So, I kinda drank the semen of a unicorn.
I would have been surprised at the existence of an unicorn in this world if not for the fact that I had some of his genes inside me right now.
But semen made me remember something. See this :
"Excuse me," A man said to the woman sitting in front of him on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt."
"It's definitely semen," the man said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."
Anyway, I told Erect that I was going to cut open my stomach in the bathroom to manually remove the coffee I just drank.
After hearing that, Erect opened his mouth to say something.
But then it hit me.
"Wait.." I said. "If the coffee was made from something like that then what was the tea about?"
It had a brown colour and even if I was afraid to ask about it, I still had the right to know whose family I consumed.
Sophia looked at the floor and revealed the secret ingredient of the tea.
"It was made from the powder of Horse hairs."
Oh. That's better. Wait. What am I saying?
Imagine consuming something so horrendous which made you feel the hairs of a horse as a better option.
"Can't you make something out of normal edible items?" I asked.
"But everyone makes things like that, my lord. No one knows any other way." Erect defended.
And I hate to say it, but he is telling the truth. I am sure this world is like that. This is not earth.
Anyway, fck that. I was going to cut open my stomach.
"I am going to open my stomach." I started walking towards the bathroom.
"Big brother!" Sophia shouted from behind. She must be worried about me.
I looked over my shoulder.
"What?" I barked.
Sophia looked sad.
"You can't cut your stomach.." She said and I melted. She has a good heart.
"Without a knife."
I take it back.
She nasty.
She was giving me a knife.
I looked at Erect.
And Erect understood what I wanted to say.
"You idiot. Go back to the kitchen and prepare some normal food." He scolded her sister.
"Okay." Sophia went to the kitchen again. With the knife.
"Sorry for that, my lord. She thought you were serious."
"I was serious! I just didn't like her offering me the knife as if she wanted me to cut open my body."
"Oh. My bad. I am sorry on her behalf. I didn't know you were against drinking such things."
'Against'? Bro, who drinks such things? Everyone should be against that.
Whatever, there was no point in arguing with Erect. But I still had to clean my insides. I can't stand having unicorn genes inside me.
So instead of cutting my stomach open, I used one of my Skills.
[ Abortion ]
That's the name of the Skill. Abortion.
I once wrote a joke about Abortion but I decided not to keep it.
Anyways, what this Skill does is that it removes unwanted substances from my body.
I used it and I felt like vomiting.
So I went to the bathroom and vomited everything that I consumed. Mostly that tea and coffee.
After that, I came back and sat on the sofa again.
Erect sat on the single sofa beside me.
There was a small table in front of me and some books and magazines were kept there.
This world have such things? Oh yes. They have. I remember that first Alien telling me about it. They have magazines like the top 50 most handsome aliens.
I picked one of the magazines kept in front of me.
On the cover it read :
What do Aliens eat?
Hmm. They probably eat Human brains. What else can you expect from them?
Nevertheless, I turned the pages and gave a look.
And the first food was :
Pizza.
I turned more pages and found foods like burgers, french fries, omelette, sushi, heck there was even an aphrodisiac soup.
The Aliens are eating all this and I just drank a Unicorn's Semen.
Seriously, who is the real enemy here? Who am I supposed to throw away from this planet?
I showed the magazine to Erect.
"Why do Humans don't eat such food?"
Erect shook his head. "If I resort to eating something that is made by the killers of my parents, then I might as well just eat poison."
Eat it then.
"Makes sense. Sorry for saying that."
I put the magazine away. There was no hope for these people. They were happy committing genocide of future unicorns.
"But why do you have such Alien magazines in your house if you hate them so much?" I asked a good question. I asked it before any logical dick sucker ould rant about it.
"I have the magazines to know what the Aliens are doing. It's crucial to know what they are upto." Erect answered and it made sense.
Anyway, after that magazine, I picked up a thick book from the table.
On the cover it said :
'How to write a book.'
I decided to take a look but seeing the number of pages, I gave up.
I put the book down and I saw one more book on the table. It was a slim one this time.
I picked that up and its title was :
'How to get a book published'
What's up with these?
"What's these books about?" I asked Erect.
"Oh. I wrote both of them, my lord."
I raised my brows. "You can write? Are you an author or something?"
"Yes. I can write but I am not an author."
"Hmm? What do you mean?"
"Well," Erect rubbed his palms. "My first book was about how to write a book. But it didn't get published. So I wrote the second book about how to get a book published. Ironically, the second book also didn't get published and I gave up on writing. I only managed to write two books which are in front of you and I don't want to throw them away. So I am keeping them."
That's one long dialogue. But I can understand. The writing biz is tough. If you don't have a harem or an overpowered MC in your story, you will be forgotten.
Wait, why am I getting personal? It's not about me right now.
"So there is a publishing industry in this world?" I asked.
"Yes. There are only two printing presses in our world and only on two continents. And it's not in our Continent."
"Then which continents have them?"
"First, the Cuckwell continent. The Aliens build that industry for their magazines and stuff."
"What's the second continent?" I asked.
"Hentaiger continent."
Heh. Of course that continent has a publishing industry.
Their existence would shut down if they didn't have it.
But, as the hero king of this world, I won't allow any degeneracy here. I would set things straight.
And I would take the first step towards that mission..
"Show me the Hentai."