and width, not obese, not skinny, throw this off somewhat, but I would have to be extremely shallow and daft for that to be of any concern.
She heard me enter. I can tell by how she blinked and raised her ears when I walked in. She has her headphones in, so she must just be assuming that it is me. I guess that makes me what you would call a permanent fixture, something you can rely on to occur every time. So she expects me to show up every Tuesday lunchtime without exception. Maybe I shouldn't come just once to see what happens. No, that would be a waste of time not efficient enough to be worth the time needed.
I smile and close the door behind me; no one else can be here but me, that's the rule of this room. I guess in a way you could say this room is the physical manifestation of Sora's world. A place where a limited amount of people are allowed, where a sad young girl can shy away from everything, and live in the way that works best for her. I wonder how long ago Sora created this room. Has this always been a part of her world, or was it only after she grew up enough to realise how cruel the world is. Probably the latter.
She finally looks up at me, sighing, "how long are you going to stand there, Sei-chan? You're making me unnerved."
I know I am. I could tell by how you took out one earphone before you spoke so that you knew you weren't speaking too loud. It's funny how you do that, it makes me wonder if you care more than I thought you did.
"Sorry, I was contemplating," I start walking over. We always sit in the same spot, on top of a desk group in a corner that you can't see from out in the hallway without opening the door. I sit myself on her right, and bring my bag up next to me. She's watching an anime, not one that I know. I wonder if I would find it interesting. Looks like a slice of life, so maybe. Most of those aren't very good, but with a good plot and one or two characters worth following, it swings completely in the other direction.
I pull out my lunch from my bag. Everyday I pick up my lunch from a store on my way to school; there's a row of them only a street or two out of the way. There's a bakery, sushi bar, and convenience store in terms of food. Today I went to the sushi bar, and got myself teriyaki chicken, and prawn. I'm going to have the chicken now, and the prawn will be before basketball practice.
"What are you watching?" I ask, not really interested but I might try it out sometime if it seems good.
"Orange," Yasuraoka-san replied, "it's about a teenage girl who receives a letter from her future self, telling her what to do in order to have no regrets in the future."
Hmm. Seems too good to be true, what a handy tool that would be. Maybe if Yasuraoka-san had a future self that wrote to her, she would tell her to make something of herself. I'm sure Yasuraoka-san will come to regret her teenage years when she thinks back on them in ten years. If she's still alive to think back on them.
Yes, that's right. That is why I should ask her to come to the basketball game. Sure she might find it weird, after all I haven't asked her to do anything like that before. Yes, the basketball game today would be perfect, after all Yasuraoka-san used to play herself. If she doesn't turn up, then I doubt she will grow any more, she will no longer interest me.
She will be… discarded.
I spent my afternoon classes completely distracted. My teachers nor my classmates had ever seen me like that I bet. I even found myself unaware of what had happened in the last five minutes of a class, unable to remember what the teacher had asked of us.
When I asked Yasuraoka-san to come to the game, she was genuinely shocked as predicted. Her eyes widened, her lips opened slightly… and she stiffened up. A look of bewilderment, but also one who simply wants to shrink away and hide.
What is she scared of? Caring about something for once?
Either way it shouldn't bother me as much as it is. If she shows up, progress will finally be made; if she doesn't, then she will be discarded. It is as simple as that. I have given myself only two choices, and there is unlikely to be compromise in this scenario. If Yasuraoka-san continues to refuse to progress, then she will never make it anywhere. She will no longer be a person of interest.
Afternoon classes are done, but my day is far from over. In twenty minutes' time, my teammates are to meet me in the school gym to discuss our game plan. I will head over there now, and eat my prawn sushi. As both captain and coach, the school gave me a key to the gym, although it is likely still open. Our game will be played here, as we are the higher seeded team heading into this game. 'This game' is the quarter-final of the Tokyo Winter Championship. Victory here is necessary. From now until the National title, there will be no time for losers. Victory will be absolute, and Defeat will be absolute.
I suppose I should introduce you to the team beforehand, considering you wouldn't know.
No. 4, Captain, second-year point guard, Tohsaka Seijuro.
No. 5, third-year small forward, Tohdo Kotaro. A short but mobile and flexible member of the team.
No. 6, third-year shooting guard, Kazuki Reo. A tall yet fast player, with a smooth shooting motion, and confidence in his range.
No. 7, second-year point guard, Masamoto Kouko. Our reliable sixth man. His cautious play helps us maintain leads when we have control of the game.
No. 10, first-year centre, Otsubo Suzaku. A tall and powerful player who dominates the inside against weaker opponents.
No. 11, first-year power forward, Masaoka Taiga. Our ace; strong enough to have played for Senshinkan or Tasei Academy, if it wasn't for his emotions. Of course, I've since helped him gain control of himself. We have plenty of players who could replace him if he loses himself again. He will not be starting if he cannot control them.
These six make up the core of our team. Of course there are others, but they are rarely given game time. Even more true now that every result is absolute. Our game today is against a decent side; Hyakkaou Academy. A respectable team who perform well at a regional level, often making it this far. In the two years I have been on the team, we haven't played them before, meaning we have very limited knowledge on them. The Inter-High qualifiers earlier this year saw them knocked out in the top 16. Going up against one of the city's strongest teams, Tasei Academy, they lost 82-65. We have already beaten Tasei this year. Of course, results aren't everything, they tell nowhere even close to the whole picture. We have no knowledge of their strategy or tactics, so it would make the most sense to play our most defensive.
"Sorry I'm late!" Masaoka-san rushes in, pulling off his school shoes as he does. Most likely he was held back in class due to his attitude. He seems in a bad mood, so almost certainly so.
"You have held us all back," I reprimand him, "I was hoping we could talk about tactics and strategy for the game before we begin."
"Sorry, Tohsaka-san," he repeats himself, perhaps to emphasise his point or because he knows what it means to irk me.
"It is fine, as long as you understand that you should try your best to get here on time to remain on the team."
"Hey, Seijuro; get started with it," Reo-chan interrupts, "it's fine. Just tell us the plan."
Kazuki Reo, a somewhat sociopathic person. He used to be of interest to me, but it seems there is little use for him other than basketball. Of course, I still maintain a positive relationship with him; it is necessary to use him as effectively as possible for the team.
"We will be playing our usual strategy, with our usual starters as we know little about this team. To have gotten this far, they must have more than just luck on their side."
I take a breath, "don't underestimate the opposition. We have no knowledge of their skills and abilities, so be as careful as you see fit. Our starting line-up for the game will be as follows: No.4, Tohsaka, point guard; No. 6, Kazuki, shooting guard; No. 10, Otsubo, centre; No. 11, Masaoka, power forward; and No. 5, Tohdo, small forward. That will be all for now."
We're crushing them. There is no need to be polite about it. After all, victors and losers are absolute. The first quarter ended with the score 17-8 in our favour. It is simply a difference in strategy and skill. By halftime, their chances of victory are all but zero. An eighteen-point deficit is large for this early on; but not uncatchable. At least not against other teams.
I believe I mentioned our sixth man, Masamoto-san earlier. As soon as I sub myself off, and put Masamoto in at point guard our victory is assured. His control on the tempo of the game will slow the pace down to nothing. Our opposition will make no progress at all as long as he is on the field. Toil, toil, toil away, and yet their hard work will not be repaid. Our world is not as ideal and utopian as that. You could say it is an ugly, even cruel way to play, but why would you not use all methods available to you to achieve victory? When pursuing anything, ideals, goals etc., results are more important than aesthetics.
Halftime is a ten-minute break, after subbing in Masamoto-san, explaining to the team to follow their usual game plan for when he is on the court, and giving Kazuki-san the duty of on-court leadership, I take a break to look into the crowd. Of course her presence is diminished, but I know if I take the time to search for her I should be able to see her, but I can't.
At the final hurdle, you end up disappointing me just as much as the rest. If you cannot cross it on your own, then I have no more use for you. I'm sure Yasuraoka-san understands that that is the way I think better than anyone else. Since she understands that, and still couldn't make the final step herself, there is nothing more I can do for her, and nothing more that she can do to interest me. I know I have been her emotional support, her link to the outside world, for the last year or so, but that is not my problem anymore. Perhaps you think I'm being to cruel? Then let me ask you this: if you had a pet that became lame, or suffered a level of physical pain that changed its' features towards your perceived notion of worse, what would you do? You would find a new pet. How is this any different?
Do you think it is different because humans are more intelligent? Why does that matter? If people should be judged equally with no preconceptions, the only way of evaluating a person is the merit they earn from achieving. If Yasuraoka-san can't achieve, she has no merit, no value. Therefore, how is she any different from a housecat?