An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now,'' says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich.''
POOF!
Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''
POOF!
She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.
POOF!
Now, before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten.
With a smile that makes her knees weak, the man saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''
———
Just like the old lady above, this old ogre lady standing in front of me is horny too.
She hasn't had sex for thirty years and now she wants me to show her why I am the King. In other words, she wants me.
"I am sorry. But I don't really want to do it now." I would have outright refused her but you know, having a backup won't hurt.
"Hey, Abella. Don't hog up everything." Another shaky female voice rang. But what did she say? Hog up everything?
And the name of the Ogre granny was Abella. This Abella was looking to put me in danger.
Anyway, the owner of that new shaky came forward and this time, I lost my faith in reality itself.
It was an old centaur woman!
"I haven't had any action for fifty years. I get the first chance."
And this centaur woman was also horny. What kind of hentai world am I in? This world's name is Moral for god's sake. Respect it.
And how would I even do the deed with a centaur? Horsy Style?
"No, Mia. I will get the first try." One more voice resounded in the area.
I have built your houses again. Go inside and dry hump just like those women. Stop turning me into a game.
And the centaur woman's name was Mia. They are all acting like their names.
Whatever, the new shaky voice came forward and this time, I didn't lose my faith.
Because this time it was a Human.
But I sure lost my appetite.
A full fledged old Human woman with a hunched back stood with the other two women.
She had a wooden stick in her hand, white hair and no teeth. And yet she wanted some action.
You will die, woman. Heck, if I am rotten enough to accept your offer, you will die during foreplay itself.
"Mr. Hero King," The old woman spoke. "I am on my last breath. I want to experience being young again. So please come to my house and take my breath away."
This is going out of hand. I have to stop this before anyone else comes up.
"Look, everyone. I appreciate the offer but I am not really interested. I do want my first time to be memorable but in a good way. So I am sor-"
"Do me, Hero King!"
"The hell is that?" I yelled. I was really terrified this time. Because that was a male voice.
"Move, loose tits." A man came forward, shoving the Human granny to the side.
She fell on the ground and it would take time for her to get up again.
But forget that. I have a bigger problem in my hand right now.
A hairy man was standing in front of me with a big smile.
"Do me, Hero King."
"I heard you the first time." I said.
"Then do me."
"Fuck you!"
"Please."
"No. I meant tha-"
"If you are okay with men, my lord. Then I would also like to try."
Don't tell me.
THAM!
A hero jumped from behind me to in front of me.
And it was none other than Beater.
I knew this man was dangerous from the start.
They are taking 'where there is a hole there is a way' too seriously.
"So what do you think?" Abella, the old Ogre asked.
I took a deep breath. I have to make things straight. Pun intended.
"First of all," I said. "Beater, don't show me your face again. Go to your assigned country and protect it. That's an order."
Beater's eyes widened. He stared at me with those eyes. Are they tears? Just how badly did he want me?
"Go away." I said again.
"Uwaaa!" With a cry like that, Beater flew away.
Now I was safe. No, not yet. There was this hairy main too.
"You too. Go away. I am not interested in men. Get lost!" I yelled.
"Are you sure, hero king? I swallow, you know."
Hmm. I see. Well...
Wait. Why am I double thinking this?
"I don't care what you do, just go away before I kill you."
"Sure. Your loss." The hairy man went away as well.
Now only the Ogre, the centaur and the human old woman who was still on the ground were left.
"Look, Abella, Mia and what's your name, Granny? That hairy man called you loose tits."
"That's my name." The granny answered.
I paid it no mind. Names were the last thing I would comment on right now.
"So all three of you are good and all but I won't do it. I believe in love. So I'll wait for that girl. That's all."
"Aw, too bad. Well, if you ever feel lonely enough, you can come to my house."
Abella, the ogre said with a wink and went away.
"Same here. If you ever want to ride a horse, my house is right there."
Mia, the centaur also went away. These people sure know double meaning things.
Now only the Human granny was left.
She was finally standing on her feet again.
"Well, granny, take care. Take the name of God in your last days."
The granny slowly nodded.
"You know, I don't have any teeth. So don't you think.."
Nah, granny. Please don't complete your dialogue.
"You will feel extra good when we do that?"
She said it!
Hah! Supreme Man, send me to a P Diddy party.
I am sure that would be better than this.